I committed the crime of having an opinion others didn’t agree with. Which led to some pretty ugly personal attacks based off of assumptions with no basis in reality. Mentally I can not own that shit. Emotionally it still sends me into fight or flight and gives me big “impending doom” type anxiety. I have been unsettled all day. In an interesting turn of events after calling them out for the personal attacks (based on bullshit assumptions) I got an apology-ish. So in theory the loop is closed, but the anxiety will not go the hell away.
Work was… a lot today. I survived, thriving was not happening. I have a lot of leftover work to deal with tomorrow. I couldn’t do more than what I did today.
Then I watched a very triggering and painful episode of a show. I cried for probably 75% of it. My face hurts. I am exhausted. And if I hadn’t committed to watching this show I may have tapped out.
Big feelings. Big anxiety. And my downstairs brain is sure something bad is going to happen. I’m about to crawl under a compression sheet and put myself to bed before the sky starts falling. I’m trying to decide which fluffy bunny episode I can lose myself in for a comfort watch.
Today was hard. I’m ready for it to be tomorrow instead.
Holy fucking hell. Anyone else just get run over by Tablo & RM? Lyrics aside, it’s achingly beautiful to listen to. Listening, Hearing, and Processing the lyrics? Oh shit. I felt my stomach drop. I did not expect to be sitting in THESE KIND OF FEELS this morning.
Time for a little compartmentalization and a lot of dissociation today. Works gotta work.
okay i’m tired of people saying heesu in class 2 is a bromance and/or it isn’t gay. did we watch the same thing? this is not at all about the manhwa but the series and it’s pretty clear that it’s yk.. not a bromance? they’re dating by the end of the show and just because they didn’t kiss doesn’t make it any bromance.
the show was about how both heesu and seungwon navigated their way through their feelings and how different it was for them compared to chan young and ji yu. and both of them explicitly stated that in the show as well. i feel like people forget these are also very real situations gay people face, and even though it may be easier to ‘come out’ these days, it’s not the same everywhere and for everyone
Heesu In Class 2 isn't targeting the BL audience, it's queer representation in a Kdrama and that makes us excited. This difference means that the struggles of being a queer youth were expertly contrasted against those living a het normative life, wrapped it all up inside a cute kdrama, and delivered it to a much wider audience. An audience that may not have seen this perspective before. And the messages Heesu In Class 2 delivers to this audience are both powerful and important.
Love is Love. Mutual love is a precious gift and should be celebrated in all forms.
There were so many great messages during this series, but that felt like the final thought of Heesu's story. One that Heesu made when he said:
"Such insignificant tiny beings like us manage to find each other amidst countless specks of dust. How great of a miracle is that?"
The struggles of Heesu's sisters gives us all the evidence we need to see how precious it is to find someone that returns our feelings.
There were lots of other incredible messages/moments throughout the series that we were obsessed with. We already talked ourselves out of rewatching the series just to collect more evidence for this post, so we will try to be satisfied with only listing the ones we remember off the top of our heads.
A quick list of epic moments Heesu In Class 2 delivered to a wider audience:
"Maybe everyone can see what I am trying so hard to hide." Starting off the series by showing Heesu's fear of someone discovering his crush.
Constant contrast between queer vs het experience/acceptance. TWICE calling out the difference in difficulty and risk for a queer person to confess a crush. "I'm pretending not to know."
"Before my secret swallows me up. Before I fall into this dark hole forever." Heesu talking about the danger of secrets in episode 9.
Seung Won talking to Heesu about his mom being with a woman after ending her unhappy marriage to his father, "They live together 'cause the like each other. It's much better than living with someone you don't like."
Heesu finding comfort when he learns that Seung Won sees nothing wrong with being queer:
"At least Seung Won wouldn't hate me just for being myself, or get mad because I'm different. The moment I thought that... the weight on my mind was lightened by the weight of just one person."
