BeenJen

[beenjen]

With my logical side of the brain, I fully know, that there is NO correlation between my mala beads breaking, my pyrite necklace snapping twice and 2 long term plants dying with the absolute pooper of a week this last was.

With my woo woo side, I’m thinking it could have been so much worse had those protections not been in place, and they took the brunt of things and allowed me the space to catch my breath, calm, and find my peace.

I made the tough decision to step away from teaching yoga during this season last week and stepped down. I have felt stretched too thin, especially during the summer when the kids are out of school, we’ve been managing the in-laws, my dads and our yards, and taking a couple weeks/months, to be a student for a while is more supportive to me. It’s sad, and I do think I’ll come back with pop up classes where/when things feel more sustainable.

It was moms birthday, and I think it will always be a little heavier this time of year, though we certainly honored her delight of the 4th by letting the kids and their cousins go HAM with fireworks (safely and supervised lol). I also had a dinner date with dad and we just sat in the absence we will always feel.

There have been heavy things going on at work. A colleague suicided, there’s been a whole evaluation to assess our departments wellbeing and some management changes. There was a potential TB exposure - low probability (that was negative by the way), just added stress of needing to close clinic and go get the blood drawn. I’m nominated for national representation at a conference this coming month, and it’s one I won’t need to travel for. I’ll get several blocks of time for it, as well as some procedural training this clinic week to offer more treatments at our new location I’ll be steer heading as well - getting the new space off the ground. So it’s been large and in charge on the work front.

It’s summer in full effect. We’ve painted pottery. Checked the dentist office off our to do list. Bestie sent me sunflowers 🌻 Birds!!!! And pool day with some girlfriends sans kids.

Peace. Peace. Peace xx

[beenjen]

Did everyone see this madness?

Video shows bison chasing and flipping grandfather 8 feet into the air at Yellowstone

A bull bison charged at visitors at a campsite in Wyoming’s Yellowstone National Park on Friday, hooking and tossing a grandfather 8 feet in

It’s been an intense week, but hey, at least I’m not this guy. Yikes.

[beenjen]

Here’s the picture. The metaphor if you will. The straw that broke the camels back. I can’t get all the shit off the floor because the dust pan is busted. Thought I was losing my mind.

This week has been a fucking fiasco shit show.

FIL has dementia. We’ve been advocating for appropriate medical care, therapies, support, and mil is the hurdle to all of that. They had a fight this week, (in-laws), and if you’re new here, that’s not new suffice it to say, and if you’ve been around, here’s story 257.

He left the house, and he was gone for HOURS. She didn’t say peep until he was lost in another state. On the way to his sisters. Somehow, NOW, it is our issue to resolve. There’s so much to the story and my mental bandwidth is just too shot to give the story its due.

We are able to navigate him to safety. That’s just chapter one.

I feel like every step we make in the right direction, someone just shovels more dirt on top of us in a deep deep hole at this point.

Is this depression? Survival? Life?

This level of exhaustion cannot be real.

So tell me, how, after delivering this heap of shit mess, no one thought it important, to tell my husband, that his dad left his aunts solo, traveled across several states to get back home, and made it home safely?

I cannot even express, convey, find words. The depth of just mental unwell my in-laws have been over our 20 years together. AND THEY AREN’T EVEN MY PARENTS.

So I sent C off on an overnight off-road camping trip he’s been planning for months, because he deserves to get away, and part of me, truly thinks this is his mothers way of punishing him for wanting to do so. Even though she refuses any support or help.

And to top that off, Lilith has fucking hives, and I cannot figure out what is causing the irritation. We have changed soaps, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, sheets. The itching is non stop. Is it a food allergy? What the ever loving shit is it?!!!!!!! I’m losing my mind.

Then I feel Horrible because my friend, who co-parents with her ex, and gets WEEKS of parent free time, alone time, vacations solo, is talking about how stressful parenting is. Are WE ON THE SAME PLANET?

I don’t want to be this person Lolol it’s me right? I’m the problem?

((Also, please tell me I’m not alone haha))

[beenjen]

Haven’t really posted an update since the work trip in April. Phew. That was only 2.5 months ago Lolol

For sure, I’ve stepped up my activity level. If I’m honest, and I endeavor to be, I haven’t keyed back in since before I found out I really needed to push forward with my surgery. That was well over a year ago.

