ʙᴀᴍʙɪꜱᴍᴏᴏɴ @bambismoon - Tumblr Blog

apocalypse - two undergroundboxer!kuna x reader [soulmate au]

warnings [mdni] - angst | sad chapter | mainly reader focused | not much tbh

wc - 8.5k

series masterlist

∞

the days blurred together after the night you met your soulmate.

at some point, winter fell into spring and the cold was officially gone.

you only knew that because the hydrangea outside your balcony had finally bloomed after many mornings you had spent watching and waiting.

everything else looked relatively the exact same. morning sunlight still spilled across your spacious bedroom in soft golden rectangles. ani still slimbed into your bed every morning at precisely eight, curling against your ribs until you reluctantly reached over to scratch behind his ears sleepily.

the city kept moving but you simply couldn’t.

something had changed within you.

you slept more or maybe you just spent more time laying in bed with your eyes closed, because sleep rarely came anymore and it wasn’t because of he who shall not be named. it was simply because your body refused to rest and whenever it did, it was shallow enough that the bond never really let you forget him.

sometimes he’d be awake before dawn, most times he didn't sleep at all. sometimes he’d train until your shoulders ached and sometimes his nightmares crawled beneath your skin just before sunrise.

so, all seems to be well in his world, not much has changed.

the only difference is that you didn’t soothe him anymore.

for years, you’d spent your time doing little things without thinking, the purest intentions nudged forward by the sheer hope that your soulmate wasn’t all bad. gone were the mornings you’d spend stretching, the coloring books you’d purchased to calm him sat untouched on your desk in the study room and you didn’t spend nights hugging yourself to sleep.

it wasn’t even out of spite, at least not entirely. you simply couldn’t bear the thought of taking care of someone who had looked you in the eye and told you that there was no us.

after everything you had done for him.

there is no us.

his voice echoed while brushing your teeth, while making coffee and when you sat your pharmacology exam.

there is no us.

the cruelest part was that your body still betrayed you.

every friday night, anxiety settled beneath your ribs before sunset.

every saturday morning, you woke with bruises blooming beneath your skin that didn’t belong to you.

your soulmate still existed. he still fought and bled and despite everything, some pathetic part of you remained attentive to it, just enough to make sure he was alive.

you hated yourself for that most of all because hope was a difficult thing to kill, especially after you spent years nurturing that very hope.

but you could feel the hope within you die slowly, one disappointment at a time.

“she’s doing it again.”

you blinked slowly as shoko’s voice drifted into focus from somewhere across your apartment.

“hmm?” you hummed as you looked up at the girls who were standing before you in your living room, arms crossed.

“you’ve been staring at nothing for the past ten minutes…” utahime chimed in lowly, “kinda like you have been the last few weeks. ever since that night.”

neither of them asked what happened that night anymore, not because they weren’t curious. after you had remained silent the first ten times they asked, they decided that you would tell them on your own time.

but they had seen enough. they knew ryomen sukuna was something to you and utahime had very quickly concluded that the underground fighter was your soulmate.

they found you at home with swollen eyes and mascara halfway down your cheeks and they knew something inside you had gone frighteningly quiet since.

“i was thinking we’d go shopping today?” shoko questioned, eyes wide and hopeful, a grin stretching her cheeks as she rocked back and forth on her feet.

you had barely left the apartment as of late and your friends were growing extremely concerned, especially at the lack of shopping bags lining your door, as they did every spring sale.

you smiled gently, eyes drowned in grief, “maybe another day, m’feeling tired.”

the girls both shared a look, exchanging glances that spoke volumes, pupils lined with worry and apprehension alike.

you weren’t tired, you were grieving.

you weren’t even grieving a relationship or a man, you were grieving every version of your future you’d quietly built over seven years. the one where fate had known what it was doing, the one where your soulmate looked at you the way the men in your favorite romcoms do.

you had hoped those years of turmoil and sleepless nights meant something, that it would lead to something that would make it all worth it.

truly, the only thing you could think of to describe what you were going through was bella swan in new moon. that one scene that practically shaped your childhood in which she was grieving edward through the seasons, the depression pulling her deeper with each month that passed.

except, you didn’t have edward cullen who’d devoted himself to bella.

instead, fate had given you ryomen sukuna.

a man who had spent years implicitly convincing you he was impossible to love only for you to discover he’d been right.

∞

ryomen sukuna knew anger better than anyone.

he knew the way the emotion would sneak up on him, the way it grasped at his lungs until he shook with it and most of all, he knew how to use it.

that was one of the first things toji ever learned about him.

when he was sixteen, the anger made him reckless and at twenty-three, that same anger made him dangerous.

except, toji didn’r recognize this.

this wasn’t anger, it was something much worse, almost like self-loathing.

the heavy bag lurched violently beneath another punch, then another and another. over and over again. as if sukuna was aiming to hurt himself.

“sukuna.”

sukuna ignored the man, his fist colliding with the bag hard enough that something inside his hand shifted unpleasantly.

it didn't matter, though. nothing did. so he punched it again.