Seung Won's mom's willingness to lie to spare him from the judgement of others. Seung Won choosing the truth over the constant work it would take to live in a lie.
Heesu's fear of being outed when he receives that threat. The disgustingness and cruelty of someone being willing to out him for revenge.
We HATE Heesu and Seung Won trying to play off their relationship as a "bromance" in public. But we also LOVE it because once again it is in direct contrast/comparison to the het couple and including this bitter pill is both realistic for their story and shows the audience the inequality, fear and pain in not being accepted by society. So we hate that this poisoned our happy ending, but we hope it gives the larger audience something to think about.
Series like these plant the seeds that change hearts. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
We sincerely hope this series reaches as many people as possible with it's important messaging. We have even decided to make a MyDramaList account just so we can support this series. Our hope is that this story moves some people. Causes them to stop and think. Gives them a new perspective. And hopefully finds it's way to some lonely Heesus out there and gives them hope.
Akin's "I've been acting since I won that award" was heartbreaking, but the "Right now, I feel like myself" was just *screams*
He's clearly been acting, even in his off screen life, because we see Jin shake him out of his comfort zone, and his seamless performance falters again and again: he can't smile and wave through a live stream, he stumbles in interviews, he gets pissy when he has to interact with Jin in front of other people. He struggles to keep the act going.
But Jin is patient, and he pays attention, and he puts in effort to know Akin as he really is. He gives him his favorite chocolate milk, he makes his car seat Akin-comfy, he practices his lines so that he can impress Akin and work to be good for him, he defends Akin and praises him without prompting. Jin wants Akin, not The Akin.
And so Akin lets himself be himself with Jin, lets himself want.
And that's why he panics when Jin wins the Sexiest Man spot. Because people are talking about Jin surpassing Akin, and that means leaving him behind. If he lets himself stop acting, then he risks losing everything -- his career, his reputation, and perhaps most scary of all, Jin.
Akin is not new at this. Jin might just be learning that their relationship is dangerous to their careers, but Akin knows. He doesn't want to jeopardize his job, but he also doesn't want to hurt Jin or Jin's career; he would rather choose how to lose Jin, than have that decision be someone else's (the press, their agencies, public opinion).
So, he is distant and pissy and unkind, but Jin is in fact his puppy, and he waits patiently while Akin hisses, and then he runs right past Akin's pout and holds him until he says how he really feels.
This communicative Akin is a surprise, but I'm loving everything about this. If ever there was a character that needed a golden retriever boyfriend to teach him love and self acceptance, it is Akin, and I am thrilled to watch it happen.
Apparently my brain has decided not to move on from Top Form. But with an episode that gave us all of this:
why am I stuck here???
I just can't stop thinking about that scene; what I wanted from it vs what happened vs what Akin needed.
Before I go any further, let's make a couple things clear.
Akin has nothing to be ashamed of. He was not responsible for what happened to him. Period. Choosing to become intoxicated does not mean you are responsible if a predator takes advantage of the situation. It is never the victims fault. However, that doesn't mean people in that situation don't blame themselves. I wish Akin had been angry at the right people instead of himself, but Akin's reaction is tragically common and relatable. And as much as it would have been refreshing to see Akin angry, I respect the series for showing us this very toxic and real reaction to what happened to him. This post will be focusing on Akin's feelings and in no way am I implying he should feel this way.
It doesn't matter if it was SA or rape. The violation to one's autonomy doesn't change. No one here is minimizing what Johnny did because he got turned off when Akin said someone else's name and stopped. And I don't think the show was intending to do that either, even if it includes the toxic forgive and forget we commonly see in Thai dramas. But not knowing what has happened to you, if anything, is a trauma all by itself. It's okay for Akin to be relieved to know just how his body was violated, even if it doesn't change that his autonomy was stolen.
I apologize in advance if any of my word choices or attempt at explaining my thoughts causes any discomfort. I'm doing my best to explain what I saw in this story/characters and what they were feeling. If any of my phrasing comes across as insensitive or dismissive, please give me the benefit of the doubt and some room to be human.
