Right to Rant

Name's Lillian.  Call me Lily if you want.  I need this space to rant and rave about the life that I have.  I also need it to reblog all the awesomeness that I happen upon.  So sometimes it will be sad.  Sometimes it will be joyful. If you just want to solely read up on my terrible life, just find the link somewhere around here for the tag 'divedeeper'.  You'll find everything you'd like to know about me there. I've recently been doing my best to add Image Descriptions/IDs to posts with photos. If you're here for those, the 'just trying to help where i can' tag in the tags dropdown will take you there. The tag 'post with id' will also provide some IDs. tagged with that tag is a mix of ones i've personally done and ones I've come across

[baddaydiary]

Dear Future Me

Hey, Future Lillian,

It's me.  You know, past you?  Anyway, you decided to write this letter to yourself.  Sounds like fun (except it's not really, because I don't know if you remember, but your emotions were all over the place when you decided to write this thing)

Anyway, how's it going? Have you made it? I sure hope you did.

Listen, you're going through some rough patches back in my time, so I just need to know.

Are you finally okay?  Are you finally okay with who you've become?  Do you see the person that everyone else sees?  Have you become the person you always wished you could be?

How's Rach?  Surely, you remember the roughness she's going through currently.  I hope that she sees the light in the world now.  I hope she found some true friends.  That is one of her biggest fears, you know.  That she won't ever find true friends.  That she'll just be forever lonely or forever bullied.

I know I am going to sound like a terrible person for saying this... but have you broken the news to Shelly, of how she isn't our best friend? I sure hope you have at this point.  How'd she take it?  If you haven't broken the news, that's fine, I guess.  It's a hard conversation for me to have, no doubt it will be the same for you.  But it must be torture.  I know how you feel.  I am not enjoying being on the end of her 'motherly' stick.

Honestly, I am so conflicted about her.  Naomi told us that Shelly's cons seems to overpower her pros.  In a way, I completely agree.  I don't know.

I just hope that you've managed to become comfortable with who you really are, whoever that may be.  I don't know right now, but maybe you do.

I don't know what else to say.  I just know that I wanted to write you a letter.

Thanks for staying strong.. for the both of us.  Thanks for lasting as long as you have.

-Lillian, 03/25/15

[gayvampyr]

asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now

[gayvampyr]

yeah

[breelandwalker]

And there is a vast yawning chasm of difference between Weird & Unusual and Fucking Inconsiderate.

[indieninja92]

stimming, talking to yourself, being a bit smelly: unusual, uncontrollable, literally just a fact of being a person in public

playing tiktoks on your phone at full volume with no headphones: shit-head behaviour

[baddaydiary]

It's Been A Minute

I haven’t been on here in a long while, and the last time I was on here, I was doing Image descriptions, which I intend to go back to, should I remember to come back to tumblr once in a while.

Nah.

It’s a been awhile since I’ve ranted.

And now that I’m back, it’s... a lil melancholic?  I don’t think that’s the word I want.  But... I’m not here to sad rant or angry rant as I have in the past.

I’m... grateful. I guess.

All day, I’ve been cleaning up my computer of old files that I don’t need, don’t look at.  It’s just... time to let them go.

And I have a lot of Doctor Who related stuff, which I knew I’d encounter going into it.  But what I didn’t realize was how much depressing stuff I had in my unsorted pictures.

Lots of quotes of being sad, of being lonely, of being depressed and unseen.

And I realize.... well I realized a lot of things, all in one instance

1) Doctor Who was my life preserver.  It helped me strive to find some joy in my life.

2) So were those quotes.  They were something tangible, something that physicalized the pain I was feeling

3) As I thought of logging back into Tumblr, I realized that I’ve always journaled in some form to get my head clear.  I properly started journaling at the beginning of the pandemic, when I was forced to stay away from my best friend.

But I never really needed a physical journal.  I’d always kinda used Tumblr as my journal.

4) How... how much things have changed.  Since two years ago.  Since five years ago.  Since however long ago I opened this account.

Since my last login:

 I’ve graduated.  I actually graduated and now I refer to those last two years as my years in hell.  And it makes sense.  I can vividly remember the pain and anger and anguish I felt as I journaled/ranted/typed it out.  And .. I cannot believe that I am who I am now, where I am now compared to that person

I have a boyfriend.  He was there, under my nose and he’s a dream come true, everything I could’ve asked for in a partner and more

I travel a lot with the people I love

I’m calmer.

