Disordered

⚠️ 🔞 ⚠️[adult traumagenic system]

[b1unt-teeth]

ABT: LGBT+, adult traumagenic system, child trauma victim.

STANCES: LGBT+ inclusionist, pro self-rx (within reason). Transandrophobia “truther”, if you can’t handle that admit you’re transphobic.

XTRA: 🦷 = posts.  🎤= replies. triggers are tagged. no irl gore.

                                    DNI Below ⬇️

                                    DNI/DNF:

X: if you think any personality disorder (yes this includes NPD) = “born evil.” personality disorders are a direct result of early attachment style issues and childhood trauma.

X: you use the term “Sysmed” as interchangeably as “Transmed,” because gender identity/sexuality are not the same as childhood trauma. bonus points if you call a transgender system a sysmed, because that’s transphobia.

X: endogenics / pluralgang: radical inclusion of everyone causes the exclusion of others. go roleplay make-believe in hell. we do NOT tolerate or condone ableism & sanism towards early childhood victims of severe neglect, physical, and sexual abuse. Endos are entitled, and steal our terms and invade our safe spaces while ignoring years of DID/OSDD scientific research.

*DID/OSDD is a direct result of irreparable brain damage caused by trauma in early/crucial developmental years.*

[probablyavpd]

Not many people talk about how deep emotional neglect hurts you.

I’m afraid to want things. I’m afraid to ask for help. I’m afraid to tell someone something if they seem in a bad mood. I can’t process when someone is nice to me. I can’t handle rejection, but my brain literally short circuits if someone gives me a compliment to the point where sometimes the rejection is better.

There are lots of overlap with emotional abuse, but emotional neglect hurts just as much. And it’s even worse that it usually goes undetected, so a lot of people can’t tell they’re being neglected until it’s too late.

[valtsv]

it's always "you gnawed off your own leg to escape like an animal caught in a trap" and never "why didn't anyone try to help you out of the trap" or "why weren't you provided with any other resources to escape the trap with except for your own teeth"

[trufflesmushroom]

[closet-keys]

[ID: tags reading "maybe even 'why was there a trap there in the first place']

[pluraldeepdive]

I want to share this archive of Multiple Personality Gift -- a workbook for people who have or are questioning DID or any sort of trauma-formed system. I believe it was written back in 1991 by Jacklyn M. Pia, a satanic ritual abuse survivor and DID system.

Click here to read it.

It's pretty short but a wonderful read, nonetheless! 😊💕 Although the information about DID is somewhat outdated, there's so much love and positivity put into this workbook. Many of the tips they give about system management are things that I also learned in therapy for my DID. It can be very, very helpful. I hope you guys enjoy reading it!

(Disclaimer: This is an archiving blog that posts about plural history. The events and resources in this post are from the past. Please be mindful that language/views especially regarding mental disorders changes over time. Sources on this post may not reflect up-to-date info on dissociative disorders or plurality.)

[pluraldeepdive]

Here's the workbook copy & pasted for anyone who has anxiety about opening links:

Multiple Personality Gift

A workbook for you and your inside family

Written by: Jacklyn M. Pia

Chapt-1 Introduction

Chap-2 What Is MPG?

Chap-3 Am I A Multiple?

Chap-4 What Do I Do Now?

Chap-5 5 Steps To Household Management

Step1 Investigate Slowly

Step 2 Begin Inside Communication

Step 3 Appreciate Your Inside Family

Step 4 Negotiate & Work Together

Step 5 Anticipate Gifted Wholeness & Integration

Chap 6 Your Household Management Workbook

Appendix 12 yr old alter writes...

Chapter One: Introduction

I am an adult survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse and am gifted with Multiple Personalities. Inside me are a variety of little kids, teenagers, and adults. Before understanding and accepting my inside family, I felt badly about them, thought I must be crazy, or maybe had some kind of disease. As I have met and developed a caring, respectful relationship with the members of my inside family, they have begun to accept me as the head of the household and we are learning to appreciate the gift we are to each other.

