Antro dei cuori selvaggi 🥀🐺

👑 Principessa scappata dal lieto fine 📖 Collezionista di libri proibiti e promesse non mantenute 🌙 Romantica a occhi chiusi, ironica a occhi aperti 🦉 In attesa che un gufo in ritardo mi trovi comunque per la lettera di Hogwarts 🥀 Fiabe oscure, cuori complicati, baci che fanno sognare 🕯️ Viaggiatrice nei corridoi delle accademie che esistono solo nei sogni 🐺 Ho sempre preferito il lupo al principe Following on https://www.wattpad.com/user/Belle_deLamb https://it.pinterest.com/charlottestant/ https://twitter.com/Lotte_Stant

[belledelamb]

Station

The roar of the train exploded in my head. I was late. How long was it to the station? I tried to run faster, my muscles burning. How could a Malfoy be like this? It was…

I tripped. A pothole in the sidewalk. I lost my balance, cursed, grabbed a lamppost.

Laughter. I glared at the two Muggles who were laughing at my misadventure. -You know I could turn you into toads if I wanted to-

A boy with black crew cuts gave me the finger.

-Be thankful I have time- I started running again, my lungs hurting, every breath agony.

She could have already left.

The thought made me sick. Her and her damn idea of ​​finishing her last year at Hogwarts. Nerd. What was her problem? She never gave up. And I couldn't give up on her. My breathing was coming out in labored gasps. And I was drenched in sweat. I grimaced. The station appeared around the corner. Muggles dragging enormous suitcases, eager to undertake stupid journeys. I cursed, almost got run over, punched the hood of a car.

-Watch where you're going- the owner shouted at me.

I had no time for a fight. I continued my run. Memories of the past overwhelmed me. The thousand times I had been there. My feelings for Granger. Always different, changeable like snakes shedding skin. I saw her as a child again, the determination in her brown eyes. A girl, waving to Potter and Weasley, ignoring me. Almost a woman, so beautiful that my breath was stuck in my throat.

Platform 9 and ¾. My heart skipped a beat. Two. Three. What if the train had already left? I waited too long.

Draco Malfoy wasn't the type to do that. He wasn't the loser who runs after a departing train to stop a Mudblood. A Malfoy doesn't make a fool of himself. Because since I met her… things have taken a different turn.

I threw myself against the wall. It was all Granger's fault. Was she the one who had made me so… soft? Was that… wrong?

The platform was full of adults. Parents, including with a sinking feeling in my stomach. There were no students in sight. Had they gotten on? I headed for the train. If it had left while I was on it… well, we would have had plenty of time to talk. I elbowed my way through.

Someone cursed at me. I continued on, head down, heart pounding in my chest. Only a few steps. I was almost there. It was… the train shot past me. The curse exploded between my lips. I wasn't going to let my life slip away from me. The thought struck me. I staggered, my legs suddenly too unsteady. Was Granger my life? The girl I had despised for years? The girl I had never considered good enough for me, but could never stay away from? The other half of a story that was only now becoming clear to me.

My knees gave out. I felt like I had been struck by lightning, electricity coursing through my body. Every cell. I trembled. It hurt. There was an invisible dagger in my stomach. Because it hurt to know I was so tied to her.

-What are you doing kneeling on the floor, Malfoy?-

Everything stopped. -Granger?- would I have seen her if I had turned around? Or was it just a trick of my mind? I stood up, my legs barely holding me up.

-Maybe you would have preferred someone else?- sharp as a needle.

Never. I had understood that being with Hermione was natural. Like breathing. I swallowed. My throat burned. Admitting it out loud wasn't going to be easy. Granger, as always, hit me right in the heart and made it bleed.

-You have something to tell me?-

-You should tell me… you didn't take the train?- I turned around. Calmly. She shouldn't have known how much I cared.

My stomach turned. Would I ever get used to seeing her? To those brown eyes of hers that entered me like knives? That dissected me? In front of her I was naked. Skinless, organs exposed. I smiled. The aggressive smile, the one I used when everything was too much and I was floundering. Every time that intense face of hers appeared in front of me. Thinking about Granger made every part of my body tremble. Not that I intended to tell her. Better not to overdo it. I couldn't risk her getting strange ideas.

-What are you doing here?-

I looked up, searching for air, a moment to catch my breath and think about how to behave. Some of the people there were watching us. All those eyes on me were bothering me. I felt judged. Me, a Malfoy. I bit my lower lip. It should have been the other way around. Me judging those people, those wizards who were nothing compared to me. A Malfoy, a Pureblood.

-Shall we go for a walk?-

I jumped, taken aback. Had I understood correctly? Hermione crossed her arms. Did she know how hard it was for me to be there? How those eyes were blades inside me? How much it had cost me to run to her?

-You didn't answer my question- I muttered.

