self shipping angst is sooo funny. yeah this is my favorite character and romantic partner i love them with my entire heart. im going to make sure i almost die in front of them
NOTE. hey sorry for ghosting (again...)
PAIRING. johnny suh x fem reader
GENRE. hurt/comfort, angst
SYNOPSIS. the entire process of getting over your ex, johnny suh (and meeting each other again)
WARNINGS. profanity, mention of alcohol
W/C. 4.8k
The morning of your breakup with your first-ever boyfriend isnāt as awful as you expected. Life went on like it usually does. Blinded by anger, you wished for your ex to have the most terrible, annoying, and awful day ahead and all the other days that followed. Call it childish, if you may. Call it a little bit immature when I say the two of you didnāt really end on bad terms. Your only worry after you parted ways was, āHow could he fumble so badly? ā. You didnāt cry the morning after your breakup with Johnny Suh, but you did on a random Tuesday night when you saw the sticker he put on your tumbler. You cried again the following week when you found yourself walking on the same route you would always take with him on the way to the terminal when both of you had enough time before heading to work.Ā
It truly is the little details that bring you to tears. Not the broken promises and the plans you made together that you will never fulfill because you are used to those things, unfortunately, because you werenāt really that loved when you were younger, which is sad, and now that the only person that showed you affection is gone for the sole reason that āthe two of you need more space to grow and move forwardā.Ā
Itās all bullshit. And you hope he thinks the same.Ā
You hope he feels the same. You hope that every day he wakes up, he reaches his arm to the other side of the bed and realizes that you no longer lay beside him. You hope that every time he prepares the table, he gets two spoons and then realizes that he has to eat alone and not have anyone to talk about absurd things during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which leaves him no choice but to watch stuff on his phone. On top of that, you wish that his WI-FI doesnāt work, so he will be bored to death.
You sat at the lonely six-seater dining table so early in the morning. Itās been three months since you broke up with Johnny, and really, you donāt feel anything right now other than the desire to make this day as productive as possible, and you seem to be on a really great start.Ā
You woke up at 5 a.m. in the morning to go on a morning jog, and when you reached your desired time, you decided to stop by the bakery to grab yourself some pandesal. When you got home, it was almost 7, and you decided to use your espresso machine that has been sitting in your kitchen, praying to be used. The fact that today was your first time using it was very evident because you had to get a chair to get it from the highest counter, and the box that it came in is now covered with dust. And then it hit you.
That coffee maker was a gift from Johnny. No, youāre not going to cry. You wouldnāt let that little piece of equipment ruin your day. Even if it was an anniversary gift. Even if you know damn well, he saved up most of his salary to buy you that. And now youāre on the verge of tears as you remember the fact that you didnāt even get to thank him properly because that was also the day you broke up with him.
And now! Another! Day! Ruined! Thanks, Johnny Suh.
In the end, you decided to drink instant coffee.
You heaved a sigh, trying to contain yourself. No! You wouldnāt let that happen. He should be the one crying over this espresso machine because itās so expensive. Hell, he knows you donāt even drink coffee. He bought this for himself and gave it to you, and now he canāt even take it back because you are no longer together. Ha! Take that, Johnny Suh.
But then again, Johnny Suh is rich as hell so he wonāt be crying over a gift for his ex.
Moving on (something you obviously canāt do), your work as an architectural designer starts at 9 a.m., and for some weird reason, you wanted to look your best when going to work. After all, you are going to meet tons of clients (and you are running for senior architect, so obviously you gotta do a bit of sucking up to your superiors because you! need! the! money!).
So with your desire to get promoted and get more money, you decided to go to work an hour early.
God forbid nothing cliche happens when you are at work, like meeting your ex and having him as your client, because if your memory doesnāt fail you, my goodness, Johnny Suh talked about wanting to have his own house by the end of this year!
āArchitect, meet Sir Johnny Suh.ā You are fucked. Seeing him again was one of the scenarios you made on your way to work today, and you blame your mind for being imaginative to the point of manifesting him right in front of you.Ā
āIāll be assigning you this project because this is a great opportunity for you to grow and improve.ā Sounds familiar. Maybe because thatās what you told Johnny when you broke up with him. āI believe you are responsible enough to lead your own team, and this is your chance to demonstrate your skills,ā your superior told you. It wasnāt very clear on your end because your ex is just a few feet away from you.
āThank you, maāam. I will do my best,ā was all you could say. Your boss then left you alone with... him.
You stood there in shock, but you tried your best not to express it with your face, mainly because you didnāt want him to think that he still had an effect on you. You didnāt want him to think that his showing up at your workplace so early in the morning three months after your break up still has an effect on you.Ā
You thank the universe that some of your colleagues are late because if they were here, they would make fun of you until the sun sets. After all, they were the ones you drank with until your heartaches ended.
You looked at him and saw him looking at the displays in your work. You realized that this was his first time here. Throughout the course of your 7-year relationship, he never insisted on visiting, or maybe you just didnāt let him.
āHe looks.. well.ā You thought to yourself, and you donāt know why there was a hint of disappointment laced in the crevices of your brain. Could it be because he looks like he is doing a lot better than you or because he looks like he is doing a lot better without you?Ā
There he is, still standing tall, and here you are with all of your fears coming back to your system. The fear that led you to end everything, despite everything being good, If the reason you gave him that night wasnāt really clear on his part, it wasnāt clear to you either. After all, your mind was clouded with your low self-esteem, but it was a lot more than that. It was too much for you to take, and you just didnāt want to burden him anymore. He has a book of plans, and yours was paper thin due to your uncertainties. But is that even important now that everything is done?
You cleared your throat in an attempt to get his attention. āLetās head to the conference room.ā Putting your ex aside, this is a great opportunity for you to get promoted. You havenāt seen the project proposed by your client, but this is your chance to get the salary you deserve and your own office. After countless nights of working overtime and overextending yourself, it will all soon be worth it. You hoped.
Johnny Suh wonāt ruin this chance.
You didnāt let the awkward walk to the conference destroy the harmony and creativity you could offer for this project, and the moment you sat on one of the chairs in the conference room, you didnāt waste any second asking, āWhat are your goals and objectives for this project? ā
Your immediate question didnāt surprise Johnny. You are the type of person who is very driven. And he knows that. Very well.
āI would want a space that is aesthetically pleasing and functional.ā His answer exuded a lot of professionalism. Something you hope he maintains until the end of this project.ā
āAnd what is the budget for this project?ā
āAs long as we donāt exceed tens of millions, though I donāt mind not staying within the budget only if it is very essential for the house.ā
āTens of millions. He really has a lot of money, huh? ā You thought. You look at the mood board on the folder handed to you by your boss, and right there you understand why he needed that much money. Itās almost a mansion!Ā
āWhy does he need a house this big? ā You asked yourself. Maybe itās for his family. He always mentioned wanting to build a house for his mom and dad so they would live closer to them and not experience the hassle of buying expensive tickets and tiring flights.
After more questions, you almost forgot that you were working with your ex. Maybe you donāt really care anymore. Maybe you didnāt care that he was starting to turn one of his plans into reality. A house? Such a big step into your 30s. While you go home every day to a small apartment that has been opening its doors for your big problems, Maybe in those three months, he already found the path while you were still navigating the route towards it.
You looked at his back as he stepped out of the room. A view you are strangely familiar with. Even if the results of your decision still haven't caught up to your life, change is very different in Johnny Suh. Change looks good on him.
You let out a small laugh when you remember the number of times you wished the worst for him. Turns out he is doing a lot better now that you are gone from his life. Aside from that, he didnāt sound affected at all. Itās just you who is still stranded on the same ground.
But there is something you canāt deny. Not blinded by anger anymore. You are really proud of him.
After the meeting, you gathered your team. You hired an engineer and an assistant. You also consulted a group of construction workers willing to work on the project. It's the productive day you wished for.
As the day came to an end, you received a text message from him.
Please be at the groundbreaking ceremony. Itās nothing big but it would be nice to have you there.
The message read. As much as you didnāt want to go, he is still your client and you need to, for the harmony of the team.
I will be there. You typed on your phone as you waited for a cab to stop in front of you. This is the closure you needed. This is the closure you need to move on from your paper-thin plans and actually move forward with real, concrete plans. It doesnāt matter if you are navigating the route alone; as long as you know, when you walk towards the path you promised him, you will carry no regrets. You will know that it was for the better.
The 20 minutes you spent inside the taxi were more excruciating than that random Tuesday night when you first cried over the two of you. Itās bittersweet in the sense that you no longer feel angry about your own choices and feel sad because you have come to the realization that you no longer have the right to pry into his choices. He wants to build a house. Good for him. He specifically asked for you to design his house. Fucking great. It totally doesnāt feel like he is doing this to make you feel bad. But knowing Johnny, he is not the type of person to hold a grudge. If he loved you in the past, then he has no reason to hate you in the future, despite not being a part of it anymore.Ā
And the day of the groundbreaking ceremony came quickly. You wore your best clothes to look as presentable as possible, and as expected, the moment you stepped foot onto the site, the cool breeze was the first one to welcome you. The 500-square-meter lot was surrounded by trees inside a gated community. It's a very secluded area. You wouldn't expect this to be in the middle of the city. The walls and trees hovering over the houses are enough to muffle the noises from the highway.
"Hey there, it's good to see you," Johnny greeted you warmly, his smile stretching wide across his face. You reciprocated with an equally warm smile. Despite only seven simple words passing between you, the air seemed to thicken with emotions, leaving you momentarily breathless. Johnny's presence was striking, a stark contrast to the person you had parted ways with three months prior.Ā
"Ah, well, I couldn't possibly leave a client hanging," you replied with a light chuckle, trying to shake off the sudden intensity of the moment. You blamed your tardiness on traffic, a common excuse but one that felt feeble in this instance.
Johnny's laugh was soft and understanding. "No worries, I completely understand," he reassured you.
The exchange hung in the air, followed by a brief but poignant silence. It was as though the unspoken weight of the time apart and the changes that had occurred in both of your lives weighed heavily in the space between you, mingling with the anticipation of what was to come.
"Hey, are you feeling hungry at all? There's a sandwich over there if you're in the mood. Oh, and by the way, Engineer Lee is currently in the tent."
āNot really,Ā I will just take a look around the lot. Thanksā
The ceremony started earlier than originally planned. You stood at the back with your friend Ten, who is also the engineer you hired for this project. You watched Johnny with his parents, holding a golden shovel, marking the ground as the start of the construction process. Materials are all set, and the design is already settled. The workers will be present on the site tomorrow, and they will start working on the foundation of the house.Ā
You let out a sigh of relief when Johnnyās parents didnāt notice you at the ceremony. Maybe itās because of the new haircut, or you really just didnāt want to be seen. But that really is inevitable when Johnny and his family are inviting the entire team for dinner at their house. And Ten has been pushing you to at least say hi to them. After all, the family didnāt do anything wrong to you.
āJust go to them and say hi!ā He said as he slightly pushed you towards them. Your eyes were glued to the family. They were laughing, and his mother looked very happy as she fixed her sonās hair. You are used to seeing them like this. They were like your second parents at the end of the day.
You mustered your courage and walked towards them. You donāt know why you are so nervous about greeting them when theyāve only given you nothing but love.
āHi, auntie, uncle.ā You greeted them with a genuine smile plastered on your face. They turned to look at you in surprise.
āOh my goodness, honey. You didnāt tell me that the best architect in town will be in charge of the house,ā his mother said before engulfing you in a hug. You wrapped your arms around the older lady and laughed in response. You exchanged eye contact with his father before smiling and nodding at him, and after that, your gaze fell on Johnny, who was looking at the both of you with emotions whirling around his faceāsomething you cannot quite paint. He was smiling, but his eyes looked very different. You brushed it off with the reason that you guys havenāt seen each other for months. What rights do you have to dictate the emotions in his eyes?
āHow have you been, darling?ā His mother asked you with so much gentleness laced in her voice. Her eyes scanned every part of your face.
āI am doing great, auntie. How are you?āĀ
āWell, I am really thrilled for our new house! And to have you design our home, ugh, itās like a dream come true.ā She said, and you gave her a small smile. āI saw how much you worked hard to get where you are right now, and I am so proud to see how far youāve come.ā She continued as you both slowly walked away from Johnny and her husband.Ā
You could only hum in response. Overwhelmed by the love and appreciation she is showering you with. You looked at your hand; she was squeezing so tightly, and you realized that the moment you lost Johnny, you also lost the mother who has showered you with love ever since.