As a result of sharing during group therapy, I discovered that other survivors are struggling with their understanding of M. P. G. They also feel afraid and are unsure about when and where to get the help they need.

This is a book to help you think through whether you might have M.P.G. If you do, it will suggest a way to feel more confident, creatively balanced and in control of who you are.

Chapter Two: What is Multiple Personality Gift

M.P.G. is not a European sports car, but instead M.P.G. describes a person who, as an infant or child usually under the age of six, was traumatically abused. Through this pain the person developed additional personalities, or parts, which together make up the whole person. So, M.P.G.'s are a uniquely gifted people.

A Host is the person to whom the whole bady belongs. He or she is the one who suffered the original abuse, and developed the alternate personalities. The host is the head of the household.

Alter is a word therapists use to describe a personality or part of the host. Alters are out storytellers who hold parts of the painful experiences in our lives. An alter is also a caretaker who came out during our unbearable pain; as we split, they came and took the pain for us. They took care of us and literally saved our lives.

Inside Family is a collective term used to describe the individual personalities of each alter which become a family within the host. They are the ones the host communicates with, appreciates and loves. They are your storytellers, your caretakers, and your children who become your gifted wholeness.

Chapter III: Am I A Multiple?

Because a multiple has the presence of two or more distinct and recognizable personalities within, a variety of inside and outside happenings are present in his/her life that are not present in the lives of "singletons" (a non-multiple person). Discovering and accepting these kinds of occurrences in your life is sometimes slow, sometimes sudden, and often scary. In the following paragraph, are a number of inside and outside happenings commonly reported by people with the gift of multiplicity. Read them carefully and ask yourself, and/or a significant other in your life, if any of the happenings suggested occur in your life.

Everyone has thoughts in their mind. Sometimes the thoughts will be conflicting or self depreciating, etc. Are you someone who not only hears thoughts, but voices too? Are they inside, not outside your head? Are some voices childlike, some adolescent, adult, or even voices with the unique season of advanced years? Are there cuts, bruises, burns, etc., on your body that you cannot remember doing? Have you lost minutes, hours, days, or even months with no memory of what occurred? Have you discovered clothes in your closet you did not purchase, or experienced the embarrassment of being greeted by strangers who seem to know you well, or who call you by a different name?

Do you experience a never ending urgency about time? Are there sudden shifts in mood or in voice noticed by you or by others? Do you have a long history of either sleeping too much, or too little, or sleep walking, talking in your sleep, or frequent recurring nightmares? Do you struggle with eating too much, or too little? Do people view you as being very creative and/or very smart?

The more of these kinds of happenings that are noticed by you or by others as being part of your life, the greater the possibility that you may have the gift of multiplicity and you can discuss this with a skilled and caring therapist.

Chapter IV: What Do I Do Now?

My fellow survivors, I want you to know that there is hope. Though this may be an upsetting and scary time, you can look forward to seeing good things happen for you, for your inside family, and in the relationships you share with others.

It all takes time, but the time is worth it because of the wonderful potential for growth and wholeness you'll discover within yourself. I know that this workbook will gently lead you as you diligently endeavor to work through each of the steps it outlines for you.

You will find as you, practice this concept, that you like other survivors who have used Household Management with success, will rejoice with enthusiasm from your learning experience and the strength you will receive. You will learn to treasure your inside family as well as yourself. From that point, you will discover as I did, that you are the winner; truly deserving the great achievement you are working so hard for. What is that achievement? The unique wholeness of a very special and gifted person, YOU.

Say to yourself: (use your name) _______________, you are a very special person with a gifted unique personality. Next, believe in what you are setting out to do and take the first step forward.

GO for it, you CAN do it. I believe in YOU!!

Chapter V: Steps To Household Management

Step 1 Investigate Slowly

Your thoughts and Experiences:

Allow yourself to search through childhood memories. Ask yourself questions regarding possible types of abuse; mental, physical, emotional, and sexual. Was any of your abuse ritualistic in nature? Perhaps you were abandoned, or your family neglected you, leaving you to care for yourself the best way you could.

