Grace

She decided to love herself and from that her happiness multiplied

[deadithurts]

andrew garfield saying, “i hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that i didn’t get to tell her” about his mothers passing is so gut wrenchingly beautiful because we rarely talk about the love we want to express but can’t, not because you’re not brave enough to say it out loud but because they’re not here to listen to it anymore. calling grief the love you never had the chance to share makes it less of a burden and more of something you want to keep and not something terrible you want to move on from. i love love how everything about grief always comes down to “what is grief if not love persevering?”

[before-the-worst-162]

I’m simultaneously losing both of my parents at the age of 23. All I can think of is how much I’ll miss out on. I had to sit back and watch all 3 of my sisters get walked down the aisle and do their first dances and have babies and all I can think about is how I don’t get that. I won’t get it, they’ll be too far gone by then and I’ll be left alone. 23 is too young. It’s too young to watch my mother slip away into her dementia and it’s too young to file for guardianship of my father who can no longer make his own legal decisions. Everyone keeps calling me strong and resilient and saying how proud of myself I should be. And it’s crap, because all I feel is pain and fear of whats to come. How do I do this? How do I get through it all? Because right now it feels impossible. Each day has remained a struggle and I am tired of waking up knowing I’ll have to fight my way through it again.

How do I make it alone without the two people who gave me life? It’s not right.

Please anyone, please tell me how.

[lovelustquotes]

“It is June. I am tired of being brave.” ~Anne Sexton

[before-the-worst-162]

My mum has dementia. And I know that there are other people going through the same thing but this is MY mum. It’s been over a year since we got a confirmed diagnosis and every day it’s getting worse. I’ve slowly watched her forget little things, I’ve heard the same questions over and over again for months and I don’t know to handle it. I’m dreading the years to come, the moment when she forgets who I am, when she can’t wash herself or eat a meal without help. It’s just so hard because she’s always been such a strong woman, someone who deserved better than what she got. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, when I was little I always dreamt of my wedding day with both of my parents walking me down the aisle. I made my peace of not having my father there years ago, but she has to be there. She has to be the one to give me away and knowing that she won’t be is so painful. She’s my best friend, the only one who was ever there for my sisters and I. She made ends meet when she needed to, she always made sure we had food on the table and clothes on our backs and I always thought that I’d get a lifetime to repay her. But now it’s getting too late, she can’t travel overseas or go anywhere longer than a few nights. She can’t go anywhere unfamiliar or strange. All I can do is slowly watch her deteriorate and try my best to handle it.

My brain is very messed up right now

[thepowerwithin]

When your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself that you’ve done a good job. You are headed down your path at your own pace, and with every obstacle you are trying your utmost best. Be patient with yourself, and remember that big things are achieved not all at once, but one day at a time.

[before-the-worst-162]

I hope you are okay.

I will be soon.

[before-the-worst-162]

I feel as if I’m drowning and people are just watching me struggle for breath

Help

[books-n-quotes]

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[notsalgic]

“This was it.

Your last chance to say something, before we parted forever.

You didn’t…of course you didn’t.

Silly me, to think this time it would be different.”

- now all that’s left to say is goodbye

[lost-broken786-deactivated20200]

[books-n-quotes]

“I wish that photographs were physical spaces, like tunnels; that you could crawl inside them and go back.”

— Lauren Oliver, Vanishing Girls

[books-n-quotes]

“In another world we shall understand it all.”

— Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

[books-n-quotes]

“The things I want to remember I can’t, and the things I try so hard to forget just keep coming.”

— Paula Hawkins, Into the Water

[lovelustquotes]

“It is June. I am tired of being brave.” ~Anne Sexton

[teenagecrush]

[before-the-worst-162]

Isn't it weird giving your heart to someone? Perhaps weird isn't the word, it's brave. You've given a person a chance to either make you the happiest person to ever live; or they could destroy you in every way humanly possible. Love is also a weird concept. You're letting someone into you life and over time you're letting them see every aspect of who you are. They see you laugh, cry, sing, yell and you're praying that you're not too much. That they don't turn around and walk away. You make yourself vulnerable to everything. You overanalyse and overthink and some days you're left wondering; is it worth it? Why should I give this person the power to ruin who I am? But some days, when you get home and they're there waiting for you with open arms and asking you all about your day and making you laugh until your stomach hurts.. you realise why. Because yes, they could destroy you.. but they could also build you back up. Because when I met him, I was in a very dark place. I was depressed and anxious and some days I prayed my life would end. And then he came into my life, broke down my walls and I fell harder than ever. But it was different this time, because he actually loved me back. Hearing the words "I love you" is intoxicating. You think you're on top of the world and nothing could ever harm your happiness. But you gave him your heart.. and after a while he didn't want it. So yes, the words "I love you" are wonderful.. but hearing "I don't love you anymore" is debilitating. It's like someone has ripped out your heart and left you to die. Because how do you come back from that? How do you fix that? The answer is you don't. You can't. And it sucks more than anything. But all you can do is move on because the world doesn't stop for anyone.

[before-the-worst-162]

Giving someone your all and realising it's not enough for them is the most devastating feeling.

Help