#discovering myself

[wordsofwisdomandsoul]

[ranexpositioning]

Guys, I haven't written consistently in years and I'm wracked with insecurity. I've sped past the years when I didn't know what made writing good and now am critical of my stunted underdeveloped skills.

I often think I'd love to write a BL scene. Or fantasy or sci-fi, but I am stumped because I think it should have good world building and subtlety and poetry, and so I end up feeling overwhelmed because "someone like me can't possibly be so creative".

But today I stumbled upon one of my old things. It's not great. But if it wasn't mine I'd chuckle and think "this is nice". I'm remembering there was a time I just used to write whatever.

I think I'm going to write more whatevers from now on.

[loser-pet]

making a post with some info about my headmates/facets and our system in general! it’ll be good to have while we’re processing our syscovery, and it’ll definitely be updated when new things are discovered. (anything in blue text is new info added after the original upload)

we are a median specutien proxy system! we will use the term system, but we also use collective, dorm, and chat to refer to us. we don’t have an official system name for all of us, but that’ll be worked out soon. our origin/reasoning for being plural is not quite clear yet, but we’re fairly sure it’s not traumagenic. pretty much all of our members are alterhuman/nonhuman in some way, and we prefer to be referred to as nonhuman or something along those lines. we are firmly of the stance that all systems are valid (no matter the origin or presentation), and anti endos, anti tulpas, anti non-traumagenic systems, sysmeds, and exclusionists will NOT BE TOLERATED WHATSOEVER!!!

here is some info about each headmate/facet! it’ll include names, pronouns, roles (although it won’t always be clear what their roles are or they won’t even have a role), and general facts and information about each one.

Katie, aka K, is me! I’m the host and core of this collective, and the one that my family, friends, followers, and mutuals know about the most/solely. you know my pronouns and stuff about me, so there’s no real need to rehash all that (but if you don’t know, then just click here for my pronoun page).

Maple is probably the oldest headmate of ours, and is most likely a tulpa-born imaginary friend resulting from loneliness and a need for a more structured part of ourself during a rough part of our life. she uses she/he/they/it, but likes he and they the most. he seems to look like me, except with shorter, more masc-looking hair and a broader body. sometimes they’ll take the form of a bird that looks similar to a treepie or a cinnamon coloured fox. she’s very levelheaded and reasonable, and is the most realistic and down-to-earth of all of us. this often results in him being the one to remind us to eat, drink, go to bed, and stay on track.

Princess is a brown and white english bulldog puppy, and is our resident little. she uses she/he pronouns, and is a big ball of happy-go-lucky energy. she loves anything to do with age/pet regression/dreaming, and is just a very childishly naive and sweet puppy. he’s also quite sensitive to criticism and arguments, and just wants everyone to be happy and get along together. her favourite colours are red, pink, and cyan, and he often dawns a pink collar with a red bow.

Red is our anger holder and protector. she’s a red feathered dragon with a long tufted tail and large wings. ae likes any names associated with the colour red (such as scarlet, carnelian, ruby, mahogany, etc), but we just use the name red to refer to her most often. she uses she/ae pronouns, and gives off femme fatal vibes in a way. ae’s the one who gets frustrated and upset the easiest, and is in a constant state of either furiously pacing or slumped in a corner with her wings drawn in. she’s fiercely protective and loyal to both our collective and my family and friends. I most often see aer with Finley or Something (both other facets that I’ll talk about later).

Speaking of, we have Fin (short for Finley)! he’s our very anxious cautious jittery ball of fluff, and uses he/him pronouns (although he’ll sometimes use no pronouns or his name instead of pronouns). he looks like those long cat plushies (specifically a grey and white tabby), except if it was actually a real live cat. if you haven’t caught on, Fin likes using a lot of parentheses when speaking, because there’s always more information and intent that isn’t always known, and Fin just prefers to give out all of the information to avoid misunderstanding. he’s the one who is always running around wailing “what if this? what if that? do they really mean it? what if they’re actually lying or something?”, and needs a lot of reassurance about his fears and anxieties.