I’m unlearning a lot of bad habits and my interpersonal relationships are getting stronger every day

my sister is better off.  She’s suddenly (or at least, suddenly to me) running to me, throwing my advice back at me, self regulating, communicating... and the hardest thing to accept?  She’s suddenly seeing me.  She acknowledges how much I take on and how hard I work

My bestie broke up with her toxic ex and the two of us realized just how much of a wedge the ex was trying to put between us.  So we’re slowly getting ourselves back into the habit and the space of being each other’s besties.  Visiting each other.  Calling each other.  Messaging each other.  Little things like that.

Do I still hate life sometimes?

Yeah.  Vehemently.  I’m just real tired of the hand I’ve been dealt.  I’m woefully overdue for a win.

But... reflecting on everything.  The people I’ve met who screwed me over big time, who treated me like trash.  The people I’ve kept in my life and now the people that I’ve gained, I know... I know things’ll turn out just fine.

I don’t need to think about the people of my past anymore.  I don’t need to wonder why I wasn’t enough.  They’re not meant to be.  I don’t need to live wholly in the world of Doctor Who (though I very much will because I owe this show a lot and I hold it very dearly to my heart.  SIDE NOTE: I MET DAVID TENNANT VERY RECENTLY AND AHHHHHHHHHH???????)

But I no longer need it to be my whole life.  My life preserver.

I’ve somehow learned to float without it.

[baddaydiary]

I love your avatar sm!!!! Looks like you drew it yourself? Sometimes I've had trouble making people look too stiff, so seeing you do such a good job here is really cool!

OH!! Hello! I've literally just logged back into tumblr after a very long time, but actually it's a commission! The artist is @lovelyladyartist if you wanna shoot them a message for some pointers on composition and the like. ^^ They're always down for talking about their art and what he's up to these days (which includes a buttload of comics and working a lottttt of cons) but I'm not entirely sure if he's still super super active on Tumblr, but he's also got like every other social too XD

[toastbutteregg]

[gotterhag]

This is an EXTREMELY blessed post! And accurate! When I first moved out I was so excited for my new place I slept on the floor and had my tv there and that was it. Loved it. You grow and you build and you gain and you lose. I lost that place and everything in it. Now I have a new place with new things and it’s very much home.

[dexdefyingstunts]

In the future, there is a small, quiet room that is just yours, where you are safe and you are free. In that room your shoulders will finally start to come down from around your ears.  Nobody can come into that room unless you let them.  In that clean quiet place, you will work and you will study.  You will love and you will heal.

-Captain Awkward, “Should I Move Away From My Abusive Family?”

[thelatestkate]

Summer Friends  ☀︎

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Once my boyfriend told me: "You're not a burden. A burden is something you're forced to carry against your will. I freely choose to be a part of your life and that means you aren't a burden to me." I'm passing it on in case some of you need to be reminded of that.

[poetry-siir]

I crave the most innocent parts of a relationship. Like holding hands, forehead kisses and being able to tell someone how much I adore them…

(via poetry-siir)

[mentalquotes]

[baddaydiary]

[image description: image of black text on white background

text says: Sorry to disturb your scrolling, we don’t know each other, but I wish you all the best in life and may things work out in your favor.

end image description]

[feministism]

[baddaydiary]

[ image description: screenshot of a twitter post by user @THEAlishaNicole

Post says: Just an FYI.  You can do what you love and still be tired.  You can do what you love and still become burnt out.  You can do what you love and still get excited about taking a break.

end image description]

[prettypositivity]

I hope my mom heals from the things she doesn’t talk about

[lover-suggestion]

It's gonna work out. It's gonna work out. It's gonna work out.

[lesbian-toddhoward]

fun fact if you refer to children as "things" and use "it" when referring to children and are happy to see children cry and get hurt im stealing something from your house

[lesbian-toddhoward]

"what did he think was going to happen" i dont know considering the fact that this four year old boy literally cannot properly comprehend consequence

"and NOW she's acting like a victim *laughing emoji*" this six year old girl doesn't know anything about the world let alone how to process her emotions

like these are literal CHILDREN. they don't know shit about anything. hop off this cruel and edgy "i hate kids" train and go see a shrink asshole.

[changelingfangs]

Oh my fucking god, this. So much this.