On to the main event
I initially felt pretty meh because the apology didn't give me everything I wanted, but I was willing to call it good enough and move on. But I've changed my mind. The more I think about it, the more it feels like the perfect resolution.
🐈 Kat did an excellent job talking about what WE wanted vs what Akin needed in this amazing post. And I agree, Jin gave Akin exactly what he needed in Episode 7.
I know a lot of us had different reactions to episode 7. I'm not here to tell people they are wrong for interpreting things differently from me or for wanting something different from the story. I was angry as hell at Jin for his behavior in episode 6, and although I could understand his pain, I had a lot of things I wanted from episode 7. I was not ready to forgive Jin easily. But as Kat pointed out, Akin wasn't mad at Jin. Akin already felt ashamed and guilty for what happened, Jin didn't cause that. What made things worse for Akin in that garage was seeing Jin in pain. He didn't need Jin to apologize because Akin felt he was the one who was at fault.
Akin didn't need to forgive Jin, he needed to forgive himself, and Jin deserves massive credit for recognizing that.
I do believe Jin felt awful for how he had reacted and for leaving Akin. Initially, Jin's own pain and feelings had made him blind and deaf to Akin's suffering. Even fearing that Akin had cheated, knowing Akin was lying to his face, what Jin desperately wanted was for Akin to give him hope that there was still something to fight for. So when Akin couldn't give him that, Jin fell apart. But just because I can understand Jin, that isn't an excuse for how he added to Akin's pain and I wanted him to take responsibility for every one of Akin's tears in that garage!
But as much as I was angry at him, I honestly don't believe Jin was looking for an apology from Akin in episode 7. I don't believe his tears in that theater were about him hearing Akin say sorry, I think it was his reaction to seeing Akin's pain, not understanding what caused it, but knowing he was part of it. In that moment, Akin's pain became more important than his own and Jin needed to do something about it. Only then does he confront Johnny. I don't know what Jin suspected, but the fact that he recorded the convo is telling. I think he was looking for a way to help Akin, not clarify if they had slept together or not, so he could give Akin the answers he needed and the tools to forgive himself. I don't think it mattered at all to Jin how far things had gone. Once he realized Akin was hurting over what had happened, Jin had the hope he had needed to fight for their relationship.
And then that's what Jin did:
Akin texts Jin to meet. Jin is excited. But Akin came to give back the necklace.
Akin: "Sorry. I'm probably not right for it."
Jin askes if that's is really why he came and Akin says yes. But there is pain and longing there and Jin sees it and it's the hope he needs. So he kisses Akin and Akin falls apart.
Akin is the first to apologize because he blames himself. But Jin wasn't looking for that and immediately says he is the one that should be apologizing. Not because he was wrong about what had happened with Johnny, but because he knew he had left Akin alone.
Jin: "I'm sorry for making you sad. I am sorry for leaving you that day. I'm sorry. You're not wrong."
But Akin's shame won't allow him to believe Jin's words that he wasn't wrong. He doesn't believe he deserves Jin's apology or love. And Akin falls more and more apart as Jin continues to apologize and fights to run because it all hurts too much.
Jin is trying to reach Akin. Trying to get him to understand.
Jin: "I love you. I'll never let anyone take you away from me."
But this is exactly why Akin got out of that car. He knew how Jin felt about him, could see Jin's pain, and Akin couldn't bear being the source of that pain.
Jin can see the way Akin's shame and self blame is tearing him apart, so he reassures Akin that he didn't sleep with Johnny. Not to minimize Akin's SA or imply that somehow everything is okay as long as there wasn't actual sex. It's to reassure Akin that what he feared most, what he couldn't forgive himself for, didn't happen. That Akin has nothing to hate himself for, nothing to regret. (not that he was ever to blame, but that is how Akin felt) And Akin's reaction to this realization is shattering to watch.