Ty (short for Tyler (we have NO IDEA why he chose that name btw; it isn’t my favourite name, but we roll with it)) is a robot who uses it/its, but also doesn’t mind any other pronoun (EXCEPT for she/her or any really fem sounding pronouns). we can’t really tell if it’s a protogen or some kind of robot with a tv/monitor for a face (it flip flops in my head when I imagine what it looks like), but it doesn’t mind being referred to or envisioned as either. he’s super into any kind of information, and is always seeking out new things to learn. this often results in him making me ask unintentionally intrusive or rude sounding questions in an attempt to learn more about someone or something, which gets us in some trouble or earns some weird looks (oops!).

Cinnabar is an odd part of ourself, as I (the host) am not quite sure on whether thon’s a fictive or just a kintype of myself. anyways, we’ll make an info page on thing just in case it ends up being the former. Cinnabar is our first and only (for now) fictive, and is a red bokoblin from the BOTW/TOTK era of TLoZ. Thing uses thon/thing pronouns, and is a very silly wild creature. Cinnabar may be a misanthrope, but thing may just not really like humans due to thon being constantly bullied by humans when thon was a human. thing was willingly transformed into a bokoblin (although thing mostly retained the mindset of a human) by the cursed statue residing near hateno village around 40~ years after the calamity that destroyed hyrule in BOTW. Cinnabar absolutely adores all types of animals, and is eager to learn all about the natural world (thing particularly loves horses, birds, and dogs the most). thon also loves getting into mischief, and is the one always wanting to hear gossip or fun stories from everyone.

Finally, we get to our last facet (as of the making of this post; there may be more in the future). This one is the most elusive and confusing one, so we don’t have a lot of useful information. this thing is Something, and it uses it/thon. yes, it’s name is Something (and it has to be capitalized, it just feels right and makes it satisfied), because that’s really the only thing that describes it. what is it? well, it’s Something. it takes the form of a vaguely humanoid shadowy void thing (sometimes we see it with one singular eye or a mouth (never both at the same time though, which is a little creepy)), but is also capable of shapeshifting into other forms (although they will always be shadowy and not always clear). Something is a very negative facet of ours, and is the one who is always muttering intrusive/invasive thoughts to me. when I imagine Something, it feels as if I’m sinking into a vat of tar; my breathing gets shallower, my brain sometimes gets fuzzy or preoccupied with solely thinking about Something, and I lose track of what I’m supposed to be doing or saying or even thinking (it’s really weird tbh).

well, now we’re finished with talking about our facets! I’ll add a list of emoji signoffs for each one, as we all really love signoffs and love expressing ourselves with fun symbols :)

Katie/K: 🩷/🐕

Maple: 🍁/🪶

Princess: 🐶/🎀

Red: 🐦‍🔥/🏔️

Fin/Finley:🧣/🐾

Ty/Tyler: 📺/📚

Cinnabar: 🐷/🌎

Something: 🌚/♠️

[lifea16]

Sexuality Update!:-

Alright, so, been thinking abt my identity alot, I've come to the conclusion that I'm

Bisexual! Yay! As well as a Quoriomantic Idemromantic and ofc Fraysexual and Cupiosexual

Probably a Demiplatonic Caedplatonic (Thanks Bullying! /s Now I only can form platonic bonds after getting attatched!)

Ya, I'll probably explain how I'm Idemromantic in a later post

Also happy late Bi Visiblity Day!

[msunravelled]

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything or shared an update on here. This past year has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and allow myself to shine. I’m just a woman trying to find herself and her happiness in this crazy world. These are a few snapshots of the good moment of 2024 so far💜

*Please be respectful; I stopped posting photos on here because of how disrespectful and creepy some people got*

[sapphicating-witch]

so i found out i am, in fact, grey ace. not demisexual

[duttonwestern]

i don't wish anyone the moment when u realize you most probably are gay/lesbian and not bi while you are having a period of exams and trying to concentrate and assimilate your gayness at the same time.

and the worst part is that u can't have the courage to talk about it with your close people because they probably won't even get it or will make you feel worse than before.

[sharonz-arty-corner03]

I don’t know if this is TMI, but reading through my medical records to beg for more time on an assignment made me realize just how much I gaslit myself into thinking I was okay.

So many of my doubts wouldn’t have grown into day-ruining goop sensations if I had just been allowed to express the tiniest discomfort at my pediatrician appointments.

I’m proud to be functioning, but functioning shouldn’t be the baseline.