“you’re gonna break your fuckin’ hand, kid.”

sukuna stopped then, chest heaving as he catched his breath. sweat trailed down his chest, shimmering against his tattooed skin till it caught on the fabric of his waistband.

the gym was quiet, not unusual for a tuesday afternoon. most fighters didn’t bother training until evening, leaving only the rhythmic squeak of trainers against worn canvas and the dull thud of sukuna’s fists against the bag echoing through the room.

usually, sukuna liked the silence but lately, he despised it.

the silence only made her louder.

he still felt her, fucking everywhere, every goddamn day.

except she had changed, fundamentally so. before meeting her, the bond had been easy to ignore, to push aside and dismiss as a hindrance more than anything else.

his soulmate was merely an idea, a voice without a face and warmth without eyes.

now? now she was this pretty fiery thing with a pair of doe eyes that he saw everytime he closed his own. fuck, she was the prettiest goddamn thing he’d ever seen and he wished fate wasn’t so cruel to give him a dream when he was a fucking nightmare.

he couldn’t escape her anymore.

“enough.” toji’s voice cut cleanly through the gym as sukuna began punching once more at the mere memory of her devastating features.

toji walked over, caught the heavy bag with one hand and held it perfectly still, muscles straining against his compression shirt.

sukuna glared at the motion, “move.”

“fuck off, ya little shit,” toji scoffed, moving to shove sukuna back and away from the bag and he could see the pink-haired fighter’s nostrils flare in irritation, “get yourself together, you have a fight today, you don’t wear yourself out.”

sukuna merely breathed heavily, eyes deep and almost wounded, cheeks flushed with exertion as toji glared right back.

“you look a fuckin’ mess.” toji muttered with a scoff, taking a hold of the cigarette that rested behind his ear, lighting it quickly before resting it against his pink lips, “your girl?”

sukuna’s jaw clenched at his words as he bit at the velcro strap on his right glove, allowing it to tumble onto the ground before ripping the other one off.

only then did he collapse on the floor of the ring, chest heaving as the adrenaline began washing away, quickly replaced with utter detestation.

not for her, not even for toji but for him. he fucking despised himself.

his eyes were trained on the stained ceilings as the words left him, “she fuckin’ hates me.”

toji remained silent for a moment, taking a drag of his smoke before shrugging, “did you expect any less? you made her life fuckin’ miserable.”

sukuna ddin’t even feel the anger coursing through him at his words because there was none. he was right. toji was completely correct.

she had every fucking right to hate him, hell, isn’t that what he wanted anyways?

he just didn’t expect it to be such a hard pill to swallow, his soulmate hating him.

“that why you’ve been distracted?”

toji’s question made sukuna scoff instantly, eyes shifting to glance at the black haired man.

“distracted?” sukuna scoffed, “i won every fuckin’ fight like i always fuckin’ do.”

toji scoffed, taking another drag, “you’ve taken more hits this month than you have the last two years.”

sukuna’s jaw clenched because toji was right.

“you missed asahi’s left hook last week.” toji continued, voice monotonous and emotionless to anyone that didn’t know him.

but sukuna recognized the edge in his voice and it irked him, “it was a good move-”

toji scoffed instantly, “it was predictable as fuck and you know it. that’s a hit you could dodge with your fuckin’ eyes shut, don’t play with me, asshole.”

toji scoffed, shaking his head as he turned away, walking towards the ropes.

sukuna’s eyes remained on the ceiling, chest clenching in a way he wasn’t used to, a weight that was new or one he’d never noticed before.

and he wasn’t sure why his mouth opened to toji of all people but he did.

“she stopped calmin’ me down.”

toji paused before turning to gaze down at the man whose crimson gaze remained fixed on the crack in the ceiling that toji vowed to fix years ago.

“the nightmares are bad again…and i’m so damn angry all the fuckin’ time…” sukuna’s mouth spoke before he could stop it, “i knew she was takin’ care of me, i just didn’t think-”

he paused then, jaw clenching and nostrils flaring as toji allowed a small sigh to leave his lips.

sympathy wrapped around him at the sight of the young man grieving something he never even wanted. a part of him knew it was sukuna’s fault and sukuna’s fault alone.

the other part of him, the part that had taken the angry sixteen year old under his wing, knew that sukuna didn’t know better. he wasn’t taught better.

all he knew was pain and violence so what would calloused hands do with something so soft and fragile like a soulmate? he was bound to break it.

toji knew this was something sukuna had to do alone, it was growth that he would be forced to go through because toji knew how helpless one could be without their soulmate. and now that the two had met, there was no going back for sukuna and he would soon learn that for himself.

“if you can’t go a day without thinkin’ of her, maybe you’re not meant to be apart…” toji stated lowly in a rare show of wisdom before bringing the smoke to his lips, “tonight, you’re goin’ against gojo again. you know how he is with his elbow, i expect you to fuckin’ see it comin’ this time.”

with that, toji turned and jumped down from the ropes towards his back office, leaving sukuna to mull over the older man’s words.

not meant to be apart?

well, sure, they were soulmates, they were meant to be inseparable. but fate had made a mistake with him by tying an angel to him.

what the fuck did she do to deserve him?

after their meeting, he couldn’t even stomach the sight of another girl.

the others didn’t have her eyes, the mole by her collarbone, the plushness of her pretty lips.

they were all kinds of wrong.

she used to stretch every morning. he remembered because his own muscles always felt strangely light even after a brutal session.

his nightmares also became less frequent around the same time she’d started university.

reading, coloring, coffee, music, warm blankets.

she was all those little things, thousands of miniscule details that he’d never asked for but needed more than anything.

they were things she’d never stopped doing, warmth she never stopped carrying…until now.

slowly, sukuna flexed his aching fingers with a low grimace. everything fucking hurt.

not because he trained harder but because she’d finally let him carry the weight alone.

just like he’d asked her to.