"Listen, I know whatever happened between you and my son is no longer my place to pry into, but I just want to ask you to try and settle things. I understand he can be a bit stubborn, but if you two can't reconcile romantically, at least try to maintain a friendship," she said unexpectedly, catching you off guard with the sudden turn in conversation. You gazed at her, unsure of where she was leading with this.
"You're the one who understands him better than anyone else, who knows the deepest corners of his heart. It'll be difficult for him to find someone else like you," she continued, her words carrying a weight of sincerity as she held your gaze. "He loves you dearly, my dear."
"I loved him too, auntie. But sometimes parting ways is for the best. I hope you can understand that," you replied softly, feeling a mix of gratitude and sadness.
"You know I'll always understand," she reassured you, her tone gentle and understanding.
"Thank you for everything, and for trusting me with this house," you expressed your gratitude sincerely.
"Honey, trust me when I say it was all him. He trusted you with this house," she replied warmly.
Dinner with the future house owners came and went and now it was time for goodbyes. There wasnāt much talk while you were eating. You were just enjoying the switching conversations in your surroundings. You would answer when they asked you questionsĀ but you donāt actively participate in the discussion.
"Thank you for dining with us, Engineer Lee, and honey," Mrs. Suh addressed both of you with a warm smile. "Thank you so much for coming."
"It's my absolute pleasure, auntie. Thank you so much for having me," you responded with genuine gratitude, your smile reflecting the warmth of the evening.
"I'll get going, ma'am, sir," Ten interjected, offering to drive you home. You glanced at him, mustering a condescending smile, and mouthed, 'I can handle myself.'
"You sure?" he persisted, concern evident in his voice.
"Yep, don't worry," you reassured him.
"Okay. Bye, everyone. Thank you so much for this amazing night," Ten bid farewell, expressing his gratitude to the gathered company before making his exit.
"Uh, I can drive you home," Johnny offered as Ten's car exited the gate.
"Oh, no, no neeā" you began to decline, but Mrs. Suh intervened.
"Yes! Yes, drive her home. You commute, right? You know it's dangerous for you to commute, especially late at night. So yeah, take her home, Johnny," she insisted, her concern for your safety overriding any objections you might have had.
You can never, and I mean never, decline any offer from Mrs. Suh. She has always been persistent, and that is one of her charms. Something Johnny didnāt get from his mom. You can never say no to her, not in the way that she will get mad or upset if you decline; she is just so good at it.
You took a deep breath and let out a smile, āOkay.ā
And there you were, in your exās car, three months after your breakup.
It was like your throat was dry because of the coldness inside the car. You couldnāt bring yourself to utter a word, and the same thing goes for the man driving. The route to your apartment is something you have memorized so well, and now it is mixed with the familiar, clean scent of his car and the feeling of relief that you are going home with the person who was once the love of your life. Itās very familiar.Ā
Because it was all you lived for in those seven years.
You worked your best because the thought of going home with him and telling him about your day is what you lived for all those years. You worked your best because you wanted the best for the both of you without knowing itās what would break the two of you. Maybe it was the overwhelming amount of socialization you did earlier, but now you could admit that you were insecure. You were insecure about him having so many plans and being so sure of his future with you while you worked tirelessly at a job you were not sure deserved you. You wanted the best for him, and you just didnāt have the capability to be the best for him. You wanted more for yourself because he made you feel small. Not intentionally on his side. You can now admit that itās totally your problem. He never did anything wrong. You just think he is too good for you. And you wouldnāt let him have a future with someone like you.Ā
You wouldnāt want him to live in a future that is uncertain.
āEngineer Lee mentioned something about paint and tile picking tomorrow for the interior.ā He took the upper hand and broke the silence. You looked at him and nodded your head.
āYeah, uhm, you can tag along if you want.ā You regret saying that. Why did you immediately assume he wanted to come with you?Ā
āI was going to ask about that. Okay, I will go tomorrow.ā He responded, and then silence hit the both of you for the nth time.Ā
Friday, rush hour, everyone desperate to go home, and you were one of them.
You wish Johnny would just drive faster so he wouldnāt have to sit in the painful silence, but the traffic wouldnāt let him.Ā
You made a concerted effort to keep your gaze away from him, determined not to let your neck betray your curiosity. Despite your best efforts, fate seemed to have other plans, and against your will, your muscles betrayed you, turning your head to face him. To your surprise, you found him already looking at you, his gaze meeting yours in a brief moment before both of you looked away at the same time.Ā
You want him to ask if you are doing well. You want him to ask how youāve been in those times you werenāt together. You want to see him desperately get to know you again in those times he missed your presence. You want him to ask, or at least say something. You want him to initiate a conversation. You want to know if he still cares about the choices youāve been making. You want him to ask about the little things happening in your life, just like before.
But he didnāt.
Until you reached your building, he didnāt ask anything.
From days to weeks, until it became months of working together, nothing much happened. Totally not that closure your foolish ass expected. Honestly, why were you even expecting anything? Now that months have passed and itās been a year since you ended everything, I donāt know why you are still expecting anything when you donāt even know what you want to happen.
Sure, he would casually talk to you when heād drive to the site to visit. Sure, he would buy you breakfast or lunch, but you are not the only one. You are working for him, and he is paying you. He wants you to do a great job, and of course he would treat you well. Sure, he would still invite you to dinner with his family, but he would also invite Engineer Lee.Ā
On the other hand, Johnny has been making extra efforts to make you comfortable after that night. Not expecting anything in return, maybe his mother was right. A little effort will make a friendship between the two of you blossom. After all, itās a very essential thing when you are working together. But he canāt help but notice that after that night on the road with you, you were being a little more cautious than usual. As if you were walking on eggshells around him. He understands that you feel sorry for what happened, but he isnāt the type of person to dwell in the past now that you are still here in the present.
You have been very ignorant of the fact that he is trying to mend things between the two of you, and now that the project has almost come to an end, with Johnny seeing you as oblivious to his efforts, maybe he should try a bit harder.
If only you knew. If only the both of you knew how much you hoped something would happen that night when he drove you home. If only one of you asked something. But let us not dwell on what could have been; you are here, and this is the last day of construction. They are only installing the lights outside and painting the exterior walls.Ā
Like many other nights before, no one took the initiative. As always. The two of you might be so used to it by now.
The housewarming event came up next, and both of you knew this was your last chance. This marks the end of the project and the opportunity to mend the broken hearts you left each other with.
After working hard for years, you finally got the promotion you wanted. You proved yourself with a project they assigned you, and he was somehow involved too. But all the credit goes to you. You worked really hard to find the best supplier and design the house they wanted.
You've accomplished the first and final wish you made for him. Now, you don't owe him anything anymore. You designed his first house and have become a better version of yourself in the process. Perhaps that was the closure you neededānot just with him, but with yourself too.
And you were fine with just that. You didnāt want to expect anything anymore.
You made sure to greet all the people you worked with throughout this project, and you didnāt forget to express your gratitude to the team that supported you and showed patience every step of the way.
As you socialize with more people, Johnny, who has been observing you the entire time, has a genuine smile on his face. āChange looks good on you,ā he said to himself. He canāt help but be proud. He doesn't have any reason not to. You look the happiest right now, and as someone who knows all your dreams, this is a check in the box among many others.Ā
He made the right decision by picking you as his architect. Other than being good at what you do, he saw this project as an opportunity for you to really get what you want, and the reason why you ended things with him was growth. He knows how much you need that push in your life. He knows how much you need something to happen in your life. Even if it means losing you. Even if it means not being with you every step of the way, He is happy for you and the change you made in that one year.
Amidst the bustling crowd, you locked eyes with him and offered a smile, prompting him to raise his champagne glass in acknowledgment. With purpose, you made your way through the gathering until you stood beside him on the balcony of the freshly constructed house, both admiring the view of the garden below.
For several moments, silence enveloped you both, the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air.
"Thank you for your brilliance, architect," he finally said, breaking the silence.
"It's my pleasure," you responded, the words carrying a sense of fulfillment.
"As an extra payment, can I take you out to lunch tomorrow?" His offer brimmed with confidence, breaking the quietude with a hint of anticipation.
I live all of my days loving you as if itās my last. Like an apocalypse threatening to end and erase all evidence of life, I will hug you in the midst of it all if it means getting to spend the last of my borrowed time with you.
Thatās what you believed in when it came to loving Mingyu. The ever-so-righteous man who is loved by everyone. You feel lucky enough to have him lay his eyes on you, let alone have him call you in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it.
āBecause youāre my friendā was his only reason when you confronted him once. You still vaguely remember that one time when you asked him why he only calls when he is not feeling anyone else but you. Itās your fault for answering every time, and as foolish as it can get, you let him come to you all the excruciating time he calls, be it in the middle of a scorching day or the cold of the night. You open your doors for him. All. The. Time.
āāI really donāt understand how you could be that stupid, y/n.āā wasnāt something new your best friend, Seokmin, has said to you. In fact, you have heard that from him many times already. Since the day you told him about your Mingyu situation, every time you tell him anything about the latter, he blabbers so much about how disappointed he is, like an Asian mom.
āāHe is my friend too, Dee.āā you retorted
āāAnd the sky is green! My point is, didnāt he disappear from your life for weeks, and now he is back again because, what, he misses you? '' Seokmin dropped his utensils to firmly prove his point with his hands. āāThe strongest connection you both have is being friends on Facebook; itās ridiculous.āā
āāDee..āā you trailed off, feeling both embarrassment and frustration. You couldnāt say anything else to him.
āāI just want the best for you, dude. So donāt be so stupid, maybe.āā
Back in freshman year, you and Seokmin clicked instantly, bonding over your shared interests like it was destiny. Now, as seniors, reminiscing about those early days fills you with nostalgia, realizing how swiftly the years have passed. Amidst the whirlwind of college life, the Mingyu situation has remained a steadfast presence, echoing the familiarity of childhood memories. Mingyu's been there since forever, a fixture at every birthday party, Christmas gathering, and New Year's celebration, weaving into the fabric of your shared history.
You couldnāt wrap your head around what changed between the two of you. Maybe itās the maturity and the years that went by in front of you. Despite knowing each other that long, you wouldnāt exactly call him a childhood friend because, although he was present at all of your events when you were younger, you didnāt really talk much until college came and he decided to make a fool out of you.
You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and you knew instantly.
And suddenly you are in front of his doors waiting for him to open up.
Itās an exhausting cycle you are willing to keep up with because loving Mingyu means living your life in an apocalypse. What could you ever lose?
āāHey, you came.āā He said when he opened the door.
āāWell, you called.āā You said once you set foot in his place you are very familiar with.
Along with the scent of his home, the very familiar feeling of hope and desperation came running back to you. Maybe, just maybe, he will realize and learn how to love you. Maybe heāll finally choose you once he realizes, so you are taking your time.
You wonāt ever mind. As long as he still thinks of you.
thank you for always being patient >< i promise to post more frequently in the future! but for now, i will wait for inspiration and ideas to come my way :)
NOTE. this is not an email! i will put the series on hold since i don't want it to be rushed and end terribly. i want to give each member justice and make their characters well-written so take this minghao oneshot as a little compensation. not proofread.
