BeSexPositive

Sex:Positive - challenging society's negative attitudes about sex Why is sex taboo? Why do we allow young people to be stereotyped as promiscuous and irresponsible yet at the same time deprive them of the vital information they need to make safe and healthy choices? If you’d prefer to live in a world which is more open and honest about sex and relationships, celebrates sexuality and embraces individuality then join the Sex:Positive campaign. Brook’s young volunteers have created Sex:Positive to take a stand and challenge society’s negative attitudes about sex. A Sex:Positive future is in your hands – pledge today! www.sexpositive.org.uk

[besexpositive]

Adult colouring: the clitoris

(Content Note - NSFW pictures)

Penises are everywhere. Scratched into exam desks, scrawled on a sleeping friend’s arm in marker, sold in jelly and balloon form for hen parties. If asked to draw a penis, most people could come up with a cartoon rendering. I wonder how many could do the same for a clitoris.

I began to write this piece shortly before the Guardian launched their ‘Vagina Dispatches’. As I took their ‘Vagina 101’ quiz, I wasn’t really surprised at the low percentages of users correctly identifying the inner labia or vaginal opening. If we know this little about the external vulva, what do we know about the internal clitoris?

I suspect that the answer to that is that a lot of people, even those of us with vagina-based genitals, don’t know much about the extent of the clitoris inside us. Even if we’ve discovered our own or our partner’s, we might not know that the visible part is just the tip of the iceberg. After all, its full anatomy was only mapped in 1998. The clitoris is actually about the same size as the penis – it’s just mostly tucked away inside you. If this was covered in my sex education classes at all, it was skimmed over quickly enough that I don’t remember it.

People do not have these gaps in their knowledge because they are ignorant; it is because education worldwide fails to give us this fundamental understanding of our bodies. In France, Odile Fillod has come up with a solution. Fillod, a socio-medical researcher, has developed a computer modelled clitoris that can be 3D-printed. She’s made it open-source, meaning the file can be freely distributed so that any educator with access to a 3D printer – which are becoming more common additions to the Design and Technology departments of schools – can have their own accurate, tangible teaching aid.

Of course, there’s more to it than that. A computer file is not going to revolutionise cliteracy overnight. There’s the shame around female sexual pleasure and the fact that in the UK, the only compulsory aspect of sex education is reproductive biology, so aspects of sex not deemed ‘relevant’ to this can be ignored. But teachers admit that a lack of knowledge and training is one of the barriers to effective sex education, and easily-accessed teaching tools like Fillod’s model are something they can add to their resources, hopefully making them more confident.

Most of us don’t have access to a 3D printer at home but I’ve made a version that can be old-fashioned 2D printed. If you teach sex ed, feel free to use it in your lessons. Or, you can jump on the colouring trend and colour it in yourself – after all, a 3D printed model might be anatomically accurate but your body is more than the sum of its physical parts. I’ve coloured one with the external anatomy over the top so you can see how it fits into the bigger picture. I don’t advise starting to vandalise toilet doors with the clitoris but I do advise getting to know how it looks and what it does.

By Emmy

[besexpositive]

No means no

(TW - this article discusses rape and sexual assault)

Male...female, its all the same if someone says no it means no.

Some facts for you:

• Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; that's roughly 11 rapes (of adults alone) every hour

• Nearly half a million adults are sexually assaulted in England and Wales each year

• In 2012-13, 22,654 sexual offences against under-18s were reported to police in England and Wales with four out of five cases involving girls (NSPCC, 2014)

statistics from http://rapecrisis.org.uk/statistics.php

The number of rapes and sexual assaults reported is increasing, with more victims coming forward.

Yes, if you are a woman unfortunately you are at higher risk of rape. However if you are male it can happen to you no matter how big or manly you consider yourself to be. It can happen to any of us.

 By HelpIsHere

[besexpositive]

We've all heard the stereotypes...

Bisexuals are greedy. We must want threesomes. We cannot be satisfied with only one partner, and are thus more likely to cheat.

The hypersexualisation of bi women directly contributes to violence against us. This year alone, when Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of domestic violence, several prominent newspapers were quick to respond with headlines describing how Depp was ‘driven mad’ by the fear that his wife was cheating on him with another woman. As if that would ever justify abuse.

I came out as bisexual when I was a teenager, but the bullying and continual erasure of my identity by those around me managed to convince me that I was straight until my final year of University. I had only had boyfriends, and I wasn’t romantically attracted to women, so I couldn’t be bi, right?

