BethRoams

Dream and Wander

[bethroams]

My First Week as a Freshman in College (online)

Oh college...

If this was a youtube video, I’d be inserting a bunch of random videos and pictures of freshman college/moving-in pictures I found on Pinterest, but because this is a blog post, I’m just going to keep it short and simple.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who plans out their whole life in a collective daydream whenever boredom strikes. With that said, since Freshman year of High School, I’ve always wondered what my Freshman year of college will be like. At that time, I was still trying to convince my parents to let me move out for college instead of attending a local university just like they wanted. 

Fast-forward in my senior year of high school, they finally told me that they were okay with me moving out, just as long as it was a university that they liked. Some of you (if anyone is even reading this), might be wondering why my parent’s approval is such a big deal for me. Well, first of all, they’re the ones paying for my college and for my rent. And yes, that’s a normal thing here in Asia. And second, they’re my parents.

I was so excited that I immediately started apartment hunting and searching up a bunch of facilities my dream university offers. I was so excited until.. a global pandemic happened.

And just like that, I didn’t get a senior’s prom nor a high school graduation. I also didn’t get to experience my first semester in the campus of my university nor have I even packed up to move out. 

Classes were help online and welcoming week happened through Facebook livestreams. I met my new blockmates and teachers through a screen and I’m pretty sure I won’t remember half of their faces when face-to-face classes start (whenever that will be). In my country, face to face classes isn’t allowed and all schools must now be online. And so far, it isn’t fun.

Sure, my parents saved a semester worth of rent and food for me, but the tuition is still hella expensive. My internet connection can go shitty at times, and my laptop suddenly turns off if it feels like it. My parents did buy me a new one, but after summer vacation, it just broke. I don’t even know why. 

My new blockmates and I are so silent that it actually suffocates me. I’m so used to having such a friendly environment that I wasn’t used to everyone being so quiet and intimidating.

I do go to the same university as some of my other classmates from high school, and even if we weren’t close back then, we couldn’t help but cling onto each other for this online school because we just feel so intimidated by everyone else.

That’s pretty much it. I don’t really know how to end a blog post, but that’s it lmao.

[bethroams]

I can’t stop thinking of my future...

Now, I know that’s a very small problem compared to the global pandemic that the world is facing, but it’s still a problem. For me, anyway.

Sure since this whole pandemic, some of us started thinking thoughts like “Am I even going to go to a concert again?”, “Will I be able to see my friends again?”, “Will I get the chance to travel again?”

It’s nice to see that a lot of countries somehow managed to flatten their curve and are improving. However, there are still countries (like mine), where cases are rising up as the day goes by. This whole thing already took three amazing events away from me-- events that I’ve dreamed of since I was a kid.

1) High School Prom 2) High School Graduation 3) My First Year in University/College

Okay, I’m still going to college. But it’ll be online. I haven’t even toured the campus yet. Heck, I’ve only seen the outside of the University ones in my life.

Those three events are what I consider important in the school life of a teenager. You may have a different opinion regarding that, though. I’ve been dreaming about those since I was in Middle School and to think that all of that went down the drain because of a virus, it makes me sad.

Don’t get me wrong-- I’d rather stay home than go out and about with the risk of catching the virus, but that doesn’t really stop the sadness from the missed opportunities.

Now let’s talk about college. I’m an Accountancy student. Is that my passion? Is that what I want to be? I don’t even know! I do know that I sometimes enjoy analyzing business problems, but I also know that I suck at it. So why choose Accountancy? Is it because I’m guaranteed to get a job? Yeah, that’s partly one of my reasons.

Another of that reason is because my parents won’t allow me to head towards courses that follow creativity. Being a writer? Filmmaker? author? photographer? No. Nope. Nah. Na-da.

A part of me genuinely wants to start my own blog. Not a tumblr blog, but an actual blog with my own website. Though there’s always that fear that my parents will find out and be disappointed in me. 