So, here we are. 8 months post op. What’s up?

Well, it feels largely as though I’ve been in a fog bubble. Yeah, shits gotten done, even if I needed to instead of go for a walk on my lunch break, I’ve turned the air on in my car - heat and ac frands - and napped. I shopped online and did grocery pick up. My house? A veritable hot mess. My kids? Clean and fed.

This past several weeks? I made myself start walking on breaks instead of crashing. I’ve gotten back to meal prep. We’ve started a process of nightly sorts to our home - equalizing the responsibility of cleanliness and organization. I have started lifting weights again.

It feels like I’m in a life I don’t recognize.

That’s ok. It’s ok.

I’ve been walking. I’ve been lifting. I’ve been cooking. I’ve been adjusting doses on prescriptions. I’ve been aware. If not fully before the last several weeks, I am on board now.

I don’t know exactly, because I just won’t with a lot of shit - experience and all - I’m rising though. From my time of hibernation. Depression. Sadness. General malaise with dad being in and out of the hospital, the stress from my in-laws, the kids being on summer break and their program being cancelled, some changes at the ole job front, the completion of construction on my home, the exhaustion they swear will not come to pass, you name it.

I don’t want to take advice from fools and all that yeah?

I don’t know guys. I’m now sleeping - a huge improvement. I’m now encouraging the family to participate in home ownership. I’m focusing on a week at a time feeding the family - not something I’m sure you would understand unless you have been deep in decision paralysis and just overwhelm, but that’s something that has to be involved several times a day, for multiple folks, and it was a win just buying premade protein waffles and bacon I could make for the week. Packing pb&J’s and some fruit/veg/snack for the week. It was a one back of sorts, that I could manage the bug spray/sunscreen/meals and bag packing for the kids.

Fucking job accomplished.

The tiredness I overcame to do basic and very low level shit? Amazing. Beyond. Astronomical.

So here we are.

At a life I’m not used too - shits a mess, we have the home Reno mess on top, kids growing and needing, marriage needing, house needing, job needing. Me? I managed buying high protein oat meal packs, sandwich material and weight lifting workouts for last week.

This week, sorted the schedule. Meals on lock. Hosting the family for the first time since surgery, since home Reno, since all of it for this coming weekend. I will sit. I will provide, I will smile.

I’m even going to wash my hair.

Here are my bird sightings -

There are more, and they are fab.

We’ve had a red shouldered hawk attracted from my crow feedings. Magestic. Absolute stunner. Hummer at my dads. Woodpecker at a neighbors.

Find your happiness I guess?

Truly though, I’ve dug deep. To find the give a flip to give a shit function. The exhaustion and just beat ass I feel is inane. So, awareness to you guys.

Like, menopause - legit or manufactured - your partner/wife/friend - is going through it. If I am damn near laid out with support, those without it still getting the fuck up and about? Applause standing fucking ovation.

Sexy wise, that’s been my priority. To assure and maintain - when I was able (which is 8 weeks folks) - to really push our marital relationship it was the first thing I focused on. Then to usher the kids lifestyle.

Now I feel I’m ready to start engaging again. 8 months. Fucking mental yeah?

Honestly is what you get here xx

[beenjen]

It’s been irritating the shit out of me that the kids are down to minimal pairs of socks each. I was about to pull the plug on ordering more because we didn’t have enough to make it through an entire week. I knew I had purchased socks - several times - so I started investigating earlier.

Turns out, when I do the laundry, I have a basket that I keep stray socks in, and then I have the kids put away their clothes. When C does, he puts the mates in the kids drawers.

I found 10 plus pairs of socks.

It’s not much, but it’s an honest days work.

[beenjen]

Things I’ve done, TODAY, that I’ve been pushing off for an embarrassing amount of time -

1) reached out to a new primary care facility for a new patient appointment

2) set up new patient dentist, my last one stopped taking my insurance

3) set up to see a specialty post op for management

4) set up for the ole k pop demon slayer (koda the Doggo) to be groomed. He’s a 120 lb Great Pyrenees, I paid extra for some chill so that they can groom ALL of him, he loses interest as things progress

It’s been so hard to get back to taking care of myself. At this point I have to acknowledge I’ve been letting a lot slide. Due to being overwhelmed, not prioritizing my wellness, some depression with the general state of things, as well as a lot of personal shit with my folks the last several years, any and all of the above.

