We updated my treatment plan in therapy today. It wasnât exactly how I wanted to spend our session, but my therapist had mentioned it last week and so I brought it up at the beginning of session and suggested we work on that. I donât remember ever doing this before, although the responses on the old version are definitely in line with things I would say. Maybe a DID thing, but also, I highly suspect that whoever I was working with at the time didnât present it in such a formal âwe need to carve out time to discuss and update your treatment planâ way and just casually asked me some questions.Â
While we were working on it, my therapist mentioned that it seems very important at this phase in my treatment for me to be really involved in something like this. Which I appreciate, and I also appreciate her transparency. She explained that the team regularly reviews the treatment plan and that it will be crucial for whoever I am assigned to next. My therapist is an intern who rotates off the team in June. I took this opportunity to check in about an email I sent to her supervisor (which she prompted me to do) asking if the team could consider assigning me to someone more permanently, especially as weâre starting to do trauma work now. She said thatâs an ongoing discussion, but itâs good that I brought it up again. Staffing is a bit tough with COVID right now, but I think we are all hopeful that we can make this happen for me. Iâve worked with so many interns (many had six month rotations) and while I have nothing against them, itâs exhausting to have to start over so frequently.Â
That basically took up our entire session. Productive and important stuff, but when there is so much going on internally with doing DID work, I am the tiniest bit disappointed that we didnât have time to talk about that.
I am at the point where I think I need to start explaining a bit about our parts to her, and I am trying to figure out what that should look like. Iâm really fine waiting a week to have this conversation, as it feels incredibly vulnerable. Itâs information that I used to freely give, but we are much more careful with something like that now. But, I do think that it needs to happen soon. To be clear, we have referenced certain parts that are relevant to the things we discuss in session, but I havenât used their names or given any identifying info.
It will probably be an email, so that my therapist can refer back to it instead of trying to jot down notes as we speak. I already have worked out that it wonât be too in depth, just a basic overview of who everyone is and the roles they play. I really hate having to say âthe part that acts in x wayâ or something like that instead of just using their name! But I feel like I shouldnât just start throwing names around without giving her a basic guide to help her keep track of it.Â
Other than that, weâre just plugging along. A lot is shifting for us with major medication changes and doing this work in therapy. Some housing stuff is slowly coming together, weâre spending lots of time outdoors, and last night I experienced a helpful sort of switch that helped me to get through a tough night. I generally loathe everything about switching (the loss of control, the confusion that follows, the behavior that isnât in line with mine, etc.), but this was basically an instance of a part saying âI can help!â and it was immensely beneficial for me to get a break from things. I feel like more switching isnât exactly the point of doing this work - but I also feel like maybe this is an example of the whole âteamworkâ thing. It is what it is, right?
Thatâs all Iâve got for today.Â
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