I also wish to be an author. There is no day that goes by where I don’t come up with a huge plot inside my head. Before i go to sleep, a mini movie is played inside my head. Directed by me. Written by me. Played by me. I just love creating stories and always dream of putting it in action. Whenever I read a book, I pause way too many times and start imagining my own take on it. Whenever i watch a movie on Netflix, I can’t help but pause a million times throughout the show just to think of an alternative plotline. And i just daze off for minutes before I continue on with the show/book.

My mind is always swirling with possibilities. Whenever I meet someone and they share to me a small part of their life, my mind is already creating a whole new world with that person as a main character and their whole life is plotted out based on that short story they told me. 

Or even when I see two people in a coffee shop, my mind just starts thinking of possibilities as to who they are and what they’re doing there. I sometimes even add super powers to them just for the heck of it.

Now, I feel like I’ve rambled long enough. 

As much as i want a guaranteed job like a CPA, a part of me really wants to take a risk. Start a blog, write a book, make a film. I’m not the best in literature, and I may even be making numerous mistakes in this post alone but that’s part of the learning process, right? 

A part of me always told myself that I’ll work as a CPA for a couple of years (assuming I do become a CPA), and then maybe start an actual blog along the way and then I risk it all. But really, will I have the courage to “risk it all”?

That’s a question only my future self can answer. 

Anyway, that’s it for the randomness of today. I’m tired and craving for sleep/

[bethroams]

Quarantine Day I don’t even know anymore - June 9, 2020

Life went on even with this whole global pandemic. For more than a month, our city no longer had any new cases, though we were still in quarantine. The government continued to impose strict rules to make sure that people wouldn’t crowd in one place. One of those rules was that people below 21 aren’t allowed to go outside, and since I’m 18, I still couldn’t go out and about.

I mean, I could go out, but I can’t go inside malls and restaurants. My parents and i have gone walking a lot and I’ve started exercising. Though even with exercise, I don’t see much difference in my body mostly because I’m not eating as healthy as I probably should.

I’ve been cleaning the house every single day, started planting some cacti, and slowly learning how to cook. I’ve gotten so bored that I’ve subscribed to every YouTuber I see on Youtube and I’ve started to watch a bunch of Barbie movies--not that I’m complaining.

But then, our borders were opened, which was a huge mistake since the other cities still had a rising number of cases of the virus. Now, the virus is back in our city and has infected more than twice the amount the first time.

It became a little scary, not gonna lie. I go out to visit my family member, though i haven’t seen my friends for months. We’ve video chatted, but that really isn’t enough. 

I really want to share my thoughts and emotions with someone, and not through a screen. I want to talk to someone; to confide to them. But all I really have is myself, especially since I don’t share much to my parents--afraid of their criticism and their judgement. 

I also started my own personal Quarantine project--to write a book. It’s crazy because I’ve always wanted to write it, but never found the time and inspiration to push through. Now, I have all the time in the world to work on it. It isn’t perfect, though I’m not planning to share it to the world. i just wanted to put in my words, emotions and thoughts somewhere, and that somewhere is through a story. It was also a way to pass time.

So far, I’m in chapter 9, which is the longest progress any of my planned books got to. I’m really motivated to finish it and share it to probably 3 people. 

College is slowly moving closer. I’ve got accepted to my dream college, though I came to a point where I started doubting if I should push-through. I’ve been dreaming to go to that university since 9th grade, but now I’m nervous and scared.

Most of my friends would go to one university, and a part of me wanted to go there too just for them. But I knew i would have regrets if I don’t follow my heart. 

The thought of college is also starting to scare me. Online learning? Home school on the first year of college? How much trouble will that be? Just how will that work out? Meeting and getting to know your classmates through Zoom calls doesn’t sound fun at all. though i do get to stay at home and allow my parents to save up since i don’t have to live in a dorm.

Life is just weird. I’m already miss going inside McDonald’s and complaining about how there are so many people and that there are no more vacant tables to sit in with my friends. I miss going to the malls and walking without any store in mind, looking through the displays to see which catches my eyes (and end up not buying anyway).