Jin tells Akin over and over again that he did nothing wrong and Akin is finally able to hear that and believe that and the healing can start.
And I apparently live there now.
I was absolutely sick about what they did to Akin in episode 6. I have done a lot of mental gymnastics to overlook toxic messaging in series, but this time it had gone too far for me just to be able to ignore it. There was a narrow path that they could walk for me not to rage quit this show and it involved being VERY clear that Akin was not responsible for what had happened to him. And we got that. And even though I didn't get the groveling Jin and angry Akin I wanted, I think what they gave me was better for the story they were telling. I said I needed them to make me respect the story they were telling to forgive them for this story line, and I am relieved to say that they did just that.
They showed just how ugly and traumatizing SA can be. They made it messy and hard to swallow and showed the harm that can be caused when people do and say the wrong things to someone already in a self loathing shame spiral. And then we saw the difference love and support can mean for someone struggling with misdirected self blame. So well done to the script and epic acting in delivering a truly devastating story.
Also, very much appreciated the flash to Akin being drunk and Jin caring for him. Being drunk isn't a crime and I am glad to see that reflected in the inclusion of that clip.
Editing to add that the apology wasn't perfect for me (and I said as much in this post), but I do feel it was perfect for the characters, their relationship and this story.
If you made it to the end of this, welcome to my head. 🤣 Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!
Here's Kat's excellent post if you haven't seen it already:
💬 2 🔁 14 ❤️ 50 · a Kat 🐈 rambles post
I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm here
I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm here to say:
Jin's redemption is in giving Akin what he needed - even if it wasn't what I, as the audience, wanted.
Discussion of Top Form episode 6 and 7 under the cut. TW for discussion of SA.
I have a whole unwritten post in my head about The Nightmare Jin / Akin Heart Rending Fest at the end of episode 6, and how Jin, who has been a magical unicorn of giving Akin what he needs all along, failed Akin.
I have A LOT of feelings. I wanted groveling. I wanted to see Jin feeling all the shock and horror of understanding what he did. Of how he stomped on Akin in his moment of greatest vulnerability, of how broken and wounded Akin was in the garage, and how Jin - the one person Akin NEEDED to love him and hold him and comfort him - shattered what was left of Akin. I wanted epic level groveling and amends making. I wanted Jin to metaphorically rip his own heart out of his chest and lay it at Akin's feet. After the opening of episode 7 I wanted blood to run in the streets for that man. I was ready to go vengeance demon for Akin.
But what I wanted, is the exact opposite of what Akin needed.
Jin's biggest failure in the series was how he got so caught up in his own feelings in episode 6, that he couldn't SEE Akin and therefor wasn't able to give Akin what he needed. In episode 7, he could have repeated that mistake. I do think Jin was remorseful. I think he -WOULD- have groveled, and would have spent the rest of his life trying to make it up to Akin. I think he would have delivered Johnny's (metaphorical) head on a platter. I think he would have burned down the theater and his career and raged in defense of Akin. That man has shown us, and Akin, repeatedly that he is in it for the long haul.
There is a great irony in that as much as I wanted a bigger and better apology, I think that Jin apologizing in that way would have been another way to fail Akin. Because the big apology would have been about Jin's feelings, about making himself feel better. But I think his true was redemption is that he was able to step out of his own feelings, and once again see Akin and what Akin needed.
Jin apologized, but Akin didn't want it and couldn't tolerate it. Akin didn't need Johnny's head. Akin didn't need Jin to set the world on fire in anger and vengeance. Akin didn't need an apology. It causes me great pain that despite all MY anger and rage, that Akin wasn't angry. Akin didn't blame Jin. Akin wasn't mad. Akin was heartbroken. Akin blamed himself. Akin was full of shame.
Jin gave Akin everything he needed. Jin gave Akin his body back- by giving him the knowledge that he had not been violated in the way he feared most.* Jin gave Akin his innocence back- by giving him the knowledge that he hadn't done anything wrong. Jin gave Akin his heart back - by giving him the knowledge that he was loved and cherished.