Therapy Resources:

Find a therapist that is knowledgeable, and one comfortable with dissociative and multiple clients. To assist you in your search, in your search, many support or crisis lines provide lists of therapists, or know who you can contact for that information. It is wisdom to interview several therapists before deciding upon one worthy of your investment of trust and finances. Finding a therapist who is not only knowledgeable, but who is safe and will help you stay safe.

Read:

Select a few books that will provide you with information about child abuse. You may not think of your childhood experiences as abuse, and you may feel scared to use descriptive words, but it will be important for you to recognize the past in order to build a safer future (suggested reading is listed in the appendix).

You may find you have periods of time you are more willing to explore than others. That's O.K. You know best when to press on and when to take breaks. This process of investigating, learning, feeling and working takes time.

Step 2: Begin Inside Communication

Communication with your alters is essential. If there is no communication, there is no relationship among alters and the isolation can lead to rebellious or maladaptive behavior from one or more alters. A mutual respect can be established if the host learns to respect the rights of the alters and the alters begin to respect the rights of the host.

First, create opportunities to demonstrate trust and love to your alters. Communication will be easier in an atmosphere of trust and love. An important part of communication is patiently listening to what your alters want to say. Remember, they took the pain for you when you needed them. If you do not listen to them, they may feel like clamming up, hiding, or they may get angry and rebellious.

Tell your alters that you are the host, and the main body. Share with them that it is your house they live in and that you are the head of the household; you are in charge. Communicate that there are priorities as well as boundaries. With love and communication as priorities, appropriate and beneficial boundaries can be set.

Encourage the alters in their talents. Let them know that you are proud of them and their gifts and you want them to learn more and to get an education in their area of interest, if that's what they would like to do.

Be available to them. Make time for your alters, choosing times when you (the host) are free, and you can help or support the alter to develop his/her talent. Instruct the alter to ask the host if it is convenient and acceptable for him/her to come out. Sometimes the host may not be available due to stress or fatigue.

Sometimes the alters come out to help you without your permission. Yes, I said to help. You're wondering how that could be? Well, with the right loving communication, the alters will not be "just alters" but a family inside you. They will help provide order and enjoyment, rather than the clamoring havoc you may be used to inside your head.

Some alters like to have responsibilities which gives them the opportunity to be creative in constructive and adaptive ways. Delegate tasks to your alters. As your alters learn that you love and appreciate them, they will choose to listen to you and observe you. For example, the attitudes and behaviors you model for them will show them how you would like them to live. This will reduce maladaptive behavior born out of fear or pain and increase adaptive interaction, thus benefiting the entire household.

Step 3: Appreciate Your Inside Family

Alters need to hear consistent messages of appreciation, love and caring. They need to know that we (the hosts) are as committed to them as they were dedicated and committed to us when times were bad. They made a sacrifice for us, so now we must reciprocate with our time and love.

Thank them for the part they played in your life. Let them know that without them you might be dead today. Let them know how important they are. Encourage the alters to put their feelings into words, letting them know that it's okay to be worried, angry, frustrated, or sad. They may know about some feelings but not others. It's okay to feel anyway they feel. Help them to discover safe and perhaps new ways to handle upsetting situations.

All alters are creative, exciting and unique! Once they learn to communicate with each other and with you, trust develops and they are much more free to be personalities that express humor, happiness, and understanding. They will feel permission to be honest with their thoughts and feelings.

The old symptoms of withdrawal and inhibition, feelings of discontent, beliefs that they must be punished, feelings of suicide, self-mutilation, or rejection, will all start to decrease as they become more comfortable with the signs of appreciation, love, and caring that are being shown. They will realize that the danger has passed and they can let down some of their guard.

Always be aware that they were, and still are, positive parts of you. Praise them, they belong to you. They are your inner family.

Step 4: Negotiate & Work Together

Like in most families, conflicts will arise and there will be a need to resolve conflicts through negotiation. Negotiation means to discuss or confer with another party in order to reach an agreement.