But if staying at home means helping and saving the world in the simplest actions, then that’s what I’ll do.

Someday, this will all pass. Someday, we can look back at 2020 with lessons and a clearer mind.

That day will come.

Someday

[bethroams]

Journey to Discover Myself

CHAPTER 1

April 26, 2020

Hi. Welcome.

I know I’m not the only one wondering who I truly am and what my reason in this world is. Was I gonna change the world somehow? Or am I just a speck of dust to balance out the world?

What is my reason for being on Earth?

Now, that question sounded depressing. I’m not suicidal, nor do I plan to kill myself. It’s a serious wonder I end up thinking about late at night. But that is not the reason for this. I believe that before we can fully understand our reason for being here, we have first to understand who we are.

So who am I?

These past few days, self isolation has led me questioning more and more about happiness and self love. I found myself searching up questions like “How can I be happy?” or “How can I love myself?”.

I’ve always believed that you are all you have. No one is going to be your knight in shining armor. You have to be the one to stand up and save yourself from whatever life throws at you. Therefore, you should never put your happiness and worth in someone else’s hands. 

So today, I am making my stand in learning to love myself and finally discover who I am. Not a lot of people will see this. Probably no person at all will see this. But I needed to put this out there. I’ve once read that putting promises out in public will motivate you to actually do it.

I want to glow up in a sense that I am happy with who I am and will actually love myself. So as of now, these are my goals

1. Journalize more. Write down everything from what you’re grateful for and to your deepest fears. 

2. Read more. Learn more about anything and everything. Expand your knowledge towards more field.

3. Be healthy. Eat nutritious food and exercise. It will boost your mood and make you feel really productive,

4. Use less social media. You don’t have to see what other people are doing in their lives.

5. Declutter. A clean space equals a clean mind.

6. Do more of your passion. Nothing makes you happier than doing something you love.

7. Learn something new. 

How will all this help me discover who I truly am? I have no idea. As of now, this is what I think could help me. We are all different, therefore our journeys and methods are different. 

But the most important thing is for you to start.

“Day One or One Day?” It’s yours to decide. But if you don’t start now, then a year later, you will still feel the same. 

So this is it.

Today is my Day One.

[bethroams]

Congratulations BATCH 2020

I longed to hear those words as I wore my red toga, beaming and standing next to the people I've met these past two years of Senior High School. But due to the Corona Virus, I will never be able to experience that.

That's one thing in my Bucket List that will never be checked. To have a high school graduation ceremony.

We never got the closure nor the experience of having our names called up on the stage, receiving that high school graduation diploma, and seeing our parents and friends in the audience with huge smiles on their faces. Now, most of us will go our separate ways, going to different colleges and making our individual decisions about our future. High School is over. The said best part of your life is over and we never had the grand epilogue we all wanted.

No prom. No graduation.

It sucks. It really REALLY sucks.

I hope no other batch gets to experience this. Batch 2020, let's continue to be strong.

Anyway, the list of graduated was just posted by our school ans although I was happy seeing my name on there, my mom immediately looked for the list of honors.

She knew I wouldn't be apart of it. But she still hoped because for the past 5 years in high school, I've been consistent with my academic achievement. She was greatly disappointed when she didn't see my name and saw the names of people who's been with me since elementary.

I laughed and told her it was fine. After all, I did get to go up the stage last year to receive an award and this time, they can't do that. She shrugged it off and left.

I suddenly had this flashback of the time a friend of mine asked me, "What does it feel like to not be apart of the honor roll now? I mean, you got to be honor last year, so how does it feel when you aren't anymorw this year?"

And that's just another sucky part of this life.

As someone who's been so used to getting an academic award or being apart of the honor roll, it sucks. (Take a shot everytime I say the word "suck") To know that during the last year of high school, that's when everything goes downhill..

Damn..