Major trigger warning under the break. We stopped the episode to post, so we haven't seen how this plays out yet. We will start vague, but spoilers ahead:
Starting around minute 18:00 - Non con. More details below if you want/need them.
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... intoxicated and unconscious graphic sexual assault, implied off screen rape.
This was my on-air happy place show. WE HAD LITTLE ANGEL WINGS AND ALL THE CUTE. I was not prepared. The whole -OMG TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING- scene that for spoiler reasons I am not detailing was bad enough. But the Akin guilt/shame and Jin/Jun (well wtf is hjs name bro, I am confused) not being in the headspace to hear him out and LEAVING Akin crying and broken as just too much. I needed this episode to be at least another 20+ minutes long and give me hope. IT DIDN’T. It left me with very unsettled and uncomfortable feelings and I had to watch the next episode preview which I don’t like to do because I needed to know if there might be a bandaid in the next episode or not.
Can someone please explain Sangmin Dinneaw to me? Because my bestie made me watch it, and I am still trying to figure out what I just watched. I mean…. We saw a flashback of baby Sangmin being beaten, his wounds, and a bloody teddy bear and then we have a barely fleshed out side character getting frisky with a CUCUMBER which he ended up eating and suddenly there is a murder plot and I really don’t understand why the cute also gay doctors said Sangmin remembered Dinneaw but also maybe he didn’t?
I think I could have been all in for some of this show, but right now I have a serious case of whiplash and I am very confused. Also I weirdly like Pony and WTF is with creepy horny let me sniff you sis turning into a sort of hero big sis?
Help me.
On a side note, I am so game to see Petch in something with a less confusing plot. Also Rossi and and Art because while I am not proud of having watched Love Syndrome III … more than once… I totally loved Art and Rossi as Gear and Night and really want to see them in something I can unashamedly rec to others. 🤣
I know this won’t happen because of next week’s preview but I would LOVE if Faifa and Wine got got together quietly on their own and one day Yotha and Gun and Arm and co are having one of their little patronising “how are we gonna get Faifa, this guy who is clearly terrible at love and desperately needs our help, to realise his feelings for Wine and make a move” chats because they do everything except for actually talk to Faifa and Faifa and Wine just rock up holding hands wearing those damn bracelets and are like, “oh hey” and then Wine gives Faifa a kiss goodbye as he leaves for class and Faifa is like love you babe and Yotha has his jaw on the floor because if he actually talked to his brother for one second he would realise Faifa was doing just goddamn fine in the romance department and maybe there was another area in his life that he needed his big brother’s help with
I need this story to wrap up in a way that gives a satisfying resolution, which includes the family acknowledging and a genuinely apologizing to Faifa for the ways they have hurt him. Otherwise even if we get a happy ending I will absolutely need some fix it fics to add in some extra details.
I am embracing all my petty and I want the family to WALLOW IN REGRET AND REMORSE for at least a few minutes before they go back to their happy lives.
I just need Faifa to be at the center of a family hug after they all acknowledge that they've hurt him and done him wrong and apologize and promise not to do it again.
I need them to acknowledge that leaving him alone at the airport without telling him anything for five hours was wrong and that he deserved to know and more than that they he deserves to be treated like he matters.
I need Gun to be annoyed at Yotha for leaving him there and for worrying more about Wine than about Faifa and for treating his brother badly even if he didn't mean to do it.
I need Wine to tell them off, to tell Faifa's brothers that they're hurting him and that he deserves better brothers and that they can be better brothers because they mean to be.
I want Wine at a family dinner glaring at everyone at the table while Faifa wears a fake smile and everyone wonders what's going on only to find out that he knows they never prioritize Faifa and that he cares.
I want Wine to be there when Faifa's mom offers him milk so he can get angry at her, so she can understand that what she's done and is doing is wrong to her son she claims to love.
