Woaaaaah. So who knew one person could teach you so much? Crazy isn’t it, the one who promised you days filled with happiness would be the same one to plague those same anticipated days with heartache and indescribable emptiness.
Poetry had tried, and tried well may I add, to explain heartbreak but reading words and feeling the loss of a person who is still alive are two very different things. Your heart aches for a person who quite frankly just isn’t prepared at that moment to be with you.
I was told once that getting back with an ex is like reading your favourite book and expecting a different ending. Whilst I can see where this analogy has come from I am going to have to disagree with it. Say your favourite book was one you read when you were 9 years old. When you’re 21 you go back and read it but the story of a girl who loves reading and can make objects move just with her eyes just doesn’t make your mind do somersaults like it did all those years ago. You can still approximate why you loved it but you aren’t afraid to read a different novel and allow it to let you see the world in an entirely different way. I reread the story of my previous relationship most nights when I was alone but the fragmented memories made the plot muddled and confusing and I only seemed to remember the beautiful parts. I’d swapped my reading glasses for rose coloured ones and I remembered Prince Charming as being more Beowulf then Grendel. Of course, I remembered some of the pain he’d caused me because I was living through it every single day but I can honestly say. Wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, writing new chapters with new seasons as the back drop to our sequel.
After half a year of speaking his return into existence it happened. We were falling in love for the second time and everything felt so forgein but so inate simultaneously. It was as if a language I’d learnt as a child but forgotten in my adolescence was flooding back to me and all I wanted to do was speak it to anyone that would listen.
It became apparent that my leopard hadn’t changed his spots and you know what? That was okay. It allowed me to realise that whilst I loved him, I could never be in a relationship with someone who valued his ego more than his lover.
I care for him so deeply and he knows that but my life, after a lot of work, is my own again and he is just a person who my heart beats a little faster when they are around.
I want life to be so beautiful for him and I hope he feels the same for me. But one thing I do know is we can never be friends, God never crossed our paths for that.
So if your ex has wandered back into your life that has happened with purpose and whatever choice you choose to make will teach you more about them and most importantly more about yourself.
Continue to live and continue to learn because everything will happen the way it’s meant to.
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
