no one out pizzas the hut

try it, papa john. try it.

[dishevelledghost-deactivated202]

happy pride month to those with ambiguous sexualities and loose morals

[headspace-hotel]

My version of "doomscrolling" nowadays is just going to iNaturalist, browsing pictures of animals and fantasizing about where I would introduce them outside of their natural range if I was some kind of ecology-focused evil scientist. I do this when I'm depressed. I don't know if it helps.

[i-love-hyenas]

Bring hyena to Texas put Texas in hyena paws humans can trust Texas to hyena pack yesss

[headspace-hotel]

How could I disagree with such a trustworthy source

[chekhovs-raygun]

animals i really want to introduce to the USA:

-red pandas in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio. they can live in those you-pick orchards and delight tourists, and in the winter the big ones can be harvested by the farmers for food and fur. america also has native bamboo, as well as plenty of escaped invasives.

-koalas in southern california. we already have a lot of feral eucalpytus in the state and it makes our wildfires way worse. let's put koalas in there too. coyotes can hunt them like dingos do.

-cheetahs in colorodo, wyoming, nebraska, and oklahoma. we had cheetahs here once, that's why pronghorns are so fast. let's give them something to really haul ass about.

-spotted hyenas in texas and new mexico. did you know there's actually a shit ton of oryx already roaming around new mexico? they were brought in for a game preserve. oryx can fight off lions, but spotted hyenas are actually superior pack hunters with some of the highest kill rates of large cooperative predators in the world. we might have a problem with ranchers, but like: fuck ranchers. they already decimated the mexican wolf populations. they deserve hyenas.

-pangolins. i would drop these guys in arizona honestly. everyone in arizona hates and fears fire ants. i think entire neighborhoods would throw ecstatic parades for pangolins (which smell much better than giant anteaters) at least until a pangolin dug straight through their pasteboard condo.

-new zealand's little penguin in louisiana. they burrow into mud and sand banks during the day and tolerate quite hot temperatures! i think they'd do fine, and louisiana is sliding into the gulf anyway. let's have penguins there. i'd also try them out in new england in case lousiana is just too swampy for them. i feel like new yorkers would go insane with pride over having penguins around. they would act like they invented the whole concept of penguins. we should let them.

-water buffalo. georgia and the carolinas. i just think it would give everyone there some interesting new problems.

-i firmly believe that asiatic elephants would do great in the southeastern united states. it's a subtropical climate that's only going to get swampier as things heat up, and there's plenty of kudzu and tall grass species for them to munch on. they're also smart enough to learn to navigate and negotiate with people, and to follow set routes around human farms rather than tromp through them, so disruption to existing human infrastructure would be minimal but occasionally hilarious. i think it would be so cool to have an american subspecies of elephant. if i ever win the lottery this IS what i am going to be doing with my millions.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Animals I would introduce to each continent:

Europe: Wombat

We've had enough of your fucking rabbits and foxes. Here, have a huge badger type thing that can destroy cars with its arse. It'll outcompete your badgers and where will you be then. Haha.

Asia: Wombat

We've had enough of Indian camels ruining our deserts. Here's something to ruin your terrain for a change.

North America: Wombat

We've had enough of United States tourists with no manners. Here's some tourists with even less manners.

South America: Wombat

WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKING CANE TOADS. WOMBATS FOR YOU.

Africa: Wombat

The feral ostriches aren't actually all that much of a problem right now, but in revenge for the problem they will probably become in the future, have some fucking wombats.

Antarctica: Wombat

I'll take it right back home and warm it up I promise I. I just really want to see a wombat walk and dig in the snow.

Australia: Wombat

The populations of all three species of wombat are dangerously low.

[mythmagicetc]

oh you love me? name 97 of my trials and tribulations

[littlegreen]

you’re reading thirst tweets. bobby is being held hostage by the US military while they run unethical experiments on his rat diseased body. and you’re reading thirst tweets on buzzfeed.

[pollsforpondering]

I Am A Gummy Bear

Smash

Pass

Voting ended onDec 20, 2024

[fraseris]

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

[chaosintended]

[hotshotsxyz]

tumblr is gonna love KAOS it's got all the things we like

jeff goldblum

billie piper

greek mythology

including orpheus and eurydice

a banging soundtrack

bisexuality

[halles-comet]

this is the greatest modern greek myth adaptation i've ever seen and yes i'm including percy jackson

[208tinyhorses]

Most english orthographic reforms fail because they're trying to make the language better when they should be making it worse. In pursuit of that idea, starting in fall 2024 we're adding six new letters to make reading harder.

1. Reverse P

Completing the b-d-p rotational cycle and causing confusing with g and q (the hook on the q is now mandatory).

2. Lower i

Uppercase is a lowercase i and lowercase is an even lower i.

3. Left bracket

For it's hard work over the years, [ is being promoted to the alphabet proper. Lower case is a reverse h. Fuck right bracket.

4. Long M

Just like a regular M but two of the legs keep going. Long M is a vowel in all cases that Y isn't.

5. Reverse X

Like X but in reverse. To tell the difference we're adding these little curls to X, so regular X now looks like this

6. Reverse F

Uppercase is a reverse F, lowercase is an upside down v. Fuck you is why.

[lesbianboyfriend]

the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use the worst part is everything else

[deathtofun]

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

[regularlesbian]

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

[leolaroot]

"dont smoke around your pets" okay well i dont even smoke im asthmatic. my dog smokes bc she needs to fucking chill sometimes and Yeah i light them for her Obviously bc she cant use a lighter. i dont get anyrhing out of this arrangment and i resent the implication. in fact shes giving ME secondhand smoke. so my question is why are you so hateful and jugemental and acting like an asshole to me making presumptions and shit about my life.

[ivanoyva]

What. What. What. What.

[leolaroot]

im gonna pop some.tag

[hellsitegenetics]

String identified: "t a t" a t atatc. g c t cg c t a a gt t c cat a gt. t gt ag t t aagt a t t cat. act gg ca . t a at a gta a actg a a t ag t a t at . at. at. at. at. ga .tag

Closest match: Falco punctatus genome assembly, chromosome: 8 Common name: Mauritius kestrel

(image source)

[epilepticsaints]

[dyingroses]

Some Hawkeye Pierce + text posts and tweets

[baldnt]

holy hell i found him y’all. he is indeed in rural Virginia.

[feminempreg]

This one I found on r/funny