Carol's desperation in the scene where she suggests staying with Koumba. She doesn't like this guy, but is so lonely that she'd do anything for his company. But there's no room for her (a person with independent thought that doesn't center on pleasing him) for Carol in Koumba's world. He's here for a fantasy, and Carol isn't part of it. Can't be as long as she has a mind of her own.
So what can Carol do to recover her pride but play it off as a joke? Just like how before the Joining, she played it off like she hated her fans while she actually craved their validation.
It's all the same song and dance. Jokes to hide her craving for connection. Loneliness. An inability to connect despite her good intentions. Her attempts result in nothing but pain- usually hers.
She can be on the outskirts, having conversations either filled with nicety or confrontation depending on the person. She can see that the survivors have a groupchat, but will never be part of it. She can enter Koumba's hotel as a guest, but nothing more.
It's so painful. She's aching for human connection, but the only humans left who can be called such want nothing to do with her. They understand human connection instinctively and can find it with each other, and are even okay with the fake version of the hivemind that's built on lies and fantasy and a code Carol neither understands nor wants. She will never have that.
SHIT. That's just it, isn't it? Not only is the hivemind a queer horror story, but it's also like... the perfect encapsulation of the neurodivergent experience. You can be liked, or you can be yourself, but not both. You can get a facsimile if you you mask well enough, if you pretend well enough, but that's entirely conditional on hiding your true self.
Welp, as a queer autistic person I gotta go unpack some more things