∞

shoko had started letting herself into your apartment way more often.

not because she lacked manners but because you had stopped regularly answering your phone.

she simply had no choice and your spare key that was usually left in the vase by the door was now in her possession.

you heard the front door open somewhere beyond your bedroom, followed by familiar footsteps echoing softly against the marble floors.

“morning, anikan!” shoko’s voice softly greeted the fluffy brown cat guarding your door like a doberman. a sleepy meow followedbefore your bedroom door practically slammed against your wall.

“absolutely not.”

you cracked one eye open.

shoko stood in your doorway, already dressed for her literature lecture in an oversized brown leather jacket and jean shorts.

she narrowed her eyes at your body burrowed beneath egyptian cotton, wide eyes peaking from beneath the duvet before glancing at the blackout curtains.

“dude, it is eleven thirty.” shoko stated, arms crossing as she walked further into your room, socked feet padding against the carpeted floors before stopping at the edge of your bed, “didn’t you have a lecture at nine? you’ve missed a million fucking lectures!”

“i’m caught up.” you groaned into your pillow, pulling your pink throw blanket against your chest, as if it would shield you from her judgmental gaze.

“you watch recordings in bed.”

you shrugged, “yeah, they’re fucking recorded for a reason.”

shoko stared at you for a long beat before her eyes shut, letting out a sigh as if she was mustering up all the patience known to man, “i never thought i’d say this, but i miss your neurotic self when your priority was your damn routine.”

you felt your heart clench gently. you knew she meant well but her words had stung because no one missed yourself more than you.

you missed your discipline, your inability to stay at home all day, your daily walks and the way you looked forward to writing your stupid notes.

dread filled you at the mere thought of leaving the comfort of your penthouse.

you swallowed the lump in your throat, “sorry to disappoint, sho.”

shoko instantly sighed, moving forward to sit at the edge of your bed, hand resting against your waist above the blankets, “what happened? what happened to you? where’d you go?”

the gentleness in her voice almost made you cry, eyes blurring with tears as a lump grew in your throat once more.

you attempted to blink them away but all that did was make it trickle down your hollowed out cheeks, “i don’t feel like myself anymore.”

silence filled the room for a moment as you closed your eyes and buried your face into the blanket.

then shoko’s hand moved up your back between your shoulder blades before moving back down in comforting and warm caresses.

“you don’t have to feel like yourself today,” shoko stated quietly, “you can just pretend, yeah? eventually she’ll come back. come to class with me then we’ll get matcha from that place downtown that you love.”

you felt the knot in your chest loosen just a bit before you peaked up at her from beneath the duvet, red rimmed eyes and all, “the one in chinatown?”

shoko grinned gently, fingers pushing back the strand of hair on your forehead to behind your ear, “yup. they have a new strawberry one for spring.”

shoko’s chest tightened at the way your eyes lit up just the slightest bit, finally shifting the blankes to below your chin, “i know that you’re bribing me but that sounds super good.”

shoko smiled softly, “mhm. they even have this pink cold foam.”

you groaned, “okay, i’m up. give me twenty.”

∞

fourty minutes later, you found yourself walking across campus with your hands crossed against your chest, adorned in a mini slip skirt and a quarter sleeve shirt, feet adorned in a pair of designer flipflops. your face was bare, dark circles beneath your eyes that were hidden behind expensive dark sunglasses, your tote against your side.

the humanities building sat on the opposite side of the university from the science building and you’d never really had a reason to come here besides occasionally dropping shoko or hime off.

it was definitely an older building, tall stained glass windows caught the late morning sun, spilling ribbons of amber across worn wooden floors. shelves upon shelves lined the corridor, overflowing with books and students sat scattered across window seats with books in hand, reading quietly.

you frowned slightly, “this building is so pretty, why is the science one so boring?”

shoko looked entirely too pleased as she smiled, “i told you, it looks like hogwarts.”

by the time you reached the lecture theatre, most seats had already filled up.

“i’ve never seen a lecture so full.” you stated as shoko sat at the very front row, pulling out her ipad as you sat beside her.

“oh, you’ll know why soon.” she giggled softly, turning her ipad on as you furrowed your brows at her ominous words.

just as your mouth parted to question her further a man stepped through the doorway carrying a leather satchel and a ceramic coffee cup.

your eyes followed the man, tall and broad-shouldered, impeccably dressed in a charcoal suit. his blonde hair was neatly styled, reading glasses resting low against the bridge of his nose as he set his coffee carefully on the desk.

he was both extremely attractive and young for a literature professor.

“ugh, he’s so yummy.” shoko shook her head, eyes fixated on the man as her apple pen rested between her teeth.

your eyes furrowed, “does percy know you drool over your literature professor.”

shoko turned to you with a small grin, “mhmm. he joins me sometimes.”

you scoffed with a small giggle as she shook her head once more.