I want Faifa to have the family he deserves, the one he's sacrificed so much for, from these brothers who claim to love him but never actually think of him.
(I want Faifa to cry in front of Yotha and Newton, to admit that he's hurt and he feels unloved and he feels like he doesn't matter so they can fully understand what they've done.)
For all that is sacred in this universe yes. Also, I know it’s sudden, I just fell in love with you. If I believed in marriage I would totally propose, but with a ring pop because I spent all my money on concert tickets. I’m still happy to supply the ring pop and not!propose if you want to get not!married- and we can adopt Faifa and be the family he deserves.
Ahem. I mean, I agree very strongly. I don’t even have much I can add because you said all of the things. At the end of it all I want them to know, to understand, to acknowledge, and to apologize. I want Faifa’s mask to crack for everyone to see, and for once to have them comfort and take care him so that he can truly know that his family believes he is worth taking care off too and his role isn’t just to take care of them. 😭
Aaaarg! I love Faifa so much. I want to line up his family and go down the line kicking them… a few times.
I do not get the sheer level of complete selfish cluelessness they have going on when it comes to him. What is it about Faifa that makes them just not give a fuck? They all say they love him, but they are so fucking WRONG about him and they just don’t care to bother paying attention.
Everyone knows Faifa is going to the airport and -NOBODY- called him? Mom can’t bother to call him directly to let him know. Dad doesn’t check in. Newton doesn’t check in. Yotha flat out says Newton probably told Faifa- and not a single person bothered to CONFIRM? Because I don’t even have to love someone to make sure they aren’t waiting at the airport for 5 hours. When it is communicated to me that plans have changed, one of the first things I ask is if everyone who will be impacted by the change has been notified. If nobody can confirm notification, I do it myself. Why is that difficult? Send a fucking text message. Mom should have done it, but honestly I don’t expect much from her at this point. But sure as hell 3 other people learned about the change in plans, communicated it with each other, and nobody bothered to think about Faifa? The ONLY person who even seemed to have a thought about Faifa was Gun, and while I understand why he didn’t follow up after Yotha’s assurance- I’m also annoyed because he is clearly not seeing what is in front of his face and not being even a fraction of the friend to Faifa that Faifa has been to him.
Thank the powers that be for Wine. Oh boo fucking hoo Yotha has CLEAR AND OBVIOUS trauma and went around getting into fights and being a dick because he felt abandoned by his mom. Only to find out that his mom really loved him - meanwhile Faifa was told in front of his whole god damned family that his mother cared so little about his feelings that she forced him to come with her when she knew he didn’t want to for her own selfish purposes. She then fucking abandoned him when he was no longer convenient. And she didn’t even apologize to him. No, she apologized to Yotha. But do we check in on Faifa? No. Do we even acknowledge how fucked everything has been for him? No. Do we try to reach out to him and let him know he is allowed to have feelings and take care of himself and ask for things and that doing that WON’T get him abandoned again? No. Why? Because we are selfish fucking asshats.
In just can’t with them. I hate them all. They are lucky Faifa is nicer than me. And that Wine is nicer than me. Because I swear to god if Faifa was real, and I had any role in his life, I’d be real fucking loud and vocal to the dumb fucks he has the misfortune of calling family.
Fuck you too Gun for being so caught up in your own self you can’t stand up for your friend. Faifa went toe to toe with his brother who he clearly fears will reject him and wants to have a relationship with for Gun. But Gun can’t even say “hey Yotha, maybe you could try to make an effort for Faifa instead of just making assumptions” especially given that he is wrong about Faifa all the fucking time.
“Fuck you too Gun for being so caught up in your own self you can’t stand up for your friend. Faifa went toe to toe with his brother who he clearly fears will reject him and wants to have a relationship with for Gun. But Gun…”
So this is actually a really interesting and telling thing in my opinion, because it highlights the real problem Faifa has and the one Wine notices.
