The Baphomet Archives

Current Projet: The Damnation Cycle

[rabbitfinder]

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Klaus: How am i supposed to clean out my closet when i am a bitch and a lover and a child and a mother and a sinner and a saint? all those bitches need outfits

[baphomet-synopsis]

Hey @thedruginmeisklaus I found it!

[writing-prompt-s]

An immortal warrior with centuries of combat experience settles down to run an orphanage. Slave traders kidnap some of the children…big mistake.

[goodfish-bowl]

It had been your dream, those many centuries ago, to open an orphanage to take care of the small ones without anyone else. You knew personally what it was like to be a kid growing up in the streets. By the gods, it still left it’s mark on you now. But after the good fight was done, done with the world-ending fights anyways, you found that your tale had become little more than a song, a legend, nothing more than a fairy tale, and your history faded into the shadows.

This was a fine outcome. Preferably, even. No one came bothering you at every little tragedy like they used to. It was peaceful. And then that old dream of yours came to fruition.

Keep reading

[baphomet-synopsis]

Grasping Shadows: Chapter 0

Aeruudine woke at the knock on his door and lifted his head from the cushion. The monks, it seemed, were trying to get to his attention. He did not know why his sire had left him in the care of these monks, only that it had been so. The monks were of a sect that worshiped dragon kind, and while it was pleasurable, feeling the awe that they had for him, it was tiring, being their god.

He lived on earth, currently, and upon looking out the window that had been carved into his mountain, and looked out over the towering buildings, the latest had not quite reached his level. Sighing, he stretched his wings, and stood up. Gathering the flow of mana about him, he took on a more…human shape. While he was not old enough yet to take on an entirely human appearance, he could get close enough. Putting on the monk robes given him for when he desired to be among the masses, he stepped out onto the balcony, and stepped off, walking across the sky. His subtle spell Mind Mirror prevented all but the most observant and strong willed from seeing him.

He had in his item box, all he needed to survive away from the monks, and it was high time he left them. Oh, yes, they would mourn their god’s absence, but he really didn’t care. He did not love humanity, not the way his sire had, he had no personal feelings for mankind, only a calm indifference. Stepping calmly onto an empty street, he pulled back his hood, and activated the mirage band that hid his horns. As he walked, he saw the depravities of mankind, and shook his head. However, when a young woman, cleanly dressed, and decently so, approached him, he paused.

“Father,” the woman said “If I can have but a moment of your time. Walk with me, please.”

He inclined his head, and reached out an arm, and she took it. They walked past a group of rowdy looking men, who leered at the young woman, until at last, they came to building. A building that was surrounded by more of the rowdy men. The leader of which stepped forward and began to speak.

“Well, Amy, do not think that walking with a holy man will keep you from us, from me.” The man said, “You belong to me, and I will have you in my arms.”

Aeruudine had noticed the men surrounding them, and he braced his legs and tail. The moment they reached for the young woman, he lashed out, with both body and mind, hurling psychic spears with each punch, and kick. He had ordered the monks to train for hand-to-hand combat, as his father had before him, and he had enforced it, learning himself the trade. He had taught the monks the art of mental combat, of spiritual warfare, and the secrets of old magic. Earth was overflowing with mana, especially in this age of science. Taking out a paper talisman, he held between his first two fingers.

“Alex Hideo, in the name of the Arna, I forbid you to move.” The leader gasped, and was stuck in place, he strained against the invisible binds.

As the men groaned, he took a paper arm, and crushed it, slowly. The leader, Alex Hideo, cried out, and was held upright when he tried to fall. Releasing the paper arm, he crushed the other one. Then, he dropped the paper.

“Alex Hideo, I command you to fall.” The paper dropped like a stone, and so did the man. Taking out a pebble, he placed it on top of the talisman, and then took the woman’s arm again, and led her to the doors.

“My lady, I shall see you in time, I trust the law enforcement will be able to take it from here.” As he turned to leave, he heard the woman ask who he was, and he told her “I am Aeruudine. Now I must return to the abbey.”

<0..0>

Amy Rosenstein turned back to thank the monk, but he had vanished, as though he hadn’t been there to begin with. Aeruudine, now, where Have I heard that name before? She thought to herself. Her ship was due to leave in three days, and while she had hoped to convince the monk to come with her, he was as gone as the moon at noon. Looking at her watch, she swore, she was due to meet with the Ardakshii ambassador in three minutes. Hurrying, she went to her office, and finished getting ready. The Ardakshii were humanities closest ally in The Confederacy of United Worlds, and the two races were trying to close an agreement between the Youldigai and the Mondarii. The two races had been at war for nearly a century, and both were trying to enter the Confederacy. The Ardakshii were natural diplomats, and Humanity led the Alliance, having founded it alongside the Ardakshii. When the diplomat arrived, precisely on time, unusual for them, they were normally fifteen minutes early, she set aside the papers the two races had submitted.