PAIRING. artist!the8 x singer!reader
GENRE. hurt/comfort, angst (as usual)
SYNOPSIS. a struggling singer and a talented artist, xu minghao, cross paths every evening at a lively local bar
W/C. 5k
WARNINGS. language alluding to death
messy masterlist/navigation
you stand backstage watching the audience as the shattered glasses, muffled talk, and distant hum of conversation all come together to create a cacophonous melody. as you watch, crowds of people gather in front of the dimly lit stage, the spotlight shining a tantalizing glow on the artists who have graced it with their presence throughout the course of the night.
a close friend had approached you a few nights before asking for help. they scheduled a friday night concert at your town's beloved local bar, and they needed a last-minute performer. not only did the owner of the pub offer you a huge payout, but you also pledged to help out a friend in need.
your heart was racing with a mix of excitement and dread as you found yourself pacing back and forth behind the heavy drapes as the hours went by. being in front of a large audience is thrilling yet nerve-wracking at the same time because you've always felt more at ease in smaller and more intimate settings.
there is an electrifying feeling in the pub, even though you are trying to hide from the audience's probing eyes. vibrations of laughter and cheers fill the room, interspersed with the inevitable accident when bottles of beer shatter on the polished wooden floor. its peculiar scent blendāwhich perfectly captures the ambiance of this local hangoutācombines the rich scent of pub food with the lingering smell of booze.
the faint echoes of the preceding act's music can be heard backstage; each chord has a unique magnitude that has fired up everyone in attendance. there's an indescribable feeling of adrenaline in the air, and as you take a deep breath and get ready to step onto the stage for the night's final act, you know that this will be an unforgettable event no matter how it turns out.
you were placed back in reality when the event organizer tapped your shoulder and whispered, āyouāre up next.ā
you nodded your head as a response and gripped the strap of your guitar before taking a deep breath. affirmations ran through your head as you walked to the middle of the stage. you sat on the stool, placed your guitar comfortably on your lap, and began to play the first few strokes of the strings that caused the audience to scream and cheer for you.
it was overwhelming for you, to say the least. itās your first time performing infront of a huge crowd. normally, it would just be you playing at a relative's birthday or some strangerās funeral but never at a place like this. it was electrifying.
your eyes were trying their hardest to find a familiar face in the room, watching and listening to you as you sung the lyrics of the song you had chosen to perform, but you failed yourself when you realized they were all strangers. it wasn't an issue for you. rather, your gaze fell on this one person, and you began observing him without realizing it. he's not paying attention very closely. unlike other people in the audience, he didn't seem as drawn to the performance on stage; instead, it seemed as like he was living in his own bubble with your voice playing in the background. he was, instead, doodling something on a piece of brown tissue paper.
he held your interest. except for him, everyone else was staring at you. he was enjoying his own time as if he was the only one in the room. of course, you don't think that everyone would be watching you, but there was something about him that made you look at him after each verse and bridge you sang that evening.
you thanked them and said you wanted to see them again another evening as you concluded the three songs you had prepared. when you turned to face his table again, you noticed that the man had already left and that it was vacant and spotless. not a glimpse of the tissue paper he had been sketching on before. as soon as you got off the stool and went back behind the stage, people began to make their way towards the exit as well.
"you did so well!" your friend, seokmin, said, beaming with admiration, as you slung your guitar bag over your shoulder. you glared at him and playfully smacked his arm.
"i was looking for you earlier!" you replied, knitting your eyebrows and pouting when he laughed at your mock anger.
"i was watching you backstage!" he defended himself, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"you know, i was fuming earlier since you were the one who invited me here, and yet you weren't even in the audience," you said, a touch of mock annoyance in your voice.
"okay, don't be mad now. you'll get wrinkles. calm your brows," seokmin teased, his laughter filling the air as you both shared a lighthearted moment after your performance.
"oh, by the way! the owner said he'll send the money directly to your account. he also mentioned giving you a bonus if you come here again next friday. what do you say?" seokmin asked, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes as he looked at you, eagerly awaiting your response.
"sure, why not? i'm free next friday," you replied with a smile, feeling a sense of excitement at the prospect of performing again.
"that's good to hear!" seokmin said, his enthusiasm matching yours.
"you better be in the audience next friday. i was dead nervous earlier," you teased seokmin, trying to hide the lingering nerves from your voice with a playful tone.
"yeah, yeah! you should head home now, hun. there won't be any cabs around past 2 am. i still need to close up the bar, so you should head home first," seokmin urged, showing concern for your safety and well-being after a successful but late-night performance.
you bid your goodbyes to seokmin and stepped outside the bar, the cool night air offering a refreshing contrast to the vibrant energy you had just left behind.
as you stood at the side of the road, it felt as if you could still hear the echoes of the cheers and applause from your earlier performance. your heart continued to race, and the thrill of the moment lingered in the cool night air. you inhaled deeply, the cold breeze providing a soothing contrast to the excitement that still pulsed within you, as you waited for a taxi to pass by and take you home.
the pub was situated in a quiet, almost desolate alley, likely to minimize disturbances to the other residents in the area. unfortunately, this meant that very few vehicles frequented the road, especially at the late hour of 2:30 am. as you stood there, you realized that hailing a taxi might take longer than you had initially thought, adding an extra layer of challenge to your journey home.
you let out a sigh and began to reflect, realizing that this night wasn't as flawless as you had initially imagined it to be. however, there was no pressing need to hurry back home, for your house was a solitary sanctuary. there was no one waiting for you there, as you lived alone, except for the friendly stray cat that you often found nestled beside your bedroom window.
you were startled out of your thoughts as a strong, blinding light suddenly illuminated the alley. blinking away the temporary blindness, you turned to see a sleek, black hellcat redeye not too far from where you stood. the car began to roll slowly in your direction, and the driver honked the horn when it came to a stop in front of you. crouching slightly to look through the window, you were taken aback to see the same guy you had noticed sketching earlier in the evening. the unexpected encounter added another surreal layer to an already eventful night.
"need a ride?" he asked, his words careful and gentle, as if he were making an effort not to come across as too forward or strange. his concern was evident in his tone.
"yeah," you replied, your voice slightly shaky from the chill of the night. "obviously," you added under your breath, feeling the cold seep into your bones, grateful for the unexpected but timely offer of a ride.
āget in, ā.ā he said, using your stage name to address you with a gentle smile, a touch of familiarity in his demeanor.
"thank you," you said, the gratitude evident in your voice as you fastened your seatbelt.
he hummed in response, starting the car and preparing to drive.
"where to?" he asked, his eyes briefly meeting yours in the rearview mirror.
"oh, 17 apartment complex. it's pretty far from here. i'm sorry," you explained, feeling a twinge of guilt for the inconvenience.
"no, it's totally okay with me. i don't live very far from your building anyways," he reassured you, his tone warm and accommodating. you settled back in your seat, grateful for his understanding and the unexpected company on your way home.
the first few minutes of the ride were filled with a certain awkwardness. he kept himself occupied by humming along to the tune playing on the local radio, his eyes occasionally darting to the road ahead.
āwhatās your name?ā he asked, breaking the awkward silence.
āiām ā, you?ā
āminghao. how old are you, ā?ā
āiām 25.ā
"oh, i'm a year older than you then," he replied with a friendly smile, a subtle connection forming as you exchanged this small piece of personal information.
the exchange of personal information had a surprising effect, gradually melting the initial awkwardness in the car. minghao's sense of humor emerged, and he started cracking jokes throughout the long drive home. you found yourself enjoying the banter, though you had to remind him to keep his eyes on the road a few times. the conversation flowed so naturally that it almost felt like you had known each other for ages.
curiosity about why he hadn't seemed attentive during your performance earlier crossed your mind, but in the warmth of the moment, with him right beside you on the drive home, the question seemed less pressing. you were content to let the night unfold at its own pace, and you appreciated the newfound camaraderie that had unexpectedly come into your life.
"thanks again!" you said with a warm smile on your face as you stepped out of minghao's car.
"see you again some other time. go inside now. it's cold," he advised, a caring tone in his voice. you nodded in agreement, appreciating his thoughtfulness.
you entered the building and turned back to look once the automatic glass door of the building closed shut. minghao's car was just starting to pull away, disappearing into the night, leaving you with a sense of gratitude for the serendipitous encounter and a newfound friendship that had brightened your evening in the most unexpected way.
your friday evenings fell into a comfortable rhythm, with your performances at the local pub becoming a regular highlight of the week. minghao continued to be a dedicated audience member, offering you a ride home after each show. eventually, your interactions extended beyond the confines of the friday routine, as you both decided to spend time together on days when your schedules allowed. the bond between you grew stronger, fueled by shared laughter, genuine conversations, and a growing sense of companionship that transcended the confines of the local bar and the friday night performances.
over time, you discovered that minghao was not just an art enthusiast but an accomplished artist in his own right. his talents and dedication to his craft impressed you, and it came as a delightful surprise when he confided that he had an upcoming opportunity to showcase his artwork in a renowned gallery in paris next week.
tonight is just another amazing evening for you, and that sentence carries an entirely different meaning now. a few nights ago, you had entered this local pub with a mix of nervousness and the overwhelming sensation of performing in front of a large crowd, all motivated by the prospect of earning some extra money. however, as the weeks turned into months, you found that you had come to love your evenings at the pub.
the owner, recognizing the growing popularity of the pub's live music, had extended the concert nights to include mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. it was no longer just your fridays, but the entire week had become a delightful series of performances and moments of connection with an audience that had grown to appreciate and support your music.
you had grown to relish the thrill of performing in front of an audience, and the peace and fun that followed each of your shows had become something you eagerly anticipated. what once felt like a daunting task had evolved into a cherished part of your life, a testament to the transformative power of shared experiences and the connections formed on those memorable friday nights.
"hey," seokmin's sudden whisper caught you off guard, interrupting your thoughts as you waited for your turn to perform on stage.
you turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "hey! what's wrong with you?" you asked, unable to contain a playful smirk as you lightly smacked his arm.
"i see you have your own personal driver now, huh?" he teased, earning a playful glare from you in return.
"i don't meddle in your romance with the owner of this pub, so mind your own business," you retorted, a hint of sass in your voice, which only made him laugh even more. the lighthearted banter with your friend helped ease the last-minute nerves as you prepared to take the stage once again.
"so... who is he?" seokmin persisted with his curiosity.
"he's just a friend of mine," you replied, a hint of defensiveness in your tone.
seokmin didn't back down. "i'm asking for his name, not who he is to you," he clarified, clearly interested in the details.
āname is minghao, heās an artist.ā
āminghao? heās here right now?ā
āabout that, i donāt know if he could come today since he has a flight tomorrow. he needs his rest, you know?ā
āflight to where?ā
āparis, he has an event to attend.ā
ābig time. anyway, you need to get going. the previous act just left the stage.ā
with seokmin's reminder, you took a deep breath and made your way to the center of the stage, ready to captivate the audience with your performance. as the spotlight shone upon you, you began to sing, the music filling the air, and the crowd's attention shifting to you, for another memorable evening at the local pub.
throughout your performance, you couldn't help but steal glances at the entrance of the pub, hoping to catch a glimpse of minghao walking in. however, as your performance concluded, he was still nowhere to be seen.Ā
you had already prepared yourself for the likelihood of his absence, but a part of your heart couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment. minghao had become a regular part of your friday routine, and his absence meant that you would be heading home alone, missing the comfort of his presence and the familiar company during the drive back.
you concluded your wednesday performance and bid your goodbye to the audience to your friend, seokmin.
as you stood at the side of the road, waiting for a cab that seemed highly unlikely to pass by, a sense of resignation began to settle in. the cold night air seemed to penetrate deeper as you waited patiently, hoping for some stroke of luck to bring a taxi your way.
just when it felt like your patience might wear thin, you couldn't believe your eyes when you saw the unmistakable sight of minghao's black hellcat redeye approaching. the vehicle came to a smooth stop in front of you, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and gratitude wash over you.Ā
"i couldn't leave without driving you back home," minghao said with a reassuring smile as you approached the car window. the warmth in his words and the kindness in his eyes instantly put you at ease, and you eagerly hopped into the car, comforted by the knowledge that you wouldn't be braving the chilly night alone. the sense of disappointment that had weighed on you earlier began to dissipate, and you embarked on the drive back home with a grateful heart, appreciating the unexpected friendship that had brightened your life in countless ways.
the night air was crisp, and the streets were nearly deserted as you both continued your journey through the quiet city. minghao's dedication to ensuring you got home safely, despite the early hours and his impending flight, touched you deeply.
"you really shouldn't have. you have a flight to catch, and it's 3 am," you insisted once more, your concern growing for his well-being.
minghao, however, brushed off your worries. "are you kidding me? this is the least i could do for you. i won't be seeing you for a week," he responded with unwavering determination, his eyes briefly leaving the road to meet yours.
"you need to rest, hao," you continued, not wanting him to exhaust himself before his important journey.
"this is rest," he reassured you, turning to look at you once more, his eyes filled with warmth and understanding. the way he looked at you made your heart skip a beat, and you couldn't help but smile in return.