Faifa truly gives everything for the people he cares about — and gives almost as much to everybody because he doesn’t want them to hurt (like he hurts).
But, like in reality, a lot of those “relationships” are situational and solely transactional. For example, of the 5-7 people Faifa frequently gives rides too, none of them would likely give him one in return — the people who he probably has cover coffee payments for, helped study, volunteered for, etc. would likely never do the same back. And some of these people might be great, they just aren’t seeing beyond Faifa’s facade.
Because unfortunately, in giving everything Faifa isn’t able to get anything back — partly because people don’t care to try but also because Faifa doesn’t try to get anything in return either.
Looping back to Gun — I don’t know Gun is naive enough to assume Fai is always okay or always happy, I do think that Gun assumes what might bother Fai is so minor he’s never needed assistance. Because that’s the perception he’s crafted — when he helped Gun, it was like a fully functioning adult aiding a fledgling. It was entirely one sided. It left no room for reciprocal communication.
And I don’t think everyone is blind to that fact. I think Yotha actually does see it BUT he assumes Faifa is more like him than he actually is — so he treats the knowledge as if he was looking into a mirror rather than at his brother.
In the end, I hope for some catharsis within the family. I want Yotha (in particular) to see what’s happening.
Because Faifa always saw Yotha, and sacrificed a lot for his brother’s happiness.
I don’t want to be emotionally mature and rational enough today for emotionally intelligent reasoning. 😭Fuck. Them. All. I want all those assholes to get metaphorically hit and bounced between cars Meet Joe Black style but on repeat.
Ugh, okay, if I put on my therapist hat, I agree with your points. People generally aren’t all good or all bad, hurt people hurt people, and trauma does a really good job at changing our filter/perspective in various ways.
I genuinely believe his family loves him. I genuinely believe they don’t want to hurt him, and if they had any idea of how much he was hurting and how they are contributing - that they would do something about it. I understand and believe that they are doing the best they can with the tools and information they have. AND, in the dialectical belief that two truths can coexist - I think they are absolutely failing him in multiple ways and that they are ENTIRELY to blame for how they are failing him.
I think the people in Faifa’s life are comfortable with how things are, and are not willing to look deeper or challenge their assumptions because it’s easier. I don’t think it’s a malicious choice, I don’t even think it’s necessarily a consciously intentional choice, but I think it’s a comfortable choice and I don’t think they want to question it too much. Is that most likely their own trauma? Yeah probably. But I think Faifa is worth being uncomfortable for.
I don’t think Gun is naive to the possibility of Faifa struggling, but he is comfortable allowing himself to sit in his assumption because it’s easier. He is happy in his relationship, and he would rather be able to enjoy it, than to ask the difficult questions or have conversations with Yotha that may be uncomfortable. I get this, if Faifa isn’t publicly falling apart- it’s easy enough to just not look too closely.
I also appreciate and think you are spot on about Yotha assuming Faifa is more like him. I just think that is a LAZY assumption on his part and wouldn’t stand up to much scrutiny if even superficially questioned. Faifa is so clearly -not- like Yotha in any way and has never been. Yotha wants to believe Faifa is more like him because it allows him to stay in his comfortable bubble. Yotha isn’t great at a lot of interpersonal stuff- he’s gotten better, and he’s developed skills with Gun, but he wouldn’t know how to support Faifa at all. So he would rather assume that Faifa is more like him than allow himself to consider the alternative.
Saying all of this, I circle back to the fact that I don’t think they are horrible people. I don’t think they want to hurt Faifa. And, right now, I’m here for Faifa. It doesn’t matter if they meant to hurt him, they did and are continuing to hurt him, and I just want them to see it.
As an anxious over thinker, my brain will not let me rest if I don’t add: I think you and I are very much on similar pages. I certainly hope I don’t come across as arguing or challenging, because I absolutely LOVE your take on this. I’m also having great big Faifa shaped feeling right now which is leading me to speak about them in great detail and length. 🤣
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