$LAYYYTER
Three Goblin Art
todays bird
almost home
No title available

titsay

izzy's playlists!
Mike Driver

Andulka

tannertan36
Sade Olutola

Product Placement

Kiana Khansmith

Kaledo Art
Claire Keane

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
No title available
DEAR READER
Cosimo Galluzzi

Discoholic 🪩
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Australia

seen from United Kingdom

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from Germany

seen from Malaysia

seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Australia

seen from Spain
seen from India

seen from Germany

seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from United States
@berrystrawbs
Actually FUCK IT list of times Shane calls Ilya baby:
- Ilya gets a sunburn during the first cottage summer and neither of them realize it until Ilya is taking his shirt off that night and Shane sees the lobster-red flush across his shoulders. He sucks in a hiss through his teeth and says, "Oh, baby, ouch," and presses the big, broad pads of his fingertips so tenderly to Ilya's shoulder and Ilya has to close his eyes because he feels like he's going to crack apart.
- When he answers the phone and he's alone. "Hi baby," said so softly if it's been a long day. Or a hard one. Or if it's late. "Hey baby," more energetically, usually in the morning, in a way that reminds Ilya of how his teammates answer the phone to their girlfriends and wives. Masculine and jockish and very North American in a way that makes Ilya feel pleased for Shane, in a weird way.
- Glass on the floor in the kitchen. Ilya blindly following the sound of the shatter and not really even thinking about it until he's standing amongst the shards and Shane is gesturing frantically with the broom. "Put on some fucking shoes, baby, please! Fuck, where are your slides--no, don't move, I'll get them--"
- Said gently, as a question, on days when he perhaps stays in bed longer than can be justified by sleepiness.
- "Hey, baby," said some mornings when Ilya comes downstairs dressed for the day and Shane really likes his outfit. Usually an indication that Ilya will not be wearing those clothes for very long.
- In bed less often than you'd think. Really a vanilla sex only thing, because being called baby can sometimes bring Ilya out of it when he's really in the groove. But Shane will lose it a little sometimes, when Ilya says, "Tell me you like it," and Shane says, "Yes baby fuck fuck I like it fuck please don't stop fuck baby please let me cum" and that's. Very good. Obviously.
- Said with a very particular warning lilt and only AFTER Shane has already said, "Ilya." and then, "Rozanov." In the same tone. This is actually one of only two circumstances where the very elusive 'babe' comes into play. If Shane REALLY wants Ilya to stop whatever he's doing or saying, it's a hand around the wrist and the word, "Babe," quiet but firm. And it does shut Ilya up approximately 100% of the time.
- Other instance of 'babe': Any sort of crowd. 'Ilya' is three syllables (Because Shane...pronounces it a bit wrong.) and unique enough that Shane sometimes worries about drawing attention. 'Babe' is one syllable and can be barked above the crowd in the Captain Hollander voice loud enough that Ilya will have no choice but to hear him if he's within the surrounding 500 feet. They have Marco-Polo'd themselves back to each other with 'BABE' and 'SHANE' multiple times in multiple countries.
- One time someone accidently brings several bottles of fortified wine to the barbecue. It's quite high proof for wine and several people get tipsier than normal, including Shane. Halfway through the evening he puts his head on Ilya's shoulder and plays with his fingers and murmurs, "My baby," into the seam of his shirt and Ilya, looking down at him so fondly, says, "Yes. Yours. Drink some water for me, sweetheart."
- "YES BABY." Yelled directly in Ilya's face during goal cellies. Obviously. This is also the first thing Ilya hears when the ringing in his ears stops after he scores the game-winning goal in overtime in game seven of the Stanley Cup finals. Knees on the ice, sobbing, screaming, laughing, and his husband barrels towards him at damn near light speed, tackles him, skids onto his knees and sends them sliding along the ice together, knocks Ilya's helmet off and puts his hands on his face and yells Yes baby! Fuck yes, baby! We did it!
let's think of some Bits in the Hollander-Rozanov household because every good relationship needs incomprehensible and insufferable Bits:
the random Russian nouns as pet names, obviously
turning to Anya to arbitrate who won the race/loads the dishwasher correctly/scored a sexier goal etc
Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilyushenka. Ilyushenkechka.
and who won Rookie of the Year????
"I have never said this in my life"
threatening to tell Yuna
"pass me the remote?" — "come and get it" — [wrestling]
butt slapping. at every opportunity.
"we will have to shoot you like lame horse" when one of them gets so much as a papercut
idioms translated literally into the wrong language
"this is not hall of fame behaviour"
"who should I bring as my plus one" and listing random people while the other pouts
He’s coming to the stage! Congratulations Hudson Willians on winning the Canadian Screen Award for Best Lead Performer, Drama Serie
HUDSON WILLIAMS — 19th Television Academy Honors: Heated Rivalry
Baby Shane playing imaginary hockey and then pausing to give imaginary press interviews where he just says things like "gotta put pucks in the net" in his tiny little 7 year old voice.
credit: 보리꼬리 broccoli1221 (x)
Once you start noticing how the incapacity to handle discomfort affects how people live their lives it's actually pretty shocking how it ruins pretty much every conceivable aspect of existence. Interpersonal relationships, romantic and platonic. Career and education opportunities. Your politics Your willingness to go anywhere. The kind of food you eat. The kind of art you expose yourself to and your ability to read it. It's never just one thing, it touches everything, and once you notice it it's like suddenly being able to see germs or something. Just this horrific catastrophe people look at you askance for screaming about. As I grow older and see what became of my friends and peers who could not learn to handle discomfort, the more I'm like. This is a genuine societal issue
Increasing my discomfort tolerance has also been one of the greatest assets to improving my mental health.
It also makes it easier to assert your limits. When you can't take even a little bit of discomfort, you either shut down, shout out, or laugh it off when someone makes a comment you don’t like. But when you can take it, you can see clearly what exactly made you uncomfortable and point it out to the person who made the comment in a way that doesn't escalate the situation. The secret is in the first step, you have to take the discomfort and sit with it, check it out, and see why is it that YOU are bothered by THIS specifically.
Hudson via instagram story (21 May)
Ilya Rozanov getting back to his CCM-shoot hotel room after hooking up with Shane Hollander and absolutely blasting "All I Do Is Win" on his 5th generation iPod nano.
pajama pals
shane definitely gets horrified when someone implies that ‘ha ha ilya’s sleeping on the couch tonight for sure’ - immediate shift in the atmosphere - they’ve never seen shane so mad off ice - “can I talk to you real quick” and this person gets the most stern scolding of their life, they’re terrified, they’re sleeping on the couch bc their wife gets mad on shane & ilya’s behalf - “shane what did you say to him” “nothing”
the thing about Troy and Shane is that Troy can never fix it. he can never un-say the terrible, disgusting, homophobic, [edited to remove the word "racist" bc there is no explicit canonical evidence that troy was explicitly racist] shit he said. he can never un-laugh at the shit that Dallas Kent said. he can't go back in time and rewrite his ugly past. he will never earn Shane's trust or respect. the damage cannot be undone.
Shane will always know that there were lots of other closeted MLH players struggling with internalized homophobia who didn't resort to the tactics that Troy did. those players include Shane himself, who is gay AND a person of colour, and Shane's husband, whose literal life would have been in danger in Russia if he were outed. so Shane will never ever sympathize with Troy. he might understand why Troy did what he did, but that will never excuse it.
and Troy. Troy just has to live with that. like a lot of us, Troy has to accept that self-hatred and internalized homophobia don't excuse being bigoted and hateful towards others. the hurt you caused them is not negated by the fact that you were hurting, too. and part of growing as a person and trying to be better is learning to live with the guilt, shame and regret. you don't get to make yourself feel better by being absolved. you can try to be better going forward. you can try to spend the rest of your life doing more good than the harm you did in your past. you can try to forgive yourself. but you can't erase it.
Shane might forgive, but he won't forget. he won't like, trust or respect Troy. and playing on the same team means that Troy can never forget either. he will ALWAYS be face to face with his mistakes. he can never escape that discomfort. and he just. has. to. live with it.
personal hc that one of the hollanov kids loves hockey but it's just not clicking even though they practice all the time and shane and ilya both try different coaching methods with them and it only makes everyone more frustrated and then one day wyatt comes to the rink with them and after 1.5 seconds on-ice he's like "hey i think they're a goalie" and shane and ilya nearly black out because oh. ohhh my god. they're kid is totally, completely, a goalie. and that's why it wasn't fucking working. they have a fucking goalie.
these sweet kisses before 'I love you'
Give me Shane awkwardly trying "queer culture" things that Ilya and Harris try to introduce him to and hating it.
Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).
Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.
Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?
Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.
Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.
Give me Ilya promising Shane that he loves him exactly as he is, jocky and offline and dedicated to hockey, that he never has to change anything about himself to seem more palatable to anyone, and fuck anyone who thinks Shane isn't *anything* enough, because he's always been perfect for Ilya.
prefacing that I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD OR THINK ANYONE IS MALICIOUS but as a binary trans guy. some AND JUST SOME of the writing ive seen w shane w a vagina has a. well. a way of describing shane and his body and even his behavior/sounds in bed in a way that feels completely disconnected from a lot of realistic trans experience and it sometimes puts me off. and i know everyone has different experiences but I feel like sometimes it can in fact tip into objectification/exotification. please dont blow me up from orbit.
oh i should say. I like trans shane stuff. I like thinking about it. obviously, w my Tampa stuff. I just am realizing my guardrails in Real Time i suppose. and I think it is good for everyone to interrogate why they write things in certain ways. even when its just in your hobby spaces.
reading this back and trying to figure out if im evil #inconclusive
not evil, nuanced and diligent.