You are the head of the household. It is your body and your alters are parts of you. In order to live harmoniously there needs to be a healthy, growing attitude in these areas:

Inward towards self:

Self view is central in your search for meaning and direction. Everything possible has been done by those who abused you to negatively color and distort your view of yourself as you looked inside yourself. Now it's your turn, as head of household, to work with yourself and your alters toward seeing yourself as the creative, resilient, intelligent survivor family you really are.

Outward towards others:

The same lens with which you view yourself and your inside family can now be used to scrutinize others and the outside world. Gradually learning to trust others and to see yourself as deserving of and capable in social, work, and family situations, is a vital step toward reclaiming your total sense of well being and harmonious relationships.

Individuality:

How wonderful to see yourself and your alters as distinct, unique individuals with rights and responsibilities. You are free to feel good about yourself and to recognize your individual attributes. As head of household, you are a key to each alter recognizing his/her individuality.

By providing opportunities for them to express their pain, ideas, talents and gifts, you the host, and your family, will move together toward wholeness.

Communication:

Good relationships are built on mutual respect. As a survivor, flagrant disrespect was repeatedly shown you and silence or programmed responses were all you could risk. Now you are free to choose your own thoughts and to listen to others without so much fear. As you choose to become increasingly healthy, listening to yourself and to your inside family will help prepare you to listen to others, and to learn to exchange thoughts and ideas with growing freedom.

Boundaries: yours and the alters

Boundary is a word describing limits and separations, or divisions of time and space. Boundaries relates to knowing the difference between yourself, your rights, and the rights of someone else; they may be emotional or physical. Boundaries imply that you, as head of the household, have the first and primary say in all decisions relating to the needs, desires, and goals of you and your inside family. Out of respect for the rights of your alters, make solid agreements with them and allow them time to express their gifts or enjoy a favorite activity.

Respect of personal limits, the right to express a want or need, the right to say yes or no and be respected by the head of household greatly increases each alters: sense of well being and contributes to a harmonious household.

Privacy: yours and the alters

Sometimes you, the host, need to have a private time to meditate, pray, have a quiet time with someone you love, or talk with someone like your therapist. These are all examples of times you may choose not to share with your inside family: private times. The alters also may feel the same about their quiet time, or perhaps because of the mood you are in they may choose to not let you hear. There may be times they simply need to open up in a private place where they feel safe. The agreement to respect each others rights to privacy is a healthy growing decision, and contributes to a harmonious household.

Self control:

Because you are a survivor, the opportunity to control yourself, rather than being controlled by others, is a new experience to you. You are now free to manage your own behavior and to teach your alters to be in control of their own behavior. Now that you are a loving family, they will not want to come out in a maladaptive way because you, the host, are the head and in control. If a difficult situation arises, you can teach your inside family to work it out together in a caring and adaptive way.

For example, if you worked in a place and a person said something that hurt you deeply, or triggered a flashback and you dissociated, the alter who came out would not embarrass you. He or she would be under control and behave and speak in a proper way so that you, the host, would not look bad or project to others that you were crazy or out of control.

Sense of Humor:

A sense of humor is a quality or expression of being lovable, laughable and happy. Yes, believe it or not, some of your alters have a sense of humor. Being part of a harmoniously managed household helps free this wonderful quality. You, the host, can learn to give your alters permission to show their source of happiness.

For example, when the host agrees that an alter can come out and say or do something to cause amusement in others, he or she gives the gift of laughter which releases stress and tension in the listener. When the host encourages laughter, alters discover their right to feel good and to know it's O.K.; that they won't be punished or get in any kind of trouble.

Each of the above are worthwhile goals and will provide meaning and direction for you and your entire inside family. Allow them their own individual and meaningful approach to creative balance in your collective life. Encourage your alters to use their creative talents and abilities while increasing your sense of control and harmony. After all, they are a part of you the principle person, the "head of household". Understanding your authority as the "head of household" will help bring your alters together as your family in respectful interpersonal relationship with you and each other.

