(im spamming asks please feel free to take your time answering 🌸🌞🌻)
I think the people need a Shane swaddling and rocking baby Ilya fic(let). Especially in the way you wrote that Shane just observes Ilya swaddling Shane Bear one day and immediately gets an urge to try it with Ilya. You’re a genius for this idea, actually.
CAN’T BELIEVE I AM ONLY GETTING TO THIS NOW Omg, swaddling fic with baby Ilya coming right up <3
(For context, I have set this ficlet in the universe of my baby ilya series on AO3!)
It takes a couple of months, but Shane slowly starts to learn more about Ilya’s small side. They don’t necessarily have as much time as Shane would like for small days, but they have enough that Shane feels like he’s starting to adapt a bit. It becomes easier to tell if Ilya is feeling slightly older, or slightly younger, or if it’s a day where he really just needs to cuddle and shut down his thoughts for a while, or if it’s a day where he needs a lot of activities to tire him out and get rid of the energy buzzing inside him.
One indicator of how old Ilya is feeling is how he treats Shane bear and Polar Shane. If he’s feeling older, then he’ll treat them like…well, like babies. He’ll sagely inform Shane that they need pacifiers and naptime and bottles. If Ilya is feeling younger, he’ll just cling to both of them like a lifeline, maybe chew on their ears until Shane manages to redirect him towards his teether necklace or his pacifier. That in and of itself had taken some adjustment for Ilya. His instinct to reach for his crucifix necklace still remained, along with a small flicker of embarrassment when his fingers found the teether instead. At first he would side-eye Shane, waiting until Shane looked away before he brought the teether to his mouth. Like he was doing something wrong or shameful that needed to be concealed.
Now, Ilya has his teether caught between his teeth and Shane is watching on curiously as Ilya rolls Shane bear up in a blanket like a burrito. Ilya is mumbling to himself in a tangled mixture of English and Russian that Shane can’t quite catch, save for a few words. Most of those words being ‘baby’ or ‘malysh.’
Shane’s eyebrows raise slightly as Ilya finishes wrapping Shane bear up and brings the bundle to his chest, rocking him gently. Ilya finally seems to notice that Shane is watching, and he perks up slightly.
“Baby, Papa, see?” Ilya says, his teether tumbling from his mouth in the process. His brows furrow slightly, and he looks down at the teether like it had just personally offended him by falling out of his mouth.
“I do see, buddy,” Shane says, trying very hard not to let amusement seep into his tone. “You got him all bundled up, huh?”
Ilya nods, then reaches down and sticks the teether back into his mouth. Shane observes quietly as Ilya rocks Shane bear in his arms, wrapped up in the blanket.
Even when Ilya had been reluctant about using a pacifier, he’d always been so insistent that Shane bear and Polar Shane should have them, because they’re babies, Papa. Ilya still seems far more open to Shane bear and Polar Shane using baby items than he is towards himself using baby items. A few months ago Ilya would draw little pacifiers on paper and cut them out for the bears, then proceed to hide his face in the couch and refuse to budge when Shane suggested that he could try his new pacifier too.
Shane continues to watch as Ilya holds the swaddled Shane bear and he finds himself wondering if, deep down, maybe Ilya is expressing the things he wants for himself sometimes in the way he treats the bears. Shane would never say this aloud of course, at the risk of mortifying Ilya. But it still makes Shane wonder.
The problem is, Shane doesn’t stop thinking about it after that. Eventually, these thoughts lead him down a rabbit hole of wondering about the logistics of swaddling Ilya, or what kind of blanket you’re supposed to use. How tight are you even supposed to do it anyway? He doesn’t want to suffocate Ilya by accident.
…Okay, now he’s thinking like this is going to happen. Which is not necessarily a given. Ilya has finally been able to admit to Shane that he wants help with certain things like eating, but a lot of this is still touchy for Ilya.
That still doesn’t stop Shane from falling into a youtube rabbit hole of videos about how to safely swaddle a baby. Obviously, he’d held Hayden’s kids when they were babies, but Shane still hadn’t realised that there was a whole process to it. And various safety concerns, including the specific amount of time you’re supposed to do it for. Obviously, Ilya isn’t physically a baby, but Shane still doesn’t want him to get stiff or uncomfortable.
…Again, thinking like this is going to happen.
Shane sighs and clicks ‘add to cart’ on a light, cotton blanket. It’s actually a good-looking blanket, so he could probably drape it over his couch as a throw. The blue would match his couch pillows pretty well.
Today is one of those days where Ilya seems to be restless, a certain energy buzzing beneath his skin that just doesn’t seem to dissipate. Shane has seen him in these moods before and has even talked with Ilya about it a little bit. Sometimes, Ilya just feels restless, wound up. Sometimes, it’s just that a lot of thoughts and feelings are going through Ilya’s head, making it difficult to sit still. Usually, Ilya is feeling a little older when he gets this way so he can burn off some steam by running around Shane’s apartment (causing Shane’s heart rate to spike slightly in the process), or by playing.
