Bad Stargate Memes

I love Shitposting. Submit your stargate related shitposts. Anything from memes to bad imagines, let’s have a fun time. [My AO3]

[badstargateimagines]

Stargate Characters

Based on how I’d think they would be when they pay their property taxes.

Jack: He doesn’t want to be there but isn’t a dick about it. Uses the “I’m here to make my yearly donation to the city” line

Daniel: doesn’t think he’s a dick about it but lowkey is a bit of a contrarian diva about it. Not rude, but definitely the type of guy to say “y’know, it’s funny, I was looking at my bill-” before asking about every single area rate on it while holding a debit machine that is absolutely about to time out.

Sam: already knew what it was going to be in advance because she calculated it as soon as her assessment arrived. She pays with online banking without batting an eye.

Teal’c: indifferent about it. Pays and leaves. City accounts receivable loves him

Jonas: would not pay property tax even if he owned property because “what are they going to do? Take it?” Jonas would be on the tax sale list.

Janet: would point out the please don’t verbally abuse the staff sign and say “it’s so sad that you have to have that sign there. What is wrong with people?” and then pay her taxes. If anyone decided to prove to be the reason why there are anti-verbal abuse signs everywhere, she’d come to bat for the workers and yell at whoever is being mean

Vala: pays her property tax but robs a nearby bank to do so. Not because she has to, but because she wants to.

General Hammond: everyone at the office would think he was about to be mean but he would pleasantly surprise them by being the most polite person they’ve had all day. Pays in exact cash down to the penny and tells the clerk a story from his youth.

Apophis: gets his bill, goes to the office, crashes out, blood is shed, police are called, meetings are held, case studies performed, ends up changing government standard operating procedures specifically because of his monumental crash out. Would not pay taxes again because he would be in prison.

Rat bastard Meybourne: pays the tax bill in full on the last possible day. Pays entirely in pennies. Jack grudgingly respects him for it.

Rodney McKay: insanely pissed that this valuation cap got taken off while he was away on Atlantis and tells Jeanie never to pay his tax bill again. Tries to get time off of Atlantis specifically to go crash out on whatever government official he needs to crash out on to get the cap put back on. Hires a lawyer and everything. There’s a crisis on Atlantis, he forgets the whole thing and Jeanie just keeps paying his taxes

John Sheppard: forgets to pay his taxes every year and just has his bank deal with it as part of his mortgage now. Blissfully unaware of how much his tax bill is. Fully checked out, barely even remembers property taxes exist unless prompted. They’re covered that’s all he knows

[badstargateimagines]

Stargate Characters

As My Favourite Images

Jack:

Sam:

Teal’c:

Daniel:

Apophis:

General Hammond:

Janet:

Walter:

Jonas:

Vala:

[badstargateimagines]

Believe it or not I majored in Canadian politics for two years prior to pivoting to stargate memester, so I try to weasel in as much Canadiana as I reasonably can with these posts. The Shawinigan Handshake happens to be my absolute favourite image from Canadian politics barring maybe that picture of Stephen Harper where he looks like he’s choking the kitten

[badstargateimagines]

Stargate Characters as texts my family and friends have sent to each other

Jack:

Sam:

Teal’c:

Daniel:

Jonas:

Vala:

Janet:

General Hammond:

Cam:

Apophis:

[badstargateimagines]

Fuck it I’m adding this one too

Rodney and John:

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Stargate Characters as texts my family and friends have sent to each other

Jack:

Sam:

Teal’c:

Daniel:

Jonas:

Vala:

Janet:

General Hammond:

Cam:

Apophis:

[badstargateimagines]

I must merge my interests to post so here are the teams I think Stargate characters are rooting for in the Stanley Cup playoffs

Jack: Minnesota. That man is not going fishing there on nearly biweekly basis without having them as his favourite for the playoffs

Teal’c: in the absence of the superior warriors known as the Vancouver Canucks, he is rooting for the Colorado Avalanche due to proximity and a subtle yet powerful kinship with Nathan MacKinnon related to a similar form of mild autism. He and Jack have a friendly bet going about this next bracket.