But you know what? There's still College. I'll transfer to a completely differeny island and hopefully, create a better life for myself. High School may have ended in the most unexpected way, but that just gives me a reason to continue to work hard and enjoy all the stressful days of college.

And to my high school friends and fellow batchmates, I hope we all can find the course that we enjoy. I hope that wherever you are going right now, you're happy. We'll meet again someday. 'Till then ♡

[bethroams]

Quarantine Day 4 -- 3.18.2020

I watched FRIENDS for the first time today. I know I'm late to the party, but then again, I'm happy I haven't watched it yet cause at least now, I'm able to do something new. Chandler is already stealing my heart in Season 1 and although I already know who will end up with whom (kind of hard not to when there's a lot of posts regarding this show even before I decided to watch it), I'm still very curious with how this show will run.

Anyway, found out the towns around us is setting a curfew and also heard that the country will be in a state of calamity for 6 months??? I mean, I understand but I still wish I heard wrong. 6 freaking months?? Will we be able to go out within that 6 months?? I haven't even applied to a college yet. I still need to get my diploma! I had so many plans for this summer, but I guess cancelling all of them is the best option.

I plan to start exercising in the morning. Don't know when I'll start. I just want to stay fit and get the most productive/fun shit done while I'm trapped at home for who knowd how long (wish it isn't 6 months).

I also saw those pictures of the water in Venice. I guess there was some good that came out of this--less pollution. Humans are the problem in this world.

My heart is still slowly breaking for all the less fortunate but apparently, according to my brother, they took all the homeless in our city to place them all at a safer place so at least there's that. I hope they get enough food and water.

Wishing for everyone's health and safety.

xx

[bethroams]

Quarantine Day 3-- 03.17.2020

I know everyone's doing this and I figured I should do this too to keep track of everything that's been happening.

It's the 3rd day since I've locked myself inside my house. My country isn't fully on lockdown yet. Sea and air transportation have been banned but stores and malls in some areas are still open. Mass gatherings are strongly discouraged and school has been cancelled. We had no finals, prom, and no graduation. My family is still going to work, leaving me completely alone with my 2 dogs at home. But since I still have my 2 happy pills, then I guess I'm not completely alone.

I still can't seem to wrap my head around everything that's been happening. I guess it's just hard to actually accept that this whole tragedy is happening around the world. It's not just a part of a certain country that's affected, but it's actually a worldwide problem since majority of the countries are experiencing this. It's crazy and quite frightening how the whole world is put to a halt because if this. Our economy is going down and it would be such a sight to see the world pick up its pieces after all this.

My heart also breaks from all the people who don't have a stable job. How will they be able to feed their families? How about those that are on complete lockdown and can't leave their homes? How can they earn enough for their everyday living? They won't die from the virus, but they could die from hunger. I wish I could help, but as a student who doesn't have any part-time job, prayer is all I could offer.

Putting those aside, I got so bored today and ended up cleaning my whole house. I also started to go through some of my paperworks ans notes and started throwing some out. Weird thing is, because our graduation was cancelled, my mind can't seem to accept the fact that everything's over and I can finally throw everything away. My mind wants a proper farewell before I can officially burn all my paperworks.

I also ended up watching "Tangled" and "Just Go With It". I'm planning to binge watch "FRIENDS" tomorrow for the first time.

I have so much plans--to start a book, a blog, play guitar, make a journal, read books, etc. but nothing seems to please me. I'm hoping to be able to do more things within day.

Stay safe everyone and stay positive. Don't forget to drink your water.

[bethroams]

Hi, I’m Annie

Now that the awkward introduction is done, Welcome to my blog! I know blogging with you own blog and Tumbr is completely different, but I wanted to see how long I could last here. I’m the type of person that literally get tired of something so easily, so I’m not fond of the thought of investing money for a blog I won’t even keep in the long run.

But with that aside, Hello! I like to write and take pictures, though I am in no way good at any of those two. I’m trying, and learning new things every time.

I hope you give me and this blog a chance.