“So, even the mighty humans have their miscreants.” The ambassador said, with what passed for a smile on their mouthless faces. “I was delayed by your venerable Law Enforcement, cleaning up the mess outside your office.”

“They seemed to be having difficulty with one of them, before noticing some sort of paper, with a pebble on it. Once they removed it, they could take away the leader.” The Ambassador continued.

“Ah, yes, those men had gotten it into their heads that I belonged to them.” She told the Ambassador. “Forgive me Diplomat Threni’Darn. I was preoccupied with my thoughts.”

She handed him his copy of the papers, and they sat down in their respective chairs, and went over the papers. They sat in companionable silence for a couple of hours, before Threni’Darn looked up.

“Yes, I believe we can manage this.” He told her.

“I believe so as well. There is just one issue that bothers me,” she said.

“And what is it?”

“Entry into the Brotherhood of the Arn. For the spiritual leaders of the Youldigai. As far as I know, the Brotherhood has only ever accepted humans. I will have to speak with their leader, whomever he is.” Amy told the Ambassador “The issue,” she continued, holding up a hand “Is that not even most of the Monks have the opportunity to meet with their leader.”

At that moment, there was a knock on her door. Opening it respectively, was her secretary, a kind young man, by the name of Avatrar. He was a Guldonii, one of the numerous races that had been accepted into the Conclave of Humanity, after warring with them. He bowed with respect for both, and then after a moment’s hesitation…

“Ambassadors, there is a representative of the brotherhood of the Arn here, he says that their leader most desires word with the both of you. That it is most urgent.” Avatrar told them.

“By all means,” Threni’Darn said, “Send him in.”

The silver and blue robed monk came in and gave them the bow of equals. Then gestured softly.

“My lord, my lady, Aeruudine, our most esteemed leader has me to bring you to him, he says that you understand why. That it involves a dilemma both you and he are facing.” The monk told them.

“Then, let us go.” Threni’Darn said, standing.

“That is not necessary,” the monk said “I am to bring you to him with much haste. Please, wait but a moment.”

The monk kneeled, and then began to murmur words. After a couple of phrases, the room blurred, and they found themselves in a pure white void, and then in an audience chamber in a mountain. The monk stood, then bowed to a pair of eyes in the shadows and left.

“Lady Rosenstein, Lord Madagast.” There was the sound of something massive uncoiling from something. “I bid you welcome to my hall.”

An orb of light, like a miniature sun appeared above their heads, and sitting upright before them, was a dragon of old. The force of being before them nearly drove them to their knees, the monks in the room, fell to their faces, and began to intone prayers.

“I have heard the pleas of those in the stars, and the crying out of the voices of the Youlgidai, but I have no place for them here.” The dragon told them. “We have not the place for all who would join us.”

Ambassador Threni’Darn kept his calm, and bowed respectfully, asking, “And what would you require of us, oh venerable being?”

There was the deep laughter, sounding like the clashing of metals, and the booming of thunder, and then “A new temple, one in the Stars, where all of mine may gather. I have heard the prayers of the desperate, the calling out for the end of a war, and say, NO MORE.”

After a pause the dragon continued “We have the money and the manpower but not the materia needed. You will provide this to us, and I shall welcome the Youlgidai, and all those who would take shelter under my wings.”

The murmurings of the monks echoed. What sounded like “It is written, it is decreed.”

One of the monks, and elder, came forward, and spoke “My Lords, my lady, we honor the truth that all are equal in the eyes of the Arn, but our monastery barely holds our own number, as well as our Lord, we must have a new place. There are amongst our number, former Battleship, and station engineers, who have already designed according to our lords will, but, even with our wealth, we cannot obtain the materia without the Confederacy’s backing, according to the strictures placed upon all faiths.”

Amy stood firm, and asked “What do you desire, A planet, a moon? We cannot give those to you. Lest all the other religions demand the same.”

Aeruudine focused, and the map of a star system appeared. One full of dwarf planets, and asteroids orbiting around several gas giants, and its binary star system.

“Eta Prime.” Aeruudine said simply “I would propose that you turn this place into a gathering of all the faiths present, a grand collaboration. The faiths have grown too large for their temples and places of dwelling. I and the others have agreed upon this much. Each faith shall send forth their workers, and their leaders, to build here, and leave the temples for worship as they should be.”