-If you answer mine, I'll answer yours-

-Granger, Granger- I reached her, my hands sweating without knowing why. I didn't wipe them on my pants, I was afraid that if someone saw it they would take it for a sign of weakness. -Always the same old games?-

Hermione turned her head, her hair sliding down her cheek. I envied that hair. I wished it were my fingers that touched her like that. To feel her skin. To taste her little imperfections that made her as splendid as a star. -You're the one playing with me-

-Liar- I stopped next to her. They were watching us. I wonder what those people were thinking. -Yes, I'll walk with you, but only if you answer my question, why did you stay?-

Hermione frowned. -I've changed my mind-

-That's not an answer-

-It didn't seem that important to me anymore to finish my senior year-

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it.

-What's wrong?-

-You who don't want to take boring classes? Are you an alien? Have they switched you?-

She blushed, her cheeks turning an adorable red. -You're the same old braggart-

-I'm not changing, Granger- why did these words have the bitter taste of a lie? Was it true that I wasn't changing?

-Would it be too much to hope for- was I wrong or was there a strange nuance in her voice?

-Do you want me to change?-

-I don't want anything from you- her gaze skimmed the asphalt and I felt a scratching desire for her to look at me. I wanted to take her face in my hands and force her to look at me. Because she had to say certain things to my face. And her eyes were the only ones I wanted on me.

-Why didn't you leave?-

-I answered you- a twitch of the lips. Almost a grimace.

-Why?-

-For you- two words that exploded in the warm late summer air. Something inside me staggered. I felt dizzy, drunk, unstable. For me. Was it too… beautiful? Unnerving? Impossible? It couldn't be true.

-You didn't leave for me?- a hot spike in the heart.

Hermione snorted, clenched her fists, glared at me with those brown eyes of hers that burned with anger. -Yes, idiot, for you, a problem?-

I stared at her, the anxiety that slipped off me. -Should I take this for a declaration?-

-Take it for whatever you want- she turned, in a whirlwind of hair.

I took her wrist, that thin wrist of hers that adhered perfectly to my palm, as if it was born for this. -Wait- I walked in front of her.

Hermione growled, her eyes shining like diamonds. And she was so damn beautiful that my breath caught in my throat. -What do you want?- a groan.

-What do I want? What do you want, Granger? Because I don't understand, I can't understand what you feel-

I saw her hold her breath, her body tense. Ready to run or fight. -You really are stupid-

-Always full of good words for me, huh?-

-What should I do?- she shook her head. -I never know what to do with you-

-Weird, it's my same problem-

We looked at each other. Animals ready to bite each other. Or lovers who could have kissed. I couldn't decide. I bit the inside of my cheek.

-Shall we go for a walk?- she lowered her eyes and kicked the air.

-Yes, let's go- I let go of her wrist, a feeling of emptiness tightening my stomach, and I put my hands in my pockets so as not to touch her again.

Without a word we walked down the street, under the curious gaze of those present.

[belledelamb]

The snow was falling heavily. Hermione adjusted her shawl around her shoulders. The blackout had started a couple of hours ago and the power wouldn't come back on.

She huffed and looked out the window. The street was dark, but there was a light at the Malfoy house. He must have had a generator.

Hermione took out her smartphone. Her friends were supposed to be visiting, but with this snowstorm they were probably stuck.

A notification informed her that she had 15% battery left.

Hmm, she needed to charge her smartphone.

Unfortunately, her only option was Draco Malfoy.

She wrapped herself up warm and went out.

Malfoy hadn't even hung a Christmas wreath on the door. Such a Grinch.

Hermione knocked.

No answer.

She knocked again.

The snow continued to swirl.

A creak. The door opened a crack.

-Um, hi- Hermione nodded.

-What do you want?

-I saw you have electricity

-So?

-I need to charge my phone

Malfoy leaned against the doorframe. He was wearing a blue sweater and jeans. He had to admit he wasn't bad looking. He had a distant charm. -What do I care?

-I have to communicate with my friends

-Then you should have found an independent generator, you have to be wise- he shrugged.

-Since you claim to be much wiser, why do you spend your life alone? You're alone!- Hermione was shaking.

Draco clenched his fists. -I'm not alone

-Yes you are... look, you're in a huge house and you're alone and in a few hours it's Christmas

-You're alone too

-Because of the storm, otherwise my friends would have been here

-If they had been your friends they would have done everything possible to come

-What are you talking about?

-I'm honest, terribly honest

-Forget it- Hermione turned her back on him. No point arguing. She went down the steps. It was just a...

-Wait... come on, come in...

Hermione felt her heart jump into her throat. Maybe it wasn't so horrible.

[belledelamb]

-Move it further to the right

-If you want to, Malfoy, you climb up- Hermione pushed herself up on tiptoe. The mistletoe wobbled on her head.