Wrong. (Turns out bisexual and biromantic are different things – and you don’t have to be one to be the other! I really wish someone had been there to tell me that when I was younger, it would have saved a lot of time and confusion.)

High school bullying is just one of the reasons that, as one study by The Open University found, ‘of all the larger sexual identity groups, bisexual people have the worst mental health problems’ - including higher than average rates of self-harm, depression and anxiety.

Even after beginning to use the terms bi and bisexual to describe myself once again, I still couldn’t shake this feeling that I had something to prove. That maybe I should define as heteroflexible or another identity under the bi umbrella. One that would be harder for people to dismiss. Even now, I’m still working to unpack that mentality.

With the many stereotypes aimed towards bisexual people, particularly bisexual youth, it’s no wonder why the immediate reaction to such stereotypes is often simply to dismiss them outright. ‘Not all bisexual people want threesomes!’

And of course, this is true.

But what this argument fails to acknowledge is the link between the systemic denial of bisexuality, and the pressure to live up to such stereotypes in order to ‘prove’ yourself as bi. For many, the desire to participate in a threesome is derived from the persistent erasure of our identity from those closest to us. We are perceived as straight (or possibly gay) until we possess evidence to the contrary.

This erasure is accentuated in mainstream media. In Netflix’s popular show Orange is the New Black, Piper’s bisexuality is never described as such. She is referred to as the ‘straight girl’ by her girlfriend Alex, and as an ‘ex-lesbian’ by her fiancée Larry.

Of course, nobody should feel pressured into sex. The pressure for young people to be sexually active before they feel ready is deplorable – but remains worse for young people who feel obligated to prove their sexuality to cement their own sense of self. Bi youth need more complex role models in film and television to alleviate some of this pressure.

There’s nothing wrong with bi people who do want threesomes, and there’s nothing wrong with those who don’t, or are unsure, or indifferent.

Challenging stereotypes can be an integral part of addressing biphobia. But until we begin to unpack the harmful roots and impacts of these stereotypes, and start to build a more nuanced conversation around them, we are only further alienating members of our own community.

 By Rachael Melhuish

[besexpositive]

So today I went on to Facebook...

(CW - this blog discusses rape and sexual violence)

Hello everyone,

So today I went onto Facebook and was appalled to see a photo of four girls laughing and joking about 'a man at gun point raped'

First off I would like to say that no one should ever have to deal with being a victim of rape.

Second I would like to say that it is hard enough to deal with what has happened to you without other people laughing and joking all over social media about a terrible horrible crime such as rape.

It is absolutely disgusting that someone would think that something that serious and traumatising is it to be laughed about!

Men suffer from being victims of abuse as well as women! Think about that...

It is not funny to feel humiliated, out of control or vulnerable Please remember that sexual abuse can happen to anyone.

By

HelpIsHere

[besexpositive]

#1 Female

If I had £1 for every time I have been tapped on the shoulder followed by “excuse me mate” I would have a small fortune.

Women all over the world are embracing the buzz cut and it is something truly beautiful.

Banished are days when women with a Number 1 shave were tomboys, in the army, suffering from hair loss, cancer or just straight up LESBIANS. This is 2016 people and scalp is all the rage! No matter how you have come to join the “Hair free zone”, EMBRACE IT with all your being.

We have some beautiful, powerful women that rock the chop. Grace Jones, Megan Fox, Demi Moore, Willow Smith and my personal fav and complete inspiration, Amber Rose. All inspirational, independent, positive women of all different shapes, sizes, races and ages.

As women we are judged on our appearance almost every single day, by men, employers, strangers and sadly by our fellow women. We need to start lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down. Our looks are not a measurement of our character, mind or soul. It’s either something we have no control over or something we use to enhance what we are already blessed with.

Social media puts so much pressure on us to live up to this unrealistic ideology of beauty and perfection. Beauty is a personal preference; it cannot be measured or compared.

Shaving your hair off is a liberating and powerful act because it is not considered ideal beauty.  So a round of applause for all the beautiful bald headed females out there!

By Rebecca Ann Rose

[besexpositive]

Pro-life=Pro-choice

TW: abortion, rape, sexual violence 

I suppose I should probably start by explaining what I mean by “Pro-choice = pro-life”, before you condemn me as an uneducated idiot. Pro-choice is the school of thought that says that the decision to have, or not have, an abortion is the decision of the individual pregnant woman in question, and pro-life is the idea that any fertilised egg counts as a human life and to have an abortion is equivalent to murder.