 For a moment, Amy and Threni’Darn could see surrounding them, the gods of all the faiths, and their prophets and vanguards with them. Then holograms of the leaders of each faith stood before them, watching with care. Only the Hedrinaites were missing, as they had no central leader, instead, they say its conclave kneeling in a double rowed half circle, one of who stood up.

“While we have no need for a central place of worship, we who follow the gods of the hunt, we support this notion, and will even rotate amongst our great shamans, who will stand in Eta Prime’s grand temple.” The Speaker said.

Amy and Threni’Darn looked at each other, then bowed to the leaders, and Threni’Darn asked “Can you connect us to the Parliament?”

Aeruudine looked pleased, and nodded, activating the projector at the back, revealing the parliament of the Confederacy. Amy turned to them and bowed.

“Members of the Parliament, have you heard this coming together of the faiths?” she asked,

The chorus of assent answered her, and the leader of the Parliament, Speaker Drezdin, said “if this Community is truly agreed to such a thing, then we have voted to grant the Faiths of the People Eta Prime, on condition that it is treated as any other beholden. With tax, and a council building, and that they send a representative, who shall rotate amongst the faiths, to the Parliament.”

Amy watched as the dragon, Aeruudine, looked between leaders of the faiths, nodding, to each of them, who nodded in return, before looking back at the speaker fo the parliament,

“Then we are agreed, speaker Drezdin.” The dragon said, “The Council of Faiths shall stand by your demands.”

[baphomet-synopsis]

Five New Projects

Hello Everyone! I am excited to announce Five new projects to posted here shortly. all of which are in the Necessarius Universe (The Bureau of Necessary Evils Extended Universe.).

They are:

The Archon Legacy: Grasping Shadows

The Cerberus Plot

The Magisterium Complex

Necessarius: Morgana

Laberynth of Astarte

They are all part of my Humans are Space Orcs works. The First Chapter of Archon Legacy, and Cerberus Plot will be uploaded this week, with Chapter 0 of Necessarius: Morgana, and Archon Legacy: Grasping Shadows will be uploaded today.

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[kitty]

[baphomet-synopsis]

It's dangerous to go alone, take this.

[rockatanskette]

One of the running themes in "humans are space orcs" circles is the idea that humans will bond with anything. I can think of plenty of stories of humans making friends with wild animals, alligators, predators, creatures that aliens would immediately recognize as too dangerous for contact. But I was reading a story about two orangutans released back into the wild today and there's a certain element to that story I haven't seen so often: humans will bond with animals regardless of whether the bond is reciprocal.

For every story of a human making friends with some unlikely creature, there are dozens of stories of conservation specialists tranquilizing animals, tending to their wounds or illness, and releasing them because they're too dangerous to handle consciously. Stories of tagging birds of prey and timber wolves and Siberian tigers. Fat Bear Week? Any of those bears would rip your face off without hesitation. But they're round and fluffy and intimidating and beautiful and we love them even though they hate us. We make an effort to protect our monsters, because we love our monsters.

Imagine an alien planet that's experiencing ecological degradation. Their flora is dying, and they can't figure out why. And, offhandedly, in a diplomatic mission, an allied planet mentions that humans have successfully reversed similar devastation on Earth. So they reach out and Earth sends some experts to check it out. And what do they suggest? Reintroducing an apex predator that used to be a scourge against alien settlements. The species still exists in other regions of the planet, but it is slowly disappearing outside of its native habitat.

The aliens are askance. They've told bedtime stories to their young of these creatures: how they tear apart their prey, how they've eaten their organs and rip apart their homes. Some suggest that it's a trick—that the humans are trying to prompt them into destroying themselves.

But there are many alien cultures on this planet, with many different stories and some of them agree. The world watches in anticipation as the humans help their predators. They seek them out, these fearless otherworlders, putting them to sleep and tending their wounds. They keep track of the beasts, not to harm them, but to protect them.

At first the doomsayers' prophecy seems to come true. The predators devour prey animals like a feast, like a slaughter to people who have never been so close to the circle of life. But then, slowly, not over months but over years, comes change. The prey no longer eat the leaves and buds of every tree; some are left to bloom and fall. The refuse rots in the dirt, and the floods cease as the soil grows thick with compost and rotted bone, thick enough to hold water. The shapes of rivers change to protect their surroundings from the rain. The pollinators rebound.

Decades later, other cities and nations begin to accept this human myth of "conservation." Champions arise, alien champions, now, who go into the depths of the wilderness and the seas to protect those predators from the apathy of time.