“he’s gorgeous…” shoko sighed dreamily, “professor kento nanami, what a fucking man.”

your eyes turned to him once more, heart stilling when you noticed his gaze already fixated on you. was he mad that you were here when you weren’t in his class?

then he offered a small smile, one that washed away your worries, replacing it with relief. you met his eyes as you offered a polite one of your own.

then you felt it, the subtle creeping of anger, hot and wild, beneath your ribs. fuck, this really wasn’t the time.

your eyes shut momentarily, willing yourself-him-to calm down, simply for your own peace and not his. your thumb momentarily brushed against your knuckles, soft but achingly warm.

professor nanami began speaking then, greeting the class before offering a short briefing about the learning objectives for the lecture.

your eyes were still closed, feeling the anger ever so slowly wash away.

“devils dick?” shoko whispered gently as you merely nodded once, eyes opening once more when the overwhelming sensation dissolved into nothing more than indifference.

“m’fine.” you stated once before shoko merely nodded, sensing your reluctance to speak about it before you both looked back at professor nanami.

he was speaking about symbolism in nineteenth century literature with a calm intellect that somehow made an entire lecture room lean forward to grasp onto every word.

you knew part of it was his achingly handsome features, but his teaching was truly interesting.

“you know he’s a non-existent?” shoko mentioned as your brows furrowed just a bit.

he had no soulmate? it was a bit poetic. the man who read and taught love sonnets and poems would never know the feeling of being tied to one person. of fate choosing someone that was supposed to make you whole, to fit the pieces of you that you didn’t know were missing.

“lucky bastard.” you huffed out, leaning back and crossing your arms as shoko snorted gently.

you believed non-existents were the lucky ones, not the ones with soulmates. because non-existents had the privilege of choice, the ability to love someone intentionally.

that was far more romantic, in your opinion. they weren’t stripped of the choice and forced into obligation. they were free.

six weeks ago, you would’ve pitied him and now, you envied him.

no phantom bruises, no sleepless nights, no wondering whether fate had ruined your life before you’d even lived it.

a type of peace you’d forever grieve.

you looked back towards the front of the room and for the first time in weeks, you wondered what that might feel like.

at that exact moment, professor nanami looked up, hazel eyes meeting yours for a moment, faltering gently before moving on.

he was all professional and brief, but something about his expression lingered and you weren’t sure if you liked it.

the hour lecture had passed relatively quickly, possibly because it was actually interesting.

It was nice. not life-changing but interesting enough to pull you from the fog you’d been living in.

the shopping district buzzed around you, people weaving between boutiques with paper bags swinging from their wrists while the sun beat down on the pavement.

somehow, your little matcha outing had turned into a full shopping spree, courtesy of solely you.

shoko held two shopping bags in each hand, huffing as you made your way out of another boutique, your own hands full of bags as well.

“you did not need another pair of ballet flats!” shoko huffed out as you glanced at her through your dark sunglasses, smiling gently.

“no, i didn’t,” you flipped your hair over your shoulder with a flick of your head, “i wanted it. plus, it was on sale so it was practically free!”

shoko groaned as you began walking down the pavement once more, your eyes already searching for the next place you would inflict damage upon your father’s black card in your bag, “it was still like five hundred bucks!”

you merely shrugged with a giggle at her glare.

for the first time in weeks, the conversation felt easy. not effortless but easier. you were making a very active effort not to think about the reason why your wrist was aching just a bit.

as you both rounded another corner, the familiar green logo across the street caught your eye and you slowed instinctively, “i want a pau chocolate.”

shoko stopped in her tracks, looking up at the bakery before nodding frantically, “yes, please! i need fucking fuel, my feet hurt!”

you rolled your eyes before making your way into the trendy little bakery, daniel caesar playing softly from the speakers as shoko immediately took a seat, shopping bags at her feet.

you laughed gently as she huffed before her screen lit up with an incoming call and you knew who it was from the small smile painting her lips when she caught sight of the name.

“it’s perc. i should take this.”

you rolled your eyes affectionately, “gross.”

shoko grinned, “whatever. i only spoke to him twice today, couldn’t even say goodbye to him this morning.”

you made a face, “please get a hobby.”

“my hobby is my soulmate.”

the words landed heavier than either of you expected, your face dropping just a bit as shoko’s smile faltered almost immediately, “s-sorry-”

you instantly forced a grin, scoffing out a laugh that was equally as forced, “ew, don’t apologize, you’re good. i’m gonna grab our pastries, you take the call.”

shoko instantly shot you a smile before accepting the call as you moved to stand in line, faintly listening to the uncharacteristic softness in shoko’s voice.

a familiar ache settled beneath your ribs, a bitterness you despised. not jealousy but longing. you wished you had what percy and shoko did.

once, that would’ve been you.

you shook your head softly before reading the menu on the wall despite knowing exactly what you wanted.

“i wouldn’t suppose you’d have any recommendations for me, would you?”

you turned instantly and your lips parted at the sight of professor nanami stood behind you in the queue, a neatly folded newspaper tucked beneath his arm.

a newspaper? how old was this guy?

it was a bit endearing, though.

he looked oddly out of place outside campus, less professor and more…man. his tie had been loosened slightly, sleeves rolled neatly to reveal his veiny forearms.

you smiled softly up at him, “unless you have a raging sweet tooth, i wouldn’t take my recommendation.”

his lips twitched upward a bit, “hmm. i wouldn’t have guessed.”

you merely tilted your head, wide eyes fluttering up at him with a gentle smile.

“i don’t believe i’ve seen you in my lectures before,” he spoke once more, “you are not one of my students, right?”

you shook your head, “no, i was just sitting in with a friend. i’m in pharmaceutics.”

“i thought so,” he hummed thoughtfully, “i would have remembered y-”

he cut himself off, a flush of pink coating his cheeks as your breath hitched gently, heat crept into your cheeks despite yourself.

“i-i didn’t mean-” he began as you shook your head, a small giggle leaving your lips.

he seemed instantly relieved to hear your laugh, lips tilting up as his blush deepened and it was almost...cute.

“you’re very-um-” nanami paused momentarily as your head tilted, eyes expectant as you waited for his next words, “you just-”

your brows raised just a bit when he stopped himself once more, almost stumbling with his words, uncharacteristically unsure before sighing gently.

“i never do this and please feel free to decline,” he began with soft eyes, almost hopeful, “but i know this great dessert place downtown, they make excellent pastries as well.”

there was a tiny pause, momentary before he continued, “would you want to…may i take you there?”

your heartbeat stilled, not because of the fact that this was nanami but because it wasn’t sukuna.

nanami’s eyes were gazing down at you, open and honest, so sweet, it made something in you squeeze at the thought of crushing that expectant look in his eyes.

your lips parted before your eyes shifted to glance at shoko who was giggling into the phone with percy.

soulmates.

the word felt bitter now and your eyes drifted back toward nanami and his kind, patient eyes.

the sort of man you stayed up hoping for when you were just a girl, the sort of man you hoped fate would tie you to. not a violent underground fighter or someone who broke your heart before he’d ever held it.

maybe it didn’t have to be that way. maybe love wasn’t something you have to stumble into, maybe you could make a choice.

maybe this was how broken hearted people moved on.

or possibly…some wounded, childish part of you wanted sukuna to feel exactly what you felt for years.

the very thought made you feel sick but it didn’t disappear.

nanami waited patiently without rushing you. he didn’t attempt to fill the silence and didn’t try to assume your answer either. he almost waited for the mention of your soulmate, the rejection he was accustomed to and fully understood.

“okay.”

the word left you quieter and more hesitant than you’d intended.

nanami’s eyes widened just a bit, “oh, uh, are you sure?”

you silently scolded yourself for the lack of certainty in your voice, immediately smiling reassuringly with a small nod, “yes. yes, i would love to.”

nanami’s expression warmed, not triumphant, but almost relieved.

“amazing…” he smiled warmly, “i can pick you up on friday?”

you nodded with a gently grin, “friday. here, put your number in.”

nanami grinned as you handed him your phone, cheeks flushed as he typed in his digits before handing you your phone once more, “i’m looking forward to it.”

you blushed softly as you smiled a bit, “me too.”

nanami nodded once, still adorning a soft grin as you both made small talk as he ordered and paid for your pastries which you thanked him for.

soon, he excused himself politely, kissing your cheek softly before walking away, leaving you standing there with a strange mix of emotions. the most prevalent among them all was guilt.

you were feeling guilty.

you almost wanted to scoff and shake yourself to sense. you were doing nothing wrong.

if your manwhore soulmate could sleep with other people, you could go on as many dates as you wished, even sleep with them if you wanted to.

you quietly grabbed your tray and walked over to shoko, taking a seat on the table just as she closed the call.

were you seriously going on a date? a date?

the mere thought sent you into a spiral that shoko’s voice instantly breached, “were you talking to professor nanami?”

shoko’s brows were furrowed, both at the sight of you talking and the unsure expression on your face.

“mhm…he, um, he…asked me to go out with him on friday.”

the revelation had shoko’s jaw dropping instantly, eyes searching your face for any sign of you messing around with her.

“professor nanami….asked you out….on a date?”

you merely nodded your head, grabbing the pastry on the plate and taking a bite of the buttery delicacy, a bite larger than you could handle as you chewed slowly, occupying your brain with chewing instead of spiraling.

shoko’s eyes were still wide, jaw somewhat slack, “oh my god…”

you simply shrugged despite the war taking place inside of you.

half of you wanted to run after him and tell him you couldn’t go out with him, that despite the devastation of it all, you did have a soulmate and even though you, so badly, wanted revenge, you simply couldn’t stoop that low.

the other part of you longed for the feeling of being wanted. sukuna had spent years making you feel impossible to love and nanami had known you all of sixty minutes and decided to take a chance.

both parts of you were rooted in a sadness so deep, your stomach churned at the mere thought of moving on from your soulmate. and shoko could see it.

“are you sure, babe?” shoko asked lowly, eyes furrowed as she leaned closer, “you just don’t seem like you’re in the right headspace for this…maybe wait-”

you shook your head once, “i won’t spend another second grieving someone i never had, someone that doesn’t even want me.”

shoko’s eyes widened just a bit as you revealed more than you have the past few weeks. she wasn’t sure what happened at that party but she knew that ryomen sukuna had killed something in you that night, a light she so desperately wanted to see glint in your eye once more.

so with that, she nodded instantly, “we’re gonna need another dress.”

∞

the days blurred as they tended to lately. soon enough, friday had come and the dread swallowed you whole.

shoko and hime had both attempted to distract you all week to make sure you wouldn’t overthink your decision, however, your thoughts could only show mercy for so long.

every feeling of sukuna reminded you of him, of what you’d agreed to, of what you lost.

by six thirty, you had completely regretted saying yes.

“you changed your outfit four times.” utahime huffed out, arms folding over her chest as she sighed.

“five.” shoko corrected from where she sat beside her, cross legged on your bed with ani on her lap, scrolling on her phone with much more patience than utahime.

“i don’t know what to wear!” you sighed, looking around your walk-in closet with exasperation.

utahime blinked, “since when?”

“you always know what to wear.” shoko furrowed her brows as you huffed gently, leaving the closet to take a seat on your vanity, shoulders slumped as your eyes fixated on your fuzzy socks.

“i’ve never been on a date before.”

silence filled the room before you heard both girls shift.

“this isn’t about the clothes.” utahime stated with certainty and your wide eyes glanced up at them.

no, it wasn’t. of course it wasn’t.

you turned to face the mirror, your hair already gathered up in rollers, still clad in your baby blue pyjamas. your eyes met through the mirror, bags under the delicate skin as your reflection stared quietly back.

you could barely recognize yourself.

you always thought yourself to be strong, the thought of crumbling over a man seemed absolutely absurd to you. yet here you were, already practically shattered because of someone who couldn’t care less whether you lived or died.

horror filled you as your reflection grew blurry through the tears pooling in your tired eyes.

“i just…” your voice shook, “i always thought-i didn’t think this is how it would end up.”

the tears left you before you could control it, trailing down flushed cheeks and dull skin, something heavy thumping against your ribs so hard, you wanted to scream.

utahime and shoko watched from their place in your bed, brows furrowed in sympathy as they watched you break at the prospect of living without your soulmate.

you’d spent years fantasizing about what meeting your soulmate would feel like, despite the absolute nightmare he was. you thought of your first everything, but you were always particularly fond of the idea of a first date.

the idea of getting dolled up and running late, of the doorbell ringing and your soulmate standing there with fresh pink peonies because he knew they were your favorite. you thought of how his eyes would widen in awe at the sight of you, who’d reach for whose hand first, who’d kiss who.

ryomen sukuna had crushed more than your hope that day, he stomped on your dreams, on what you believed happiness to be.

something inside of you shifted that night, something was lost and you didn’t know how to get it back.

shoko stood and without saying anything, she crossed the room and gently wrapped her arms around your shoulders from behind, “hey. you don’t have to do this-”

“yes, she does.” utahime stated bluntly despite her clenched jaw at the sight of your anguish.

shoko narrowed her eyes at hime from the mirror, “shut up, hime!”

utahime scoffed, walking into your closet and rummaging through your clothing, “she’s fucking going and she’s gonna have a blast.” she then stepped out with your favorite backless navy silk dress, “because if you don’t then you’re choosing someone who doesn’t choose you.”

the room fell painfully quiet, her words landing right where your ribs ached. shoko tensed from behind you before standing up, her hands still on your shoulders as she glared at utahime.

“are you ser-” shoko began but you were quick to cut her off, sniffling gently before gazing at your reflection once more.

“you’re right,” you breathed out, wiping your cheeks before grabbing your primer, “kento is great, he’s super sweet…” both of the girls watched you expectantly so you turned to gaze up at them, “i just wish…”

you didn’t let the words leave you and they didn’t need to hear it because they already knew.

you wish it were him.

∞

it was ten minutes before seven when your phone buzzed with a text from frankie, the concierge, a sweet old man whom you’d known since you were a child.

frankie: there’s a man here for you, sweetheart. should i send him up?

you quickly sent him confirmation to allow nanami up, thanking him before looking up at utahime and shoko who were watching you brush through your bouncy blowout, “he’s downstairs.”

a gasp left shoko loudly, “he’s early! ugh, he’s such a man!”

and a man, he was.

professor nanami seemed like the sort of man who would arrive early. he was eight years your senior, mature and kind, both traits you had picked up on from your occasional texts throughout the week.

he’d texted you first that same night he asked you out, all polite and formal as he introduced that it was him and asked if you were still okay with the date.

you remember giggling gently at his professionalism before assuring him that you were looking forward to it. he texted you here and there since then, simply asking questions to gauge what restaurant to choose for the date and your overall vibe.

“you literally look unreal.” shoko stated with a shake of her head as you gazed at the full length mirror in your living room.

“he’s gonna faint.” utahime stated, taking a sip of the tea she had helped herself with.

your dainty hands smoothed at the expensive fabric of your dress, the silk hugging you in all the perfect places, backless with a little silk scarf resting against your neck.

a pair of silver heels adorned your feet and a matching clutch in hand.

you did look pretty, at least prettier than you had the past few weeks. you tried to ignore the way the dress hung off you looser than it had weeks ago, collarbones more prominent than usual.

the doorbell rang once, snapping you out of the spiral you were quickly falling into.

you turned to the girls, eyes wide, “go! shoo! don’t let him see you, he’ll think i’m pathetic!”

shoko and utahime both giggled before running over to the door, standing right on the side so they were on the other side of the door when you opened it.

a huff left you but you knew that was the best they would offer and you took it.

your heels clicked as you made your way to the door, taking a deep breath before pulling it open and there he was.

nanami was standing tall in dark trousers and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled neatly to his forearms, revealing skin void of any ink, defined and smooth.

your heart clenched when your eyes drifted to his hand. he was holding a small bouquet of pink peonies.

his eyes found yours instantly when you looked up and for a second, you could see the nerves buzzing under his skin before he smiled shyly, “you look lovely.”

lovely. not pretty or beautiful but lovely. somehow that was even sweeter.

your throat tightened before forcing out a soft smile, “thank you.”

he glanced towards the flowers before holding them out to you, “i remember you said you loved spring because of the pink peonies around the other day so, uh, here.”

you felt your heart tighten as a soft laugh left you, “they’re beautiful, thank you so much. let me just put them in water really quick then we can get going.”

nanami merely nodded as you took ahold of the flowers, allowing the door to shut just to see shoko and utahime silently squealing behind the door.

