Bean

[beanwasheremanidk]

im so close

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't get the way of what I'm doing anymore, nothing I do is even practically real. I just everything is imaginary. I barely exist in the real world genuinely, what would happen if I were to kill myself, the worst part would be that people were to cry, people would cry for a month. And then they would move on and the world better place without me, one action. And then I'd be done, I'd finally get to sleep. I don't want to do this anymore.I sound pathetic what am i doing nothing even like feels good anymore.It doesn't matter what I'm doing.It doesn't matter if I'm laughing or crying.Nothing feels good.I just want to disappear.I don't want to kill myself.I wish I was never born.I wish nobody had to have known me. And what makes me really angry is when people tell me to just talk to someone about it or to use a coping skill.F*** y** when something is eating me from the inside you want me to talk about it What is there to talk about i cant talk about it i don't want anyone else to know. Even if they knew what would they do. There is nothing you can do and nothing you could say to stop this feeling. I've had this feeling for almost as long as I can think. Its a feeling that eats all other feelings yet at the same time isn't even there. Its everything but it's not even real. And it hurts. God it hurts. My chest my eyes my ears everything. It hurts. Why is it so wrong for me to want to stop this feeling. And don't even get me fucking started on things like meds if I need some tiny fucking pill to make me have a single urge to live, to no longer want to rip out my stomach and shred my skin then there is no point in living. If I can not live on my own then I was never ment to in the first place. Just let nature take its course and let me die. I want to scream i want to cut and i want to die but I cant because I don't want anyone to hear me. I don't want anyone to see be bleed. I don't want anyone to know i was here. I just don't wish to exist. I am so sick of wrists and thighs im sick arm warmers in summer I want to be free. I want my arms back. my shoulders. my legs. Please.

[beanwasheremanidk]

[beanwasheremanidk]

When did "I love you" Stop having a meaning?

[beanwasheremanidk]

I seriously hate the fact that I had one person that made me feel human.Just the thought that I had that made me want to take care of myself. Knowing that I loved them and they loved me made me want to act like myself again But it turns out when you act like yourself , you lose the person making you act that way. And I can't find another person that makes me feel this way.

[deadfoxalive-deactivated2026020]

that quiet ache when you're surrounded by people but feel completely invisible inside. like smiling through the day while your brain screams you're worthless, flipping the switch from okay to empty in seconds. anyone else just wanna hide under the covers forever?

[beanwasheremanidk]

Real lol

[beanwasheremanidk]

No matter how loud I get no one hears me. I need to scream. I do scream. I scream and cry and sob and yell and pound but it falls on deaf ears. No one cares. No one would care if I disappeared.

[beanwasheremanidk]

The moment you realize how far you fell

My mom's gone. Im failing everything. I got dumped. Im covered head to toe in eczema. Im weak. Im ugly. Im broke. Im stupid.

The issues just keep coming.

[beanwasheremanidk]

I hate the fact that people who i would

die for, people who i would live for,

people who i see as everything only see

me as temporary. truly am hopeless. I

want to stop getting hurt but I don't want

to hurt others. This world was made for

those who actually feel emotion to suffer.

And I wish I could be cold but I don't want

to bleed on those who didn't cut me.

[wingsinblue]

They asked us "what's your motivation(for the future)?", umm idk probably seeing everyone acting sad in my funeral like if they cared when I was alive

[osazaisbloodstainedbandages]

dazai is real af because if i was to commit suicide i would want it to be pretty too

[beanwasheremanidk]

How pathetic can I be. I constantly have thoughts about it and even dreams about it and the second its offered I brake down. I can't do anything until you tell me what and how. I feel so guilty. So unfair that I can't give him what he wants. He is literally all I want but I can't manage to give it back.

[beanwasheremanidk]

How come I'm never anyone's first choice or first option? I try so hard but there's always someone else. Someone who's more important. Am I doing something wrong? I'll never blame you. I'll always blame myself cause it had to have been something i've done I just don't get it. It doesn't matter if it's family or friends.

No one would care if I disappeared.

[fluffyhealerfur]

Sometimes there are falls, but one day after another fall there will be healing and enlightenment.

please, i'm very tired...

[beanwasheremanidk]

Real