i think one of the reasons i dont vibe with a lot of modern "romantic" writing is that there's a notable lack of sweetness or tenderness written between the characters. the most popular tropes for intimacy negotiation between characters in modern romantic novels seem to be based around overcoming their own disdain, distrust, or resentment of the other character. an increasingly lazy, kneejerk "i hate how much i want them" approach to romantic and physical intimacy. true love requires doubt, they tell us. our desires can only be trusted when we douse them in cold hard rationality. no i'm not trying to come for the enemies rivals irritating workplace acquaintances to lovers trope that's so popular (although i'm also deeply bored by that). rather, i think it demonstrates a general jadedness in a genre that's otherwise supposed to be about "wish fulfillment HEA" yet struggles to conceive characters for whom tenderness and all-consuming desire is not a weakness. the irrationality that love can instill in a person is held at arm's length, a toxic impulse that must be adjusted in order to present a "healthy relationship." the overly-emotional lover has been relegated to "dark romance," or their behaviors channeled into specific genre-approved tropes which fit neatly into hetero-dominant relationship expectations. so much of it ends up reading pathos-less to me. in the hands of a talented writer, unhinged tenderness is the most excruciating possible thing to read. we used to have that, you know. we used to be a society.