Not all of them make it. This is something else the humans teach. Sometimes the tranquilizers are not enough. Sometimes the timing is wrong. Sometimes accidents happen. And when they do, the aliens look to humans for an answer for why they should protect these creatures who have killed those they love?

"Because they knew the risks," the humans say. "Because they would be the first to speak to save them. Because they taught you to see the beauty in the wild and you must not close your eyes."

So, despite themselves, they don't.

[graceofagodswrath]

She tore across the fields, the deserts and the oceans. She destroyed villages, cities and empires. She jumped across planets and worlds, ravaging, killing, burning. Nothing could stop a woman with such rage in her soul.

And a mother’s wrath in her bones.

It had been peaceful. An out of the way back world planet, green and bright. An oasis form of the planet earth. And it was a secret. A secret she kept between her and her child. A little boy, sweet as can be. With swirling black curls atop his head and big honey brown eyes, he’d stare at the only home he knew with playful awe. He’d dance while she tended to the garden, sing as they walked the wood’s paths. He’d ask a million questions about a million things, and she rarely grew tired of it. He filled her days with entertainment and happiness, and she filled his with knowledge and play.

But all good things end. That is the universe’s constant cycle. She came back from a mountainous trip to find her home ravaged, and her boy gone. She tore through the ruins, a woman of green spirits no longer. Now, she was fire and brimstone. A mountain of storm.

It didn’t take long for her to find the tracks. She called back to her dark past, the one she ran from to keep her child in a net of safety. It only did so much good. So she called back that dragon fire fury of her warrior days, and hunted down those scavenging fools who’d taken her only treasure.

And caught them she did. She stormed their ship, all metal and fang, claw and bullet, sweeping through them like a hurricane. Blood and carcasses painted the bridge in eerie art.

But she did not find her boy. However, She did find her next target. And it would not be long until they’d tasted the rage of her blades.

So beware the venomous scorn of a woman.

And the hellfire of a mother’s wrath.

[cuprohastes]

The WTF cycle of War with Humans

Most species that get to the point of being part of galactic society as are pretty chill. There's enough room on one planet to colonise for decades even if other species are doing the same. And everone's done the numbers and the cost of even a small skirmish is just not worth the gains.

But there's always someone who just needs to prove they're interstellar bad-asses or want to see what the new guys are up to.

And every so often they pick on the Humans.

When this happens the other species kick back, get some popcorn and start fuelling up the equivalent of Humanitarian Aid for afterwards.

And as for whichever belligerant species tried it this time... They all have the same Analysis: What the actual F-

Stage 1

Having beaten some colonists, razed a couple of more or less unarmed settlements and rofflestomped some farmboys, everyone is feeling pretty good about how these reputed Hellworlders aren't all that.

Sure some of them were an absolute terror but hey we got armour and theyu ain't. Job done, mission accomplished and... WTF was that?

Something huge jumps in system and out, leaving a couple of massive ships, which are travelling way too fast. WTF?

Stage 2

There is some half assed excuse for a spacecraft that just slammed into the atmosphere at around the speed of LOL. These guys are easy pickings. They just destroyed their own... what. Bomber? Troop carrier? WTF is wrong with these idiots? We'll be wiping our cloacas on their homeworld's treasures by the end of the year, yo.

Those ships... massive, big, wasteful and doomed. They're so big you can see them, glowing, making a streak across the sky... in fact... uh... wait, is that thing turning? It's definitely coming this way. And... shouldn't there be bits coming off at this point? WTF?

Stage 3

Now stuff is coming out. But it's coming out in order. Big chonky machinery, followed by... oh is that Humans?! You almost feel sorry for them. Their ship is doomed and they're throwing themselves out. Your superior lens based optics can see they're just... wrapped in cloth, falling. Did they get sucked out while sleeping? WTF?

Then the big ship opens up front ports and makes a sound like every angry soul that was ever condemned to the pits of the afterlife and all of a sudden this thing is flying?

WTF?!

It rips past overhead trailing a sonic shockwave and bombing the shit out of your landing craft, spiralling at twice the speed of sound while laying down some stupendous amount of white hot ballistic mayhem like you couldn't even imagine. And you're looking at it and you still cannot figure out what you're looking at.

Then a human zips past. WTF?!

They jsut spread their stupid arms and legs and they have a fucking curtain or something tied on and... they can fly?!

Then they're stopping, mid air using some sort of... what is that, sheets? They can do that? WTF?

Stage 4

Now you know what the Hellworlders are really like. They came in their own armour with this stupid blocky pattern that made it hard for you to figure what you were looking at, with guns and knives. They shot through the barricades and walls you hide behind.