"eyes on the road," you playfully reminded him, ensuring he stayed focused on the task at hand. the bond you had formed over the past weeks was a source of great comfort to both of you, and the journey back home in the early hours of the morning, despite the upcoming separation, felt like a cherished moment of connection.
the dark, quiet streets rolled by as minghao drove you home, and the solitude of the night created a sense of intimacy between you two. his commitment to driving you back, even when he had an early flight to catch, was a testament to the depth of your friendship.
"don't you worry. after i drive you home, i will head straight to the airport and i will sleep there," minghao reiterated, his voice calm and reassuring.
you couldn't help but offer, "are you sure you don't want to have coffee at my house before you head to the airport?" concern for his well-being tugged at your heart, knowing that he was sacrificing his rest to ensure you got home safely.
minghao's smile was both gentle and resolute as he declined your offer. "no need," he replied, "you should sleep as soon as you get home. i'll be fine." his caring demeanor and genuine concern for your comfort and well-being resonated deeply with you, and you nodded in understanding.
"you are home," minghao said gently, drawing you out of your reverie as you continued to stare at him.
"huh?" you responded, momentarily confused.
"we are here," he clarified, gesturing toward your building.
"oh," you murmured, realizing your distraction, and looked to your right to see your familiar apartment building. "well, thank you for the ride, hao. and good luck in paris."
"thank you. good night," minghao replied with a warm smile before you closed the car door behind you.
just like any other evening, minghao didn't leave until he saw you inside the building. the familiar routine and his unwavering consideration were a comforting friend that you had come to rely on, and as you watched his car drive away, you felt a wave of gratitude for his presence in your life.
entering your unit, you felt far from tired. the drive with minghao had been a peaceful interlude in your life, much like any other evening you spent with him. the sense of comfort and contentment that his presence brought was a cherished part of your routine, a bright spot in your week that had transformed your evenings into moments of warmth, friendship, and music. you couldn't help but reflect on how, from a chance meeting at the local pub, a beautiful friendship had blossomed, filling your life with unexpected joy and connection.
the morning you woke up, it was an ordinary thursday. it began just like any other day, with your familiar routine of going on a peaceful walk, visiting your favorite bakery, and then returning to your apartment to spend the day in peaceful solitude. everything seemed as it usually was.
however, a subtle sense of unease crept in when you realized there was no "good morning" text from minghao. at first, you found it strange, but then it dawned on you that he had a flight today. he always turned his phone to airplane mode during flights, and that was why the expected message was missing.Ā
despite knowing the reason, a slight feeling of emptiness lingered, reminding you of the importance of this daily interaction with your friend. it was a small but significant absence, a reminder of how much minghao had become a part of your daily life, even when he was miles away.
as the hours passed by, you found yourself preoccupied with various activities, but a part of your mind remained fixated on the absence of minghao's messages. then, finally, you noticed his name appearing in your notifications. a wave of relief washed over you, accompanied by a sense of anticipation as you eagerly opened the message, hoping for some news or even a brief update about his journey.
the moment you saw minghao's name appear in your notifications, a surge of joy washed over you, and you couldn't help but express your elation. silently, you let out a muffled scream, as if you were a teenager who had just received a message from their crush. the feeling was overwhelming, and you found yourself rolling on your bed, a giddy smile on your face, relishing the simple yet profound joy of seeing his message.
it was as if the day had suddenly transformed from ordinary to extraordinary, all because of a few lines of text from minghao. the anticipation of hearing from him and the reassurance that he was safely on the other side of the flight were like a warm embrace, filling your heart with a sense of comfort and connection. it was moments like these that made you truly appreciate the friendship you shared and the special place minghao had carved out in your daily life.
āthis is a scheduled text. if you received this, i have already landed in paris. i love you, take care.ā the message read.
as you read the message from minghao, the words "i love you" leapt out, catching you off guard and leaving you momentarily stunned. the audacity of his heartfelt expression, conveyed through a scheduled text, brought forth a mix of emotions. there was a sense of disbelief at the timing and manner of his declaration, tinged with a hint of annoyance at his boldness to express such sentiments from afar.
yet, despite these conflicting emotions, a warm and giddy feeling enveloped you. his words had a way of transcending the distance between you, bridging the gap created by the physical miles. minghao's unexpected proclamation served as a reminder of the deep bond you shared, one that had blossomed from the simple moments and shared experiences, transforming into a connection that was as sincere as it was unexpected.
just as you were processing minghao's heartfelt message, your phone began to ring, and you were taken completely by surprise when you saw the caller's name ā the owner of the pub. this unexpected call brought forth a rush of questions and curiosity, leaving you to wonder what could have prompted this sudden and surprising contact from your boss, joshua hong.
āseokmin said you are friends with minghao. you might want to come to yoon medical center.ā
āwhat?ā
the owner's cryptic words and the mention of minghao's name left you in a state of bewilderment. it was as if the ground had shifted beneath your feet, and you were struggling to comprehend the gravity of the situation. what had happened to minghao? why were you being summoned to the medical center? the flood of questions raced through your mind, each one more unsettling than the last.
as you rushed to the yoon medical center, the world seemed to blur around you. the streets and buildings became a mere backdrop to your racing thoughts, all focused on minghao's well-being. you couldn't help but replay your last moments with him in your mind, the excitement of his safe arrival in paris now overshadowed by the nagging uncertainty of his current condition. the bond you had shared with him had taken root in your heart, and the fear of losing it, even for a moment, was almost too much to bear.
when you arrived at the medical center, the reality of the situation hit you with full force. the bustling of medical personnel, the hushed conversations, and the sterile scent of the hospital environment all added to the growing sense of dread that clenched at your chest. you couldn't help but wonder what had transpired, and as you made your way through the unfamiliar corridors, the suspense and anxiety intensified, a heavy weight on your shoulders that seemed to grow with every step you took.
the owner of the pub, joshua, explained the grim situation after a few moments of somber silence. "he never made it to the airport," he began, his voice heavy with sorrow. "a drunk driver hit him on the road not too far from your apartment, and doctor yoon said he didn't make it alive at the hospital as there was too much bleeding."
the words hit you like a tidal wave, and your world seemed to shatter in an instant. the shock and disbelief washed over you, leaving you struggling to process the devastating news. minghao, your friend and confidant, who had brightened your evenings and shared in your daily routine, was gone, a victim of a tragic accident that had torn him away from your life.
tears welled up in your eyes, and the weight of grief settled on your heart. the bond you had shared with minghao had grown deeper and more meaningful with each passing day, and now, you were left grappling with the harsh reality of his sudden and untimely departure. the sense of loss was overwhelming, and you couldn't help but feel a profound emptiness in the absence of your friend and the simple yet cherished moments you had shared.
joshua's words resonated deeply, and he continued, "he was also my friend. when he found out about his trip to paris, he told me to give this to you a day before his flight so you'd have something to talk about."
in his hands, joshua held out a piece of brown tissue paper, and as you accepted it, you were met with a moving sight. it was the same brown tissue paper that minghao had been sketching on that evening. the image portrayed you, sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage, your guitar in hand, captured with intricate detail. it dawned on you that he had been watching you that very evening, his artistic portrayal a testament to the shared moments you had on that stage.
as you gazed at the drawing, a mixture of emotions washed over you. it was a beautiful and poignant memento that encapsulated minghao's presence in your life.Ā
the world became a blur that thursday. joshua insisted on driving you home, a gesture of comfort and support, which you declined. you felt the need to be alone, to process the shock and grief in solitude.
he also suggested that you didn't have to perform on friday, understanding the emotional toll of the recent events. however, you firmly declined that offer as well. performing at the local pub on friday was not just about money; it was your connection to minghao, a way to honor his memory, and a source of solace in your time of loss. it was your lifeline, and you couldn't bear the thought of letting it go, even in the face of such profound sadness.
the days ahead held uncertainty, but the routine of the pub, the music, and the memories of your time with minghao were the anchors that would help you navigate the turbulent seas of grief.
joshua and seokmin stood by your side, offering their support and presence as you navigated the difficult hours following the heart-wrenching news about minghao. their unwavering companionship served as a source of comfort during a time of profound grief.
the following evening, you found yourself back at the local pub, a place where all your cherished memories of minghao had gathered. the stage, the familiar audience, and the music had always been your sanctuary, and it was there that you sought solace and a way to honor your friend's memory.
stepping into the center of the stage, you began to sing, your voice laced with emotions that ran deep. the lyrics spoke of your sorrow, and you poured your heart into the song. the audience may not have been aware of the tragedy you were enduring, but there was an unusual silence that enveloped the room, as if they could sense the heaviness in your voice.
āiām singing at a funeral tomorrow..
for a kid a year older than me.ā
as you continued to sing, the weight of your emotions became almost unbearable. you felt a disconnection from the world, a profound sense of loss that threatened to consume you.
ājesus christ, iām so blue all the time
and thatās just how i feel
always have and always will
always have and always will.ā
grateful for the concealing embrace of the heavy red curtains, you completed the song, your spirit broken but your determination to carry on as strong as ever. the local pub had always been a place that carries peace, but now it cradles your insurmountable grief, maybe it's a good thing that you decided to perform this friday because on this night, it served as a poignant tribute to a friend whose memory would forever echo in the music and the moments you shared.
I live all of my days loving you as if itās my last. Like an apocalypse threatening to end and erase all evidence of life, I will hug you in the midst of it all if it means getting to spend the last of my borrowed time with you.
Thatās what you believed in when it came to loving Mingyu. The ever-so-righteous man who is loved by everyone. You feel lucky enough to have him lay his eyes on you, let alone have him call you in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it.
āBecause youāre my friendā was his only reason when you confronted him once. You still vaguely remember that one time when you asked him why he only calls when he is not feeling anyone else but you. Itās your fault for answering every time, and as foolish as it can get, you let him come to you all the excruciating time he calls, be it in the middle of a scorching day or the cold of the night. You open your doors for him. All. The. Time.
āāI really donāt understand how you could be that stupid, y/n.āā wasnāt something new your best friend, Seokmin, has said to you. In fact, you have heard that from him many times already. Since the day you told him about your Mingyu situation, every time you tell him anything about the latter, he blabbers so much about how disappointed he is, like an Asian mom.
āāHe is my friend too, Dee.āā you retorted
āāAnd the sky is green! My point is, didnāt he disappear from your life for weeks, and now he is back again because, what, he misses you? '' Seokmin dropped his utensils to firmly prove his point with his hands. āāThe strongest connection you both have is being friends on Facebook; itās ridiculous.āā
āāDee..āā you trailed off, feeling both embarrassment and frustration. You couldnāt say anything else to him.
āāI just want the best for you, dude. So donāt be so stupid, maybe.āā
Back in freshman year, you and Seokmin clicked instantly, bonding over your shared interests like it was destiny. Now, as seniors, reminiscing about those early days fills you with nostalgia, realizing how swiftly the years have passed. Amidst the whirlwind of college life, the Mingyu situation has remained a steadfast presence, echoing the familiarity of childhood memories. Mingyu's been there since forever, a fixture at every birthday party, Christmas gathering, and New Year's celebration, weaving into the fabric of your shared history.
You couldnāt wrap your head around what changed between the two of you. Maybe itās the maturity and the years that went by in front of you. Despite knowing each other that long, you wouldnāt exactly call him a childhood friend because, although he was present at all of your events when you were younger, you didnāt really talk much until college came and he decided to make a fool out of you.
You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and you knew instantly.
And suddenly you are in front of his doors waiting for him to open up.
Itās an exhausting cycle you are willing to keep up with because loving Mingyu means living your life in an apocalypse. What could you ever lose?
āāHey, you came.āā He said when he opened the door.
āāWell, you called.āā You said once you set foot in his place you are very familiar with.
Along with the scent of his home, the very familiar feeling of hope and desperation came running back to you. Maybe, just maybe, he will realize and learn how to love you. Maybe heāll finally choose you once he realizes, so you are taking your time.
You wonāt ever mind. As long as he still thinks of you.
NOTE. hey sorry for ghosting (again...)