I’ve had to fucking explain this to parents. Why can’t the baby stop crying? Because that’s the only way the baby knows how to communicate -- they’re trying to tell you something. Why is this child acting like the world is ending because they lost their favorite toy? Because they’ve never experienced loss before -- this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to them in their lives

Children have all the emotional capacity of adults and none of the experience in learning how to cope with it. A knee scraped for the first time is the worst pain a child has ever felt. Not getting to go to the park is the greatest injustice ever.

They’re responding proportionally to the event from their life perspective. Children actually don’t over react, like ever. They just feel everything so much and have so little reference to weigh it against.

[wizardpotions]

i feel like a lot of the younger group of people on the internet especially those who became online in the age of tiktok is that no one is obligated to interact with you. the best advice i could give to teens on the internet is block everything you dont want to see, unfollow over anything you like. you do not have to interact with people you do not want to.

but please remember that this goes both ways, content creators can block you over anything too. it doesnt go that deep, if someone blocks you its probably not personal. if someone tags one of my posts as a fandom i dont want to interact with i will block them and thats fine, i dont hate everyone i block and you dont have to either. creating your online experience is the key to having a good time online

you are never obligated to interact with anything

[thegaymertrainer]

This website has ruined me because I was not expecting a child to speak when he called himself daddy…

[elodieunderglass]

I can’t say I felt the same, but I have tremendous admiration for his composure

[socksolotl]

[Transcript:]

Person filming: Can you again ask me what you just asked me? What was that question? I don't think... Daddy didn't hear you.

Child offscreen: When can we have lesbian?

Dad: Mhmm. Okay. Maybe I did hear you right. Um, I don't know what that is, Sweetie, I don't know what you mean. Child, emphatically: Lesbian!

Dad: No, I know-- I know what you said, but I don't think that word means what you think it means, okay?

Child: It's like... spaghetti.

Dad: [Clears throat] Oh, excuse me. [Audibly restraining laughter] Do you mean lasagna?

Child: Yep!

Dad: Okay. Um, yeah, [high pitched with amusement] I'm sure we can have-- [serious] I'm sure we can have lasagna really soon, okay? We'll-- We'll try to... Yeah, we'll make sure that we can-- we can eat that soon, okay? Does that sound-- does that sound good?

Child: Yeah!

Dad: Okay, alright. Thank y--

[end transcript]

[quietly-kelpie]

My favorite part of this is that he doesn't show his kid's face. In an era when so many kids are used for funny videos, where their faces are splashed across the internet before they even know what the internet is, it's really refreshing to see people respecting their kids' privacy.

[nepofledgling]

you literally aren’t old in your twenties idk who decided that but it’s bullshit. youre not even an adult until youre 18, what, do you have a 4-5 year window to (legally) do shit you couldn’t even do before and then you’re old and running out of time? you’re supposed to get your the tattoos and be done going to clubs or using tinder by the age of 25? that’s insane. you like just started

[blackwoolncrown]

“You’re old by 25”

No you’re a fresh adult by then. Your frontal lobe doesn’t mature til around 26. If you’re in your early 20s you’re literally just a juvenile human adult and the thing you think is “getting old” is actually maturing in the first memorable life shift you have after puberty.

The reason society pushes you to think that your prime is in your early 20s is because you are a ripe mix of “able to buy things” and “highly susceptible to manipulation” because you are both legally deemed an adult at 18 but also quite close to childhood (reminder: teens are children).

Capitalism loves how easy it is to whip you into a fervor over your identity and aim that at consumerism. At no other time in your life will you be so irresponsible (this is not a dig, you shouldn’t be expected to be super responsible at this stage), unprotected, manipulable by peer pressure, impressionable and impulsive. It tells you that being alive is a out being young and youth dies at 25 so you’d better hurry up and do all that cool stuff right now! Quick! Incidentally it all costs money! But hurry up and exhaust yourself before you’re too old!

….too old to fall for their shit anymore. That’s what they mean by “old”. Older. Wiser.

God, willing, your lifespan goes way beyond 30. You’re just getting started and they’re trying to convince you it’s over before you’re experienced enough to see through the bullshit.

Don’t fall for it.

[antimasculist]

people on this site are so hateful towards dog people its sad. cat people are my brothers in arms we should be allies we should not fight. just because i love when a little guy goes awoo and you love when a little guy goes meow... this doesnt make us enemies...