“So how can you say they are the same thing?” I hear you say. By removing a woman’s right to choose, you are often condemning her to a life she does not want. I am by no means suggesting that a woman who continues with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy will despise her child, because often she won’t. But she will live a life that she did not want, which isn’t exactly pro-life, is it? So maybe we can start to use pro-life to mean pro-female life, a stance which seeks to value women's lives and choices.

We are lucky in the UK to live in a country where attitudes to abortion are comparatively modern. It is legal and free for a woman to have an abortion (yay). This doesn’t mean that everyone is pro-choice, and there are still plenty of barriers to this choice (you can read more about this here), but compared to the 74 countries (yes, 74!) where abortion is illegal, except in extreme circumstances, we are pretty lucky.

These countries are:

RED COUNTRIES ON THE MAP: ABORTION ILLEGAL IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES OR PERMITTED ONLY TO SAVE A WOMAN'S LIFE.

South America:Brazil, Colombia, Chile, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Gustamala, Haiti, Honduras, Mexico, Nigaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Venezuela,

Sub-Saharan Africa:Angola, Benin, Central African Rep.Chad, Congo, Côte d'Ivoire, Dem. Rep. of Congo, Gabon, Guinea- Bissau, Kenya, Lesotho, Madagascar, Mali, Mauretania, Mauritius, Niger, Nigeria, Senegal, Somalia, Tanzania, Togo, Uganda.

Middle East and North Africa:Afghanistan, Egypt, Iran, Lebanon, Libya, Oman, Sudan (r), Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen.

Asia and Pacific:Bangladesh, Indonesia, Laos, Myanmar, Papua New Guinea, Philippines, Sri Lanka.

Europe:Ireland, Malta.

ORANGE COUNTRIES ON THE MAP: ABORTION LEGALLY PERMITTED ONLY TO SAVE A WOMAN'S LIFE OR PROTECT HER PHYSICAL HEALTH.

The Americas and the Caribbean:Argentina, Bolivia, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Peru,

Sub-Saharan Africa:Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cameroon, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Guinea, Malawi, Mozambique, Zimbabwe

Middle East and North Africa:Kuwait, Morocco, Saudi Arabi

Asia and Pacific:Pakistan, South Korea, Thailand

Europe:Poland

El Salvador has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the world, partially due to the fact that 67% of sexual violence victims are under the age of 17. The men who commit these crimes can be sentenced to 6-10 years in prison. The victims who choose to seek out illegal abortions to liberate themselves from some of the consequences of these crimes could be sentenced to up to 50 years in prison, five times the punishment of the man who forced her into the situation, if new legislation is passed.

Before you stop me and say “but she chose to get rid of her baby, she could have just kept it, so she’s just as bad”, many of these women are too young to care for a baby and/or not in a position where they could financially care for a baby. Few women, few people, would choose to bring a child into a world where they know that that child will go to bed hungry every night, won’t have clean water to drink, and will never have the chance to go to school, if they knew there was another way.

By introducing these increased penalties, not only women who choose to have abortions, but also the innocent victims of obstetric emergencies, will be punished. Women have already been imprisoned for allegedly attempting to have abortions, when actually their babies were still-born. Perhaps one of the most painful experiences a woman could have, topped off with a jail sentence. As if she hadn’t suffered enough?

If you'd like to try to block this new legislation in El Salvador, and support a woman's right to choose, please sign this petition, and show you're pro-(female) life.

PT

[besexpositive]

Lemonade - a response

Lemonade touches on a lot of important issues, many of these (in my opinion) a lot more important than whether or not Jay Z is cheating and who Becky is. However, infidelity is one of the main themes of the album. This has lead to 100000000000 tweets along the lines of ‘well, if Beyoncé can’t keep her man then how is anyone supposed to?’. I will admit that I had a similar reaction when I first heard it, I wondered who could possibly be better than Beyoncé?

This was until a friend of mine pointed out to me that cheating has nothing to do with how attractive someone is perceived as being. It struck me that my first reaction to the album was contributing to a wider, hurtful idea. This idea comes from an attitude of blaming the person who has been cheated on (the cheatee if you like) for the actions of their partner. As if they weren’t pretty enough, or funny enough or sexy enough. This leads feelings of guilt and encourages the cheatee to blame themselves for what happened. They will often feel that if they were different, the situation may have been different. A feeling that is described in the interlude between the first two songs on the album

-‘ I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated.’-

Here we see this attitude manifest in a very extreme way, the poem paints a picture of the cheatee (Beyoncé) going above and beyond to punish herself mentally and physically as if this will reverse the harm that has been done.