Step 5: Anticipate Gifted Wholeness & Integration

I encourage you, my M.P.G. survivors, look forward to and anticipate a whole new, wonderful environment for you and your inner family. It is exciting to watch and participate in the careful nurturing of growth between you and your alters; to be in loving cooperative control of yourselves. Rather than the loud confusing havoc of many voices in protesting uproar, there can be an orchestrated harmony of mutual love and respect. Open shared communication between and your alters (who are your storytellers) will occur. The spiritual and emotional bond created between you and your alters helps them move from the pain and isolation from which they emerged, to the safety and hope of a growing relationship based on truth and love. How wonderful to anticipate with confident hope the natural result of the above communication: a sense of wholeness with the intelligent, creative and talented personalities within. What a GIFT!!

Chapter VI: Your Household Management Workbook

COMMUNICATE: Getting to know your inner family

Look inside and let your inner family know that you welcome them and want to get to know them. Invite them to speak to you or make themselves known to you in other ways. Encourage the voicing and sharing of feelings. Create a warm receptive environment.

1. Write down what you learn. Describe what you can about those who show themselves to you.

An Example of Host-Alter Communication

Alter: Danny, one of the better known alters and protector of the child alters. He felt that he was the brains of the whole inside family and was programmed to kill the host when hearing a specific programmed word.

Host: The owner of the house that the alters live in. She wants to make friends with them and have them work as a unit, or family, to do good for each other with the host as the head.

Host: "hi, Danny how're you doing today?"

Danny: "Eh, who gives a rip and what's it to you?"

Host: "I give a rip, and it is a lot to me."

Danny: "Ya, if you say so. So what do you want me for?"

Host: "I want to tell you that I appreciate what you did for me when I was in pain and could not take it anymore, and tell you that I would like to be your friend. I would like us to work together instead of against each other."

Danny: "Listen, I'm the brains of this clan and I like things the way they are."

Host: "Danny, I believe that you're the brains of the clan, but don't forget that I'm the head of our household. You live in my body, so that gives me the right to make the main decisions. I'm the head of our household."

Danny: "So what's going to happen to me?"

Host: "Lots of good things will happen to you. You will get opportunities to express your talents. You'll find out that I will let you out without you having to force your way out at inconvenient times. We will learn to work together and agree to priorities and mutual boundaries."

Danny: "Priorities and boundaries, what's that mean? Are you saying that I won't get to watch over the children, and I won't get to run things inside, and you're going to set up a boundary that I can't cross over? You're saying I can't come out when I want and drive the car and go shopping and do things like that? I can't build things that I like?"

Host: "Danny, you're still going to be able to take care of the children, and you can still be in charge of the things inside, but you have to let the others express their opinions and have input in decisions too. What I am saying about priorities is that when you want to come out it needs to be at an agreed upon time. When you come out it must be with a proper attitude and behavior. You can drive the car, but at the proper speed. And I want you to be conscious of the gas you use. You cannot go out and spend all the money you want on the credit cards because I cannot pay for it, and it is not fair to do that. I will give you a credit card and allow you to spend only so much, and no more. If you exceed the agreed limit, I will not let you use it. I love you Danny, and I want you to know that I deeply appreciate what you have done for me. I feel that you have the right to voice your opinion about things in a proper way. You have the right to develop your talents and learn more about them as well. Remember, I want us to be friends and to work together as a team because I care about you."

Danny: " That sounds too good to me. I'm not sure that you're being straight with me, though. How do I know that it's all to turn out that way? I'm not sure I trust you anyway."

Host: "The only way to find out is to try it. Test me and find out. Since you're the brains of the clan, I'm sure that you will find a way to test me and be sure of the whole idea."

Danny: "I'm not sure I like this head of household stuff. You weren't so good a long time ago at being the head. If you were, then why did we come to help you when times were bad? Huh?"

Host: "It's only because I was head of household that you are here. Remember, if I wasn't you would not be here. So believe me, I can take care of things out here and in there, but I'm asking you for your help and leadership inside."

Danny: " Welllll.............I'll have to think about this. I'm not sure I would like the change, but I guess I could consider it."

Host: "Thanks, Danny. I know that you will come up with the right answer because you're a smart dude and I respect you."

Danny: "Ya! I know I am. I'll let you know in a few days or so what we'll do."

