[beauty-v23]

I’m sorry that I’m not who you want me to be...

I don’t want to Hate the life I have but I find myself once again wishing I wasn’t here on earth but with you. I guess I wasn’t worthy enough to be an angel instead. Sorry I just feel so alone at times and surrounded by sadness.

I wish I would’ve died. I wish to be with you and only you. Be in your arms and just cry all my sadness away. For you to hug me tight and then fill me up with warm embrace. To take all the surrounding sadness and replace it with happiness and joy.

I ask you to take me with you. Take me! No one will care. And if they do it will be for the moment. And then they’ll forget. I don’t want to remember anymore or to replay all the hurtful memories I’ve lived... please take me!

Your Princess 👸🏻 😭

[beauty-v23]

Self- Quarentining

The worst to have happened to me...

It sucks being stuck at home, I don’t mind the how much more time I have at home and spending more time with my loved ones. It sucks being in this situation in a place where there are many common areas shared and selfish people. People who feel entitled and superior to you. God have mercy on us during this time and give us wisdom and endurance. Increase My faith, my trust in you and our relationship be more intimate and closer!

[beauty-v23]

I strongly dislike this situation. I can’t be here anymore. Why should everything be easier for everyone else. I will always be the bad guy. I will always come second to those around me. Everything is for the benefit of them and they don’t care who hurts along the way. I just want to die and not live anymore.

[beauty-v23]

Note to self...

When will I stop?

I’m disappointed in you. You know better but you pushed it because you wanted to go please yourself. Are you really that selfish !? Are you really that weak!? Do you not have self control, any self discipline!? Why do you do this to yourself!? Tbh you really know how to put an act. It’s not cute grow up! If I came and you’d care to be with me you wouldn’t have fallen like you always do. But you’re actions show that you don’t love me. You say it but I need to see it in your actions, in your behavior, it’s not cutting it to just hear you say it. If you’d love me for real you’d communicate with me better, you would talk to me about everything first, when the times of temptation, anger, desperation, sadness and when your anxiety is coming down on you, you would come and find me to help you! But you don’t instead, you dwell on them and you feel sorry for yourself. It ain’t like that. Wake up already and grow up stop being so afraid. I have given you it all... everything you’ve asked of me and more than what you’ve asked of, do not be ungrateful, do not be like those you once said you wouldn’t want to be. Do not think you can fool me. You know that I am loving and forgiving but you need to stop and turn away from all the toxins you’ve allowed in your life. You ask for change and you cry and wonder if I am even listening and I am it’s just that you don’t feel like it because you have distanced yourself too far from me that you can’t hear me whisper! All the noise you’ve created around you is not allowing for you to listen and hear me.

Regardless I will always love you but I can’t save you if you don’t change...

[beauty-v23]

One good night won’t stop me...

Moving in silence! 💕

[beauty-v23]

[beauty-v23]

I am so fed up right now. I am tired of living here. I hate living like this, since I was about 15 years old, I’ve been living like this. And I’m done, I don’t understand why it had to be like this. Why I am treated with the end of the stick. Why we are treated with such disrespect and he does nothing to get us out of here. I’ve had to learn to develop the skin of an elephant but not a heart of stone. So I feel and hurt and get exhausted of the situation. These feeling haven’t changed since then, they just leave momentarily but come back. I hate that to get what I want there are so many restrictions. I know I should be grateful and this should be enough but not at this cost. I’m tired of the tears and I believe that you have heard me that you hear me, that you see every tear that comes out of me that you hear my cries, you know what my heart desires, get me out of here! Help me to get out to be better, you know I don’t hate them for what they’ve done and that it takes a lot of me to hold my tongue and not be disrespectful but for how much longer!

[books-n-quotes]

Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today. -James Dean

[quotemadness]

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

— Albert Einstein

[books-n-quotes]

You cannot grow unless you are willing to change.

[thepersonalquotes]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Get confident being uncertain. Don’t give up just because something is hard. Pushing through challenges is what makes you grow.”

— JOURNEYSTRENGTH

[quotemadness]

“Being both soft and strong is a combination very few have mastered.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

[beauty-v23]

Jeremiah 17:14

This life isn’t easy... I am really struggling here, I want to stop this crazy sin cycle and sometimes I do but then I fall back again and I feel like real crap. I truly do want to get better but sometimes I feel like I just might be comfortable in my toxic environment; that without realizing is getting me sick. Help me! I don’t want to stay sick or stuck... I know I will get better we will get better...little by little, Day by day. We will get through this together. My faith tells me so! I know that the only way we will get through this is by you and only you. I want to read more, pray more and spend more time with you. You know my heart and desires help me to stay firmly rooted in the rock of my salvation!

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For you are my praise.”

[beauty-v23]

I hate messing up... I’ve been falling in to deep into my monster. I know I’m capable of ending it but truthfully it’s like I’ve given up and just accepted it as a part of who I am. It’s sad I know. I just want it to be gone, cause deep down I know it doesn’t belong...it cannot be a part of me!

Unknown

[beauty-v23]

September 11, 2019

Dear Husband,

So new things keep popping up like in a way to challenge our relationship. I believe that if we got through it once we can get through time after time, no matter how many times. I know in the end we will become stronger Together! I love you wholeheartedly and I don’t ever want to jeopardize what we have over stupid thoughts that seem to consume and overwhelm my mind. I know I’ve been lacking certain attributes lately but I am grateful to have you by my side because I’ve gotten to see how patient, caring, persistent and loving you are towards me especially when I need you the most, you’ve been there to lift me up when I can’t do it for myself, and you continue to do so. I trust you with all my heart knowing very well that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me...hurt us. I know that sometimes it’s annoying or that it could hurt but truly I have been blessed with such a kind soul. You are so patient and passive, that although sometimes it bothers me I thank God that you have those qualities and wish I could react to situations the way you do. With all that said I am working on myself and letting go of what used to be, learning to speak with love and be understanding of what you are going through, be selfless, be slow to anger and quicker to listen and stay quiet, I promise today to let go of all those negative thoughts, I know it will be a challenge and I know It will suck at times but I know I’ll get there soon and get better. Lastly I promise to love you with all my heart, in the good times as much as in the worst of times. I promise to be forgiving and caring, to love you when you can’t love yourself, to lift you up when you feel like you can’t keep going. I promise to be faithful to you always, to be the wife you will need for the rest of your life. I can’t wait to become your Mrs. to be your future baby momma. To create new life; To have our future babies, to have our own house, to travel the entire world with you, to explore and take on this journey with you for forever, to grow old with you!! Te amo mi amor! My chocolate bear 🐻 my baby daddy and future hubby. You are my soulmate and love of my life. I never want to lose you! I will do everything in my willpower to nurture our love and help it grow and to never let you go! Literally till death do us apart!

Love you forever your baby,honey bear,princess,future baby momma, future wifey ❤️

[beauty-v23]

Jeremiah 17:14

This life isn’t easy... I am really struggling here, I want to stop this crazy sin cycle and sometimes I do but then I fall back again and I feel like real crap. I truly do want to get better but sometimes I feel like I just might be comfortable in my toxic environment; that without realizing is getting me sick. Help me! I don’t want to stay sick or stuck... I know I will get better we will get better...little by little, Day by day. We will get through this together. My faith tells me so! I know that the only way we will get through this is by you and only you. I want to read more, pray more and spend more time with you. You know my heart and desires help me to stay firmly rooted in the rock of my salvation!

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For you are my praise.”