The more time I spent thinking about it, the more I found this part of the album really upsetting. Hearing such a powerful expression of the pain that so many people go through is hard, it made me sad to see so many people relating to it. Cheating happens for a thousand reasons, but the one reason that it always comes down to is lack of communication. The inability of partners to talk through their issues or, as the case may be, to end the relationship. I know that cheating is often blamed on the state of the relationship; if a relationship is unhappy a partner may cheat. So the blame is spread equally between the partners, or even placed more heavily on the cheatee , especially if they are seen as the ‘cause’ of the cheating. However, what we need to remember is that no partner has ever directly caused someone to cheat, it all leads back to these same communication issues.

We can’t let other people determine our own self worth. They didn’t cheat because you were ugly, or annoying, or you wouldn’t sleep with them or because you’d slept with too many people. They cheated because they weren’t adult enough and didn’t respect you enough to communicate.

By Mai

[besexpositive]

Pubes!

When I first started to want to sleep with people, I decided to shave all of my pubic hair. It was absolutely the done thing at the time. I remember hearing my male friends laugh about it and talk about finding pubic hair ‘disgusting’. I felt a sort of blind panic at the idea that someone might laugh about my pubes with their friends. The whole experience was horrendous. My pubic hair was quite long at the time and removing it was very tricky, granted if i’d done a bit of research beforehand it could all have gone a lot more smoothly - literally. As it was, there was definitely some blood, a lot of itching and a generally unpleasant aesthetic. Afterwards I thought I would feel sleek and sexy, but in reality I just felt exposed and uncomfortable. The only real benefit to having no pubic hair was that it eased the anxiety of what someone might say about it. This was enough for me to carry on doing it for quite a while. I did eventually get better at it (thankfully), but even then the itching was unbearable and being honest, I didn’t really trust myself having something so sharp next to something so important. I can’t lie and say that part of the reason I don’t like shaving isn’t pure laziness. As if I have time to regularly shave my whole vulva? But it is more than that. I can’t help but remember how proud I was when I first grew pubic hair (albeit a little bit embarrassed), and how disappointed young me would have been to see me get rid of it. I like the way it looks but it’s not just aesthetic. It makes me feel comforted in a way that’s really hard to explain; I like the way it feels. I’ve had partners in the past that have said they prefer shaved pubic hair. And while I respect that they have preferences, they don’t have to live in my body. I won’t be expected to regularly do something that makes me unhappy, just to pander to their ‘preference’. I exist outside of my sex life, and it’s my preference to feel comfortable. In hindsight, I feel that if a partner is pressuring me to change my pubic hair for them, then they’re not the type of person i want to be having sex with. On the flip side of this I know people who love to shave / wax / remove some or all of their pubic hair. It’s how they feel more comfortable, they might feel more sexy or love the way that it looks. While I shouldn’t be pressured to shave my pubic hair, people who prefer to be bald shouldn’t feel any pressure to grow theirs out. There are lot’s of benefits to having pubic hair. I’ve linked an article below that lists some of them, but the bottom line is that your pubic hair is yours. Wear it how you want. •Benefits of pubic hair: http://www.thesexmd.com/your-bush-loves-you-back/ •Pubic hair trends over time: http://www.bustle.com/articles/48042-pubic-hair-trends-over-time-from-tweezer-happy-ancient-greece-to-your-last-painful-wax •Safe pubic hair removal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RAf0tzDbbA By Mai

[besexpositive]

Pride (our story).

Our school has always been very forward thinking and it was especially prominent that in our year, we wanted change. There was a divide between the pupils; one group had an understanding about what gender and sexuality was, they are outspoken individuals and often quick to educate those who didn’t know about the LGBTQ+ community, then there are those who had never heard about any difference in gender and sexuality apart from heterosexual and your biological gender. Quick warning - most of these people ARE NOT discriminatory towards the LGBTQ+ community, they just simply haven’t been taught about anything other than the traditional sex education that is provided at school or within the home.

This was a gap in education that we wanted to focus on that we felt couldn’t be over looked.

