I started WarCrows almost two years ago, a blog where I planned to post reviews/summaries of books that covered the WW2 era.
At the time, it seemed like a interest I was converting into a hobby, but it ran deeper. 2020, the year I began blogging, was a fucked up time for me. I was in a shitty dead-end job, with a seriously toxic boss who would give me anxiety attacks. I couldn't switch jobs because the COVID-19 pandemic was rampant, and my kind of jobs were the first companies were "restructuring".
I didn't realise it then, but looking back I see I was borderline depressive. Working from home wasn't helping matters; I'd get up at 0915 to log on to my laptop at 0930, keep it on through the day even though the work I did back then never extended beyond an hour or two, and spend the rest of the time listless, sometimes sleeping off again for 2-3 hours at a stretch even after sleeping in late in the mornings. I'd swing between boredom, lethargy, anger, mindless eating in a flash, and I gave hell to my partner in that phase.
I didn't realise it then, but WarCrows saved me. It brought me back from that dark space I was in. Right from planning for the name, researching on how to write blog posts, comparing various blogging platforms to find the one that served my requirements, deciding upon the tone of my posts, the kind of books I'd start of with, the number of books I'd cover in a year (2 books each month), the sequence in which I'd write about them - all of this and more gave me my sense of purpose back. I had something to look forward to again. I was no longer waking up every morning just because I couldn't be sleeping any more. I was going to start something that was going to make me happy while doing it.
Working on WarCrows helped me in other areas of my life too. Because I wanted to be fresh and focused while I wrote, I started getting up early again. I started going for runs every other day to help with the energy build up. I cut back on the junk food I was binging on. And all of this combined had an effect on my mental state as well. I was no longer looking at myself with self-loathing, no longer questioning why I didn't just give up the ghost, no longer doubting my own skills or putting myself down every time my boss tried to do that to me. I would still have anxiety attacks sometimes, but the frequency and intensity both went down.
This in turn gave me the confidence I needed to start looking for a new job again. I wasn't rejecting myself before the recruiters did by not even applying to a job. I wasn't searching from a space of desperation where anything would have been better than where I was (and literally ANYTHING was better than where I was), but wanted my move to be meaningful and was searching for not just positions but organizations that were worth it.
This January, I finally changed jobs, and now work with a company that values their people. I cried several times in the initial months when I experienced my boss and colleagues talk to me and to each other respectfully, without screaming, abusing, threatening or gaslighting - I didn't believe an environment like this could exist. More than job satisfaction, what I have here is job fulfilment.
I haven't been able to blog as much since January, since my work has increased, giving me less time than before. But I still aim to cover one book per month, because WarCrows was and is my lifeline from when I was at my lowest. And for that, I am truly grateful to it, for giving me new life again.
I'm not trying to make this a life lesson, although I guess the only thing I'd probably want you to take away is everyone has their own path to walk in their own way. I just felt I was in a space mentally where I could share this without breaking down, and so I did.