Daniel: unaware that hockey is still going on. He’s only barely aware of any of it during the regular season but it’s May and “is that not done by now? What do you mean it’s going on until June?” Which he says every year.

Sam: Not watching men’s hockey unless it’s the Canadiens, otherwise she is heavily invested in the PWHL finals where she is rooting for the Ottawa Charge. She wants them to win so Br*dy Tk*chuk has to live with not only sharing an arena with a women’s hockey team, but also the knowledge that said women’s team can actually fucking win something

Janet: same boat as Sam except she’s rooting for the Victoire to watch Marie-Philip Poulin and Laura Stacey win and get their glorious married sapphic hands all over the Walter Cup

Jonas: Anaheim Ducks because he likes their name and he watches it with this kind of energy

Vala: was extremely excited to watch hockey after completing her watch of Heated Rivalry and really wanted to see Colorado and Pittsburgh in the finals due to SidNate brain rot. Crushed when she found out the NHL is actually just fucking homophobic and is now uninterested in hockey.

General Hammond: you’d think it would be Dallas however his indifference led to inadvertently becoming a Carolina fan due to his grand daughters loving Seth Jarvis.

Meybourne: Philadelphia Flyers due to a matched frequency of shit disturbing tendencies. Genuinely would not be surprised if he’s in the Gritty Costume.

Rodney: does not care about hockey until the playoffs. He’s embarrassed about it but he is a die-hard Toronto fan, assigned by his father at birth like most Canadians.

[autie-j]

Stargate AU where Vala comes across Daniel in season 7 when he de-ascended and has amnesia. And they have pirate adventures for the whole season. And SG1 only learns Daniel's alive when he and Vala steal the Prometheus in Prometheus Unbound

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Imagine

Stargate but it’s just General Hammond and a cast of muppets.

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As much as I hate to defend my post with a long winded essay, it is unfortunately time for me to tilt my hand and hint at my lore. That’s right, it’s time for

Bad Stargate Imagines explains the fundamental differences between puppet varieties

Critics of this post will tell you that Stargate has a muppet episode, specifically the vignette within episode 200. That is factually incorrect as those were marionettes, also known as string puppets as seen in Thunderbirds and Team America: World Police.

As you can see, these are very clearly puppets of the marionette variety. Due to the nature of the construction of these puppets, it’s incredibly difficult to make full-length productions with these as even changing the expression of the puppet requires the whole head to be swapped out. Trey Parker and Matt Stone both agreed that the production of Team America was the hardest thing they’d ever done for a very good reason. Even simple scenes would take days to film and require up to 4 operators per marionette. Not to mention the work involved in post if someone wants to remove the strings from the scene.

Conversely, Muppets is a term coined by Jim Henson to refer to his specific brand of puppets that are predominantly hand puppets with rods used to control the arms. Muppets, effectively, is a brand name, although it has become a bit of a catch all term for puppets that Look Like That. Muppets don’t require a different head to be put on them for different expressions.

Using Kermit as an example here, the head of the muppet is flexible to allow for the hand of the operator to create the desired expression. This is partially why so many of us look at Kermit and think of him as A Real Guy while the Tunderbirds look a little uncanny

As you can see, Vergil’s expression from one shot to the next is identical, it’s just the angle that we’re seeing it at is slightly different. It’s incredibly difficult to make a marionette seem real to a human being, however Miss Piggy on Wendy Williams is like yeah obviously that diva would be on Wendy Williams.

Effectively, puppet is an umbrella term for anything that a human can control and act out scenes with, and a muppet is a subdivision of a subdivision. So, in closing, my post still stands as a bad Stargate imagine because the show DID NOT have Muppets in it, it had marionettes which is basically like a distant cousin of a muppet, like first cousin twice removed or something.

TL;DR: muppets =/= marionettes but both are legally considered puppets

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

Stargate but it’s just General Hammond and a cast of muppets.

[brigitoshaughnessy]

Yes, I would still watch this.

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Im realizing that my post was unclear. I was thinking more along these lines (cast subject to change)

My dad and I have been in discussion about the cast but we have not yet come to an agreement so this is more to get my idea across. I literally mean The Muppets Do Cheyenne Mountain

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

Stargate but it’s just General Hammond and a cast of muppets.

[badstargateimagines]

Stargate Characters and if they would or would not own a Labubu

Jack: he would not willingly own a Labubu however if he was given a Labubu by someone he cares about he would keep the Labubu however I do not think that he would like the Labubu and would keep it out of his direct eye line. I think he would feel some level of fear towards Labubus

Sam: she thinks Labubus are stupid wastes of money but bought one for Cassandra anyway because Janet wouldn’t buy one for her

Daniel: begrudgingly owns one, it was not his choice (it was Vala’s)

Teal’c: owns an off brand Labubu called a Lafufu, is very happy to own a Lafufu. He bought it on impulse because he thought it was neat and doesn’t even realize it was a trend. Occasionally looks at it and smiles fondly at it. No one may talk badly about his little friend.

Janet: outright refuses to engage with anyone about Labubus. She is sick of even hearing the word because it has been Cassandra’s brain rot verbal stim for three months.

Jonas: proud Labubu owner but only one and he cherishes it. He is thrilled to own one and built it a little bed for his night stand out of a cardboard box. It is a stand in for a pet golden retriever at the moment but that’s okay.

Vala: She has 37 Labubus and would fight people in the street for a Labubu that she wants. She will acquire Labubus through any means necessary. She makes Daniel have one at all times.

General Hammond: does not own a Labubu however fought tooth and nail to get Labubus for his grand daughters.

Apophis: has the one and only 24 karat gold Labubu and makes people kiss it like a mob boss makes people kiss his ring.

Meybourne: stole the one and only 24 karat gold Labubu from Apophis and is now an interstellar fugitive.

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

The Bitch Is Back by Elton John playing every time someone uses a sarcophagus

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Imagine

Playing two truths and a lie with SG-1 as a normal fucking person and trying to figure out which of the following is a lie:

1. Daniel has died 5 times

2. An alien race has a ship named after Jack

3. Sam blew up an entire galaxy

And the answer, you find out, is number one because Daniel, the man sitting right in front of you, drunk off of two Miller Lites, hasn’t died 5 times but in fact has died 9 times

[badstargateimagines]

Fuck, yeah sorry gang she blew up a sun lol post cancelled

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

Playing two truths and a lie with SG-1 as a normal fucking person and trying to figure out which of the following is a lie:

1. Daniel has died 5 times

2. An alien race has a ship named after Jack

3. Sam blew up an entire galaxy

And the answer, you find out, is number one because Daniel, the man sitting right in front of you, drunk off of two Miller Lites, hasn’t died 5 times but in fact has died 9 times

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

Carson taking Teyla to the mainland for a few hours and coming back to find that everyone is acting like they’re on acid. He and Teyla rush into action trying to treat everyone and eventually find out that they inadvertently cooked a bunch of hallucinogenic carrots and they just have to wait this out for a bit. Downside, there is a diplomatic meeting with several alien races happening in an hour and both Sheppard and Weir are peaking on Crazy Carrot. Teyla will be fine in this meeting, however Carson is stressed, angry, and wants to return to Scotland more than ever.

The meeting surprisingly goes extremely well and once everyone comes down from Crazy Carrot High and finds out how well Carson did negotiating in the meeting from Teyla, it’s decided that Carson should be present as a negotiator in all subsequent diplomatic meetings. He hates this news. This is the second worst thing to happen to him (the worst was coming to Atlantis in the first place). He’s a doctor, not a diplomat, dammit.