PAIRING. johnny suh x fem reader
GENRE. hurt/comfort, angst
SYNOPSIS. the entire process of getting over your ex, johnny suh (and meeting each other again)
WARNINGS. profanity, mention of alcohol
W/C. 4.8k
The morning of your breakup with your first-ever boyfriend isnāt as awful as you expected. Life went on like it usually does. Blinded by anger, you wished for your ex to have the most terrible, annoying, and awful day ahead and all the other days that followed. Call it childish, if you may. Call it a little bit immature when I say the two of you didnāt really end on bad terms. Your only worry after you parted ways was, āHow could he fumble so badly? ā. You didnāt cry the morning after your breakup with Johnny Suh, but you did on a random Tuesday night when you saw the sticker he put on your tumbler. You cried again the following week when you found yourself walking on the same route you would always take with him on the way to the terminal when both of you had enough time before heading to work.Ā
It truly is the little details that bring you to tears. Not the broken promises and the plans you made together that you will never fulfill because you are used to those things, unfortunately, because you werenāt really that loved when you were younger, which is sad, and now that the only person that showed you affection is gone for the sole reason that āthe two of you need more space to grow and move forwardā.Ā
Itās all bullshit. And you hope he thinks the same.Ā
You hope he feels the same. You hope that every day he wakes up, he reaches his arm to the other side of the bed and realizes that you no longer lay beside him. You hope that every time he prepares the table, he gets two spoons and then realizes that he has to eat alone and not have anyone to talk about absurd things during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which leaves him no choice but to watch stuff on his phone. On top of that, you wish that his WI-FI doesnāt work, so he will be bored to death.
You sat at the lonely six-seater dining table so early in the morning. Itās been three months since you broke up with Johnny, and really, you donāt feel anything right now other than the desire to make this day as productive as possible, and you seem to be on a really great start.Ā
You woke up at 5 a.m. in the morning to go on a morning jog, and when you reached your desired time, you decided to stop by the bakery to grab yourself some pandesal. When you got home, it was almost 7, and you decided to use your espresso machine that has been sitting in your kitchen, praying to be used. The fact that today was your first time using it was very evident because you had to get a chair to get it from the highest counter, and the box that it came in is now covered with dust. And then it hit you.
That coffee maker was a gift from Johnny. No, youāre not going to cry. You wouldnāt let that little piece of equipment ruin your day. Even if it was an anniversary gift. Even if you know damn well, he saved up most of his salary to buy you that. And now youāre on the verge of tears as you remember the fact that you didnāt even get to thank him properly because that was also the day you broke up with him.
And now! Another! Day! Ruined! Thanks, Johnny Suh.
In the end, you decided to drink instant coffee.
You heaved a sigh, trying to contain yourself. No! You wouldnāt let that happen. He should be the one crying over this espresso machine because itās so expensive. Hell, he knows you donāt even drink coffee. He bought this for himself and gave it to you, and now he canāt even take it back because you are no longer together. Ha! Take that, Johnny Suh.
But then again, Johnny Suh is rich as hell so he wonāt be crying over a gift for his ex.
Moving on (something you obviously canāt do), your work as an architectural designer starts at 9 a.m., and for some weird reason, you wanted to look your best when going to work. After all, you are going to meet tons of clients (and you are running for senior architect, so obviously you gotta do a bit of sucking up to your superiors because you! need! the! money!).
So with your desire to get promoted and get more money, you decided to go to work an hour early.
God forbid nothing cliche happens when you are at work, like meeting your ex and having him as your client, because if your memory doesnāt fail you, my goodness, Johnny Suh talked about wanting to have his own house by the end of this year!
āArchitect, meet Sir Johnny Suh.ā You are fucked. Seeing him again was one of the scenarios you made on your way to work today, and you blame your mind for being imaginative to the point of manifesting him right in front of you.Ā
āIāll be assigning you this project because this is a great opportunity for you to grow and improve.ā Sounds familiar. Maybe because thatās what you told Johnny when you broke up with him. āI believe you are responsible enough to lead your own team, and this is your chance to demonstrate your skills,ā your superior told you. It wasnāt very clear on your end because your ex is just a few feet away from you.
āThank you, maāam. I will do my best,ā was all you could say. Your boss then left you alone with... him.
You stood there in shock, but you tried your best not to express it with your face, mainly because you didnāt want him to think that he still had an effect on you. You didnāt want him to think that his showing up at your workplace so early in the morning three months after your break up still has an effect on you.Ā
You thank the universe that some of your colleagues are late because if they were here, they would make fun of you until the sun sets. After all, they were the ones you drank with until your heartaches ended.
You looked at him and saw him looking at the displays in your work. You realized that this was his first time here. Throughout the course of your 7-year relationship, he never insisted on visiting, or maybe you just didnāt let him.
āHe looks.. well.ā You thought to yourself, and you donāt know why there was a hint of disappointment laced in the crevices of your brain. Could it be because he looks like he is doing a lot better than you or because he looks like he is doing a lot better without you?Ā
There he is, still standing tall, and here you are with all of your fears coming back to your system. The fear that led you to end everything, despite everything being good, If the reason you gave him that night wasnāt really clear on his part, it wasnāt clear to you either. After all, your mind was clouded with your low self-esteem, but it was a lot more than that. It was too much for you to take, and you just didnāt want to burden him anymore. He has a book of plans, and yours was paper thin due to your uncertainties. But is that even important now that everything is done?
You cleared your throat in an attempt to get his attention. āLetās head to the conference room.ā Putting your ex aside, this is a great opportunity for you to get promoted. You havenāt seen the project proposed by your client, but this is your chance to get the salary you deserve and your own office. After countless nights of working overtime and overextending yourself, it will all soon be worth it. You hoped.
Johnny Suh wonāt ruin this chance.
You didnāt let the awkward walk to the conference destroy the harmony and creativity you could offer for this project, and the moment you sat on one of the chairs in the conference room, you didnāt waste any second asking, āWhat are your goals and objectives for this project? ā
Your immediate question didnāt surprise Johnny. You are the type of person who is very driven. And he knows that. Very well.
āI would want a space that is aesthetically pleasing and functional.ā His answer exuded a lot of professionalism. Something you hope he maintains until the end of this project.ā
āAnd what is the budget for this project?ā
āAs long as we donāt exceed tens of millions, though I donāt mind not staying within the budget only if it is very essential for the house.ā
āTens of millions. He really has a lot of money, huh? ā You thought. You look at the mood board on the folder handed to you by your boss, and right there you understand why he needed that much money. Itās almost a mansion!Ā
āWhy does he need a house this big? ā You asked yourself. Maybe itās for his family. He always mentioned wanting to build a house for his mom and dad so they would live closer to them and not experience the hassle of buying expensive tickets and tiring flights.
After more questions, you almost forgot that you were working with your ex. Maybe you donāt really care anymore. Maybe you didnāt care that he was starting to turn one of his plans into reality. A house? Such a big step into your 30s. While you go home every day to a small apartment that has been opening its doors for your big problems, Maybe in those three months, he already found the path while you were still navigating the route towards it.
You looked at his back as he stepped out of the room. A view you are strangely familiar with. Even if the results of your decision still haven't caught up to your life, change is very different in Johnny Suh. Change looks good on him.
You let out a small laugh when you remember the number of times you wished the worst for him. Turns out he is doing a lot better now that you are gone from his life. Aside from that, he didnāt sound affected at all. Itās just you who is still stranded on the same ground.
But there is something you canāt deny. Not blinded by anger anymore. You are really proud of him.
After the meeting, you gathered your team. You hired an engineer and an assistant. You also consulted a group of construction workers willing to work on the project. It's the productive day you wished for.
As the day came to an end, you received a text message from him.
Please be at the groundbreaking ceremony. Itās nothing big but it would be nice to have you there.
The message read. As much as you didnāt want to go, he is still your client and you need to, for the harmony of the team.
I will be there. You typed on your phone as you waited for a cab to stop in front of you. This is the closure you needed. This is the closure you need to move on from your paper-thin plans and actually move forward with real, concrete plans. It doesnāt matter if you are navigating the route alone; as long as you know, when you walk towards the path you promised him, you will carry no regrets. You will know that it was for the better.
The 20 minutes you spent inside the taxi were more excruciating than that random Tuesday night when you first cried over the two of you. Itās bittersweet in the sense that you no longer feel angry about your own choices and feel sad because you have come to the realization that you no longer have the right to pry into his choices. He wants to build a house. Good for him. He specifically asked for you to design his house. Fucking great. It totally doesnāt feel like he is doing this to make you feel bad. But knowing Johnny, he is not the type of person to hold a grudge. If he loved you in the past, then he has no reason to hate you in the future, despite not being a part of it anymore.Ā
And the day of the groundbreaking ceremony came quickly. You wore your best clothes to look as presentable as possible, and as expected, the moment you stepped foot onto the site, the cool breeze was the first one to welcome you. The 500-square-meter lot was surrounded by trees inside a gated community. It's a very secluded area. You wouldn't expect this to be in the middle of the city. The walls and trees hovering over the houses are enough to muffle the noises from the highway.
"Hey there, it's good to see you," Johnny greeted you warmly, his smile stretching wide across his face. You reciprocated with an equally warm smile. Despite only seven simple words passing between you, the air seemed to thicken with emotions, leaving you momentarily breathless. Johnny's presence was striking, a stark contrast to the person you had parted ways with three months prior.Ā
"Ah, well, I couldn't possibly leave a client hanging," you replied with a light chuckle, trying to shake off the sudden intensity of the moment. You blamed your tardiness on traffic, a common excuse but one that felt feeble in this instance.
Johnny's laugh was soft and understanding. "No worries, I completely understand," he reassured you.
The exchange hung in the air, followed by a brief but poignant silence. It was as though the unspoken weight of the time apart and the changes that had occurred in both of your lives weighed heavily in the space between you, mingling with the anticipation of what was to come.
"Hey, are you feeling hungry at all? There's a sandwich over there if you're in the mood. Oh, and by the way, Engineer Lee is currently in the tent."
āNot really,Ā I will just take a look around the lot. Thanksā
The ceremony started earlier than originally planned. You stood at the back with your friend Ten, who is also the engineer you hired for this project. You watched Johnny with his parents, holding a golden shovel, marking the ground as the start of the construction process. Materials are all set, and the design is already settled. The workers will be present on the site tomorrow, and they will start working on the foundation of the house.Ā
You let out a sigh of relief when Johnnyās parents didnāt notice you at the ceremony. Maybe itās because of the new haircut, or you really just didnāt want to be seen. But that really is inevitable when Johnny and his family are inviting the entire team for dinner at their house. And Ten has been pushing you to at least say hi to them. After all, the family didnāt do anything wrong to you.
āJust go to them and say hi!ā He said as he slightly pushed you towards them. Your eyes were glued to the family. They were laughing, and his mother looked very happy as she fixed her sonās hair. You are used to seeing them like this. They were like your second parents at the end of the day.
You mustered your courage and walked towards them. You donāt know why you are so nervous about greeting them when theyāve only given you nothing but love.
āHi, auntie, uncle.ā You greeted them with a genuine smile plastered on your face. They turned to look at you in surprise.
āOh my goodness, honey. You didnāt tell me that the best architect in town will be in charge of the house,ā his mother said before engulfing you in a hug. You wrapped your arms around the older lady and laughed in response. You exchanged eye contact with his father before smiling and nodding at him, and after that, your gaze fell on Johnny, who was looking at the both of you with emotions whirling around his faceāsomething you cannot quite paint. He was smiling, but his eyes looked very different. You brushed it off with the reason that you guys havenāt seen each other for months. What rights do you have to dictate the emotions in his eyes?
āHow have you been, darling?ā His mother asked you with so much gentleness laced in her voice. Her eyes scanned every part of your face.
āI am doing great, auntie. How are you?āĀ
āWell, I am really thrilled for our new house! And to have you design our home, ugh, itās like a dream come true.ā She said, and you gave her a small smile. āI saw how much you worked hard to get where you are right now, and I am so proud to see how far youāve come.ā She continued as you both slowly walked away from Johnny and her husband.Ā
You could only hum in response. Overwhelmed by the love and appreciation she is showering you with. You looked at your hand; she was squeezing so tightly, and you realized that the moment you lost Johnny, you also lost the mother who has showered you with love ever since.
"Listen, I know whatever happened between you and my son is no longer my place to pry into, but I just want to ask you to try and settle things. I understand he can be a bit stubborn, but if you two can't reconcile romantically, at least try to maintain a friendship," she said unexpectedly, catching you off guard with the sudden turn in conversation. You gazed at her, unsure of where she was leading with this.
"You're the one who understands him better than anyone else, who knows the deepest corners of his heart. It'll be difficult for him to find someone else like you," she continued, her words carrying a weight of sincerity as she held your gaze. "He loves you dearly, my dear."