Appreciate: Showing appreciation and thanks to your inner family

2. Write down how you appreciate your inner family and be generous and specific. Don't just say, "You make me feel safe." Say, "When you take me home early instead of letting me drive in unfamiliar neighborhoods in the dark, I feel safe. I know you care for me when you help me out like this."

Negotiate: Who's the head - you or them?

3. Make a list of responsibilities and see if you can designate tasks in ways that feels good to you and your inside people. If there's disagreement, come up with a compromise by negotiation in a cooperative manner.

4. Make a list of all the responsibilities you are willing to shoulder to keep everyone safe and content.

Anticipate: Excitement over recognition and use of gift

5. Make a list of all the talents shared by you and your inside family. Be sure you recognize all your gifts and don't take any for granted.

Gifted Wholeness: combining all your unique personality parts into one gifted wholeness.

6. Write down your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and preferences. Make this be celebration of who you are. If there are things you want to improve or strengthen, don't be shy and write these down too.

Remember, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step and getting to know yourself, sharing, being seen and heard, are all steps towards a fullers, happier you.

APPENDIX

This was written after Household Management by one of my twelve and a half year old alters named Micheal who is deaf and can't speak.

Some call me Mikey, but I don't mind what they call me. A name is just a name. I don't hear and I don't speak. But my eyes hear, and my hands speak, and my body works okay. I'm not bad off. I hear no evil nor do I speak any evil. I do my best not to write evil because evil is bad and that's how I came to be. Not that I mind being here. I'm doing fine in my world, no complaints. I guess my world is a little different than my friends around me, but that's okay too. I see things the way I would like them to be everywhere, so like to live in my own world. I hope that's okay with everyone.

I would be glad to share my world with those around me. So I'll write, and if you want, you can climb into my words and travel with me into the journey of the Michael world.

Love,

Michael or Mikey

P.S. I use no dates because in my world there is not time, nor day, nor months. It's a world of freedom. It's my world.

The world around me seems to be falling apart. Struggling and stress, backbiters and tormentors and rage. It seems that out there, there is destruction all over. But not in my world. It is a perfect world. I rest in a deep rest of tranquillity where grace and glory are like rays of sunshine. My world is a touch from the warmth of a mothers caressing love that a child would feel when he is rocked in his mothers arms. Like a stream of pleasure falling upon him he hears her sing a delightful nourishing love song to him. The mountains sing their song to me. Oh! This is a perfect day. Bees and humming birds keep up a constant sound of joyful undertone and humming. Everything that has breath moves to welcome the peace of the fall day. Even a dark twisted gnarly tree reached out to thank Him for the sun that beat between the twisted tree and Him, the man you could see through like transparency. This is a good man, there is no bad in my world.

Down the road I can see a spiral of smoke creeping up into the air from a chimney of a cottage that nestles between the hill and the forest, with a broken fence around it, and weeds popping through the wooden slats, waving a welcome to the by passers.

The window and door of the cottage were open wide and people were sitting on the old porch swinging back and forth. They were a peaceful and warm looking old couple waving to me as I walked by with a loving smile on their face. I waved and smiled back and thought.....

This is a perfect day.

[aw-tysm]

"All autistics have low empathy" - This statement is wrong.

"Autistics having low empathy is a MYTH, we actually have HIGH empathy!" - This statement is ALSO wrong.

Autistics can have low empathy, they can have high empathy, they can have learned empathy. The myth would be that all autistics only experience one end of the empathy spectrum.

In spreading around misinformation that autistics actually have high empathy, you are disregarding the autistics who do have low empathy. And vice versa.

[sophiamcdougall]

I fucking knew it, I SAID it: they're making ADHD people the next culture war targets. They will 'just ask questions' until we lose every scrap of ground we've gained in the last decade and more. We may not quite inspire the same level of hatred as a sexual minority, but we can very easily be made to inspire disdain and that also works.

They will strip us of our accomodations and our medications and try to stifle any sense of shared identity, and if that kills some of us, oh well. So long as it fuels another outrage cycle, fine.

So many of the tropes they've been using on trans people work extremely well on ADHD people too! "There are too many of these people suddenly! It must be a fad! It spreads through friend groups! And online! People are going private for diagnoses and that's bad! They are using pOwERfUl medical interventions and we think it's freaky!"

I saw the first ripples of this in terf circles about two years ago. And of course it's spread.

6% of British ADHD people lost their jobs in the last year thanks to the meds shortage. SIX PER CENT! And that just made these ghouls go "ooh, tasty, what else can we do?"

Recently an 'expert' was on the BBC saying people see ADHD diagnosis as a "golden ticket." Laurence Fox has been ranting that the condition doesn't exist and threatening "'you won't poison my child's body [with ADHD meds] against my consent"

People need to be aware this is going to get worse. Maybe, if we're lucky, it won't get really bad. But it's going to get worse than it is now.

[b1unt-teeth]

is mass dormancy considered healing? we don't consider it healthy to spend months on end unable to talk to each other. months of being unable to express ourselves in any meaningful manner. it feels more like we are avoiding acknowledging ourselves than actual healing.

[oursystemblog]

I Forgot The Comic Number Hold On

That's how* it goes sometimes

[*poorly]

[starseers]

Reminder that it doesn't mean your faking when your system goes "dark" or "shuts down" (ex: zero communication, can't notice switches, no grasp on what's going on around front or internally), it's (sadly) normal, and yes you're still valid even if it stretches on for months. DID is a covert disorder, you're not supposed to know you have it, so of course it's going to retaliate and build higher/thicker dissociative barriers when you start poking around. It's just trying to protect you, even if it's got a few things wrong, so please be gentle with yourself, it won't always be this hard

[b1unt-teeth]

apologies for being gone, we’re not sure when we went dormant. the entire system went into survival mode and we’re not sure what caused it exactly. last we remember is confessing being a system to some friends. then we started pulling away from everyone. possibly avoidant personality disorder issues, being accepted for who we are is not normal for us. we don’t know.

[purelyobsessional]

Snakes and Your Midbrain

Here is a diagram of the human brain. The midbrain is where you’d expect it to be — in the middle.

The midbrain acts as a kind of relay station for auditory and visual information. It's where the “fight or flight” response originates in our brains. For those of us with OCD, when the midbrain gets activated, it can make us physically feel as if the thought we’re having poses a real threat (think tight chest, racing heart, churning stomach, etc.).

Imagine you’re walking in a jungle and you “think” you see a snake. This is actually just a “pre-thought” (meaning it doesn’t rise to the level of consciousness), but it immediately triggers the body's alarm system. After that initial, automatic trigger, your conscious/thinking brain starts asking, “Is it actually a snake? Maybe it's just a twig."

Imagine if you then conclude, “Yeah, ok — just a twig.” You might think that at that point your conscious mind has prevailed and all is well. But your body and unconscious mind are already primed and reacting as if the twig really is a snake. It takes a while for that fear response to subside. Rational thoughts don’t help the process; the body has to release the fear on its own.

Putting this in terms of OCD, you can’t think yourself out of an obsessive thought. Trying to do so (that is, “ruminating”) only prolongs and intensifies things. Learn to trust that your body will release the fear caused by the intrusive, disturbing thought in its own time. Don’t try to think the thought away. It doesn’t work. Trust me, I've tried.

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

there's currently misinformation going around tumblr about what the SSI marriage penalty is, so this is my attempt to explain it in plain language.

when you marry someone who is not on SSI, and you are on SSI, their income is counted as your income. your SSI will be docked according to their income from then on. if their income outstrips your SSI (maximum SSI is $914 a month as of 2023), you will be ineligible for SSI from then on.

if two people on SSI get married, their maximum SSI benefits are reduced by 25%. they no longer get SSI as individuals, they get SSI as a couple, which is 25% less money than individuals are eligible for.

collectively, these two processes are known as the marriage penalty.

some news outlets are currently (September 2023) incorrectly reporting a bill as removing the marriage penalty. this is false. the bill is changing the savings cap for married couples on SSI. the savings cap is the amount of money you are allowed to save in your personal account before being kicked off SSI. this is different from the marriage penalty, and outlets referring to them as the same are conflating two different laws that apply to SSI recipients. please do not assume based on mis-worded news articles that you can get married without losing your income and health care if this bill passes. you may be putting yourself in danger by doing so.