Mmm, she should have looked at it better.

-Come on, Granger, don't tell me you can't do better, you always boast about being the best

Hermione stopped and looked down.

Malfoy was staring at her with his head tilted in an odd position. Blonde locks caressed his cheeks.

-Are you looking at my legs, Malfoy?

Draco gasped. -Who's looking at them, Mudblood!

-You're terrible, hateful and... - the ladder moved. Hermione felt her throat tighten. She had to be more careful.

-Don't move, Granger, you might fall- Malfoy grabbed the ladder.

Hermione shifted her weight. She didn't want to appear weak. And even less in need of Malfoy's help. -I can do it myself

-Whatever- Malfoy left the ladder.

-For... - Hermione lost her balance and fell.

She screamed, closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact... which was far too soft.

-Granger

Hermione raised her eyelids. Her heart fluttered in her chest like a bird in a trap.

-Do you always have to cause harm?- Malfoy's features were drawn. He looked angry.

-If you had helped me...

-You could have gotten hurt!

Hermione stared at him in surprise. He didn't seem angry, but worried about her. What an absurd thought.

Draco frowned. His eyes were fixed on hers. He had never noticed how beautiful her irises were, capable of boring into you. Grey storms to get lost in.

Hermione felt her heart rise into her throat. -You know what they say?

-What's the rumor? - Draco swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

Hermione wanted to stroke him. She pressed her lips together.

-So? - ​​Draco teased.

-They say it's good luck to kiss under the mistletoe. - He knew he should look away, but he couldn't.

-I don't know, Granger. - Draco whispered. -Maybe it's a Muggle rumor. - His gaze narrowed. -We'd have to see if it's true.

-That...

Malfoy's lips curled into a smile. Hermione felt as if her breath was being stolen. -Shut up, Granger. - He kissed her.

[belledelamb]

Nico massaged his temples. Ever since Will had been in that damned travel agency, all he could talk about was vacations.

-I decided to take a trip for Christmas- Will smiled. He had a beautiful smile and his blond hair gave him an angelic look. The opposite of Nico's. He watched him open the catalog full of photos. Beaches, snow, monuments.

-A trip?- Nico felt his heart in his throat.

-A trip for Christmas… how about Lapland?

Nico hated Christmas. It wasn't a holiday made for him. Too many lights. Too much hope. Too many opportunities to see his family.

-Nah, you don't want to go to Lapland- Will shook his head. -Caribbean? Nah, not very Christmassy

-What if we didn't go?

-Wouldn't you like that?

-Forget it- he stood up. His heart was turning inside out. -I'm wrong, I…

-Have you forgotten your purpose?- Will took a step forward. Her hands slid to intertwine with his. Nico felt his cheeks burn. "Let me remind you," he tilted her head to the side and kissed him. A light kiss on his lips. "Your purpose is to fill my life, okay? Who cares about the journey," Nico felt his cheeks burn. "Do you think that…" "I only care about you," Nico smiled. "He couldn't have asked for anything better."

[belledelamb]

Neville felt like he was in a narrow alley with no way out. It was a strange feeling he had had to live with since he was little.

It wasn't easy to live with the memory of parents like his. The worst thing was that he had almost none of them. He clung to a smell, a shadow, a rustle that slipped out of the darkness of his memory. He wanted to think that they were fragments of the past.

People thought he had his father's charisma or his mother's skill. They were disappointed when they found out who he really was. A clumsy boy.

He liked to wonder who he would have been if his parents had still been healthy. It was a dream he had with his eyes open. He imagined a different boy. Not forgetful. Brave. Successful.

Neville was nothing like this imaginary boy. He was a ghost of what his parents had been.

He disappointed everyone and hated himself for it. He had a heart of paper. He was on fire.

He would have done anything to be different.

Unfortunately, he couldn't. He was stuck in that damn alley and couldn't get out.

[belledelamb]

Regulus Black felt like he was going to explode. As if he had swallowed a hundred lit candles and he was full of matches. Ready to explode. He was nervous. He was hopeless. He was alone.

He had never looked for friends outside of the Death Eaters. He had never felt the need. Until now. He had done everything wrong.

He stopped in the middle of the bridge, leaned on the railing, looked down. He liked to stare at the water. It gave him peace of mind.

-There seems to be something very interesting about the river

Regulus gasped.

A figure stopped beside him. His throat was dry. He reached into his cloak pocket for his wand and squeezed it.

-When I'm sad, I look at the river too

She was a Muggle, with ash-blond hair, a flat nose, and lively green eyes. Regulus couldn't deny that she was beautiful. Unlike other Death Eaters, he had never looked particularly favorably on hatred against Muggles. Yes, of course, the purebloods deserved supremacy, but that didn't necessarily mean that the Muggles should be slaughtered, did it?

-Are you sad?

-I'm… disappointed

That's what he'd never told anyone. Disappointed in his friends. Disappointed in his family. Disappointed in Voldemort. And most of all, disappointed in himself.

-Mmm, is there a girl involved?

-I wish it were that simple

-Things are simpler than people think

-Not in this case- it was nice to have someone to talk to, even if he couldn't tell her everything. She would think he was crazy. Or she would get scared and run away. Or both.

-Believe me, everything will work out one way or another

-I'm not sure

-Mmm, it's not easy to advise you if you don't tell me anything

-Let's just say I made a bad choice- he rubs his eyes. He's never felt so tired.

-Did this choice hurt anyone?

-A lot of people- Reg didn't even want to think about the harm he had done unintentionally.

-Find a way to apologize

-A way to apologize?- it seemed like a sensible thing to do. Why hadn't he thought of it before? And then it occurred to him that it wouldn't be easy.

-Yes, you have to find a way to apologize, you'll see, it won't be difficult

He wasn't so sure. Despite his doubts he smiled at her. -You must be thinking that I'm a hopeless case

-We are all hopeless cases

-You… how can I find you again? To tell you how this story will end

The girl smiled. -I often pass on this bridge- she moved away from the railing.

-You didn't even tell me your name

-Next time- and walked away, shaken by laughter.

[belledelamb]

Hermione

The pungent smell of magic filled the air. The Great Hall was full of people. I had never seen it so crowded and I had never perceived such a strange atmosphere. I let my gaze pass over the people present, my heart tightening in my throat. The final battle against Voldemort was over, I should have felt lighter, more euphoric, more relieved. And instead the only thing I could feel was a vague sense of nausea and a tiredness that made my mind slow and numb. If there was one thing I hated, it was this feeling. I breathed in deeply. Ron, sitting next to me, was talking and had his arm around my shoulders. I felt like I was caged. A cage with golden bars, but still a cage. And I felt the need for a person. A being whose spirit was a mirror image of mine. Draco. Just thinking about his name confused me. It was like a dagger that wounded my very being. I looked around, in a vain attempt to distract myself. I noticed Harry and Ginny. In love, they were enough for themselves.

-How quiet you are-

I almost jumped, torn from my thoughts. I turned my head slightly, my hair sliding down my cheek, just enough to look at Ron's friendly face. He was my friend. It probably would have been something more if it hadn't been for him… Draco Malfoy. My torment, as only impossible loves can be.

-Are you not okay?- Ron continued, not hiding a hint of worry in his voice. I found myself thinking that Draco would do it. He would deny being worried and then check that I was okay. With him it was always like this, a denial, an exhausting fight to see who was stronger, better, simply better. And yet I couldn't live without him.

-I… yes, I'm okay- I lied. An inevitable lie.

Someone was laughing out loud. It was a celebration, yes, even if it had the faint, bitter taste of mourning. I noticed Neville recounting the events in words, more certain than he had ever been before.

-If you want to rest… - Ron tried, letting the words fall like that, in the air thick with joy, like stones thrown into water.

-I need the bathroom, - I murmured. I slipped from his light grip. I slipped away. I couldn't stay there, I couldn't fool him like that. It was wrong. Maybe it was inevitable, though.

-Hermione… -

-I'll be right back, - I said quickly. I certainly didn't want him to offer to accompany me or follow me. My legs carried me outside. Halfway there I realized that they knew where I had to go. To him. To Draco. To my mirror soul. It was as if they knew where he was. The cool night air caressed my face.

And there he was, sitting on the ground, the grass brushing his ankles, his gaze lost up, looking at those huge, cold stars. Indifferent to everything. I froze, petrified by him, by his mere presence. I watched him, the way a child might watch an exotic animal, because to me that was Draco. An exotic animal walking among people. His blond hair fell, unkempt, over his pale face. His elbows rested on his knees, his legs were close to his chest. There was something tormented about him. I swallowed the fear of rejection. With Draco it was always possible. He was unpredictable. I never knew how to act when I was near him. A snake. Yes, a snake that could bite you, for almost no reason.

-Are you going to stand there and watch me for much longer, Granger?-

I flinched. Of course, he had seen me. He always saw everything. I sighed, feigning a calm that I didn't have. With him I was never calm. The world exploded inside me. Black dots fell in front of me. I ignored them.

"Why are you here?" I asked. I wanted to sound confident, but my voice was shaking. Why was it so hard?

"Where else would I be, Granger?" and my name almost sounded like an insult between his lips.

"Celebrating, like the others."

"Celebrating? But what is there to celebrate?" His face burned, his fists clenched, his eyes narrowed. Anger. He felt anger. It was a common feeling for him… and for me too. We were connected by an invisible thread. Painfully invisible. Anger and a hint of despair.