I’ve been off work since last Friday, for last week of school for the kids and coverage until the day summer camp to kick in. We were supposed to leave for the firefly vacation, which had to be delayed as dad had urgent surgery. He had just gotten out of the C collar, and this was a set back, however he came through well.

Getting that sorted, then a late trek out of town with the kids, J’s promotion ceremony to middle school, C needing to travel for work - which is rare, we both traveled this year and haven’t for a long time - also my close friends brother passed unexpectedly, I committed to hosting a retirement party this weekend and the studios 4th ‘birthday’ celebration. It’s Thursday of the following week and I am just now taking a breath.

I think the lapse of self care has really been a side effect of a hectic life. The thing is, it’s always going to be something. I sent emails on the websites for dentist and pcp, and the dentist called back to confirm, waiting on the clinic, it made things so easy.

Today while J mowed the back yard, I cleaned the back porch off. We also have our camping gear out as it was rainy and things needed to be cleaned/dried before storage and I was able to get the sleeping systems put away, the canopy for dining and additional table/chairs stored, the tent has to have some repairs, so it’s cleaned, just pitched until the specialty tape gets here for the seam. I’ve been framing art from the school year and also took some leaves out of our dinning room table for a change.

The cleaning and organizing and appointment making has made me feel settled for the first time in months really. It’s been nonstop.

Blah blah life stuff blah blah. Here’s some pics -

The last pic is trying to capture the lightening bugs - they peaked this year later than expected due to weather. It was a really cool experience and we plan to try for the lottery again to the Smokies this next year. It was impossible to photograph and I snapped a couple photos, then just experienced it.

Be in the moment xx

[beenjen]

She’s alive, aliiivvveee!!!!

The school put on the kids art show - it was so incredible. Almost the entire bottom floor of the school was covered with pottery, glow in the dark paintings, hanging clay birds from the ceiling, Dolly Parton impressions. It was so great. So creative and fun. You can tell there is a lot of effort and care taken with the kids. It was beautiful. So grateful we made the change this past year with schools and for the soft landing.

We are in a neighborhood and the kids have friends that are neighbors. The boys are biking back and forth. Our kids world has blossomed. So glad we made the leap. It’s been magical.

My girlfriend sent me pictures of some photos her mom just developed of a ‘lingerie shower’ she hosted me. And it was right around our anniversary - 18 years. Wild. It’s hysterical though, I remember laughing and laughing and having the best time. She shared several shots of the pics and wow, what a wonderful timeline. Va Va voom 😂

I traveled for work, some training/education. It ended up being really great. Went to a championship game, nose nose bleed section - it’s been years since I have been to any sporting event or even watched a game really. It was super fun. There were towels to wave and a t-shirt in each chair, it was interactive and they had killer music sound bites. Such a great time. The energy was so hype. It was fun to get swept up in the spirit of things. The work group I went with was just incredible. Couldn’t have asked for a better team.

The dress code was business casual. For someone that wears scrubs at my 9-5 and teaches yoga on the side, I haven’t had to dress fancy in a long time. It was a time capsule digging through my closet. I made it work.

I found an amazing yoga studio close to our hotel. Went to 3 classes while I was there. I slept through the night uninterrupted. Ate well. It was a gift. Made even better by being close to the ever lovely @theunstuffedpepper 😍😍😍

Yoga every damn day xx

[beenjen]

Spent yesterday organizing my upstairs space. This is 90% settled. Deciding on window treatments or honestly leaning towards dowels over the windows and hanging plants that can vine down over the windows.

Also there’s some holes/certain access points we needed open for wiring upgrades for the house, computer jargon inserted here, and there’s a plan to cover that, its just not here yet 👍

Next up, first round of windows for converting this covered porch into a green house where I can grow spinach, kale, asparagus, maybe strawberries and tomatoes? Not sure. It’s going to be a work in progress we’ve been working towards for a while now. It’s exciting to see plans taking shape in reality.

The kids have enjoyed visiting dad and working in his shop lol that’s my childhood, helping dad with his machines.

Have a lovely week xx

[beenjen]

I scheduled an arm balance workshop for tonight after work last month. It’s something I really want to lock down in my yoga practice.

It was humbling and challenging at the same time. I’ve missed challenging myself physically. It’s been nice starting that back up again.

