Name: Lethal Lava Land
Debut: Super Mario 64
Look. As your Weird Mario Worlds Tour Guide, I need to intervene here: you can NOT be planning a vacation to Lethal Lava Land. I mean, it literally has "Lethal" in the name! There are plenty of better lands you can visit. Shifting Sand Land, that's a good one. Yoshi's Is-Land, that's a lovely place. Anywhere would be better than Lethal Lava Land.
I mean shoot, I tried to bring a postcard from this place, but when I went back to look at it, it was just a pile of ash! A pile of ash much larger than the postcard itself, mind you. I'm a little concerned with how it produced that much ash, but it should be a good indicator of just how hot Lethal Lava Land is!
...What? You're still insisting you want to check out Lethal Lava Land. Well, it's your funeral. That's what it said on the postcard! "Don't Come to Lethal Lava Land! It's Your Funeral!"
Well. I suppose I have a job to do then. Gotta put imaginary bread on the table for my imaginary wife and imaginary kids. (The table itself is very real.)
You might be looking for positives if you're so insistent on taking a vacation to Lethal Lava Land, but there really isn't any. Not even the local populace is friendly! It's mostly Bullies. They're gonna try to steal your lunch money and push you into the lava. Oh right, most of Lethal Lava Land is lava. You might've inferred that from the fact it's called Lethal Lava Land.
If you don't like being Bullied, then I guess you can stop by and visit Mr. I. I'm sure he's trying to look out for you by blowing bubbles to cool you off, but make no mistake: those bubbles HURT. There is no reprieve in Lethal Lava Land. Even the bubbles are deadly. The bubbles!
As far as local attractions go, you do have the world's most heat-resistant log, which I guess is something. It's kind of impressive. Usually wood gets used as kindling, so it's impressive there's one completely in tact in a place that's so Lava it's Lethal. So impressive, I'm not buying it. It's probably plexiglass or something.
What else? There's this drawbridge. I'm not really sure why it's here. There's not a ton of boats sailing on the lava on account of it's lava. I don't think there's anything to gain by putting a drawbridge here. It really just exists to inconvenience you unless you're some kinda super talented shell surfer. But don't overestimate your ability lest you end up taking a swim in the world's deadliest hot tub.
As far as entertainment goes, there's really just this slide puzzle. I guess that's pretty cool if you like slide puzzles, but I must warn you: this puzzle is really big, constantly shuffling itself, and also depicting local Bad Guy King Morton Bowser Koopa Sr., so putting any effort into solving it is probably a bad idea.
Most you can do is sit by and try to watch it solve itself. Which to be fair... is kinda entertaining in its own way, but knowing how things are these days there's probably someone livestreaming it 24/7.
As far as natural wonders go, you have the inside of the volcano, but when I have to list "going inside an active volcano" as a point in favor of a vacation destination, it may as well be a lost cause.
I mean look at the evil fucking painting you have to step through to even reach Lethal Lava Land! Is this something you hang up when you want to welcome people to your home?!
I'm sorry, but I don't think there's any reason you should go to Lethal Lava Land. All you'll find if you do make the trip is a pool of lava filled with random assets the developers made and had nowhere else to put. I guess it's a kind of place you don't get to see much anymore, since these days people are concerned with "level design" and "realism"...
I guess that's one point for Lethal Lava Land. You're not really gonna find anywhere else like it. But when the place in question is Lethal Lava Land... maybe it's a good thing you won't find this anywhere else.
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