[only-knives]

IM GOING TO CRY THEY MIGHT INCREASE THE SSI ASSETS LIMIT TO $10,000.

it's a bipartisan bill too! and for anyone unaware, people on SSI (which is different from SSDI), can only have $2,000 in assets (unless they have an ABLE account, which comes with its own rules). this assets limit has been in place for FORTY YEARS and is a giant part of why being on SSI keeps people incredibly impoverished.

i've also heard they might remove the marriage penalty but i don't have the spoons to read or explain it so someone else please add on!

this is huge! please spread the word and do what you can to help ensure this happens!

[everentropy]

Now would be a GREAT time to call/email/write your Congressperson! And it will still have different amounts for couples and individuals but it will be much less punitive. And it will be tied to inflation!!! It will be increased to $20,000 for couples and $10,000 for individuals.

For reference here's the link to the Senate bill: https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/senate-bill/2767 and the House version: https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/house-bill/5408 I recommend looking at these to see who is already sponsoring them and make sure to either call in support OR to call asking them to work on this.

It's also pretty short! Here is the full text of the bill (same text for both the Senate and the House):

SEC. 2. Update in eligibility for the supplemental security income program.

(a) Update in resource limit for individuals and couples.—Section 1611(a)(3) of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1382(a)(3)) is amended—

(1) in subparagraph (A), by striking “$2,250” and all that follows through the end of the subparagraph and inserting “$20,000 in calendar year 2023, and shall be increased as described in section 1617(d) for each subsequent calendar year.”; and

(2) in subparagraph (B), by striking “$1,500” and all that follows through the end of the subparagraph and inserting “$10,000 in calendar year 2023, and shall be increased as described in section 1617(d) for each subsequent calendar year.”.

(b) Inflation adjustment.—Section 1617 of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1382f) is amended—

(1) in the section heading, by inserting “; inflation adjustment” after “benefits”; and

(2) by adding at the end the following:

“(d) In the case of any calendar year after 2023, each of the amounts specified in section 1611(a)(3) shall be increased by multiplying each such amount by the quotient (not less than 1) obtained by dividing—

“(1) the average of the consumer price index for all urban consumers (all items; United States city average, as published by the Bureau of Labor Statistics of the Department of Labor) for the 12-month period ending with September of the preceding calendar year, by

“(2) such average for the 12-month period ending with September 2022.”.

[hel7l7]

My life keeps feeling very empty lately. Lack the words to explain it. It's just all this darkness. I fail to see the light. Yet I don't want to face the darkness either.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.

[rederiswrites]

One thing I don't think the Spoon metaphor has helped able-bodied people understand is that you can overdraw.

Generally, for most conditions, running out of spoons doesn't mean you collapse, doesn't produce an effect they can actually see. What it means is that you run on life support, quite possibly unsafely, until you get to a safe place and can stop. But you'll owe those spoons back, with interest. You'll have hurt yourself to do it.

Sometimes I hang out with a friend and they'll be like, wow, I'm really glad you had a good day. And I have to decide whether to make them feel bad by explaining that in fact they did not catch me on a good day, and tomorrow will probably be bad. I just made choices.

[dzamie]

"Hey, y'know that anime trope where a spellcaster runs out of mana, but like his friends and family are counting on him to win or keep the shield up or whatever, so he starts to draw from his own life force? And then the battle is won and everyone's all "YAAAAAYYYY" but he just fucking... collapses and has to rest for a few days because he literally vampired himself to win? It's kinda like that."

[lmtyl]

"I borrowed spoons from tomorrow for today and my loan shark is gonna break my kneecaps as soon as I get home."

[hel7l7]

I can't ever relax, my body is on fire all the time. The loneliness a cold hollow space between my bellybutton and breastbone. The panic a fiery rage that eats me alive.

[thehappysmiler]

NOW I AM BECOME AVOIDANT. DESTROYER OF POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS