Benny Is Just A Lil Guy @bennyisjustafunkylildude - Tumblr Blog

The other day, I asked my partner, “What are you doing?”

Simple question, right?

Except… he suddenly got defensive. His tone changed. I could feel tension building, and I had no idea why. So I took a breath and asked, “Wait, what did you hear me say?”

He paused, thought about it, and said, “I thought you meant ‘Why aren’t you doing anything?’ Like you were mad I was being lazy.”

But that wasn’t what I meant at all. I’d genuinely just been curious.

And that moment reminded me how easily things can go sideways when we assume intent. Our brains, especially when we’ve had messy pasts, trauma, or relationship anxiety, tend to fill in the blanks with the worst possible meaning.

But that one question, “What did you hear me say?”, turned what could’ve been an argument into understanding.

It gave both of us a chance to clarify before our brains made up a story that wasn’t true. I was able to explain, and he was able to listen. Understanding what I meant changed his tension entirely.

Sometimes the fight isn’t about what was said. It’s about what was heard.

“What did you hear me say?” can defuse a storm before it starts.

enki2

elektra-pop

If you want disabled people to "contribute to society" and work, you need to create a world where disabled people aren't punished for working. If we rely on services to survive, services that are way too expensive to pay for out-of-pocket, and you threaten to take those away as soon as we get a fucking job, we're gonna prioritize survival and not work. We want to work, but we can't work if we're dead. And that's not even touching on the fact that some people are so disabled by their conditions, they are physically unable to work.

Fix what's wrong with the world before you start demanding shit of us that we can't give you without killing ourselves.

rocketcomics

pure love

grace-is-tired

I think the most common casual ableism that I experience is people not slowing down when I’m walking with them. These people know I’m disabled, sometimes I’m actively telling them about how it’s difficult for me to walk, and yet they still walk two to three feet ahead and look back at me in annoyance that I’m walking slow. What’s the point of walking faster until you’re a few feet ahead and then slowing down and then speeding up again? Just walk at my speed it’s not that hard!

elektra-pop

Just FYI, it's still murder when disabled people die by medical neglect.

Read that again.

tender-traps

ohhh we love a good “forced to torture your friend while undercover as a bad guy” don’t we

like. when you meet their eyes and you both know you have to do it and you have to do it well

macdenlover

it came to my realization that 99% of my fandom related headaches would be cured if everyone understood this

cuuno-moved

does anyone have that one painting with the ghosts standing in the water?

cuuno-moved

like theyre in the water and they're staring off to the side and there's something so very wrong about it and they're bending over and trailing along like deer in the headlights but you can't see what they're staring at which might make it even scarier

cuuno-moved

like this

cuuno-moved

I FUCKING FOUND IT.

cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024

beach day beach day

cuuno-moved

by the way, the artist is olivia steen (website linked above) and apparently, her other works are just as breathtakingly eerie

look at this!!! it's cool as hell!!

2cupsoforangejuce

I thought the last one was very familiar to me and turns out it’s painted over a photo of john lennon !

and after looking at the first one again it is also, a beatle photo

estacium

Not going to lie the first picture like the ghost on the water It kinda is referenced on the one picture where the Beatles are in Miami for the Help! shooting I dont have the picture but it really looks like! Especially the bending ghost resembles Ringo and The other Picture where the ghost is sitting down I also remember so much remember that that picture is Brian Epstein sitting I also don’t have the picture cause I cant fine IT aaaaa HAHAH

george-actual-harrison

Now THIS is some fucking forbidden fandom lore lmao

talking-perfectly-loud

ETA THIS IS THE ONE!!!!

drivenalphabitchpaulmccartney

urgetocreate

John Brosio, State of the Union, 2011, oil on canvas

jughead-is-canonically-aroace

thebusylilbird

there’s a sequel !!

John Brosio, State of the Union 2, 2014, oil on canvas

stupidusernamerequest-blog

Oh sick!!! Big fuckin crows!!!

askfordoodles

OH SHIT EVEN BETTER

agentromanoffsir

neocities guide - why you should build your own html website

do you miss the charm of the 90s/00s web where sites had actual personality instead of the same minimalistic theme? are you feeling drained by social media and the constant corporate monopoly of your data and time? do you want to be excited about the internet again? try neocities!!

what is neocities?

neocities is a free hosting website that lets you build your own html website from scratch, with total creative control. in their own words: "we are tired of living in an online world where people are isolated from each other on boring, generic social networks that don't let us truly express ourselves. it's time we took back our personalities from these sterilized, lifeless, monetized, data mined, monitored addiction machines and let our creativity flourish again."

why should I make my own website?

web3 has been overtaken by capitalism & conformity. websites that once were meant to be fun online social spaces now exist solely to steal your data and sell you things. it sucks!! building a personal site is a great way to express yourself and take control of your online experience.

what would I even put on a website?

the best part about making your own site is that you can do literally whatever the hell you want! focus on a specific subject or make it a wild collection of all your interests. share your art! make a shrine for one of your interests! post a picture of every bird you see when you step outside! make a collection of your favorite blinkies! the world is your oyster !! here are some cool example sites to inspire you: recently updated neocities sites | it can be fun to just look through these and browse people's content! space bar | local interstellar dive bar creature feature | halloween & monsters big gulp supreme peanutbuttaz | personal site dragodiluna linwood | personal site patho grove | personal site

getting started: neocities/html guide

sound interesting? here are some guides to help you get started, especially if you aren't familiar with html/css sadgrl.online webmastery | a fantastic resource for getting started with html & web revival. also has a layout builder that you can use to start with in case starting from scratch is too intimidating web design in 4 minutes | good for learning coding basics w3schools | html tutorials templaterr | demo & html for basic web elements eggramen test pages | css page templates to get started with sadgrl background tiles | bg tiles rivendell background tiles | more free bg tiles

fun stuff to add to your site

web revival manifestos & communities

also, there's actually a pretty cool community of people out there who want to bring joy back to the web! melonland project | web project/community celebrating individual & joyful online experiences. Also has an online forum melonland intro to web revival | what is web revival? melonking manifesto | status cafe | share your current status nightfall city | online community onio.cafe | leave a message and enjoy the ambiance sadgrl internet manifesto | yesterweb internet manifesto | sadly defunct, still a great resource reclaiming online social spaces | great manifesto on cultivating your online experience

in conclusion

i want everyone to make a neocities site because it's fun af and i love seeing everyone's weird personal sites that they made outside of the control of capitalism :) say hi to me on neocities

EDIT: part 2!!

wholeheartedsuggestions

forgive the version of you that didn’t know any better

wholeheartedsuggestions

forgive the version of yourself that knew better but did it anyway. forgive every version of yourself. we are constantly learning from our mistakes.

knitmeapony

letter from a mother of a gay man. sent to ONE magazine, 1958.

This post was flagged as adult content and the original poster was deactivated so I'm bringing it back.

foreign-dorian-deactivated20250

“Mrs R” was the pseudonym of Phyllis Shafer, a Kansas City local who helped found the Phoenix Society for Individual Freedom in 1966, a full three years before Stonewall. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, she and her son Drew operated the Phoenix House, a safe haven for queer people in the city, and a hub of national queer activism. Drew passed away due to AIDS related complications in the 1980s, and his lover, Mickey Ray, spent the rest of his life fighting to keep his memory alive, largely contributing to the creation of the Gay and Lesbian Archive of Mid-America.

Years before the Stonewall uprising, Drew Shafer started Kansas City's first gay rights organization and published the first LGBTQ magazine

consistentlycontradictory

“We tend to view American history as this constant march toward progress, which is total crap,” he says. “You gotta fight for that stuff. And if you don't fight for that, you can fall backward. Like it's not just this linear history."

Good quote from the article which may be relevant right now.

cavegirlpoems

tye-wig-music

Justice Secretary Shabana Mahmood is also exploring whether chemical castration could be made mandatory.

lowercasenospaces

This is about the UK specifically.

cavegirlpoems

See this? This is the trap. This is how they get you. You appeal to outrage and emotion, you make a bold statement like "sex offenders don't have rights" and whip up that righteous anger, get people all thirsty for blood and punishment, right? And that's their foot in the door. Once you've decided that there's a class of people it's okay to do this to, there's no clean line in the sand anymore, is there? Now chemical castration (or whatever fucked up shit you wanna bring into it) is an option on the table. This is how fascists talk, this is how fascists think, and this is how fascists appeal to you to get what they want. Because once you've given them that inch, they can use it to take a mile.

beloved-child-of-the-house

Alan Turing (as in the Turing test) was chemically castrated following a conviction for “homosexual acts” in 1952. He committed suicide as a result.

dumbbitchawards

uselesslyroxy

thehmn

Listen, we need to teach cis men to be more afraid. It sounds bad but listen.

Every time a woman talks about being afraid when walking alone some guy or pickmegirl will eventually say “Actually, more men get murdered and kidnapped every day” and I can’t help but think “And yet you learn nothing from it?”

I love listening to people tell their survival stories and the genre is filled with men doing absolutely insane shit like getting into a stranger’s car late at night just because they offered them a ride, or going on a hike with a friend of a friend and getting blackout drunk with them in the middle of nowhere. No wonder more men get murdered even without counting stuff like gang shootings and war, and the stories always end with “I was young and stupid. I know better now”

The author of The Gift of Fear talks about this too. Women in general have a way better sense of danger and he used to get a lot of cases where, for example, something happens outside a couple’s car, the woman gets nervous and tells the man to stay in the car but he’s more curious than afraid, goes outside and gets killed.

Shit like this is the reason why men supposedly have shorter lifespans. It’s not because their biological clocks end sooner, it’s because so many die young while doing insane things, including ignoring safety at work or driving too fast.

And when it comes to being murdered it’s because so many of them think they can protect themselves just because they are men. But often times a lone criminal doesn’t care about your gender if they’re armed. How many times have we heard about women being attacked but is saved by another woman who happened to walk by. All most criminals care about in a situation like that is whether they’re outnumbered or have witnesses.

This is not me saying women are wrong to be afraid, or that all cis men act like this (my brother would never in a million years walk alone in the city after dark) just that cis men in general need to learn that they aren’t safe either just because they are men and their complete lack of fear isn’t doing them any good.

Because I’ve seen plenty of videos from hikers meeting either bears or weird men in the woods and I can tell you for a fact they’d choose the bear too.

thehmn

To the people who interpreted this as saying it’s a biological difference between men and women I hear you but the whole point of this post is that it isn’t biological but taught/learned. Otherwise I would have said cis men and trans women.

Most cis women, trans women and trans men got the talk at some point while cis men rarely do. Our dad allowed my brother to be out late but made me stay home so my brother had to learn on his own to be careful because he got into some pretty dangerous situations because he was taught not to be afraid even as a weak teenage boy. I broke my dad’s rules all the time but managed to stay out of trouble because I at least got the talk.

The author of The Gift of Fear also made an updated version of the book where he makes it more clear that he isn’t talking about biological differences but learned behaviors.

The post was brought on because I realized I’ve often been more afraid on vacations with cis men than anyone else. Not because I was afraid of them but because they’d drag me into dangerous situations completely oblivious to the danger or because they assumed they’d be able to fight off a gang of robbers or something.

That’s also why I said “weird men” and not just “men” in the woods. I hike a lot and often walk my dogs at 1 AM so I’m not the type to automatically be afraid of any man I see. So to be fair, it should probably be “choose the bear over a weird acting person” though I’d admittedly be slightly more worried about a weird acting man than a weird acting woman.

ashoutinthedarkness

Oh hey!! We talked about this in one of my classes - and how it's something taught from a young age by parents' reactions to risky play behavior and any injuries the child may gain

Specific article linked below, I highlighted some quick points from near the beginning of the study

Article about a conversation about the article I studied in class below that (couldn't follow links to actual article due to new York times paywall)

This study compared reactions of mothers and fathers to the risk taking behavior of sons and daughters. Mother–father pairs (N = 52) imagine

Parents are four times more likely to tell girls than boys to be more careful

our-queer-experience

helen “trans people are perpetuating gender steriotypes” joyce is now upset that the scientific american is writing about how women were hunters too back in the day, not just mothers and caretakers. feminist win!

the-gummy-worms-have-me

I think I found the article!

The influential idea that in the past men were hunters and women were not isn’t supported by the available evidence

Read it if you have the time, it's very interesting.

mikkeneko

Reading the article I see why TERFs are mad about it; it explicitly makes the distinction between gender as a social entity and sex as a biological category, and defines biological sex having multiple factors, both of which are anathema to TERF philosophy.

It also includes these fascinating paragraphs about the role of estrogen in different types of physical activity, directly debunking the widespread notion that estrogen is the weak human's hormone and only does weak human things:

Given the fitness world's persistent touting of the hormone testosterone for athletic success, you'd be forgiven for not knowing that estrogen, which females typically produce more of than males, plays an incredibly important role in athletic performance… The estrogen receptor—the protein that estrogen binds to in order to do its work—is deeply ancient. Joseph Thornton of the University of Chicago and his colleagues have estimated that it is around 1.2 billion to 600 million years old—roughly twice as old as the testosterone receptor. In addition to helping regulate the reproductive system, estrogen influences fine-motor control and memory, enhances the growth and development of neurons, and helps to prevent hardening of the arteries. Important for the purposes of this discussion, estrogen also improves fat metabolism. During exercise, estrogen seems to encourage the body to use stored fat for energy before stored carbohydrates. Fat contains more calories per gram than carbohydrates do, so it burns more slowly, which can delay fatigue during endurance activity. Not only does estrogen encourage fat burning, but it also promotes greater fat storage within muscles… which makes that fat's energy more readily available. Adiponectin, another hormone that is typically present in higher amounts in females than in males, further enhances fat metabolism while sparing carbohydrates for future use, and it protects muscle from breakdown. Anne Friedlander of Stanford University and her colleagues found that females use as much as 70 percent more fat for energy during exercise than males. Estrogen's ability to increase fat metabolism and regulate the body's response to the hormone insulin can help prevent muscle breakdown during intense exercise. Furthermore, estrogen appears to have a stabilizing effect on cell membranes that might otherwise rupture from acute stress brought on by heat and exercise. Ruptured cells release enzymes called creatine kinases, which can damage tissues… Linda Lamont of the University of Rhode Island and her colleagues, as well as Michael Riddell of York University in Canada and his colleagues, found that females experienced less muscle breakdown than males after the same bouts of exercise. Tellingly, in a separate study, Mazen J. Hamadeh of York University and his colleagues found that males supplemented with estrogen suffered less muscle breakdown during cycling than those who didn't receive estrogen supplements.

The article also talks about sexual dimorphism in different species, concluding that "Modern humans have low sexual dimorphism compared with the other great apes," and that overemphasis on averages obscures the wide dispersal of individual traits, which is what I keep saying.

aethersea

Anthropologists also look at damage on our ancestors' skeletons for clues to their behavior. Neandertals are the best-studied extinct members of the human family because we have a rich fossil record of their remains. Neandertal females and males do not differ in their trauma patterns, nor do they exhibit sex differences in pathology from repetitive actions. Their skeletons show the same patterns of wear and tear. This finding suggests that they were doing the same things, from ambush-hunting large game animals to processing hides for leather. Yes, Neandertal women were spearing woolly rhinoceroses, and Neandertal men were making clothing.

I also thought this part was cool :)

genderqueerdykes

PLEASE read this article, this information is incredible for everyone looking to unlearn bioessentialism

anti-terf-posts

official anti terf post

elierlick

A trans woman was just sentenced to 15 years in prison for defending herself from an attacker. She wanted no part in the fight and witnesses described her actions as self-defense. With right-wing media constantly portraying her as "evil" since the incident, the trial was over before it began.

hashimoto-appelbaum-sufferer-de

Jaia's prison ID number is 3492500039. The state of New York handles commissary money transfers through JPay. Monetary support is crucial for even a 'short' stay in prison, all the more so for trans women who are disproportionately mistreated by corrections officers and other prisoners, and frequently placed in solitary for their 'own safety'.

JPay offers convenient & affordable correctional services, including money transfer, email, videos, tablets, music, education & parole and p

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