"We won," I tried, but I couldn't pretend to be happy. Draco was right and that upset me.

"Is this winning?" He made a sweeping gesture, indicating the destruction that was blazing everywhere. I knew what he was referring to. The deaths, the pain, the misunderstandings. -I think we all lost-

I didn't speak. Draco's words were strong, restless, aggressive. They were words that reflected his personality.

-No, I don't think so… we lost- he whispered, darkly.

-Your mother will be looking for you- I murmured, to change the subject, to drag him away from a thought that could only hurt me.

-I know, but I needed to be alone… did you get together with Weasley?- and his voice was strange, high-pitched, painful and bloody with

me a wounded animal. He wasn't looking at me, his eyes turned to the stars, but I was sure that somehow he saw me anyway.

-What do you care?- the question, too abrupt, came out spontaneously.

Draco stiffened. The magic moment was over. The tension was creeping between us again. I was confused. Very confused.

-Hermione-

I jumped, a wave of nausea suffocated me.

-Weasley- Draco said. A word full of hate, anger, desperation. -Run to him, your boyfriend is waiting for you-

I opened my mouth to deny, to say that Ron wasn't my boyfriend. But I would have lied.

-Go to him- Draco continued.

-Hermione- Ron again. Why wasn't he silent? Why didn't he leave me alone? My temples began to throb. I didn't move. My legs wouldn’t obey me. Maybe it was for the best. Ron would see us and understand. A sense of freedom shook me. Everything would be resolved this way. Cruelly simple. And then Draco stood up. I looked at him, my mind clouded with confusion. I opened my lips to say words that didn’t come out, frozen in the back of my throat. I watched him go. His back straight, his carriage elegant, his blond hair shining in the soft starlight. I didn’t move when he disappeared. I didn’t move until Ron found me like this, my mind blank, tears digging into my eyes, my heart simply broken.

[belledelamb]

Sings

Newt was getting worse. He could see it hour by hour. The signs were clear. He had never felt so angry. It was a wave that burned everything in its path. It wasn't like him. It was like having another person inside him.

Newt had always thought of himself as a calm person. A protector. A defender. A support system for everyone.

Now all he knew was anger.

It would get worse.

He needed to know that he wouldn't become a monster. It was the only thing that kept him upright. That made him feel good.

The hope that everything would fall into place.

His leg screamed. His lips twitched. It reminded him of the truth. That he wasn't strong. That soon he wouldn't even remember his own name. That there would be nothing left of him.

He took a deep breath. He had to hold on to what he was. He wouldn't be that way for long.

[belledelamb]

Sirius Black's heartbeat was pounding in his ears. All he could hear was that damned sound and that bloodcurdling laugh.

Bellatrix was laughing. Sirius had always hated that grin. Ever since they were children.

He associated it with the joy of torture. Bellatrix loved torture. Sirius had had the chance to learn it as a child. It had hurt him. In more ways than he could say. Bellatrix fed on pain.

He hated her. In ways he couldn't even name.

He swung to the side to dodge a spell and cast one. He wanted to shout at her that he knew how to fight. That he had nothing to envy her, she was...

The pain left him breathless. He gasped.

Someone called his name.

Bellatrix was laughing.

He staggered and stepped back. He realized too late that the veil was behind him. He looked at Harry. The one who was like a son to him. In that face he saw the features of his dearest friend. James Potter. It made his heart skip a beat.

The cold enveloped him and he felt the veil billowing around him, like a cloak.

The noise of the battle faded, replaced by a deep and eerie silence. He was in a dark and foggy place. He couldn't see anything.

There was only one question in his head. Who would think of Harry now?

[belledelamb]

Milk

-You have to pour the milk, Ethan- Silena giggled, flour staining her cheeks. Her black hair fell in a mess over her shoulders. It wasn't often that you saw a daughter of Aphrodite in a mess. It suited Silena. It made her seem more real.

Ethan poured the milk into the batter. The white liquid slid down and splashed all over him.

-Be slower

But it was hard for Ethan to do it with Silene so close. It made him think about things he shouldn't have been thinking about. Like how soft her skin must be. And how silky her hair was.

-What are you thinking about?

-Milk- Ethan lied. He couldn't tell her the truth. How could a beautiful daughter of Aphrodite love a vengeful son of Nemesis?

-I think you're in love- Silena wrinkled her nose. There was something fascinating about the way she did it. She was so sweet that she squeezed his chest like a vice.

-I don't fall in love- he should have told her the truth. But how could he stand rejection? Ethan could stand many things, but not this.

-How stupid, love is fundamental, we all need to fall in love

-Not me

Silena laughed, her hair falling into her eyes. -You can tell you haven't found the right person yet

Instead, she had found him and he was right in front of her.

[belledelamb]

Silena was sitting on the grass. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She had never thought that Luke would invite her on a picnic.

She had spent hours fixing her hair. She had bleached it. She had made it curly. Then she had darkened it and opted for straight hair.

-Are you having fun?

Silena smiled. For the occasion she had chosen a pair of dark green eyes. Changing one's appearance was one of Aphrodite's powers that she preferred. -A lot

Luke smiled. -I need your help, Sile

When he called her that she felt her cheeks burning.

-Do you need help with French? Or with horse riding?- they were two of the things Silena was good at. She often helped people. She enjoyed doing it.

-I can't tell you anything else for today, but I need you to tell me to be available... it's a delicate and very important thing

Important. He considered her suitable for something important. -Okay, but you're not in trouble, right?

A sparkle in Luke's eyes. Silena would later think she should have known something was wrong. But at that moment she had done nothing but bask in Luke's gaze.

[belledelamb]

Silena Beauregard had a period in her life when she was obsessed with infinity. It was when she was a child.

That figure eight lying on its side fascinated her.

She had started drawing it everywhere. On paper, on walls, on her skin. She liked it.

She was obsessed with the idea that something could be infinite. Love, for example.

Luke had allowed her to draw an infinity on the inside of his wrist. A symbol that mirrored the one she had.

Silena had kept it for days. She had been sad when it faded. She had felt like her bond with Luke might disappear.

She liked that older boy who made her an accomplice in everything he did.

He made her laugh.

He could make her heart beat.

He was infinity. She would have done anything for him.

[belledelamb]

The Sleeping Princess

Author's Notes: Draco goes to see Hermione when she is under the basilisk spell… hope you like it

Second Year

Draco

I looked at her. Her. The Mudblood. Hermione Granger. The girl I had such conflicting feelings for. A being I thought was unique. I hated myself for it. And for not being able to protect her. She was frozen. Her dark hair splayed out, her muscles rigid, her Gryffindor robes on, lying on a bed in the hospital wing, one hand outstretched as if grasping at nothing. And I could do nothing but stare at her like a fool. The Chamber of Secrets had been opened. I should have been happy. The purebloods had won. So why did I feel this way? I breathed in and out. My lungs ached. I searched for comfort in her tense features. There was none. It was like being stabbed by a sword.

I had had to pretend to feel sick in order to go to the hospital wing. To her. It was very foolish. Granger deserved nothing but my ridicule. But I did it anyway. Drawn to her like a moth to a light. Poor fool. I had made a mistake. And I would pay the price. If my father had known, the price would have been unbearable. I pushed the thought away. Too much pain and I didn't want to suffer anymore.

-This is for you- I handed her half a cupcake. The knife mark I had used to divide it stood out like the moon in the dark sky. -Um, I divided it… I was hungry- I ran my fingers over my face. They were wet. It wasn't true. I needed to have something to share with her. -You Mudbloods… you like this kind of thing, right? Well, I stopped by the kitchen… you'd say it was theft or whatever and I'd snap at you… but can we say I did something sweet for you, right? I told myself that maybe you'd be hungry, that maybe you'd wake up- it was hard to look at her like that. Seeing her still. A statue. -I had to wait for those two losers of your friends to come out, I didn't want them to see me- I couldn't let Potter or Weasley see my weakness. Or chase me away.

I moved my chair closer to get a better look at her. She looked like a princess from a fairy tale. The urge to kiss her made my lips burn. I bit them. -Who did this to you?-

Of course Granger didn't answer. My stomach tightened. I wouldn't have gotten any answer and the thought was driving me crazy. She was always talking. Sometimes I even found her voice annoying. I heard noises coming from outside. It was time to go. Before anyone noticed I was there.

I leaned down and gave her a light kiss on the lips. -You would have punched me by now, Granger- I caressed her cheek. Her cold skin tightened my heart. It felt like… no, I didn't even want to think about it. -You'll get through this, Granger, and you'll come back to torment me like you always do, maybe even more to make up for lost time-

I hesitated. It was time to go. I bit the inside of my cheek. The pain made me wince and cleared my thoughts.

-If only I could help you- I stood up. The chair shuffled. I felt a lump in my throat. So tight I couldn't swallow. -Hello, Granger… Hermione- my eyes were burning. I blinked. I couldn't cry. I pressed my lips together. I shouldn't have cried. I wished I could have done more. I wished I were a prince to save her with a kiss. But I wasn't a prince. And she wasn't a princess. A Mudblood. And I… I choked on what I was about to say. You feel nothing but disgust for people like her. And yet I didn't feel disgust. I had never felt it. Irritation, anxiety, agitation. Granger made me feel so many things, but not disgust. Or rather, the disgust was only for myself, even if I didn't know why. I needed air.

-I really hope they can make you go back- I whispered. The words scratched my throat. The pain confused me.

I left her the half cupcake on the nightstand. And I hoped she would appreciate it. It was a bit like giving her half of my heart. I walked away, each step weighing like a boulder. I stopped one last time at the door, one hand on the jamb. I wanted to…

-Granger- I whispered the name. It was stronger than me. And I ran away. I just wanted to forget everything.

[belledelamb]

Looking for him

Hermione

The air was so cold it made me shiver. I hugged myself. Why had I chosen such a flimsy dress? A voice in the back of my mind whispered words I didn't want to hear. I pushed them away. I knew I shouldn't have gone to that party. It was just stupid. I bit the inside of my cheek. The garden party had been Ron's idea. Of course, the craziest ideas were his. My stomach tightened. I sucked in air and the cold burned my nostrils. Everything seemed uncomfortable. In the distance I could hear the crackling of the fire, the chatter, the laughter. A moment of happiness. Why did I feel so upset then? I let my gaze wander over the trees, the grass, the low bushes bathed in moonlight.

I wished he could be there. His name caught in my throat. It was forbidden. A year had passed since the final battle, the one in which Voldemort died. A year since the end of everything. And yet I continued to relive those scenes. Some things perhaps never passed. They remained suspended, disappeared for a moment and then returned stronger than before. The sounds, the smells, the sensations. I ran a hand through my hair, pushed back the strands, tried to calm the crazy beating of my heart. I couldn't. Reality was losing clarity in front of me. The screams full of desperation. The pungent smell of smoke. The skin burning with excitement.

-Hey, I'm glad you came- something touched my shoulder. I jumped. -Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you-

I turned and saw Ginny's familiar face, her red hair sliding down her cheeks. She looked very young.

-I wasn't sure you'd come- she pushed back a strand.

-You thought I wouldn't come?- words that scratched my throat.

-You didn't want to come?- Ginny raised an eyebrow, her gaze piercing. I had the feeling that she wanted to read my soul.

I smiled. It wasn't a real smile, but I forced myself to look happy. Ginny's jaw clenched. She didn't believe me, I saw it in her eyes.

-I think that… -

-Sorry- I interrupted her -I have to go- I didn't want her to tell me true things that I wouldn't accept. Things that were probably too true to be accepted. Things that were about me and… him.

-Hermione, wait… -

I didn't listen to her. I walked away from the chaos, the laughter, the chatter. I didn't belong there. I was tied by an invisible thread to someone else. To him.

I slipped through the trees, the air growing colder. The soles of my shoes squeaked. I needed space. I needed to think. I needed to believe I was a normal girl with a normal life. No magic, no impossible loves. Because Draco was that for me. An impossible love, something I wanted and could never have. My sin. My stomach tightened. The torment scratched me. I…

A rustling sound. I turned, my hand running to my wand. An instinctive gesture.

-It's me-

Draco. He stepped out of the shadows, his hands raised as if in surrender. He stopped in front of me, his expression unreadable, a blond lock in front of his gray eyes like winter lakes.

-What are you doing here?- I let my hand fall to my side.

-Well, I was hoping for a welcome- he shrugged -I'll have to settle-

-You shouldn't be here- There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I couldn't. I'd never been very good at expressing feelings.

-But I'm here, Granger… I wanted to see… how they had organized the party-

-Just that?- I barely hid my disappointment.

-Just that- he approached, his step elegant -you Gryffindors are terrible at these things, you don't know how to have fun with class-

I weighed his words. It was the usual verbal duel. -And you Slytherins?-

-We know how to do it very well, Granger- and his words made me vibrate.

My heart tightened. His breathing mingled with mine. I trembled.

-What is it?- a whisper against my lips.

-Nothing- I forced myself to stay still. Still as a statue. -I'm just cold-

Draco took my hands. -They're frozen- he lifted a corner of his mouth -I'll have to warm them-

I felt my cheeks burning. -It's not the case… -

-I insist, Granger, I wouldn't want you to get sick-

I looked down. The words died in my throat. And I was never left speechless. But Draco always turned everything upside down. Like a sudden storm on a sunny day. He was the exception. He seemed unable to help it.

Draco ran his fingers over my hands. His touch was sure and warm. I felt a shiver down my spine. And it wasn't cold. I bit my lower lip. Everything disappeared. The fears, the bad memories, the sadness. He read the change on my face. -Let's say we warm each other-

How come he managed to throw everything up in the air? -You're… -

He didn't let me finish the sentence. He pulled me towards him. His lips laced together to mine. I jumped. The party had taken a different turn and I didn't mind at all.

[belledelamb]

Fight Club

Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern only knew anger. It was a familiar emotion. Sometimes soothing. He was angry a lot. At his father. At mundanes. At Shadowhunters.

He had a heart made of thorns. An emptiness that dug into him like a beast. That devoured him.