"I loved him too, auntie. But sometimes parting ways is for the best. I hope you can understand that," you replied softly, feeling a mix of gratitude and sadness.
"You know I'll always understand," she reassured you, her tone gentle and understanding.
"Thank you for everything, and for trusting me with this house," you expressed your gratitude sincerely.
"Honey, trust me when I say it was all him. He trusted you with this house," she replied warmly.
Dinner with the future house owners came and went and now it was time for goodbyes. There wasnāt much talk while you were eating. You were just enjoying the switching conversations in your surroundings. You would answer when they asked you questionsĀ but you donāt actively participate in the discussion.
"Thank you for dining with us, Engineer Lee, and honey," Mrs. Suh addressed both of you with a warm smile. "Thank you so much for coming."
"It's my absolute pleasure, auntie. Thank you so much for having me," you responded with genuine gratitude, your smile reflecting the warmth of the evening.
"I'll get going, ma'am, sir," Ten interjected, offering to drive you home. You glanced at him, mustering a condescending smile, and mouthed, 'I can handle myself.'
"You sure?" he persisted, concern evident in his voice.
"Yep, don't worry," you reassured him.
"Okay. Bye, everyone. Thank you so much for this amazing night," Ten bid farewell, expressing his gratitude to the gathered company before making his exit.
"Uh, I can drive you home," Johnny offered as Ten's car exited the gate.
"Oh, no, no neeā" you began to decline, but Mrs. Suh intervened.
"Yes! Yes, drive her home. You commute, right? You know it's dangerous for you to commute, especially late at night. So yeah, take her home, Johnny," she insisted, her concern for your safety overriding any objections you might have had.
You can never, and I mean never, decline any offer from Mrs. Suh. She has always been persistent, and that is one of her charms. Something Johnny didnāt get from his mom. You can never say no to her, not in the way that she will get mad or upset if you decline; she is just so good at it.
You took a deep breath and let out a smile, āOkay.ā
And there you were, in your exās car, three months after your breakup.
It was like your throat was dry because of the coldness inside the car. You couldnāt bring yourself to utter a word, and the same thing goes for the man driving. The route to your apartment is something you have memorized so well, and now it is mixed with the familiar, clean scent of his car and the feeling of relief that you are going home with the person who was once the love of your life. Itās very familiar.Ā
Because it was all you lived for in those seven years.
You worked your best because the thought of going home with him and telling him about your day is what you lived for all those years. You worked your best because you wanted the best for the both of you without knowing itās what would break the two of you. Maybe it was the overwhelming amount of socialization you did earlier, but now you could admit that you were insecure. You were insecure about him having so many plans and being so sure of his future with you while you worked tirelessly at a job you were not sure deserved you. You wanted the best for him, and you just didnāt have the capability to be the best for him. You wanted more for yourself because he made you feel small. Not intentionally on his side. You can now admit that itās totally your problem. He never did anything wrong. You just think he is too good for you. And you wouldnāt let him have a future with someone like you.Ā
You wouldnāt want him to live in a future that is uncertain.
āEngineer Lee mentioned something about paint and tile picking tomorrow for the interior.ā He took the upper hand and broke the silence. You looked at him and nodded your head.
āYeah, uhm, you can tag along if you want.ā You regret saying that. Why did you immediately assume he wanted to come with you?Ā
āI was going to ask about that. Okay, I will go tomorrow.ā He responded, and then silence hit the both of you for the nth time.Ā
Friday, rush hour, everyone desperate to go home, and you were one of them.
You wish Johnny would just drive faster so he wouldnāt have to sit in the painful silence, but the traffic wouldnāt let him.Ā
You made a concerted effort to keep your gaze away from him, determined not to let your neck betray your curiosity. Despite your best efforts, fate seemed to have other plans, and against your will, your muscles betrayed you, turning your head to face him. To your surprise, you found him already looking at you, his gaze meeting yours in a brief moment before both of you looked away at the same time.Ā
You want him to ask if you are doing well. You want him to ask how youāve been in those times you werenāt together. You want to see him desperately get to know you again in those times he missed your presence. You want him to ask, or at least say something. You want him to initiate a conversation. You want to know if he still cares about the choices youāve been making. You want him to ask about the little things happening in your life, just like before.
But he didnāt.
Until you reached your building, he didnāt ask anything.
From days to weeks, until it became months of working together, nothing much happened. Totally not that closure your foolish ass expected. Honestly, why were you even expecting anything? Now that months have passed and itās been a year since you ended everything, I donāt know why you are still expecting anything when you donāt even know what you want to happen.
Sure, he would casually talk to you when heād drive to the site to visit. Sure, he would buy you breakfast or lunch, but you are not the only one. You are working for him, and he is paying you. He wants you to do a great job, and of course he would treat you well. Sure, he would still invite you to dinner with his family, but he would also invite Engineer Lee.Ā
On the other hand, Johnny has been making extra efforts to make you comfortable after that night. Not expecting anything in return, maybe his mother was right. A little effort will make a friendship between the two of you blossom. After all, itās a very essential thing when you are working together. But he canāt help but notice that after that night on the road with you, you were being a little more cautious than usual. As if you were walking on eggshells around him. He understands that you feel sorry for what happened, but he isnāt the type of person to dwell in the past now that you are still here in the present.
You have been very ignorant of the fact that he is trying to mend things between the two of you, and now that the project has almost come to an end, with Johnny seeing you as oblivious to his efforts, maybe he should try a bit harder.
If only you knew. If only the both of you knew how much you hoped something would happen that night when he drove you home. If only one of you asked something. But let us not dwell on what could have been; you are here, and this is the last day of construction. They are only installing the lights outside and painting the exterior walls.Ā
Like many other nights before, no one took the initiative. As always. The two of you might be so used to it by now.
The housewarming event came up next, and both of you knew this was your last chance. This marks the end of the project and the opportunity to mend the broken hearts you left each other with.
After working hard for years, you finally got the promotion you wanted. You proved yourself with a project they assigned you, and he was somehow involved too. But all the credit goes to you. You worked really hard to find the best supplier and design the house they wanted.
You've accomplished the first and final wish you made for him. Now, you don't owe him anything anymore. You designed his first house and have become a better version of yourself in the process. Perhaps that was the closure you neededānot just with him, but with yourself too.
And you were fine with just that. You didnāt want to expect anything anymore.
You made sure to greet all the people you worked with throughout this project, and you didnāt forget to express your gratitude to the team that supported you and showed patience every step of the way.
As you socialize with more people, Johnny, who has been observing you the entire time, has a genuine smile on his face. āChange looks good on you,ā he said to himself. He canāt help but be proud. He doesn't have any reason not to. You look the happiest right now, and as someone who knows all your dreams, this is a check in the box among many others.Ā
He made the right decision by picking you as his architect. Other than being good at what you do, he saw this project as an opportunity for you to really get what you want, and the reason why you ended things with him was growth. He knows how much you need that push in your life. He knows how much you need something to happen in your life. Even if it means losing you. Even if it means not being with you every step of the way, He is happy for you and the change you made in that one year.
Amidst the bustling crowd, you locked eyes with him and offered a smile, prompting him to raise his champagne glass in acknowledgment. With purpose, you made your way through the gathering until you stood beside him on the balcony of the freshly constructed house, both admiring the view of the garden below.
For several moments, silence enveloped you both, the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air.
"Thank you for your brilliance, architect," he finally said, breaking the silence.
"It's my pleasure," you responded, the words carrying a sense of fulfillment.
"As an extra payment, can I take you out to lunch tomorrow?" His offer brimmed with confidence, breaking the quietude with a hint of anticipation.
to those who read "emails i can't send", i decided to discontinue the series because i really don't have any vision on where it's going honestly and i feel like the series is holding me back from writing other stuff (which is totally a me problem!!!)
i won't be able to show you endgame dino, i'm so sorry :( (and yes dino was supposed to be the endgame)
see you in my next one and hopefully, i will be able to finish it!
SYNOPSIS. entering adulthood with you long-term boyfriend, jeno
WARNINGS. dis might hurt bc iz lil realistic š«
W/C. 3.1k
masterlist āµā (ā oā _ā Oā )
Is love something you can learn, or is it engraved in your bones the moment you open your eyes to the world? Is it something you master, or something you feel on a random Thursday night after spending the day with someone who made your heart skip a beat? Is this something you develop after years of spending every moment of your life with the same person?
Because, to you, love means only one thing. Love can only come from one person. Love can only be felt with Jeno.
No, you didn't grow up together or meet in a special way. He was merely there, but it suddenly felt like more.
The two of you met in high school. It was nothing special. High school brings you into contact with a large number of people. You create a lot of friendships in high school. But it was Jeno, and one day you were paired up with him on a minor project set by your teacher because she would be gone for a short while.
Before long, a bond formed between you, blossoming into a friendship that extended beyond school hours. You'd hang out after classes, help each other with homework, and share late-night thoughts, and the absence of each other during the day would leave the day incomplete.
Everything proceeded at exactly an appropriate paceāit wasn't rushed or fast, nor was it painfully slow. It was just right with Jeno.
Looking back at your first few years with him, it seemed so natural and carefree. Seeing him was like having a ton of weight lifted off your shouldersāof course, the same is true for him. You appear as though you wince at his corny antics, but deep down, you both know that you feel the same way. He kept telling you, "Your love fills me up with so much happiness," at every opportunity he gets, and you love it every single time.
He radiates joy and warmth, and despite his kindness to everyone, he always makes you feel uniquely cherished. In his eyes, you're not just anyone; you're everything.
And it hasn't changed from high school to this point in college. As you approach adulthood, the love that accompanied your growth as an adolescent lingers.
Jeno's voice stops your thoughts with, "Bub, what do you want for dinner?" Glancing to your side, you notice him fixated on the road. After a long day at the university, you are currently headed home to your shared flat. Because you both decided to attend the same college and because it is obviously less expensive to stay in the exact same place, you both saved money for the apartment you are currently residing in. You both agreed that returning home under the same roof is the best choice for the two of you because you will both become busy over time.
When the red light came on, he looked at you and said, "Should we drive by your favorite restaurant and just order so we could go to sleep early?" after noticing that you were spacing out for the nth time.
"Huh? Oh, okay, bub. I'd love that," you replied upon hearing his voice, feeling as though you were suddenly snapped back to reality, anchored by the sound of his presence.
"You must be so tired, hmm? Is it Mr. Chua again?" he asked, his tone filled with understanding.
You chuckled at the mention of the infamous professor you often vented about. "No, he wasn't around today, actually. I was just really tired from all the lab work I did earlier," you replied, appreciating his attentiveness to your daily struggles.
He acknowledged your reply with a hum, and he skillfully threaded the steering wheel through the drive-thru. He ordered you your usual and gave you an affectionate smile. The vehicle filled with the soothing sounds of the radio and the faint hum of the air conditioning as the sun started to set. You felt warm and cozy even if the temperature inside the car was very cold because you knew that you were heading home with the love of your life.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, he reached out for your hand, and in a tender whisper, he said, "I love you," as he began parking at your apartment's parking lot. The simplicity woven into every second spent with each other, filled with love and care, is the kind of love that is true and right.
Your evening flew by, and your early bedtime goal was quickly abandoned as you spent the entire night watching movies with Jeno. However, when spending time with him replenishes you more than a peaceful slumber, what good is sleep?
Sleep is what your body needs, and you just ate your own words when you fell asleep on Jenoās shoulder.
He noticed that and chuckled lowly. He reached for the remote and quickly turned off the television before positioning himself to properly carry you back to your shared room. He knew that waking you up would be of no use because you are a very heavy sleeper, and you hate it when your sleep gets disturbed, so he tried his best to be as gentle as possible so you would stay in your peaceful slumber.
He laid down on his side of the bed after tucking you in and planting a gentle kiss on your forehead.
A lot of your evenings went by like that. Spending a quarter of your day in college and going home with him. It has become your perfect daily routine. Although there are times where Jeno fails to drive you home because of how demanding his course is, you end up going home alone, and commuting is an extreme sport. Sometimes, it will be too hard to hail a taxi because of the rush hour and all the other students going home at the same time who are also desperate to rest. Sometimes, even if it was Jeno who said he would come home late, you end up arriving home later than he did. But what is adulthood without a bit of suffering?