I enrolled into the Pride Group because I am proud of my identity and also the identity of my friends. At the start of Year 11, where many young people are developing their sexualities and understanding their gender- one of my best friends started to identify openly as agender; a term which I was aware of, but I watched as my friend struggled to explain what this meant to other friends, teachers and parents. We decided as a group to use our school as a start to spread education locally, we created a PowerPoint and presented it in assemblies; we worked with a group called FIXERS to get stickers so that the community could recognise areas that are LGBTQ+ safe zones and we spread the message in conversation, meetings and with our friends. Our goal was not to enforce a message or preference but to spread learning and acceptance between our peers and in the community that we live in.

Pride is a group with a desire to close the divide within our school and then within our rural community. By trying to create areas of safety and tolerance, even though there may still be a definite divide in education, we hoped it would be a start to getting a mix between ideas and levels of understanding. We hope in the future that this tolerance may lead to more people wanting education and understanding and then finally more acceptance; Pride is a group that hopes to provide a foundation of discussion and understanding for all sexualities while still wanting to acknowledge the struggle that of LGBTQ+ individuals often face.

There is still so much that needs to be done for people to know more about people LGBQT+ and it feels like schools are sometimes anxious to take a more proactive approach to discussion because of the history behind Section 28 and the consent laws between gay partners, which are still seen as taboo subjects. But it’s a start in the right direction in promoting wider acceptance of people and beliefs.

Whatever sexuality or gender you are you should be able to feel Pride.

By Martha

If you want more information about LGBTQ+ history visit:

http://lgbthistorymonth.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/1384014531S28Background.pdf

http://www.youngstonewall.org.uk/lgbtq-info/legal-equality

[besexpositive]

It's too hot to wear Christmas socks

It’s here.

The season of bare chested men.

It happened just the other day, Sunday. That blisteringly hot Sunday, the 8th of May, when we had our first glimpse of summer after our long, long winter. Wasn’t it wonderful?

See, I was at work, actually. It wasn’t too bad. I walked to work in the sun, had lunch in the sun, and walked home in the sun. I saw the sun. I even had the next day off, and I grabbed that with both hands. But it’s the Sunday I’m here to talk about.

I was in full uniform: my polo shirt, my long black trousers, my (Christmas) socks, and my sensible black shoes. I was a bit on the warm side, definitely. But, you know, propriety in the work place and all that.

Then it walks this guy and his family. He’s dressed for the weather. Or not dressed. In he walked to my place of work wearing shorts, sandals, and nothing else. Absolutely nada.

Now, I have no problem with showing skin. Show it, or don’t, that is absolutely fine with me. Your body, your rules. I may not particularly want to see a fifty-something hairy man’s chest, but I’m going to leave him to it and give him kudos for being bold enough in his own skin to do that. Wish I was.

But yes, that’s the thing. I would absolutely love to go topless in the heat. Every time I see a topless man enjoying the sun in a public place, my brain shouts “SAME, BRO”

Except, of course, I can’t. Because apparently my topless self would be public indecency. My breasts, really not much bigger than this man’s pair on Sunday, are indecent. Wearing them bare would cause outrage, covering the offending appendages just enough to keep cool is sexual.

I just want to cool down. And to have equal rights to my own body, whatever.

Also, maybe if I have to cover my breasts, maybe that guy should have covered that topless pin-up-girl tattoo? Because that just doesn’t seem fair.

By Jessica

[besexpositive]

Anorexia can affect anyone

[Content Warning: this post discusses anorexia and eating disorders]

Hello! My name is Rosie, and I have anorexia. I've always taken the opinion that talking about things like this is the best way to deal with them; that way, no one can use them to hurt you, and you can spread information and experiences to help others - that's why I blog for Brook! It's okay, anyway; I'm in recovery, and I'm doing as well as I have been for years. Anyway, I thought I'd write todays post as a little myth-buster on some misconceptions that surround the disorder, and hopefully engage in some discussion on the topic. I'm sure this is something I'll be writing more about in the future.

1. Anorexia can affect anyone

Think for a moment about the typical image of what someone with anorexia looks like. They’re probably female, white and teenaged. Quite possibly, they’re conventionally attractive and affluent. However, anorexia can affect anyone. It is estimated to occur in 0.9% to 4.3% of women and 0.2% to 0.3% of men in Western countries at some point in their life, regardless of their ethnicity, and while data is harder to find in other areas of the world, reports of cases are becoming more frequent. It is more likely to first occur during adolescence, but this, too, is not universal.

2. Anorexia is not simply caused by just wanting to be thin

In all honesty, no one quite knows what causes anorexia. There are a number of different theories regarding contributing factors or sources of the disease, ranging from genetic predispositions to social pressures, from viral triggers to familial dysfunction. However, it’s not just wanting to be thin; conversely, it’s “an intense fear of gaining weight”. As with any phobia, those with the condition can go to extreme lengths to avoid this, including starvation, purging and excessive exercise, which all lead to further physical consequences.

3. Anorexia is not just a disease of modernity

While diagnoses of anorexia have increased exponentially since the 1950s as the disease received greater recognition within medical fields, and inclusion in later additions of the DSM (the manual used by health professionals to diagnose mental illnesses), case histories depicting the condition have been identified from the 1600s. Some theorists have suggested that religious fasting in the Middle Ages could also be considered a form of the disease, but this is something that is disputed.

4. The road to recovery is not a straight line

Anorexia is unpredictable. It can sneak up on you at any time, and while the demons that cause it can be locked up in a cage permanently, they cannot ever be killed completely, and one day they might just rear their ugly heads again. And this is okay. Recovering from anorexia is exceptionally difficult both physically and mentally. The extent of starvation can lead to long-term health difficulties (I’m lucky on this front to only have an arrhythmia to worry about). Sometimes the road can feel long, hopeless and unrewarding. It’s okay to sometimes stray from the path. It’s finding the way back on which is important, and how the battle becomes gradually easier and easier. It is possible to lead a normal life after recovery.

For more information regarding anorexia and other eating disorders, or to seek help and advice, have a look at:

https://www.b-eat.co.uk

By Rosie

[besexpositive]

Heart Shaped Shame Box

[CW: this post discusses sexuality and shaming.]

This year, I'm redecorating my room. It's a lengthy process, one which involves a lot of decluttering, and realising exactly how much 'stuff' I have. I'm a bit of a hoarder. I have three massive bags of my crafting supplies, and many smaller bags filled with old projects, clothes, toys, scarves, that have no real place in my room or on my person, but I can't bring myself to throw away because I made them.

The majority of those items have been made in the last five years. However, there's one old project that's now very old, is undeniably clutter, and I still can't throw it away.

I made this box on a Brownie weekend away. I was probably about nine or ten at the time. The boxes came pre-made, we just decorated them. I chose the heart shaped one, because I liked it. I chose pink because what other colour would you make a heart? I chose the sequins because they were large and filled the shape easily. I chose the picture... because the woman was pretty.

The Brownie leaders had cut out photos from magazines, and there were a lot of celebrities to choose from, plenty of bands from the time, boy bands and girl bands. I don't remember the options, I just remember thinking she looked nice, and so she got to be the centre of the heart.

You might notice her face is no longer there. Shortly after I finished making it, other Brownies pointed out that it was weird that I'd chosen a girl to be the centre of a heart. I argued I just thought it would look nice. It did! I got very defensive. It stuck with me. I didn't scratch out the photo of her face on that weekend; I found it again a few years later and felt ashamed, felt stupid. It was weird I chose a woman. I drew over her face and hid it.

So why do I still keep the box? Really, it sort of sums up why I started working on Sex:Positive with Brook. This box is a very real and tangible reminder that once I was so ashamed of my sexuality, something that came so naturally and instinctive to me before I had any idea what lesbianism was, that I destroyed something I had once taken pride in. There's a big problem with that.

Today the box holds my favourite childhood toy, a little troll doll called 'Peach'. I don't think I'll be throwing it away.

 By Jessica

[besexpositive]

#choicenotchance 2 - 'the mathematics of sex'

In April 2016 young volunteers from Brook participated in a Fertility Summit organised by the British Fertility Society, the Faculty of Sexual and Reproductive Healthcare and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.

Beth attended the event and has produced two blogs based on her experiences on the day.

With sex education being non-compulsory in academies, and the movement of more and more schools to academy status, regulated sex-ed could be eliminated completely. It is also heavily implied that is up to parents to educate about sex. Evidence shows us that young people want to learn about sex from schools, parents and Health educators.

'The mathematics of sex' - analogy

Saying sexual health education is up to parents is like getting a parent to teach their child maths. They may know how to add and subtract, but do they know Pythagoras' theorem? Say I'm stuck with a calculation from my physics homework and I go to school and ask my teacher for help. But they reply, 'sorry we aren't allowed to teach you maths, you need to ask your parents.' I might be lucky. Maybe my dad is a maths professor at LSE, or maybe he is pretty good at maths, or maybe he hasn't done maths since his GCSEs... or well maybe he is just plain shocking when it comes to maths!