“he is so cute!” shoko whispered as you slapped her arm.

“shut up, he’s right there!” you whispered back as utahime merely grinned.

“you got your flowers.”

you paused momentarily, shoulders tensing as you swallowed gently.

yes, you did get your flowers, peonies and all.

why was the heavy feeling still lingering beneath your ribs?

you had spent years imagining this and somehow, you got almost every detail right.

except the man behind the door.

you shook your head at the thought before holding out the bouquet to the girls, utahime grabbing ahold of it, “put them in my mom’s crystal vase on the counter, please.”

both girls gave you a thumbs up, grinning in encouragement as you opened the door once more, nanami immediately meeting your gaze.

“ready?”

you nodded with a soft smile, “yup.”

“great. bye girls.” nanami called out, amusement lacing his words to the girls who you could so clearly hear shuffling behind the door. your cheeks flushed as you shut the door.

“have fun!” shoko yelled.

you were quick to lock the door, placing the keys in your clutch before turning to the man, “sorry about that.”

nanami merely chuckled deeply, offering his arm, unassuming and sweet.

you hesitated for the briefest moment before gently looping your hand through it, his arm tensing almost imperceptibly. he was nervous.

the realization made something ache quietly inside your chest.

he wasn’t ryomen sukuna, all untouchable and feared.

he was simply a man hoping tonight would go well and for some reason, the revelation was so endearing, you found yourself shifting closer to him as you made it to the elevator.

“do you live here all alone?” nanami questioned as he pressed the lobby button.

you hummed gently, “technically, my parents live here as well but they just travel a lot, so i’m on my own more often than not.”

nanami gazed down at you, “i mean, it’s a beautiful building…does it not get lonely?”

you sighed softly before shrugging, “i mean, yes and no. i love being alone and hanging out with myself, and i’m kind of used to it. but sometimes…sometimes i wish it wasn’t so quiet. but my friends are over a lot anyways.”

and your soulmate never truly let you feel alone, he lived under your skin.

but nanami didn’t need to know that.

nanami merely hummed in acknowledgement, the rest of the lift ride passing in comfortable silence, neither of you seemed particularly eager to fill it with meaningless conversation.

when the doors opened into the lobby, frankie looked up from behind the reception desk almost instantly.

his weathered face lit into a smile, “well, don’t you look like a million bucks, sweetheart.”

your cheeks warmed as you grinned at the man, “hi frankie.”

the older man looked between you and nanami before his eyes settled knowingly on the bouquet now missing from nanami’s hands, “got ya flowers, huh? peonies too.”

nanami cleared his throat politely, hand moving to rest lightly on your back, “i thought it was appropriate.”

frankie chuckled, “what a gentleman. you take care of her, huh?”

you blushed softly, “frankie!”

the man simply chuckled as nanami offered him a smile before leading you outside, the spring evening beginning to settle over the city. the air was warm enough that the city seemed to glow beneath strings of lights and illuminated storefronts, but a chilled breeze made it so nanami’s hand was warm against your bare back.

nanami walked beside you at an easy pace, matching your stride, conscious of the difference in height as your legs were much shorter than his own.

“i hope you don’t mind walking.” he stated as you immediately shook your head.

“not at all, i love walking.”

nanami smiled gently, “the restaurant isn’t far.”

you merely hummed in acknowledgement as another comfortable silence fell upon you.

“i should confess something.” nanami broke the silence as you looked over at him curiously, “i’ve never done this before.”

your head tilted, “gone on a date?”

he smiled faintly, “asked a student on a date.”

you couldn’t help but laugh softly, “that does sound like an important distinction.”

“i thought so…” he glanced at you briefly, “i’’ve spent the entire week wondering whether it was wildly inappropriate.”

“and?”

“i’m still undecided…but willing to take the chance.” the blonde man nodded once, cheeks warm as you smiled softly.

“well, if it helps, i’m not your student.”

“that’s exactly what i told myself.”

another laugh escaped you, this time real and true, easier than the last.

it surprised both of you and nanami didn’t comment on it. he simply looked ahead again, a small smile lingering on his face. he liked hearing you laugh.

the rest of the walk was easier, blanketed in comfortable conversation and warmth.

∞

kento nanami was a dream.

he was chivalrous, pulling your chair out and opening the door for you. he was kind and attentive, grasping every word that left your mouth like you were revealing state secrets. and he was so handsome, it kind of ached to look at him.

the dinner couldn’t have gone better, filled with easy conversation, soft laughs and gentle touches that were more comfortable than expecting.

the little italian restaurant was gorgeous, candlelit and dimmed. the food was absolutely amazing and he insisted you try some of his seabass.

by the time nanami walked you back to your building, the city had long since quieted. the rush of evening had softened into something gentler, streetlights reflecting across the dark pavement while the occasional taxi rolled lazily down the road, headlights cutting through the breeze.