āLove won't make you rich,' that's what you heard from your mother when you said you were dating Jeno. Of course, your love hasn't always been a pleasant sight for everyone. You began dating in high school; of course, people would think you're foolish to enter into such a commitment at such a young age.
There are times when you wonder if your mother was right, especially when you and Jeno fail to pay rent on time, struggle to find part-time jobs to feed the both of you, and add your stressful college work to the mix.
But all your worries will soon disappear in the wind because it's Jeno you are facing those problems with, and eight years of sustaining yourself doesn't seem so hard because there is Jeno, who is your lifeline, your anchor, and your foundation. And even if the world turns its back on you, there is Jeno ready to face all of your worries, your fears, and your doubts because it's Jeno, the one who loves all of you.
"Good morning." You heard Jeno talk from the hallway.
You furrowed your brow in confusion. 'Why is he still here? ' you thought to yourself. It's Saturday, and you both have work, but your shift is at noon, so you didn't bother getting up early, unlike Jeno, who has a 9 a.m. shift.
Jeno has been waking up late several times since last month. If he is not absent, he will be late. It's always been like that. You haven't spoken to him about it yet. You have developed an unspoken rule in your relationship that there are situations that you can tackle on your own because you are both adults.
"Why aren't you at work?" You tried to sound as considerate as possible, but it's his life at stake and your apartment. If he doesn't come to work on time or at all, they will deduct his pay and, in the worst scenario possible, fire him.
"I don't feel well." He simply answered.
"You haven't been feeling well for a month. Wanna go to the hospital?" you suggested.
"It's not really that serious for a hospital, bub," he reasoned out.
"But it's serious enough for you to miss work for a month?" You said without looking at him, not being able to contain it anymore.
You heard him sigh before he headed to the bathroom, and you shook your head. Jeno, on the other hand, thought it would be best not to say anything.
You took your last sip of the coffee before heading to the sink, and you saw the overwhelming tower of unwashed dishes. It's 11 p.m., and your work is 20 minutes away from home if you are lucky enough to hail a cab the instant you come out of the building. Washing these plates will take a lot of your time, but if Jeno doesn't have the energy to wash them today because he is not feeling well, then that leaves you no choice. Good thing you already took a bath and wore your work clothes; you wouldn't have to rush later on.
It's times like these when you realize that you two are no longer the teenagers you once thought you'd remain forever. Those teenagers have now grown, with bigger responsibilities and greater disappointments to confront.
You finished the dishes and gathered your belongings before preparing to leave. However, as you reached for the doorknob, you noticed Jeno standing in the hallway, simply gazing at you.
"I will make it up to you," he said, and all you could do was smile at him before heading out.
All day at work, your thoughts were consumed by himāwondering if he had enough food at home and if he was resting well. This wasn't the first time you'd encountered issues between the two. Despite the absence of major fights and screaming matches, deep down, you knew that things were not okay between you.
After long, tiring hours at work, you received a text message from Jeno that said, 'I'll pick you up from work, bub. I love you.'
You smiled at the notification. He really was making it up to you, and you couldn't even be mad at him anymore.
And he's really there. As you closed the shop, not very far from where you stood, you saw him immediately. Suddenly, you are ready to face everything again because he is there.
You walked up to him with a huge smile, as if you hadn't worked for hours without a break. It was worth it when you're coming home with him.
The drive home was eerily quiet, with only the sound of your breathing audible amidst the corny jokes from the radio DJ. Despite the windows being open and the air conditioning turned off, the chill of the night air seeping in was enough to send shivers down your spine.
As the red light halted the car, you turned to gaze at him, only to find that he was already looking at you with the same love and contentment that had been evident in his eyes since your first year of high school. Now, after eight years together, you were both getting older yet still together, sharing each moment with him by your side.
You had hoped the problems were behind you, believing that your love and understanding would be enough to overcome any challenges that came your way. However, a week after your minor argument, Jeno attempted to return to work, only to find that his employer no longer wanted him back after a month of slacking. This turn of events took a significant toll on both of you, adding to the weight of your existing concerns.
"I'm sorry, bub. I'll look for another job next week, I promise."
The rent was due on Monday, and luckily you saved up enough money for three months after working extra hours since the start of the year.
"I told you to tell me if you have problems, didn't I? For a month, I didn't hear anything from you, and look where it got us? Jeno, it's our finals! We also have expenses for school, not just here at home! If you were too exhausted to work, then you could have just told me." All your pent-up frustrations spilled in an instant.
"I didn't want to burden you, love."
"Jeno, since when have you ever been a burden to me?"
He walked over to you and enveloped you in a hug, and that was when your tears began to flow. Both of you were graduating students, each with your own set of responsibilities and numerous financial challenges to navigate. In the face of it all, you couldn't help but wonder: Is love enough?
"Jeno, it's like I don't know you anymore." You began
"Bub, don't say that."
"I just want you to talk to me. Tell me your problems. I know there are things you can handle by yourself, but at least include me. You have me. I am here for a reason."
Both of you became even busier after that, balancing the demands of studying for final exams with juggling part-time jobs. Jeno faced the added challenge of finding work amidst his other commitments.
Your schedules became so hectic that you no longer went home together, and there were nights when Jeno arrived home so late that you would already be asleep, only to wake up to his departure in the morning.
Your entangled nights became two parallel lines. Quiet and comforting evenings grew even quieter without the presence of others. Every night, you realized that you and Jeno were both growing older and, simultaneously, growing apart. It's something inevitable, something you never wished for, yet something you are currently witnessing with your own eyes.
But growing apart is not contextually synonymous with loving each other less. The love is still there, and the care is still present. That is the reason why both of you are working so hardābecause you love each other.
Both of you became so busy to the point where your only connection was coming home to the same house. Suddenly, home felt like nothing more than four walls and a mini fridge, lacking the warmth of four limbs and lips to kiss.
But surprisingly enough, after many weeks, he offered to pick you up from work.
"Keep your eyes on the road," you told him when you noticed him stealing glances at you.
"I love you, bub," he said, prompting you to look at him.
You smiled and replied, "I love you more."
"When is your oath-taking ceremony?" he asked, trying to make conversation amidst the silent drive home.
"I don't know yet. Maybe a few months after graduation."
And then it died down again. But does the silence matter to you when, after so many weeks, he is here beside you again?
He is here.
And that's all that matters right now.
"Should we take the long way home?"
But even a single beautiful night couldn't alter the looming storm heading your way. It's a heart-wrenching inevitabilityāthe painful reality of growing apart.
With each "sorry, I can't pick you up" message and every missed call accompanied by a new excuse, the weight of disappointment settles deeper into your heart. Gradually, you find yourself numb to the ache, accepting it as the new normal.
"Bub, please respond," you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion, as you left yet another voicemail after he missed your calls for the nth time. It's Saturday, and the rain outside matches the heaviness in your heart. You figured he must have finished work earlier than you, so you were counting on him to pick you up. But his cell phone remains unattended, and it's been 20 agonizing minutes of waiting in the pouring rain.
You hated the rain, and he knew that all too well. After a few more minutes of waiting in vain, you were left with no choice but to reluctantly take the train home alone since there are no cabs at this hour. The frustration and disappointment welled up inside you, reaching a breaking point.
"I'll sleep at my mom's house just for tonight. To cool off," you murmured to yourself.
At the train station, your phone buzzed incessantly, and when you finally answered, it was Jeno calling you countless times.
"I'm here; where are you?" his voice came through, accompanied by the sound of the rain.
"I took the train," you replied simply.
"You could've waited," he said, frustration evident in his tone. "I drove all the way here from work; it's almost an hour drive."
"I did wait, Jeno. What are you trying to imply?" you countered, feeling a mix of irritation and hurt.
You heard him sigh heavily on the other end of the line, and you pursed your lips in frustration.
"I'm tired, Jeno," you said wearily.
"So am I."
"Is that so? Okay, I'm sorry for making you drive in the rain. It won't happen again. And just so you know, I won't be coming home tonight."
Through days, weeks, and months of hardly seeing or talking to each other, you both somehow made it through college. Despite everything that happened, there's this overwhelming sense of pride you feel for each other. Maybe, just maybe, it was all worth it in the end.
The high school love you both shared has now transformed into something more significant. The youthful days you once had together are now just memories as you step into this new chapter of your lives.
It feels right with Jeno, but amidst the familiarity, there's a subtle shift, a tinge of bittersweet realization that things have changed.
Both of you have accomplished your dreams, reaching the destinations you once only dreamed of. You've arrived at where you wanted to be.
"Hey!" Jeno called for your attention. You turned and saw him adorned in his gown and cap, and a profound sense of pride washed over you.
You embraced him, exchanging whispers of 'I'm so proud of you' and 'You did well'. Yet it wasn't the same; it was different.
Both of you have grown, realizing that your teenage dreams have come true, and here you are, all grown up.
The love you once held so dearly in your youth has gracefully reached its final chapter. Staring into each other's eyes, there's an overwhelming sense of emotion, an unspoken acknowledgment that what once was no longer isāit's over.
"Thank you for loving me," he said. "Your love brought me here, bub."
SYNOPSIS. entering adulthood with you long-term boyfriend, jeno
WARNINGS. dis might hurt bc iz lil realistic š«
W/C. 3.1k
masterlist āµā (ā oā _ā Oā )
Is love something you can learn, or is it engraved in your bones the moment you open your eyes to the world? Is it something you master, or something you feel on a random Thursday night after spending the day with someone who made your heart skip a beat? Is this something you develop after years of spending every moment of your life with the same person?
Because, to you, love means only one thing. Love can only come from one person. Love can only be felt with Jeno.
No, you didn't grow up together or meet in a special way. He was merely there, but it suddenly felt like more.
The two of you met in high school. It was nothing special. High school brings you into contact with a large number of people. You create a lot of friendships in high school. But it was Jeno, and one day you were paired up with him on a minor project set by your teacher because she would be gone for a short while.
Before long, a bond formed between you, blossoming into a friendship that extended beyond school hours. You'd hang out after classes, help each other with homework, and share late-night thoughts, and the absence of each other during the day would leave the day incomplete.
Everything proceeded at exactly an appropriate paceāit wasn't rushed or fast, nor was it painfully slow. It was just right with Jeno.
Looking back at your first few years with him, it seemed so natural and carefree. Seeing him was like having a ton of weight lifted off your shouldersāof course, the same is true for him. You appear as though you wince at his corny antics, but deep down, you both know that you feel the same way. He kept telling you, "Your love fills me up with so much happiness," at every opportunity he gets, and you love it every single time.
He radiates joy and warmth, and despite his kindness to everyone, he always makes you feel uniquely cherished. In his eyes, you're not just anyone; you're everything.
And it hasn't changed from high school to this point in college. As you approach adulthood, the love that accompanied your growth as an adolescent lingers.
Jeno's voice stops your thoughts with, "Bub, what do you want for dinner?" Glancing to your side, you notice him fixated on the road. After a long day at the university, you are currently headed home to your shared flat. Because you both decided to attend the same college and because it is obviously less expensive to stay in the exact same place, you both saved money for the apartment you are currently residing in. You both agreed that returning home under the same roof is the best choice for the two of you because you will both become busy over time.
When the red light came on, he looked at you and said, "Should we drive by your favorite restaurant and just order so we could go to sleep early?" after noticing that you were spacing out for the nth time.
"Huh? Oh, okay, bub. I'd love that," you replied upon hearing his voice, feeling as though you were suddenly snapped back to reality, anchored by the sound of his presence.
"You must be so tired, hmm? Is it Mr. Chua again?" he asked, his tone filled with understanding.
You chuckled at the mention of the infamous professor you often vented about. "No, he wasn't around today, actually. I was just really tired from all the lab work I did earlier," you replied, appreciating his attentiveness to your daily struggles.
He acknowledged your reply with a hum, and he skillfully threaded the steering wheel through the drive-thru. He ordered you your usual and gave you an affectionate smile. The vehicle filled with the soothing sounds of the radio and the faint hum of the air conditioning as the sun started to set. You felt warm and cozy even if the temperature inside the car was very cold because you knew that you were heading home with the love of your life.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, he reached out for your hand, and in a tender whisper, he said, "I love you," as he began parking at your apartment's parking lot. The simplicity woven into every second spent with each other, filled with love and care, is the kind of love that is true and right.
Your evening flew by, and your early bedtime goal was quickly abandoned as you spent the entire night watching movies with Jeno. However, when spending time with him replenishes you more than a peaceful slumber, what good is sleep?
Sleep is what your body needs, and you just ate your own words when you fell asleep on Jenoās shoulder.
He noticed that and chuckled lowly. He reached for the remote and quickly turned off the television before positioning himself to properly carry you back to your shared room. He knew that waking you up would be of no use because you are a very heavy sleeper, and you hate it when your sleep gets disturbed, so he tried his best to be as gentle as possible so you would stay in your peaceful slumber.
He laid down on his side of the bed after tucking you in and planting a gentle kiss on your forehead.
A lot of your evenings went by like that. Spending a quarter of your day in college and going home with him. It has become your perfect daily routine. Although there are times where Jeno fails to drive you home because of how demanding his course is, you end up going home alone, and commuting is an extreme sport. Sometimes, it will be too hard to hail a taxi because of the rush hour and all the other students going home at the same time who are also desperate to rest. Sometimes, even if it was Jeno who said he would come home late, you end up arriving home later than he did. But what is adulthood without a bit of suffering?
āLove won't make you rich,' that's what you heard from your mother when you said you were dating Jeno. Of course, your love hasn't always been a pleasant sight for everyone. You began dating in high school; of course, people would think you're foolish to enter into such a commitment at such a young age.
There are times when you wonder if your mother was right, especially when you and Jeno fail to pay rent on time, struggle to find part-time jobs to feed the both of you, and add your stressful college work to the mix.
But all your worries will soon disappear in the wind because it's Jeno you are facing those problems with, and eight years of sustaining yourself doesn't seem so hard because there is Jeno, who is your lifeline, your anchor, and your foundation. And even if the world turns its back on you, there is Jeno ready to face all of your worries, your fears, and your doubts because it's Jeno, the one who loves all of you.
"Good morning." You heard Jeno talk from the hallway.
You furrowed your brow in confusion. 'Why is he still here? ' you thought to yourself. It's Saturday, and you both have work, but your shift is at noon, so you didn't bother getting up early, unlike Jeno, who has a 9 a.m. shift.
Jeno has been waking up late several times since last month. If he is not absent, he will be late. It's always been like that. You haven't spoken to him about it yet. You have developed an unspoken rule in your relationship that there are situations that you can tackle on your own because you are both adults.
"Why aren't you at work?" You tried to sound as considerate as possible, but it's his life at stake and your apartment. If he doesn't come to work on time or at all, they will deduct his pay and, in the worst scenario possible, fire him.
"I don't feel well." He simply answered.
"You haven't been feeling well for a month. Wanna go to the hospital?" you suggested.
"It's not really that serious for a hospital, bub," he reasoned out.
"But it's serious enough for you to miss work for a month?" You said without looking at him, not being able to contain it anymore.
You heard him sigh before he headed to the bathroom, and you shook your head. Jeno, on the other hand, thought it would be best not to say anything.
You took your last sip of the coffee before heading to the sink, and you saw the overwhelming tower of unwashed dishes. It's 11 p.m., and your work is 20 minutes away from home if you are lucky enough to hail a cab the instant you come out of the building. Washing these plates will take a lot of your time, but if Jeno doesn't have the energy to wash them today because he is not feeling well, then that leaves you no choice. Good thing you already took a bath and wore your work clothes; you wouldn't have to rush later on.
It's times like these when you realize that you two are no longer the teenagers you once thought you'd remain forever. Those teenagers have now grown, with bigger responsibilities and greater disappointments to confront.
You finished the dishes and gathered your belongings before preparing to leave. However, as you reached for the doorknob, you noticed Jeno standing in the hallway, simply gazing at you.
"I will make it up to you," he said, and all you could do was smile at him before heading out.
All day at work, your thoughts were consumed by himāwondering if he had enough food at home and if he was resting well. This wasn't the first time you'd encountered issues between the two. Despite the absence of major fights and screaming matches, deep down, you knew that things were not okay between you.
After long, tiring hours at work, you received a text message from Jeno that said, 'I'll pick you up from work, bub. I love you.'
You smiled at the notification. He really was making it up to you, and you couldn't even be mad at him anymore.
And he's really there. As you closed the shop, not very far from where you stood, you saw him immediately. Suddenly, you are ready to face everything again because he is there.
You walked up to him with a huge smile, as if you hadn't worked for hours without a break. It was worth it when you're coming home with him.
The drive home was eerily quiet, with only the sound of your breathing audible amidst the corny jokes from the radio DJ. Despite the windows being open and the air conditioning turned off, the chill of the night air seeping in was enough to send shivers down your spine.
As the red light halted the car, you turned to gaze at him, only to find that he was already looking at you with the same love and contentment that had been evident in his eyes since your first year of high school. Now, after eight years together, you were both getting older yet still together, sharing each moment with him by your side.
You had hoped the problems were behind you, believing that your love and understanding would be enough to overcome any challenges that came your way. However, a week after your minor argument, Jeno attempted to return to work, only to find that his employer no longer wanted him back after a month of slacking. This turn of events took a significant toll on both of you, adding to the weight of your existing concerns.
"I'm sorry, bub. I'll look for another job next week, I promise."
The rent was due on Monday, and luckily you saved up enough money for three months after working extra hours since the start of the year.
"I told you to tell me if you have problems, didn't I? For a month, I didn't hear anything from you, and look where it got us? Jeno, it's our finals! We also have expenses for school, not just here at home! If you were too exhausted to work, then you could have just told me." All your pent-up frustrations spilled in an instant.
"I didn't want to burden you, love."
"Jeno, since when have you ever been a burden to me?"
He walked over to you and enveloped you in a hug, and that was when your tears began to flow. Both of you were graduating students, each with your own set of responsibilities and numerous financial challenges to navigate. In the face of it all, you couldn't help but wonder: Is love enough?
"Jeno, it's like I don't know you anymore." You began
"Bub, don't say that."
"I just want you to talk to me. Tell me your problems. I know there are things you can handle by yourself, but at least include me. You have me. I am here for a reason."
Both of you became even busier after that, balancing the demands of studying for final exams with juggling part-time jobs. Jeno faced the added challenge of finding work amidst his other commitments.
Your schedules became so hectic that you no longer went home together, and there were nights when Jeno arrived home so late that you would already be asleep, only to wake up to his departure in the morning.
Your entangled nights became two parallel lines. Quiet and comforting evenings grew even quieter without the presence of others. Every night, you realized that you and Jeno were both growing older and, simultaneously, growing apart. It's something inevitable, something you never wished for, yet something you are currently witnessing with your own eyes.
But growing apart is not contextually synonymous with loving each other less. The love is still there, and the care is still present. That is the reason why both of you are working so hardābecause you love each other.
Both of you became so busy to the point where your only connection was coming home to the same house. Suddenly, home felt like nothing more than four walls and a mini fridge, lacking the warmth of four limbs and lips to kiss.
But surprisingly enough, after many weeks, he offered to pick you up from work.
"Keep your eyes on the road," you told him when you noticed him stealing glances at you.
"I love you, bub," he said, prompting you to look at him.
You smiled and replied, "I love you more."
"When is your oath-taking ceremony?" he asked, trying to make conversation amidst the silent drive home.
"I don't know yet. Maybe a few months after graduation."
And then it died down again. But does the silence matter to you when, after so many weeks, he is here beside you again?
He is here.
And that's all that matters right now.
"Should we take the long way home?"
But even a single beautiful night couldn't alter the looming storm heading your way. It's a heart-wrenching inevitabilityāthe painful reality of growing apart.
With each "sorry, I can't pick you up" message and every missed call accompanied by a new excuse, the weight of disappointment settles deeper into your heart. Gradually, you find yourself numb to the ache, accepting it as the new normal.
"Bub, please respond," you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion, as you left yet another voicemail after he missed your calls for the nth time. It's Saturday, and the rain outside matches the heaviness in your heart. You figured he must have finished work earlier than you, so you were counting on him to pick you up. But his cell phone remains unattended, and it's been 20 agonizing minutes of waiting in the pouring rain.
You hated the rain, and he knew that all too well. After a few more minutes of waiting in vain, you were left with no choice but to reluctantly take the train home alone since there are no cabs at this hour. The frustration and disappointment welled up inside you, reaching a breaking point.
"I'll sleep at my mom's house just for tonight. To cool off," you murmured to yourself.
At the train station, your phone buzzed incessantly, and when you finally answered, it was Jeno calling you countless times.
"I'm here; where are you?" his voice came through, accompanied by the sound of the rain.
"I took the train," you replied simply.
"You could've waited," he said, frustration evident in his tone. "I drove all the way here from work; it's almost an hour drive."
"I did wait, Jeno. What are you trying to imply?" you countered, feeling a mix of irritation and hurt.
You heard him sigh heavily on the other end of the line, and you pursed your lips in frustration.
"I'm tired, Jeno," you said wearily.
"So am I."
"Is that so? Okay, I'm sorry for making you drive in the rain. It won't happen again. And just so you know, I won't be coming home tonight."
Through days, weeks, and months of hardly seeing or talking to each other, you both somehow made it through college. Despite everything that happened, there's this overwhelming sense of pride you feel for each other. Maybe, just maybe, it was all worth it in the end.
The high school love you both shared has now transformed into something more significant. The youthful days you once had together are now just memories as you step into this new chapter of your lives.
It feels right with Jeno, but amidst the familiarity, there's a subtle shift, a tinge of bittersweet realization that things have changed.
Both of you have accomplished your dreams, reaching the destinations you once only dreamed of. You've arrived at where you wanted to be.
"Hey!" Jeno called for your attention. You turned and saw him adorned in his gown and cap, and a profound sense of pride washed over you.
You embraced him, exchanging whispers of 'I'm so proud of you' and 'You did well'. Yet it wasn't the same; it was different.
Both of you have grown, realizing that your teenage dreams have come true, and here you are, all grown up.
The love you once held so dearly in your youth has gracefully reached its final chapter. Staring into each other's eyes, there's an overwhelming sense of emotion, an unspoken acknowledgment that what once was no longer isāit's over.
"Thank you for loving me," he said. "Your love brought me here, bub."
we may not know each other personally so would it be weird for me to say that you changed my life.
i am totally not kidding when i say that.
this is your professional e-mail so it would be weird if you ever receive this here. i have no intention of sending it anyway, so weāre good.
back to what i was saying, boo seungkwan, you changed my life. you are the personification of youth and change. i can recall waiting for other tourists to join us with our tour that wednesday in a small cafe in jeju but after many minutes of waiting, it was just the two of us. turns out, and by what others tour guides said, they still find you untrustworthy despite having worked here for years and despite growing up here. i didnāt know why they think like that, and i think itās pretty mean for people to undesestimate you in something you are clearly good at. i remember that time when we realized that it was just the two of us, you looked at me and smiled as if youāre grateful for me not thinking that way.
i will admit that was a horrible time to visit, it was the holidays so there were a lot of other people. most of the places are full and all of the lines are long. you werenāt able to show me the famous spots but you didnāt fail in showing me what made jeju beautiful.
you showed me the light and unique local atmosphere, the beauty of its natural environment, and you introduced me to the people that were surrounding you when you were growing up.
i remember one time when we saw all the restaurants full, you let me eat at your house and your grandmother cooked everything, saying itās āāreal, authentic jeju dishes made from the heartāā and then you showed me the hidden tangerine farm in your neighborhood.
throughout our entire journey, you showed me the islandās beauty and the youth trapped beneath the cracks of the pavement. it was full of life and life changing.
so believe me when i say that you changed my life, boo seungkwan, because you made me realize that my life didnāt end in those moments where i lost everyone else, because i have never lost the youth within me, the life within the cracks of my pavement.
i just wanna say your emails iāll never send series is hitting me so hard, itās so good and I can honestly say it looks just like my notes app lol. super random but i have a list of all the things id send to this one personā¦ itās been a growing list for 5 years now so i definitely know all about things unsaidā¦ all that being said, youāre a great writer and you made me feel so many things
thank you so much :((( you are so sweet. you don't know how much this means to me. i will write more and more. like what my series suggests (lol), some things are better left unsaid, but there are also moments when it becomes important to release the unspoken burdens, if only to grant ourselves a fragment of peace. also, would you like to be added to the series' taglist? thank u thank u from the bottom of my ā¤ļø
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