One Nonbinary Bitchᵀᴹ

Anj/ 29/ they/them / bisexual (technically pan) / constantly exhausted / the gay mom friend / aesthetic blog anjthemanj.tumblr.com

[hug-your-face]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[hug-your-face]

This is the best tag I've ever received on a post, I think

[wilwywaylan]

Like everyone, I'm very sad about Sam Neill's passing. He may not have started my passion for dinosaurs, but he certainly owned the role that helped a lot of people discover and love them. Could we have had a better Alan ? I don't think so. Chemistry, wit, charm, and that determination that made him such a badass. He was the best fit and I hope he'll be remembered for years and years, for this role and all the others. Goodbye, Mr Neill, and of course, thank you.

[advice-to-a-discarded-gay-boy]

Something I think could be really interesting either as a crack fic or a more serious work, is Shane getting seriously concerned by Ilya relaxing his English around him.

By this I mean that a lot of people, when speaking in their second language, will relax how careful they are being to say everything right when they are in a very safe environment around people they trust. I do this around my friends with things like leaving verbs un-conjugated if it’s not necessary for comprehension, reverting to my native sentence structure, and using much more basic sentences and vocabulary than I would in a more formal setting.

This does not speak to an inability to properly speak the language, simply that in a relaxed environment, it can be really nice to just be able to talk to someone without putting too much thought into making sure your words are accurate.

This, coupled with that fact that they are hockey players, makes me think it could be really funny for Shane to start to notice Ilya’s English worsening slightly around him, leading him to start panicking that Ilya got a concussion or has some other head injury.

Shane doesn’t want to bring it up directly, because he doesn’t want to insult Ilya or drive him away, but he is quietly driving himself crazy with worry, all the while Ilya is living his best life knowing there is someone he does not have to worry about performing for.

[shrekhollander]

Fat 3 year old baby Shane got a phase where he called his parents by their names. Mommy and daddy? No. It was Yuna and David. 

“Yuna, can you give me my blankie pwease?” He says as he looks up at his mother with his big doe tired eyes when he wants a nap. 

“David! Did you hear that!?” He says with a very excited grin and adorable wide eyes. “It´s a loon! David it is a loon!” He repeats again as he jumps around happily, one hand holding a box of apple juice.

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[c24c24]

Ilya after an Ottawa vs Boston game “Sorry boys, I can’t go out tonight. The old ball and chain wants me home.”

“…You mean Hollzy?”

“First of all, Shane would never chain me down, he picks me up he is the wind beneath my wings. He is the light of my life my moon and my stars. He doesn’t bring me down, he raises me up. Don’t you dare ever fucking suggest that again. I meant Cliff Marlow. We’re cooking him dinner.”

[thoughtsthinksandthings]

Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.

A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.

It isn’t until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.

Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. It’s not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.

“David,” she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. “Did we ever formally teach this kid English?”

And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.

They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.

[iwilleatyourenglish]

so this might be the funniest text i've ever gotten about my partner

[iwilleatyourenglish]

[splattergutz]

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

[turnipfritters]

[spicymochi]

they are sitting and pondering

[cupcraft]

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

[aropride]

do u like mine

[cupcraft]

Oh wow.

[cupcraft]

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know

[penandinkprincess]

significantly #myshane is not a kid person in general (not that he actively dislikes kids, but he doesn't feel a particular affinity towards them), but i feel like kids just REALLY love his energy because he 100% talks to them the same way he would an adult, and kids eat it up

like at first he might be more stiff/unsure in interacting with them, but i feel like once he settles in and has had a little experience with the kids at camp, it's just

*kid lining up to jump off the top row of bleachers*

"dude, i am begging you. i do NOT want to fill out the paperwork for that."

"i can do it!"

"i mean the can or can't isn't the problem here. it's the hitting the ground part."

[thombalan]

[cal3ris]

is this gonna get me fired you think

[iliketurtles55]

(Sequel to ‘This memory is being forgotten’)

[ominous-signs]

Official somber sign

[free-my-mindd]

[kingbedlam]

[argillaforma]

shoutout to my boy shane he is riddled with anxiety, he drinks gross smoothies, his special interests are hockey and sex and they surprisingly overlap quite a lot, he has too many pillows, he has never been calm about anything in his life, he will kill himself if he doesn’t get first place, the worst thing that could ever happen to him is going to a club