I have always been orange.
Not the loud kind. I am the orange that hangs above the roof when night is coming but hasn't arrived yet. The orange of things leaving, Of doors closing,Of people walking away and you standing there, wondering if you should call after them or just let them go.
Sometimes I think someone painted my soul with sunsets no one remembers. Afternoons that died and now only live inside me. They come back when I am half-asleep, standing at the edge of a dream like old friends who have forgotten my name. They look at me. I look at them. No one says anything.
I carry fire inside me. But it is not the fire that wins. It is a quiet fire. The kind that burns in an empty room after everyone has gone home. It burns because it does not know how to stop. Sometimes I sit with it in the dark. We do not talk. We just keep each other warm. Two things that give heat even when no one is there to take it.
People think warm means safe. The sun teaches otherwise. Every heart that has learned to survive knows this. We are drawn to what burns us. We call it love. We call it home.
Orange is nostalgia. Dust floating in golden light through a window no one has opened in years. Laughter trapped inside summers that ended long ago. Moments that refuse to die. They live inside me like ghosts that only want someone to say: I was there,I saw you.
And maybe that is why I love it. Everything beautiful is already leaving, even while I am looking at it. Every sunset is a memory before it is gone. Every hand holding yours is already becoming the hand you remember. Orange is the breath you take before you say goodbye.
I am orange because I have learned to love what leaves. Because I have built my home in the space between almost and gone.