They were covered in explosive shrapnel shells and they just did this thing where they twisted and those stupid arms suddenly became launchers, and those little orbs came sailing past and then turned your best soldiers into gooey lumps.

You saw the biggest guy in the unit leap out and this one dumb Human just flipped them over and... You wish you could unsee that. You wish with all your soul you could. WTF? Who does that? Even in a war?

Stage 5

Nobody waited for Command to issue an order to surrender. The Humans? You can kill them, but they'll get you and everyone around you. One of them just turned a command vehicle into a doughnut lined with the burning residue of everyone inside.

Then their tanks showed. They don't float. They roar. They claw along with terrifying speed. They go through your defenses without stopping and there's his big artillery piece on top that's turning your fortifications into a historical rumour. They're just... soaking up. All the punishment you can give. WTF?

Clearly you can die in the blood soaked mud or you can surrender. If Command wants to keep fighting they can come down here.

Stage 6

You threw down your weapons and they just... fed you. There's a cot, a blanket, three meals a day for some reason. Three. WTF? The injured are being patched up, nobody is being tortured and after a few months you even get a package and mail form your Szuch. You're even allowed to send them a message back saying that you're OK.

There's even members of the other Starfaring species showing up to check that the pretty nice barracks is... well. Pretty nice WTF? These guys rode a meteor in then threw themselves at you from a mile up and hand-slaughtered the best your military can train... just to have something to do while their giant, air splitting and ground shaking war machines showed up.

And now they're worried you aren't getting enough sleep or food.

Then they send you home and people see your uniform and ask... How did we lose? Are the humans really that bad? I mean come on, that's just propaganda, right? We're going back to show them who's boss... right?

And all you can do. Is stare and think... WTF?

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[jpitha]

Computing Power

This is a rewrite of one of my very first popular sci-fi things here. I decided to flesh it out just a little bit and make it more of a short rather than just a script of two people talking.

Humans tolerate a much greater amount of… ambiguity in their technology than the other sapients. Take their computers, for example. They are a class above. They're smaller, faster, less expensive and can do more.

But, they crash.

A lot.

Leave it to the Humans to just accept a machine that will stop working "every once in a while."

Gwen is walking around the promenade on the Revelation, a starbase on the border between the Gren and the Humans. It was set up after the armistice as a kind of meeting point for the sapients of the galaxy to live, work and play together to try and build understanding, and prevent another devastating war from occurring. She's walking with her new friend, the Gren Mal'imar. They're an interesting looking team as they walk. She's about three quarters his height and has that stout thick build that high gravity beings all wind up with. Mal comes from a world that's a good deal lighter so he's taller, more spindly with reverse articulated legs and carciform features. As they're walking and chatting she stops, reaches into her pocket and picks up her phone. Looking down at it, she frowns. "Oh shoot."

Mal'imar noticing her friend stopped, turns and looks at her. "What?"

Gwen shrugs and shows Mal'imar the phone. The screen is blank and white. "My phone crashed. Gotta reboot it, one sec."

Mal's antennae flutter, indicating confusion "Your phone...crashed?"

"Yeah, the computer inside it stopped working. Something went wrong and it just doesn't work." Gwen shrugs. "Once I turn it off and turn it back on it'll be fine"

Mal'imar shuffles from one reverse articulated leg to the other. "But, the computers in your other things are more robust right? They don't...do that?"

Gwen looks up at Mal. "You're serious?" She laughs heartily. "Hell yes they do. Let me tell you about the time I had to reboot my coffee maker so it would work again!"

Mal turns his head slightly and clacks his mouthparts. He's worried.

Gwen isn't that familiar with Gren body language and doesn't notice the gesture. "Oh yeah, one time the computer in my car crashed. Wouldn't display anything at all. That was a hairy ride!"

Mal'imar unconsciously takes a step back and looks around. Maybe this human is having some kind of... episode? The things they're saying sure don't sound right.

Her phone successfully rebooted, Gwen continues walking and talking. Mal decides to see where this is going and stays with her. "Also! So when the first humans went to our moon, the onboard computer kept crashing. They had to land manually because the computer - when it worked - was trying to land them on jagged rocks! They all nearly died!"

This time Mal'imar stopped walking. He looks her in her eyes and clacks his mouthparts again. "You do realize the other races' computers don't do that, right?"

Gwen meets his gaze. "But ours are faster."

[catchymemes]

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[baphomet-synopsis]

@thedruginmeisklaus I'm so glad the cats generally obey the no cats on table/counter rule!

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes