friends don’t kiss me like you do
summary: lou and debbie have to fight their feelings for each other while working/living together + one very jealous lou miller.
length: long (and gay) enough
warnings: extreme fluff!! and a little angst
“Just leave it there, TamTam, Jesus.” Debbie spoke with an angry tone while Tammy was sitting at the other end of Lou’s couch, trying to fix Debbie’s heel that broke when she and Tammy ran home together after getting out of the cab on a rainy New York city night.
Debbie almost twisted her ankle stepping on a cobblestone and Tammy laughed, tugging her arm and helping Debbie steady herself, but one of her heels was now wrecked and the brunette was cursing under her breath, meeting an impatient Lou waiting for them by the door, whispering “what the fuck” when both women showed up looking like train wrecks, both a little drunk too. It was supposed to be a business dinner with one of Debbie’s old friends who worked at the bank, and it ended up with margaritas and endless vodka shots.
Lou was a bit hurt, not ever admitting that to anyone, that Debbie didn’t ask her to come with her, calling Tammy instead. Sure, Tammy was her best friend too, but she wasn’t Lou, and Lou wondered why not just ask her when Tammy had to leave four snotty kids at home and Lou was always just… there. She welcomed their drunk mess with tea and dry towels, and now she was watching the silly shatter from the kitchen as Debbie snatched the heel from Tammy’s hand with a giggle.
“Leave it to me, honey, I can do it.” Lou knew it was all part of the banter, but hearing someone else call Debbie those stupid pet names was one of the worst things she’d ever witnessed. It only made her wanna throw up, thinking she’d been somehow replaced by Tammy as the best friend, and maybe as something else too. And it hurt her even more that Tammy was her friend, and that now she was starting to act and think like an immature teenager. Put it together, Miller.
Lou was in love. She couldn’t deny it. As much as she really, really, truly wanted to. She and Debbie had decided on staying “just friends” until they could really work things out between them and also get the heist successfully done. But every time Lou let time pass carelessly she’d find herself attached to the brunette, physically, almost too many times.
It would either happen after Debbie had a rough day assembling new members for the team or after Lou didn’t have a good day at the club. They would always find comfort in each other after midnight when Lou was about to go to bed but Debbie always stopped her before the australian could even step into her bedroom.
It was 1am, Debbie was sure because she’d had dinner with Lou three hours ago when she came back from the club, and afterwards she texted Tammy good night, assuring her that she was okay and thanking her for the help with the banker guy the other day, “also, fuck you, I ruined one good pair of heels because you thought you were Usain Bolt in the rain.”
She heard Lou turn off the kitchen lights and knew the australian was headed to bed, and she suddenly lost interest in the cooking book she was reading. It was Lou’s and she wasn’t even so sure Lou herself actually ever read that thing ever, but it was something to kill her time.
“Lou? Can I sleep with you?” the whisper filled the silent living room. All the lights were out except for the yellow ray from the creepy skull lamp Lou had gotten as a gift from her brother Rusty, she put it on her coffee table at first not really knowing what to do with it and she would always find Debbie sitting by the corner of her couch, using the light to read in the dark. She liked to sit there because she could always see when Lou walked around the place.
Debbie’s eyes followed her like a flashlight and even after almost fifteen years of knowing that woman the effect the australian had on her was still the same. Lou didn’t change at all. Being in prison for five years, she missed seeing that on the daily, and to her surprise, the first night she spent with Lou felt like home again. She never got used to being without Lou. And Lou didn’t either.
It would all fade to black again when Debbie decided to distance herself from those feelings, from Lou. She couldn’t escape the fear of fucking things up with the most important person in her life, so she would pretend to look away when Lou looked at her with that look, wouldn’t go out with her even just to run some stupid errands when Lou asked her to, every moment did something to her and she couldn’t bear it anymore. She couldn’t bare being Lou’s sidekick, even if she knew she wasn’t just that to her.
“Can I?” she whispered again.
“You- uh-“ Lou looked her up and down, her body covered by the robe she hadn’t known the brunette borrowed from her. She smirked, thinking about how she too would often just grab some of Debbie’s clothes and not even give them back later.
“I know we’ve talked about it. It’s not that. I mean- I just can’t sleep. I’m probably reading this stupid book for the 20th time only because I can never fucking sleep. It’s hard, without…” Debbie’s eyes would start to get watery if she hadn’t known any better, feeling so vulnerable in front of her partner. But she felt grateful for Lou’s silly smile growing wider, and the pang of pity as well. Usually that would piss her off, make her feel like she was nothing, like people were always just trying to be nice to her out of politeness and not because they cared for her, but this was Lou. And she knew the truth whenever it came to Lou.
“Yes, c’mon. Leave the bloody book there.” Lou walked to where the brunette was sitting on the couch and helped her stand up, grabbing the book with her right hand and Debbie’s waist with the other. Debbie looked at her with guilt in her eyes.
“Yeah?” she watched the blonde rub her eyes in a sleepy way before yawning and sticking out a hand to her in the most loving, Lou way possible.
“Nothing. Thank you.” she closed her brown cardigan tighter around her shivering body, taking Lou’s hand and walking upstairs to Lou’s room.
Lou let Debbie make herself at home as the brunette tucked herself in and waited for her on her side of the bed. Lou usually slept in the middle of the bed, but she didn’t mind this, at all. The room was a bit dark and had one big window that shone the night lights from the shore outside. Lou loved hearing the waves break inside her head and how the shadows coming from outside the window made living shadows on her walls, it always helped her fall asleep faster, but tonight she didn’t mind that either. This was one of those nights where Debbie was all she would think of. Touching her and having her scent all over her and the room, felt like she could stay like that forever, falling asleep in the brunette’s arms as she scared Debbie’s nightmares away.
She cuddled closer to her, feeling the Ocean sniff her neck as they held each other tight, and Lou covered both their bodies with the heavy white blankets.
“I think we forgot to turn off the lamp, Lou.” Debbie whispered as she felt the blonde run her fingers across her arms.
“What?” Lou glanced at her, confused, making Debbie flush at how cute her stupid little frown was.
“Oh. That’s okay, Debs. Just sleep, alright?” she kissed the crown of Debbie’s head and held her like that, letting Debbie get closer and closer. “And you never know, maybe Tam will wanna barge in in the middle of the night to try and fix your heel for you. She might need the light to see.”
“Lou.” Debbie warned, holding back a chuckle.
“Sorry. It’s true.” Lou laughed, turning her back to Debbie.
“Lou?” Debbie called again, almost too scared to speak up.
“Yeah, Debs?” she answered like a mother angry at her child, making them both laugh.
“I miss this.” Lou’s heart stopped, and she looked at those dark eyes facing her in the dark. She could barely see Debbie, but she knew every inch of that face and that woman even more than herself.
“You miss sleeping with me, Ocean? Well that’s fucking impossible because you’re always in my bed.” they shared a laugh and Debbie rolled her eyes.
“You know what I mean, Lou.”
“I do.” Lou could feel her heart break inside her chest like never before. They both knew what they felt for each other, and how they’d left things between them before Debbie went to jail, and they hadn’t walked so far from that point after she got out. Five years later. They just knew it was still there, all of it. The painful silence, the electric touches, the desperate exchange of looks in a crowded room. The longing.
But they had agreed on staying like this for a while and that was the plan the had to stick with no matter what. No matter how much they wanted to go home together after a party with the team and just jump at each other with kisses and teeth, no matter how bad they were in love with each other in a way that nothing else could ever live rent free in their minds like each other.
“I miss… sleeping with you.” Lou smirked, covering her face with her arm.
“We really had it all didn’t we?” the australian whispered.
“We still can.” Debbie said, almost like a plead.
Lou shook her head, lying with her back facing the ceiling and her elbows supporting her weight.
“We couldn’t figure it out back then, Debs. What makes you think we could now?” Debbie cupped her face, bringing it impossibly close to hers.
“We were young, Lou. And stupid.”
“Yeah, well-“ the blonde scoffed, thinking about a 19 year old Debbie Ocean kissing her for the first time. “We still are. Stupid, at least.”
“I wanna be stupid together.” her voice came out broken, her hands finding Lou’s above her brown locks. Lou smiled.
“Yeah. I really fucking do. I can’t be just friends. I wanna kiss you all the time and every fucking day and I wanna be able to tell people that I’m yours and you’re min-“
Lou’s lips met hers with a calm pace, both in a way of saying “please shut the fuck up” and “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”
“I wanna be stupid together, too.” Lou whispered, kissing her again, and again, and again, and again, until they were both finally deep asleep.
dailybridgerton
areudirty
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