“i had a lovely evening.” nanami’s voice was as steady as ever, hands in his pockets as you both stood outside the doors.

you looked up at him, a small smile painting your glossy lips, “i did too.”

and you had. that was the worst part.

there hadn’t been a single awkward silence, not a moment where the conversation dulled.

nanami smiled warmly, “i’m glad. can i call you tomorrow?”

you felt your stomach twisting as you nodded, “i’d like that.”

his eyes searched yours for a moment before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss against the warmth of your cheek, “goodnight.”

you blushed gently, “goodnight, kento.”

nanami offered one last grin before stepping back and walking towards the darkness. only when his figure was swallowed by the night did you step inside.

the lobby was quiet which made sense, as it was almost midnight.

frankie looked up from behind the reception desk almost instantly, reading glasses balanced low on his nose as he looked over the evening newspaper.

“i showed you how to check your news on your phone, frank.” you grumbled as you leaned down to unclasp your heels, stepping out of them onto the cool flooring.

his face brightened, “there’s my girl!”

you smiled gently, holding the straps of your heels in hand, “hi frankie.”

“how was the date with blondie?” he questioned casually, setting the paper down, offering his full attention.

you couldn’t help but take note of his hopeful tone, like he already knew the answer he’d wanted.

you sighed gently, walking over slowly before resting your elbows against the polished marble desk the way you had since you were little enough that you could barely see over it.

“it was…” you searched for the word, “really nice.”

frankie smiled, “knew it would be.”

you nodded, “he opened the door and pulled out my chair and everything.”

frankie smiled amusedly, “oh?”

“mhmm…” you sighed sleepily, “i only mentioned the pink peonies once when we were texting and he brought them.”

frankie let out a low whistle, “impressive.”

you laughed softly, eyes shutting as the silence that followed stretched just a little too long.

frankie’s smile faded first, “you seem pretty sad for a girl who went on a really nice date.”

your eyes fluttered open, meeting his own dark ones, “i thought if it went perfect, i’d feel better.”

frankie’s brows furrowed gently, “he not the one?”

his question was heavy, lingering between you for a moment because you simply didn’t want to utter the words.

“no. he’s not my soulmate.”

frankie’s shoulders deflated as he shook his head, “figured.”

your eyes grew watery before you could stop it, “i really wanted him to be enough.”

frankie reached across the desk and laid one weathered hand over yours, thumb rubbing gently across the back of your hand.

“i spent most of the night thinking that this is what my soulmate should’ve been like.”

the words hung heavily between you and frankie’s expression shifted to something sadder, full of understanding.

“devils dick can suck a dick for all i care.” frankie huffed out and you couldn’t help but let out a watery giggle.

shoko had told frankie to refer to your soulmate as devils dick when you were seventeen and he hadn’t strayed from it since.

“he didn’t want me.” you confessed lowly, almost a whisper and frankie almost missed it if he wasn’t so focused, “i just thought it’d be different. like you and luanne.”

frankie smiled at the mention of his wife, “luanne and i hated each other when we met.”

your eyes widened, “are you serious? you told me it was love at first sight, that you’d eloped the night you met.”

frankie shrugged gently, “you were seven, i didn’t wanna crush your dreams.”

your brows furrowed, huffing as you walked behind the desk, taking a seat on the desk facing him.

“why did you hate each other? how? i mean, you’re both so obsessed with each other, it’s gross.”

frankie chuckled a deep chuckle as he leaned back in his chair, “when we first met, she worked at this diner i walked into. i remember that i swore i’d never marry her. she called me an arrogant prick.”

you snorted, “real.”

“she was so angry at me, she started throwing bread rolls at my head.”

that earned him another giggle, soft and real.

frankie smiled, “point is…life has a funny way of provin’ stubborn people wrong.”

you looked at him for a second before your smile faded, “i don’t think sukuna’s stubborn. i think he’s already decided. he seemed pretty sure when he basically told me to fuck off.”

frankie frowned, “i’ll kill him.” you looked down with a soft sigh, “either way, it’ll work out. sometimes fate asks for a lot more patient from you than she ever should.”

your shoulders slumped, “i don’t think i have any patience left.”

frankie’s heart squeezed, recalling the years he’d watched you feel your soulmate, the nights you came down already on your fourth cup of coffee because he’d kept you up. he’d seen you shut your eyes and blow out candles during every birthday, knowing all you’d wished for is for your soulmate to be good.

he’d watched little pieces of you shape themselves around someone you’d never even met. and now, he was watching those same pieces fall apart.

you glanced at him with a small sigh, “i should head to bed.”

frankie sighed gently, “alright, sweetheart. call me if ya need anythin’.”

you nodded softly, leaning over to press a kiss to the old man’s wrinkled cheek, “night, frank.”

“night, kid.”

your bare feet padded softly as you made your way to the lift.

and somewhere across the city, another man laid awake for the sixth week in a row.

and neither of them knew that the other was also grieving.

∞

an | oops finally! chapter is v reader focused but next chapter will be the reunion ahhhhhh also SMUT omg ! this is kind of a transition chapter to show the grief cuz i know yall want the reader pissed but she's just a girl and she is GRIEVING so leave her alone !!!!

anyways lmk what u guys thinkkkk :)

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

ʙᴀᴍʙɪꜱᴍᴏᴏɴ