Is it fair to that child that just because their parent doesn't know much about maths, their child will not be able to solve the problem and will not be taught?

Now let's replace maths with sex and relationships education. Is it right that because a parent doesn't know much about sexual health, their child doesn't get to be taught sex and relationships education? Something that is to do with their own body, and knowledge they will use for the rest of their life. Now I don't know how many people in the reading this use Pythagoras in their day to day lives. But sex.. Well I'd guess a few of you do that.

My point is, let's teach accurate information about sexual health and relationships, so young people can be well informed and make their own decisions which will impact them in the long-term.

So there it is, the 'mathematics of sex'. Now it's up to schools to teach us the mechanics. To do this the government will need to have policies in place to make sure there is a set standard of good sex and relationships education (SRE) nationally. That teachers are taught how to provide this in Personal Social and Health Education (PSHE) (because when becoming a teacher you expect to and are trained to teach your subject, but no one is taught how to provide PHSE or SRE), and parents must be involved with the process so a dialogue between children and parents about sex is opened up.

If we as the current generation are better educated about sex, we will be able to answer our children’s questions.

By Beth

[besexpositive]

#choicenotchance - part 1

A group of young volunteers from Brook recently attended a Fertility Health Summit organised by the British Fertility Society, The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, and The Faculty of Sexual and Reproductive Healthcare. Laura, one of the volunteers who attended the summit has produced two blogs based on the discussions on the day...

I attended the 'Fertility Health Summit: Choice not Chance' in April with Brook. We had the opportunity to represent youth and presented some of our experiences of fertility education to the summit. So, I thought that it would be appropriate to feedback some of what I thought about the summit to other young people - and anyone else who might be interested!

The Fertility Summit was titled: ChoicenotChance.

• Getting pregnant can be prevented through contraception and family planning #choicenotchance

• Getting pregnant can be difficult, and factors such as reproductive health issues and declining fertility with age can be a part of this #choicenotchance

The only way we can have a choice is if we are educated on topics of sexual health and fertility. The earlier we learn, the longer we have to make these choices which will have an impact on the rest of our lives. Don't leave the next generation’s future to chance.

Fertility education is crucial as it enables young people to make informed choices, and it should be taught in schools as part of a comprehensive sex and relationships education programme. In preparation for the summit I read an article suggesting that a woman's declining fertility should be taught to 11 year olds. This headline was plucked from something Adam Balen, a fertility expert and facilitator of the summit had said. Do I think that this should be taught in primary schools? Maybe not. In a follow up article titled 'fertility lessons for 11 year olds: why badgering our babies about having babies is plain wrong' the suggestion was highly criticized. (http://goo.gl/JtWThs)

Indeed, this is not the time to be worrying about your ever impending infertility. It could have a negative impact, putting worry into the minds of young children or encourage the need to find a partner. You don't need to worry about having children when you are still a child yourself. However, this article was missing the crucial point. That is what is meant by fertility education. The articles main focus is fertility education -  telling primary school children that waiting hit 35 it could be 'too late'. But, doesn't education on what our body parts do and where babies come from fit into the sector of fertility education?

Puberty hits around the time of the end of primary school towards the beginning of secondary. Bringing with it strange new things - from periods to deepening voices and new emotions. Shouldn't children be prepared and understand what is happening to their bodies and why? So in this respect, of course fertility should be taught in schools from a young age, but it should be age appropriate getting more in depth as time goes on. Fertility education it should be encompassed within lessons of sexual health. Not as a stand-alone topic. In terms of messages about declining fertility, this should be done at an age where you will have the mind-set and maturity to think 'okay, this is information that I know and may have to think about if I choose to have kids later in life' but being given the knowledge at school is very important. Firstly, because not all parents will know this information themselves. If, we aren't taught, how will we be expected to teach our children? Secondly, because if it isn't given at school then when else will you find this out- maybe at 35 having to use IVF? (Because when you leave school fertility lessons aren't typically commonplace) Thirdly, because knowledge is power- and I reiterate it is our right to know about our bodies and how they work so that we can make informed choices. Particularly in regards to something that will directly impact our future such as fertility- if we can, when we want to and if we decide to have kids.

Schools are there to educate and prepare us for the real world. And education about fertility is part of this. Withholding information in order to 'protect' young people is neglectful. Evidence shows that early education on sex and contraception actually delays the age of first sexual encounters.

Some may say sexual health education shouldn't be taught because it promotes promiscuity. However, a comprehensive sex and relationships education (SRE) programme would include the exploration of when the time is right, avoiding pressures if not ready, and if you think you might want to have sex, how to do so safely. It explores much more that sex, teaching understanding and respect of different genders or sexual orientations (maybe this will help young people understand how they are feeling). It teaches about personal well-being and safety, and in terms of fertility education- rather than promoting sex and teenage pregnancy, it allows the exploration of when the time may be right for an individual to think about having children, and if they want any at all.

Pretending sex doesn't exist by avoiding the topic will only result in more first-times where a person is ill educated to understand sex and its impacts, or even result in higher rates of coerced sex. Neglecting sex and relationships education could lead to life-long effects like untreated STIs resulting in infertility and a lack of knowledge about contraception resulting in unwanted pregnancies.

By Laura

[besexpositive]

BeSexPositive Talking Mental Health In The House Of Commons!

Whoever said young people aren’t interested in politics really needed to be with SexPositive last Tuesday. Some of the SexPositive team were invited to the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Youth Affairs (though you really need a snappier name guys…) Sitting in the House of Commons, we were chatting all about mental health, with a panel of charity members and MPs. But the best bit was being in a room full of young people all passionate about mental health issues. Listening to people talk about mental health in such an open way was fantastic, as too often it’s a stigmatised conversation. And the personal stories, as well as statistics, people were sharing showed just how much mental health matters.

The funding problem in regards to mental health were highlighted with the closure of PACE, an LGBT+ mental health charity in London, which is shutting down after 31 years. And with two young people asking questions about mental health support for YP with concerns around gender identity and sexuality, it’s clear we need more of these charities, not less. Stats such as LGBT young people being twice as likely to have suicidal thoughts show just how intertwined sexuality and identity issues are with mental health.

And yet mental health is something that affects everyone in society, even people we might not expect. A young person from the farmer’s union raised how the isolation of being a farmer can trigger mental health issues – something I had never previously thought of. And that’s why speaking about these issues is vital. We need more of these events to encourage people to share stories and show the importance in asking for help; mental health issues can be responded to with kindness and support, rather than just prejudice and discrimination.

Using your voice is so important. Panellists spoke about how writing to your MP, counsellors and local press were vital in promoting mental health and protecting the support put in place for those suffering with mental health issues. Jonny Benjamin said to ‘make a noise about what you feel passionately about’, and we couldn’t agree more.

 JR

[besexpositive]

Important video for everybody to witness. Warm hands only ;)

x BAM 

[besexpositive]

So what is sexual fluidity?

Game of Thrones star Maisie Williams has recently said that she doesn’t label her sexuality. Rather than identifying as gay or straight or bi, her attitude is much more about sexual fluidity. Speaking to Nylon magazine, she says she agrees with actress Shailene Woodley who says she falls ‘in love with personalities and not people or genders.’

Sexuality fluidity is not simply bisexuality, liking both guys and girls, it’s about being open to your sexuality changing. A man may have always fancied women, but doesn’t identify himself as straight as can see a future where he could end up with a man – this is an example of sexual fluidity. Dr. Chris Donaghue, who wrote ‘Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture’, spoke about how sexual fluidity is a more ‘inclusive term’ where you may ‘lean more heavily towards one gender while open to all genders.’ Your sexual orientation doesn’t have to be a fixed thing, and it can evolve as we get older.

I like the idea of sexual fluidity, as I’ve struggled with labelling myself in the past. I’ve only ever been with/dated guys, so naturally assume I’m straight. However I’ve also been attracted to girls, even if only a small amount; yet I feel anxious to label myself as bisexual as I’ve never felt an extremely strong attraction, or been with, a girl. Finding out about sexual fluidity therefore appealed to me as it meant I didn’t have to worry about defining myself, and could just like who I like when I like them. Simple.

But supporting sexual fluidity, as Maisie Williams points out, doesn’t mean being anti-labels. For some people, being able to label their sexuality is important in helping them identify with who there are. Particularly as homosexuality is often discriminated again, it’s vital that people can be exactly who they are and be able to embrace their sexuality. Those who want to label themselves are absolutely free to, in the same way that those who prefer not to, can also do their own thing. As Maisie Williams says, “Do what you want”. Is there any better life philosophy than that?

JR