[♥]

my wedding cake will be pizza and my dress will be decorated with greasy pepperoni

[thefighter2-deactivated20200212]

[sighingballoon]

#luigi after developing amnesia being interrogated by toads

[gabrieldreyfuss]

My thoughts on the faceapp

[crow--teeth]

I am just, a dumb little goblin. I cannot do Math. I just want to eat some leaves from the ground and befriend the rats .. maybe go rabid but that can wait

[secondclassvines]

“quick psa here folks”

[snootyweevil]

[officialjeffgoldblum]

ladies and gentleman…. i present to you… an example of non-toxic masculinity

[conmimi]

I don’t know what possessed me to do this

[frogandtoadpdf]

in this essay i won’t

[frogandtoadpdf]

fuck you for coming to my ted talk

[laufie]

How to escape after being buried alive in a coffin.

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.

Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)

Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: 

This will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 

Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 

As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 

Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 

Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 

[mandarina-sueno-deactivated2019]

this is one of my biggest fears so this is helpful

[benisaconfusedbiguy-deactivated]

I never really thought about something like this but thank you anyway.

Passing on.

[auckie]

[biganimetiddiesbitch]

ambulance in my neighborhood: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My dog: Oh shit! Oh shit it’s a bop

[porterr-robinson]

[the-jackals]

I’ve been laughing T this for five mKinutes I’m. crYing

[ruby-white-rabbit]

*shpluurtch*

[imjustsoscaredallthetime]

I might die alone and ugly but at least im gonna die

[nesanica007]

i cant take it anymore god made a baby lynx without any regards for proportions and i cant stop thinking about that. look at this

[little-wulff]

he feet too big for he goddamn he

[africanaquarian]

Every goddamn week white ppl post some disgusting, unprovoked shit

[ororomunroedontpullout]

And if poc were saying this people would call it abuse....

[slightlycrookedletters]

... they're talking about children, who need the whole soap and shampoo routine a lot less often than post puberty humans. The main purpose of baths in the pre puberty age range is to remove dirt and sweat or other debris, since children take a lot longer to stink or need to wash their hair. Being in a pool does that. I don't see how that could be considered abuse regardless of race.

[africanaquarian]

[aaliyahbreaux]

yall smell sum?

[mrdsc1010]

[mrbenibo]

[bihet-dragonize]

Do they know......that you're not supposed to fucking leave chlorine on your skin even from a swimming pool?? Like aside from the whole "my kid basically stays clean by swimming in (very diluted) chlorine" issue and their kid not....fucking showering, do they know that you're supposed to shower after a swim to wash the fucking chlorine off??? Do. They. Know????????????

[purrseus-deactivated20191103]

Hey, former lifeguard here!

My partner is trained as a pool operator, and we both have pretty intimate knowledges of how pool filtering and operation works. Something, first off, to know is that pools are ABSOLUTELY filthy. Chlorine levels are severely impacted by dirt and debris (which is also why you absolutely must shower before you enter a pool) and the more dirty people in a pool, the more chlorine is bonded with that dirt and the lower the chlorine level gets. Other chemicals like bromine destabilize when they’re oxygenated (in this case, water movement oxygenates bromine) and that chemical is released, also throwing off pool chemicals. 

Dirt doesn’t magically disappear once you enter a chlorinated pool- it stays in there. I know you didn’t really want to think about all the sweat, urine, feces (because lets face it, kids are bad at wiping at traces remain on the body, coming off in the pool) and dirt you’ve been essentially swimming around in at every pool you’ve ever been to in your life, but that’s the truth of it. That’s why pool staff are adamant about shoes OFF on deck and people showering before you get in. 

Plus, I don’t trust people with pools in their backyards for ONE SECOND to be maintaining proper pool chemistry. All of these nasty ass parents are letting their kids sit in their filth for days on end. Above is correct- you HAVE to wash chlorine off. 

TL;DR : chlorine doesn’t fix everything, you have to shower before and after being in a swimming pool, and all these facebook parents are fucking disgusting. 

[reqsketch]

I just need you guys to see how cool my brother is rn

[batshifteight]

“people always talk about the naruto run but they never talk about the kingdom hearts run” [THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP]

[captainkirk94-deactivated201903]

Yesterday i lost my glasses. And decided to document my frustration until……… I really wish this was planned, but i gotta admit, I took a big L.

[cc-videos]

“[defeated tone] So… I have…. lost my glasses. And I’m afraid to leave my bed because I can’t see… and I fear I might step on my glasses. So I’m sitting here with my bee pillow pet… and I don’t know what to do.

I need to get up. I wanna get food. I gotta exfoliate and moisturize, cause my skin looking atrocious right now.

What if… [deep breath] What if I die here, y’all? Would anyone even miss me?Like, really?

I want Enrique Iglesias to come save me. Like, the ceiling opens up and like, he comes down from like, a heavenly cloud with my glasses, and he’s singing. [imitating Enrique Iglesias] ‘Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? I will be your hero baby!’ And I just take my glasses and I’m like ‘Thanks yo! Put a shirt on homie!’

But life, life don’t work… life… [prolonged silence]

[camera zooms in on glasses] 

[long silence; light chuckle] Enrique…”

[leupagus]

This should win an Oscar

[basedpotatochip]

[afacelesschampion]

The Kidz Bop cover of Old Town Road will break you.

[oldergod-deactivated20191130]

bella: im so excited to see the baby i literally broke my spine and died for!

it:

[susiethemoderator]

lmaooooo,,, leave resume alone 😩

[biglawbear]

RESUME