What the Freaking Hell

Some words need to be written down, set free, before they start a riot in your head.

[beercookiesandbooze]

New face, New chase, Old trauma holding me back.

[beercookiesandbooze]

L

Inches apart

too far for my heart

need to feel you close

need to feel your breath on my skin

your fingertips caressing the parts of me you love the most

Go find your way to hidden places in my heart where no one’s ever been

[beercookiesandbooze]

So close

You’re sitting right next to me

So far

You’re gone, long gone

So painful

Knowing it’s all my fault

So frustrating

Not having been brave enough

So hard

To take a chance, to be vulnerable 

So ironic

Watching you fade away only because I was too afraid to lose you

[beercookiesandbooze]

Your absence physically hurts me

We're more than ordinary, aren't we?

A connection still so powerful strong

How could something like this be wrong

I wish faith would show mercy

And lead you back to me

Why do we let distance destroy

Our one chance for pure and permanent joy?

[beercookiesandbooze]

Ambush

Your mind

So twisted I got lost and found myself in an abandoned, dark alley of your inner labyrinth 

Your words

So powerful - coming from nowhere they slammed me against a wall and held me there

Your wit

So sharp it cut through my skin like a thousand knives  

Your heart

So warm I’ll die there in the depths of you - bleeding, screaming, but feeling like there no place I’d rather be.

[beercookiesandbooze]

Years go by

And I still think of you

Can you hear my silent cry?

[beercookiesandbooze]

So much for ‘just friends’

Eyes I’ve seen a thousand times

Suddenly equipped with a warmth unheard of

Hands I’ve touched a thousand times

Suddenly stroking the sensitive small of my back

Lips that joked about life a thousand times

Suddenly pressed against mine in all seriousness

Can’t go back from that

My head is spinning

You pushed me down a dark abyss 

I’m free-falling

Never thought you’d make me feel so scared

And you’re still smiling

As if nothing happened

As if you hadn’t just pushed me in a seat of a roller coaster

Without securing the belt

And laughed as adorably as ever when you pushed the button

[beercookiesandbooze]

I’m a big girl now

A quiet Saturday night

Spent at home, all alone

Secretly panicking at the sight

of the lack of messages on my phone

It’s always this type of night

When you turn up your long forgotten favourite song

When you pause for a moment, when you stop to fight

‘cause deep down, you’ve known it all along:

a simple lack of distraction

a sudden stop of your busy routine

always triggers a funny kind of reaction:

-Alone, really alone with your thoughts -

You’ll forever be fucking fourteen

Insecure, anxious, and barely getting by

Messing up your cheap mascara as you start to cry

[beercookiesandbooze]

The world keeps standing still

But the motion sickness makes me ill

[beercookiesandbooze]

2 days into 2020, still comfortably hurting.

Am I pathetic yet?

After all this time, alone in my bed

Still thinking of you

Still dreaming about us two

Am I desperate already?

Sending prayers to all possible gods

My irrational hope is staying steady

You're still my personal reminder that love does exist

I was born in the moment that we first kissed

I thought I'd get over you,

I've done it before with another

But I keep holding on to you

And I don't even think I care to bother

I firmly believe there's a soulmate for everyone

Well, I've already met mine

And at least I know we'll always think about each other each time

Our faces, thousands of miles away, are warmed by the same cruel sun.

[beercookiesandbooze]

Our thoughts connect

Like pieces of a puzzle

Our words are painting a picture

Gigantic, unique, beautiful

Our first own masterpiece

Bright colours on a grey autumn canvas

With you, I found the 'Da' to my 'Vinci'

Let's make our Mona Lisa beam

[beercookiesandbooze]

Anticipation

Eyes locked onto each other

For a moment that makes eternity look like a minute

Lips only inches apart

That feel like lightyears in my heart

I can feel your breath

I can hear nothing but my pulse

The world grew absolutely still

Like a deer in your headlights, I’m waiting

For love to strike

And like a true predator, it keeps lurking

But any moment now, it will.

[beercookiesandbooze]

~~~

Shyly dipping into thoughts about you

Seems like I’m getting caught in a riptide

Suddenly everything moves faster

Screaming, I feel powerless

Spinning, losing all sense of orientation

Scared for my life

Smiling while drowning

(Shit.)

[beercookiesandbooze]

If you ever let go of his hand - watch out -he might grab a knife.

Everything we had

Everything we were

You've spoiled it

Torn apart every last bit

Oversalted, it will never be the same

What a big, what an ugly shame

I will never forgive you

for now saying these things you do

for trying to take the precious memory from me

Of how marvellous we used to be

Of those kissable lips that were so seductively tasteful

That you now make say things so terribly hateful

Some of us choose to grow from pain

You chose to rather go completely insane

But I will not let you win, I will not let me hate you!

If hating me helps you, be my guest!

I still remember our bright days, I do

Go let hate ruin your life while I smile and remember you at your best.

[beercookiesandbooze]

Wednesday nights

Dancing alone in my flat, naked

To a punk rock song

A happiness so loud you couldn't fake it

I had it in me all along

A little bit drunk

A little bit mental

Laughing like I'm crazy

Nights like these

Are why life never fails to amaze me

[beercookiesandbooze]

I hate not being in love. What a blatant waste of time.

[beercookiesandbooze]

Love Is a Fairytale

Let them walk around your castle

Let them all run until they drop dead

All those shallow princes

Competing for their as-if-virgin-in-need,

A golden price for them to show around

Let them ride on their high horses

Ignore the sweet nothings they shout to your tower

Don't let them cut through your magic forest of beautiful roses

Knowingly laugh at their silly proposals

A princess needs no arrogant knight, no prince overly charming

They want to steal me away, go on, let them-

I don't care, I fell in love with my dragon.