He needed to vent his anger.

That's why when he saw Fight Club he decided what to do.

He didn't usually like mundane movies. He thought they were stupid, but he saw something in that movie.

A wink. A friend who knew him.

Jonathan had no friends. Aside from anger, if that was a friend.

He just needed to let all that anger out, before it made him explode. He could already feel his heart burning to ashes.

He swallowed.

He was a monster. He had been raised to be one. His blood was monstrous. He didn't deny it. He had come to terms with his cruelty.

The night air smelled metallic. It made his stomach churn.

He saw it by chance. A vampire following a mundane with black hair in a tight ponytail. He was staring at her with a hungry look. His anger rose again. He clenched his fists. This was his chance. His own personal Fight Club.

The vampire didn't notice him until he was on top of him. He slammed him to the ground.

The mundane ran away screaming.

It was a quick battle. Too quick.

The anger had been pushed back. He had no doubt it would return. It always did.

Jonathan walked down the cold street. Alone with his anger. Like he always did.

He needed another fight with Fight Club. Maybe he could get rid of the monster that was eating away at his heart.

[belledelamb]

A sunny Nico

Nico di Angelo looked at himself in the mirror. He had the usual gloomy look. Black hair, a tense expression, pursed lips. He grimaced.

There were days when he wanted to be someone else. The opposite of what he was. A sunny Nico, with a smile that lit up everything.

Unfortunately that Nico didn't exist. It was a dream. An ideal. A lie.

-Mmm, lost in some dark thought?- Will put a hand on his arm. It seemed like he always knew what to say.

-Do you ever think you'd like to see me more sunny?

Will was his opposite. Beautiful, shiny, blond. -And why would I think such a thing?

-Because… - you are sunny and perfect, I am… shadow.

-You are the best person in this world, I like you the way you are

-Me?- was it a lie? A way to make him feel loved?

He sighed..

-And I only want you

-Only me?

-I don't want another Nico, I want you- Will took his hands and turned him around.

Nico knew that there were no more beautiful eyes in the world than his. Will was everything that he, Nico, son of Hades, motherless, overwhelmed by the mourning of his sister, could never be.

Maybe that was why he was attracted to him.

A moth flying towards the fire. Maybe he would burn his wings… but he would be happy. The best things were perhaps the most dangerous.

[belledelamb]

Tea

Hermione Granger knew better than to stay away from Draco Malfoy. Unfortunately, seeing him sitting in the grass, his knees tucked into his chest, his eyes so gray they rivaled the leaden sky, made all her caution evaporate.

She clutched the cup of tea in her hand. It was warm and smelled of lemon. There was nothing like a cup of tea to chase away the autumn blues. Would it work with Malfoy, too?

She rocked on her heels. Her rational side told her she should go away, leave him in the trouble he had surely created for himself. But there was an emotional side, too.

She moved closer, her soles crunching on the damp grass.

Draco didn't look up until she was a step away from him.

He fixed his gray eyes on her. Hermione thought they looked like there was a storm brewing in those irises. They conveyed a sense of danger.

-Would you like some tea?

-What? Did you poison her?

-Do you always have to think badly of people?

Draco grimaced. -I'm usually right

-I have to remember not to do you any more favors- Hermione turned away.

-Wait, Granger… wait

He stopped, the hot cup in his hands. It was burning.

-Maybe I want you

Hermione jumped. -What?

-Tea… what did you understand, Granger?

He turned away. -You didn't say tea

-And what would I have said?- a sharp glint in his eyes. The usual Malfoy. How could he have thought it could be someone else? -Do you want to give me that tea?

Hermione approached him, leaned forward, handed it to him. She didn't want to touch it. She felt like she would shatter into a thousand pieces if she touched it. Draco didn't agree. As she took the cup, she clung to Hermione's fingers.

Her heart leapt into her throat, her skin burned, her legs shook. She let go of the cup, which crashed onto the grass.

Hermione looked at the shards that had been washed away by the tea. A dark river that smelled of lemon. -You've made a mess

But Draco didn't seem to listen to her. He was staring at the tea, his gaze vacant. -When I was little and I was sick, my mother made me tea

A fragment of life. Hermione imagined a small, frail, sick Draco. It was difficult for her. Draco Malfoy was that creature made of darkness. Invincible. Cruel.

-Not that I should say that to a Mudblood like you- she shrugs.

-You think you're so good?

-I am

-You're falling apart- she bit her tongue. Too sincere.

-What do you know about me?

-I know you're sad and I wanted to help you

-Help me- Draco covered his mouth with his hands. -Maybe some tea would have done me some good

-Now there's no tea

Draco sobbed… no, he wasn't sobbing. He was laughing.

And, strangely enough, Hermione laughed too.

They were laughing over spilled tea. Now that would stick in her memory.