I’m 6 months post op, give or take, and I feel as well as I suppose I will. I’ve been lax on heavier strength training and more advanced yoga. I’m ready to pivot that. It’s something I’ve missed.

I teach a class weekly, yoga that is, and I whooped their arses this week. Didn’t realize I had done so? So I definitely have a foundation of strength. The arm balances though, are on another level - at least for me. So, I’m saying it here, it’s my next goal.

Not sure I mentioned it previously, my co-chair at the non-profit studio, asked me to teach a class at a retreat she hosted (again yoga, matter fact, it’s all yoga - whole post) several weekends back.

Teaching is still something that I have to decide before each class I can do. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone. I teach at a cozy studio, and my class sizes range from 2-8 most times. The retreat was over 20 or so people. By and large the largest class I’ve taught.

It went really well. I awake dreamed the whole sequence that I taught, and I practiced it prior to get a music plan.

You know I quote beastie boys and wear my Peg Bundy leggings friends. You already know.

It’s been a good week.

Headed this weekend to pick up the windows my brother sat aside for me for this idea C and I have for a greenhouse. That’ll be fun. The back porch is patched from the ice storms in January, and the material is ordered, just this area is COVERED UP with repairs at the moment. It’ll prob be a bit longer.

Still sorting the upstairs.

Converted the raised garden boxes in the front to flower beds. The deer ate everything last year. EVERYTHING. So I’m going to put a row or two of some stuff in the back and just bloom it loud and proud out front this season.

Example is this tulip bed. I’ll add more because I want each bed bursting with color an blossoms and each bed is a different flower.

Anywho, that’s some of the haps. Be well, live well xx

[beenjen]

Phew. Up at my dad’s with the kids -

Today was a full ‘adult’ day. This morning C and I went with his parents to an estate planing lawyer. After that, he went to work and I headed up to my dad’s, to drive him to his follow up neurosurgery appointment from his cervical fracture in February.

He was in hospital 3 weeks, rehab an additional week and then has been home with home health and my brother and I alternating visits/coordinating care for the last couple. He has local family close too; brothers and a niece. Looks like another month in the brace and some PT for mobility and he will have a license to ill.

This is where I am with the upstairs. Still moving all the furniture, deciding what flows best one spot to the next and haven’t gotten all the art up, but -

First 2 are the big room. Some pieces in there are from my grandma and mom. 3rd is my office and the 4th is the playroom. So relieved for that to be wrapping up. It’ll take some time to get a feel for what works best for the space and for my plants to take over muahahaha

Easter shenanigans at my uncles -

Happy spring xx

[beenjen]

Last weekend a couple girlfriends and I traversed a backpacking trail out past a waterfall and through a gorge at a state park here. We hiked in Saturday morning, hiked out Monday early.

It was so empowering. The freedom and space out there was palpable. Just a true unplugging. You could get a sat signal but that’s it, a creek for water and thankfully a relatively well maintained outhouse.

Keeping with Jen fashion, I spent my time practicing yoga, enjoyed a guided meditation and sat in silence on a rock in the stream. We ate delicious food - I brought in frozen salmon for our first dinner, another friend, freeze dried chicken parm - both worked out so well. The weather was divine. The conversation was top tier.

The first night there were other campers in scattered sites, the last night we were there alone. It was a much needed recharge. Sun. Fresh air. The creek rippling in the background. The wind through the trees. It was immersive.

They have largely finished with the inside of the house. I owe you some pics. Still navigating the game of keep or let go with furniture, toys, some things we’ve had in the attic area.

Happy spring. Happy Easter. Happy renewal 🌙

[beenjen]

Full spectrum -

Yoga first -

#everydamnday

Yeah -

> the kids 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

The truth about aging, growing, becoming. Getting ready the other day I checked my reflection and caught a slight turkey waddle - the crepes-ing of skin under my neck. wtf. shocks me sometimes, this, regardless, is 44 -

Gah, the upstairs is happening. It’s a precipice. We bought his place in 2012. It was THE PLACE FOR us. It was everything - but the kitchen, the upstairs, the etc Lolol one of the goals we had was to redo the upstairs, and it’s here. It’s coming to fruition after kids and a roof leak, but that shit is here, and it’s better than we had even dreamed. Color is cornflower yellow. My office and the bonus room are different and also looking so great guys. Getting excited after the suffocation of a 6 month Reno lol

The worm moon 🌕

we’ve made it through trauma ICU with dad, to Step Down and now rehab. He’s being discharged to home tomorrow.