Today, Ilya’s feeling younger so he doesn’t have the coordination or the desire to play much, outside of squeezing the Shane bears with his fingers. Shane has seen Ilya upset while small, and crying, and embarrassed or uncertain. But he hasn’t seen this specific combination of restlessness and frustration before. Shane has already tried to offer Ilya his teether and his pacifier, but Ilya had just spat those out. Tears shine in Ilya’s eyes now, and he squirms slightly as he buries his face into Shane’s side, then lets out a soft, whining noise and squirms away again, squeezing Shane bear tightly.
Shane’s gaze flickers towards the clock on the wall. 2PM. He’d lowered the shades over the windows to block out the glare from the afternoon sun, but it still presses in gently. Depending on how Ilya is feeling, he sometimes naps around this time of day. Shane thinks today would be a good day for a nap, but coaxing Ilya into that when he’s so restless might be challenging.
“What’s going on today, huh?” Shane murmurs, reaching out to rub his hand along Ilya’s arm.
Ilya makes another whining noise. “Papa,” he mumbles. He squeezes his fingers around Shane bear then shifts on the couch again, squirming.
“Yeah, baby, I’m right here,” Shane says, keeping his voice gentle. “What’s the matter, huh? Can you tell Papa?”
Ilya squeezes his eyes shut. He lets go of Shane bear to scrub his hands over his face. When the scrubbing gets a little too rough, Shane reaches out and gently takes one of Ilya’s hands, giving it a small squeeze. Ilya tugs his hand loose from Shane’s hold, which causes surprise to flicker inside of Shane. One of Ilya’s favourite things to do while small is to latch onto Shane’s hand. If he doesn’t want to do that, then he must be feeling pretty antsy.
Shane’s mind flashes back to Ilya wrapping Shane bear up in a blanket, the way he’d cooed at the bear in Russian. His eyes flicker towards the blanket he’d bought, draped over the back of the couch. He bites at the inside of his lip, thinking.
“Hey…is it alright if Papa tries something, baby?”
Ilya pauses at this, his eyes snapping to Shane. “Mm?” he hums questioningly.
Shane pauses, racking his brain to try to think of a way to explain this. “You remember how you wrapped Shane bear in a blanket a few weeks ago?” he asks tentatively.
Ilya takes a moment to think, brows furrowing slightly.
“Maybe we could try that now, except with you instead of Shane bear?” Shane continues. He hesitates. “It’s just an idea, but…” he trails off, still tentative.
Ilya considers this for a long moment, his gaze flickering between Shane and Shane bear. Eventually, he buries his face back into Shane’s side, letting out a soft, garbled noise.
“Squirmy,” Shane notes, watching as Ilya shifts restlessly and burrows as close as he can into Shane’s side. “Squirmy baby today, hm?” Shane coos.
Ilya whines again. Shane’s chest squeezes slightly at the noise.
“Yeah, I know. Not having a good time right now, are you? It’s alright,” Shane says, raising a hand and carding his fingers gently through Ilya’s hair. He leans down and presses a kiss to Ilya’s head. “You wanna try some blanket time with Papa?” he asks.
For a little while, Shane thinks he might not get a response, and that he’ll have to find another way to help Ilya settle. But after a handful of minutes, he feels Ilya give the tiniest nod into Shane’s side, Ilya’s fingers clenching and unclenching in the fabric of Shane’s shirt. Ilya suddenly squirms again, pulling away from Shane’s side and nearly tumbling over the edge of the couch in the process. Shane hurriedly reels Ilya back in, his hands curling around Ilya’s waist and hauling him up properly on the couch again.
Shane sighs slightly. “Alright, yeah. I think we could try some blanket time.” Shane pats Ilya’s flank for a moment, thinking to himself. His gaze flickers down to the hoodie Ilya is wearing. Ilya might get too warm if they do this while the hoodie is on.
“Let’s get your hoodie off, alright?” Shane says, patting Ilya’s flank again. “Can you lift your arms up for Papa?”
Ilya doesn’t respond to this for a moment. Then, he lets out another whine and collapses down onto his side. Shane observes this with an internal sigh, considering.
“Alright,” Shane murmurs to himself. “Papa’s just gonna get your hoodie off, alright?” he says, as he stands from the couch and circles around to Ilya’s other side, closer to his head. It takes a little bit of effort and maneuvering, especially while Ilya is still squirming and making heartbreaking little unhappy sounds in the back of his throat. But eventually, Shane manages to get Ilya’s hoodie off, leaving just a tank top underneath.
“There we go. That’s step one done,” Shane says aloud, as he stands up from the couch again. Ilya is sitting upright again now, wedged into the far corner of the couch. “Step two now,” Shane says.
Step two involves taking the cotton blanket and laying it out on the couch, with one corner folded in. Ilya chews on the knuckle of his thumb as he watches, and Shane tries very hard to resist the urge to try to redirect him towards his teether or pacifier instead.
“Alright,” Shane says once he’s done. “Step three. You wanna lie down or you want Papa’s help?”