[malcolm-reeds-pineapple]

Weird SGA pictures I’ve found in my travels today

And what I think of them

This looks like a dad who has woken up on a Saturday morning and is now sitting across from a very hungover teenager who was out last night ‘playing video games’ at a friend’s house and now dad’s not sure how to approach the topic (he’s considering calling mom in for this one) 8/10

These are brothers who got gifted matching outfits by grandma and a PlayStation 3 for Christmas and mum just made them pose for a picture after they were just in the rec room hearing slurs they never knew existed in the COD lobby. They are shaken however will not elaborate on why for fear of losing the PlayStation hours after receiving it. 9/10

Sheppard gets Weekend At Bernie’s’d following the success of the Groundhog Day episode of SG-1. The writers are nothing if not original. 11/10

The LinkedIn picture for the Old Money guy you met in your first year economics class whose dad bribed admissions to get his son into Yale who took 7 years to get a bachelor’s degree in finance. He has a high up position in his dad’s oil company that’s been in the family for generations. Deeply invested in crypto, says he knows how to invest but actually has his money controlled by his dad’s accountants. Thinks milk costs like 2 dollars or something. Thinks poor people should just get jobs because “he didn’t have it easy either”. 2/10 this picture gives my psychic damage.

John Sheppard, pictured here posing for a glamour shot for his bisexual barista she/they partner who is trying to improve her portfolio now that she’s feeling like she wants to get back into photography. John is very supportive and loves them very much. 11/10

This weirdly airbrushed promo for what I can only imagine is a bizarre early 2000s reality show that only got one season in which one ruggedly handsome bisexual man goes on an expedition to the middle of nowhere and gets 50,000$ for every person he doesn’t fuck. He goes home with 0$ in prize money. 10/10

A person who got randomly inspired to clean their room at 1am on the floor at 4am surrounded by clean clothes trying to comprehend a YouTube tutorial for the optimal way to fold shirts so they can all fit in the dresser. 6/10

Dad whose son mentioned having an interest in learning how to golf excited to explain the practical use of a 9 iron in the middle of finding out that his son meant he had an interest in Mario Golf of the Nintendo Switch. 10/10

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

The Resident Aliens get ahold of the Songs that get the white people turnt playlist and Jonas and Vala have the idea to find out what is the most Tau’ri song in existence. They all throw a big party with free booze and play the songs that get white people turnt playlist and watch the reactions.

Teal’c takes it very seriously and goes around with a clipboard noting all of the reactions to the songs. Jonas starts that way, but goes off to join the party every couple songs. Vala immediately forgets she’s doing a study as soon as SOS by Rhianna comes on.

No one really knows why they’re taking notes, they’re just happy for the free booze. They determine that the most Tau’ri songs that make all the Tau’ri go fucking crazy are:

-Party Rock Anthem

-Mr Brightside

-Wonderwall

-Bonfire

-Margaritaville

-Our Song

-Superstition

-Sweet Caroline

-Boom Boom Boom Boom

And tied for number one are:

Piano Man and Mr Blue Sky.

[badstargateimagines]

Filling this under sleep debt posts I don’t remember making

[badstargateimagines]

Imagine

The Resident Aliens get ahold of the Songs that get the white people turnt playlist and Jonas and Vala have the idea to find out what is the most Tau’ri song in existence. They all throw a big party with free booze and play the songs that get white people turnt playlist and watch the reactions.

Teal’c takes it very seriously and goes around with a clipboard noting all of the reactions to the songs. Jonas starts that way, but goes off to join the party every couple songs. Vala immediately forgets she’s doing a study as soon as SOS by Rhianna comes on.

No one really knows why they’re taking notes, they’re just happy for the free booze. They determine that the most Tau’ri songs that make all the Tau’ri go fucking crazy are:

-Party Rock Anthem

-Mr Brightside

-Wonderwall

-Bonfire

-Margaritaville

-Our Song

-Superstition

-Sweet Caroline

-Boom Boom Boom Boom

And tied for number one are:

Piano Man and Mr Blue Sky.