Did the full kitchen clean out, a grocery restock and house shape up tonight. Wowza. Phew.

March 2026 xx

[beenjen]

Just when you think shit will chill, you get a call at 2 am that your dad has fallen and broken his neck.

Thankfully he has no residual weakness or paralysis. It’s been a couple weeks in hospital and working to transition to rehab. Brace will last 6-8 weeks and then I guess we will see.

More reno upstairs continues. It’ll be a couple more weeks. They’ve moved furniture from one room to the next. Tarped shit, but it’s still a dusty disaster up there. These fools have completely fucked several plants and after the ice storm where we were without power for over a week and just life in general, it feels like the walls are closing in.

I did on a whim pick colors for the walls versus a cream I had originally thought of as neutral -

I also fried chicken for the first time ever -

Ultimately some normalcy and even a single week of routine would be chefs kiss at this point.

More late night yoga for the win -

Hang in there. I’m told it’ll get better xx

[beenjen]

The house progresses -

The larger of the spaces I envision as a plantopia 🪴😍

Both kids are on the mend; Lils had a recurrence of strep, then J came down with the flu.

More of me doing yoga in the middle of the night -

Today was an in lieu off day for Presidents’ Day on Monday. Met up with a pal and snarfed a turmeric latte, practiced with one of my teacher training gurus and it was sunny and mid 60s here -

Xx

[beenjen]

Front yard is largely cleared aside from smaller branches and what not. The early estimate is that nashville lost 30% of canopy coverage from this storm. Sad.

Cleared what I couldn’t even see from the house of broken remnants from the transformer change over.

Then I burned sticks - hog heaven for me.

Celebrated with one of my gals 40th 😍 I went for a couple hours and C watched the kids. It was a last minute venue change to 21 & Up. It’s been a bit since I’ve dressed up and actually gone out out. As in not to yoga, the grocery, work or a kid related need lol

C moved all the office furniture stuff this am as I tended J man - who woke up with a fever, boo. Early morning pediatrician run to rule out the spread of strep through the family.

That routine I mentioned? Apparently not this week.

I did however manage to scrub the baseboards in the kitchen, the cabinets and wood wax them as well as the island. Haven’t deep cleaned my kitchen in a minute. Maybe I’ll tackle the kids bath and bedrooms tomorrow while I have a sick kiddo snoozing on the couch.

Take it easy xx

[beenjen]

Throw back night with Jen. Yoga on the floor past 11p -

You’re up next, live 😘

> power restored 🙌

> contruction on the house continues. We are in it from November and now have to consolidate an entire other room of furniture somewhere in our house. lol RIGHT. BY MONDAY. Ahhahahah

> Catastrophic debris - branches, trees, leaves, destroyed shit, has a deadline of Monday as well - it’s Friday after we were without school or power for a week - to get what we need picked up at the street, to the street.

I’m grateful, no mistake, that we have power, house intact and the physical ability to clean up my damn yard, just dayum.

> Lilith had a rebound of strep - fucking fever, sore throat, Scarlett fever rash and all, same week we had just returned to work/school… yes, yes indeed.

So damn grateful for the flexibility of our jobs to move meetings/appointments a few hours, so we can both effing work/keep our jobs, as well as take care of our family.

> there’s a lot, really it’s all apathetic at this point.

If we could get in a routine, just mildly, or even biweekly, bimonthly, I’d be eternally grateful.

Apparently the Super Bowl is this weekend 🤘💀

Check the health and growth of my hair. Ayervedic scalp massage -

my twinkies -

Life. Just life. You matter xx

[beenjen]

We have power! It’s a good thing too, my bedroom was turning into a jungle with all the plant shuffling I’ve done to keep everyone as lit as possible-

We spent some time with my dad today, got the deep freeze sorted - just in time for the power to kick back in natch - and the kids school was cleared for them to go back in the morning 💗

Also, snow moon baybee -

If you look closely you can peep a coupe of the skylights in the front. From The current project.

We decided to have our contractor fix the back covered porch damage while he’s here finishing up the upstairs. Turns out one of the large branches actually hit so hard, it punctured through the roofing and busted the gutter and wood support in one spot. Truth be told it still feels lucky that’s the extent of what we ended up with. Some of our neighbors, not so much.

Hang in there. This too shall pass xx