Ilya goes very still suddenly, his gaze unblinking as he peers up at Shane. He doesn’t say anything, but Shane gets the message.
“Alright, Papa’s help,” Shane says with a nod, stepping forth. “That’s alright. C’mere, baby.”
Thankfully, it’s not a very long distance between Ilya and the blanket. Shane lifts Ilya under his armpits and hoists him upwards, carefully lowering him down onto the blanket with his head resting above the folded edge. Ilya squirms slightly as he adjusts. Shane rests a hand on Ilya’s tummy for a moment, trying very hard to recall the videos he’d watched.
“Okay, alright. Easy,” Shane says, mostly to himself. “Just gotta…bring your arm here like that, then tuck in that side…” Shane gently tucks one of Ilya’s arms by his side and brings one side of the blanket over his body, tucking it underneath him. Shane tries to telegraph his actions as he does the same with the bottom edge, bringing it up over Ilya’s body and tucking it in the way he’d watched them do it in the videos. Eventually, after all the edges of the blanket are tucked in, Shane worms his hand underneath the blanket, testing to make sure it’s not too tight. He nods to himself in approval.
“There we go,” Shane says, his eyes returning to Ilya’s face. Ilya’s eyes seem a little hazier than before, that little grimace from earlier no longer twisting up his expression. “How’s that, baby?” Shane asks.
There’s a short pause as Ilya’s gaze lazily travels over Shane’s face. A tiny smile starts to pull at Ilya’s mouth.
Shane feels a smile starting to form on his own face. “Yeah? Is it alright?” he questions, reaching out to gently squish Ilya’s cheek.
Ilya squirms, as though testing how much he can move. There’s a little bit of give, but not a lot.
“Papa,” Ilya says again, a slight whine wound through his tone now. He squirms again, seemingly trying to get closer to Shane. Shane shushes him gently, sitting down on the couch again and gently bringing Ilya onto his lap, supporting Ilya’s upper body against his chest. Shane cradles him close, petting through Ilya’s hair. Ilya seems to settle at this, content with the close contact.
Shane feels something plastic digging into his thigh and shifts slightly to grab it, grimacing slightly when he sees that it’s the pacifier Ilya had spat out earlier. Shane probably should’ve picked that up and put it away, but his mind had been more focused on Ilya. Before Shane can set the pacifier aside, Ilya’s gaze latches onto it, and he makes another whining noise.
“Oh, you want it, baby?” Shane asks.
“Papa,” Ilya says, eyes wide.
“Alright, alright,” Shane soothes, rubbing Ilya’s back. Shane hesitates for a moment. He should probably wash the pacifier, but…then he’d have to get out from under Ilya and leave him by himself, which isn’t really an option like this. Shane glances around the room like someone is lurking around a corner ready to judge him. Then, Shane quickly pops the pacifier into his mouth to clean it before offering it up to Ilya.
“Here we go,” Shane says, as he holds the pacifier close to Ilya’s mouth. Ilya latches onto it quickly and gently starts to suck on it.
Shane feels it as Ilya starts to surrender more of his weight into Shane’s hold, a gradually releasing coil of tension. Affection warms Shane’s chest as he gently starts to rock Ilya back and forth.
“There we go. Moy malysh,” Shane murmurs, as Ilya’s blinks start to grow heavier, his breaths growing slower.
There’s something strangely comforting about having Ilya bundled up close like this that Shane can’t really put words to. It sort of feels like he has Ilya all in one place, where usually Ilya’s energy or thoughts would be pulling him in a bunch of different directions. Shane releases a slow breath as he continues to rock Ilya back and forth against his chest. His gaze flickers over Ilya, bundled snugly in the blanket, and a faint smile ghosts over his lips. Ilya’s eyes are still open, but his blinks are lazy, lingering. His curls are slightly mussed from all of his squirming, tickling Shane’s arm slightly.
Quiet settles over them as Shane’s conscious attention starts to drift. His focus had been so much on Ilya he’d almost forgotten that the TV had been playing in the background. Shane had turned it to Pingu for Ilya at some point in the morning, with the volume dialled down.
It’s not usually Shane’s speed, but…his eyes flicker between Ilya and the cartoon as he holds Ilya close, and Shane finds himself watching it anyway.
Time seems to stretch slowly for a while. At a certain point, Ilya starts to squirm again, making soft needy sounds around his pacifier as he tries to move his arms. Shane unwraps the blanket from around Ilya so he can free his arms, then tucks the blanket beneath his arms again so the rest of him is still swaddled. Ilya reaches his hand out blindly and it lands close to Shane’s cheek. Shane laughs slightly as Ilya gently presses his fingers into Shane’s cheek.
“Oh, so that’s what you needed to do, huh? Make sure Papa is still here by poking him?” Shane says.
This prompts a muffled giggle from Ilya, and Shane finds himself unable to resist giving him a small squeeze. Ilya’s hand drops away from Shane’s face, falling back to his side. He tucks his head back against Shane’s chest. Shane cradles Ilya close again, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Yeah. Shane is going to pay more attention now to what Ilya does with Shane bear and Polar Shane.
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