Writing Updates

There is where I post writing stuff and updates

[cullenedward]

@twilightnet pride event / rosalie and bella

I have ended wars singlehandedly, brought gods broken to their knees, dragged the very lights of heaven down to the sand, but my greatest victory was always that I was what sparked your smiles. I no longer wish to be remembered for my battles or my blood. - (f)

[beastly-redemption]

Hi, I read your story 'Bloodshed' and I was wondering if you were planning on updating it? It's a story that means a lot to me, but I can imagine that it's the sort of thing that's hard to write so don't feel any pressure. You're a very talented writer and all your stories are amazing! I hope you have a really great day :)

oh my gosh, i wish i knew when you sent this ask, kind anon! I’m so grateful that the story means a lot for you, and for the time being I don’t actually plan on updating it. Rather, I’ll be taking it down, re-working it and then publishing it again so it’ll be easier for me to work with what I have in hopes of updating it again. Thank you so much! 

[beastly-redemption]

okay, here we go. 

for those following from my twilight works on ff.net, i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for continuing to read, thank you for sticking with me through these years of writing, thank you for reading the roughest of my writing from way back when, thank you for encouraging me to continue writing, thank you for everything. thank you thank you thank you. 

thank you especially for coming back after my months long absences. 

i’m sure everybody knows that it’s hard to write, and for me that isn’t an exception. i’m also sure that some of you know that almost five years ago my mother passed away, that my mother couldn’t hold any longer, and subsequently ended her life as a result. I wrote the most during these early stages of grief, tossed every emotion and heartache i could into drafting these messy, oft tear stained works that ended up being accepted into some parts of this fandom. All of them are dark, intentionally so. And I want to be the first to say that I’d never had a plan for ending them because in my mind they would never end, because my pain would never end, either. These works would be something for me to fall back on when I was hurting and there was no other way for me to express it. That’s why in bloodshed Bella was always hurting, always finding something to break herself on because that’s how I felt, that’s why Rosalie and her have flirted around becoming a couple but never actually got around to becoming one because it was too happy of an ending, and again, there was no happy endings in sight. Bloodshed was created during the first few waking moments of my grief, of my guilt, and I think it shows. Blink and mouths only lying are other examples of my grief - hell, mouths only lying explicitly shows that Bella’s mom had killed herself. What I’m trying to say is I know these stories aren’t good because they either mirrored my everyday life or what i wished i had during these times of despair. 

What i’m also trying to say is that these stories cannot continue as they are. 

Nearly five years later, the gaping hole in my chest that my mother left is closed, not healed, not scarred over, but closed in the way that wounds do after being slashed open. The skin is still sensitive, and it still gushed open when I went and saw my mother’s grave three days ago for the first time in almost five years. But i’m better now, i’m in the healing process, free without bandages holding me together, allowed to walk freely with a new appreciation for life, when before all I wanted was to lay down and take the same fate as my mother. And thus, I’m not in the same place i was when i wrote these stories, i’m not able to finish these stories as they are written because i’m not the same girl that wrote them. I’m older, more experienced from coming back and piecing myself together, and as I go back and read something i’d written like bloodshed i can’t help but cringe away at that life of pain and blood. 

so, for this new year, i’m taking those stories down. 

Not immediately. Not now, but I will be doing so. I can’t have those dark works attached to my name anymore without it reminding me of a time where i couldn’t move from the place i was in, from a time where i fantasized about my mother somehow coming back to life. It hurts. However, this comes with the promise that I will try to edit these works into something that works better and put them back up for people who genuinely enjoyed whatever story they were reading. I’m going to try to do right by you all and give you a story you deserve to read. This will take some time, so in the meantime, if it’s my writing you’re interested in, I’ve started to put my original book ideas up on Wattpad (mostly because that’s the first place i could think to put it ) and of course they still feature f/f relationships but hopefully this time it also features something resembling a thought out plot. you can find that here . Right now, im writing about a girl who winds up in the fae world and falls in love with the Unseelie Queen. That sort of stuff. And if it’s fanfiction you’re interested in reading; I’m currently invested deep into the RWBY fandom with a heavy focus on Blake/Yang so if you want to read what i have up about them you can find that here 

(gosh, if you just wanted to watch me play some fucking video games every now and then, you can watch me do that here - i play with a friend of mine and we’re bad at video games. )

i felt like people deserved a reason, and i felt they’ve deserved it for many years now. so here it is. i love you all, thank you so much for even wanting to read something a deeply depressed girl had written so many years ago and even now, after all these years. 

I’m doing better, it took time, a lot of crying, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of suffocation from the darkest depths i’d found, but i got better. I want you to know that if you’re going through something now, it will get better. but it will also take time. Because not only are you healing every day, you’re also learning to heal -- and that’s harder than hurting in the first place. but you can do it, there are people who love and care about you and you have to find them or lean on them if you’ve already found them. they love you, really. even if it doesn’t seem like it <3. I’m also here if anybody needs to talk, of course. Yes, i’m a stranger, but maybe it’ll be better talking to someone you’ve never met, you know? 

i know this is a long post so i’ll get on with it.

here are the stories i will be taking down and re-uploading eventually: 

Bloodshed: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11016868/1/Bloodshed

there’s monsters at home: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793546/1/there-s-monsters-at-home

blink: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12520759/1/Blink

here are the stories that will not be continued any longer, and will probably be deleted at the time i edit those above: 

mouths only lying: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12435905/1/Mouths-Only-Lying

Ars Moriendi: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12562225/1/Ars-Moriendi

here’s the story i will be continuing to work on: 

destined: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13230892/1/Destined

again, thank you all so much. thank you for understanding, thank you for being here now and in the future. 

<3 

[braveryiswhatyouneed]

so my mum went to a wax museum in Canada and…..

i’m——————

[rose-lily-hale]

what the fuuuuuck

[beastly-redemption]

i need more Bellice fics NOW! Now NOW people! 

[biinbitch]

Rachelle Lefevre + wlw roles: 1. Proven Innocent (2019); 2. Electric Dreams: Real Life (2017); 3. Hollow in the Land (2017).

[maryaliceswan]

victoria: *gives a very in-depth explanation to bella about how shes going to break every bone in her body and give her a “kiss of death” before draining her dry*

bella: *blushing* i didnt know you were into girls

victoria: 

bella:

victoria:

bella:

victoria: what

[maryaliceswan]

victoria: im going to kill you and i cant wait

bella: oh kinky ;)))

[fiddlesolo]

‪if esme cullen kills me, do NOT report her to the volturi. she caught ME slipping. that’s on ME.‬

[beastly-redemption]

i thought i should let y’all know - since i made this blog for writing updates - that i updated the soccer au and fighting au recently. im now working on the bella!vamp one 

big love to all <3

[alicegotthestrap]

rosalie “hoes dont get cold” hale every day when her and the cullen fam lived in bum fuck nowhere Alaska bc “someone in this family has to Bring It 24 goddamn 7 and alice is currently on her third honeymoon!”

[cloudauditorefair]

Ya’ll really seem to like But I Miss You

[deliciouspirategod]

You’re writing it… It can’t not be good.

[cloudauditorefair]

❤❤❤

[shittytwilightaus]

It happens like this:

It’s one of the rare days that Emmett is actually allowed to drive. He is, of course, aware that the reason he isn’t allowed to drive very often is because he pulls stupid shit on the passengers, and therefore no one is ever willing to hand him the wheel. But he isn’t about to let any kind of opportunity to be an ass pass him by.

Especially when Edward is in the passengers seat.

So, naturally, just as Edward is leaning down to tie his shoe, Emmett slams on the breaks and tries to soccer mom-arm his brother.

What happens instead is Emmett punches Edward in the face so hard Edward’s upper body breaks through the door of Rosalie’s car and skids along the road.

Emmett hasn’t driven a car in thirty years.

[beastly-redemption]

as someone who lives in Alaska, it’s clear to me the smeyer’s knowledge about the state stems from the Nat Geo series Alaska State Troopers and Alaskan Bush People from Discovery Channel 

[1953swan]

fun twilight activity: find the name of your very own demon baby by mashing together your grandmothers’ names

rb with yours, mine is carginia

[breakingisabella]

kathleen & elsie … so if i were normal i’d go for kelsie, if i was bella i’d go for elseen 

[beastly-redemption]

(via https://open.spotify.com/user/lrzxqnw69gr9ti5x1fm4vk3ie/playlist/5fjMO9TgKzQZxjh4J6yEJF?si=PtBlEqp2QtmZQLo48RL_jw)

so, i made a playlist for destined....

[beastly-redemption]

it’s four in the morning here but i can’t stop thinking about Rosalie during the 70s - bell bottoms with big hoop earrings and billowy blouse sleeves....

[beastly-redemption]

my soccer au is essentially this: Rosalie is repressed, sad, and extremely horny.