A Better Version

...of me. Almost everything is queued. Immigrant. Leftist. Hella bi. They/them.

[proletarianprincess]

Why are you fat?

cause everytime i fuck your dad he makes me a sandwich

[sillysayaka]

and every time we kiss i swear i could fly

[enki2]

[circumgutter]

[fozmeadows]

I am in HYSTERICS

[whatcoloristhatcat]

seal point

[crazygnomenclature]

Just need a look under the hood.

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[crazygnomenclature]

I see this sign so often

[cryptotheism]

[iusedtobecharming-deactivated20]

Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!

[rehearsing]

happy too tired July everyone

[yeahisawitlikethreeweeksago]

[thedandeliongarden]

Damm, it really shows how consoles are just proprietary restricted PCs these days

[shamebats]

For context: Jonis Josef is a famous Norwegian comedian.

[brightlotusmoon]

[stovetop00-deactivated20230907]

We’re winning.

[lilnasxvevo]

I found his bio on societyofpresidentialdescendants.org and it was so delightful I had to copy paste the whole thing:

“Ulysses Grant Dietz grew up in Syracuse, New York, where his Leave it to Beaver life was enlivened by his fascination with vampires, from Bela Lugosi to Barnabas Collins. He studied French at Yale (BA, 1977), and was trained to be a museum curator in the University of Delaware’s Winterthur Program in American Material Culture (MA, 1980). A decorative arts curator at the Newark Museum for thirty-seven years before he retired, Ulysses has never stopped writing for the sheer pleasure of it. Aside from books on Victorian furniture, art pottery, studio ceramics, jewelry, and the White House, Ulysses created the character of Desmond Beckwith in 1988 as his personal response to Anne Rice’s landmark novels. Alyson Books released his first novel, Desmond, in 1998. Vampire in Suburbia, the sequel, appeared in 2012. His most recent novel, Cliffhanger, was released by JMS Books in December 2020.

“Ulysses lives in suburban New Jersey with his husband of 45 years. They have two grown children, adopted in 1996.

“Ulysses is a great-great grandson of Ulysses S. Grant. His late mother, Julia, was the President’s last living great-grandchild; youngest daughter of Ulysses S. Grant III, and granddaughter of the president’s eldest son, Frederick. Every year on April 27 he gives a speech at Grant’s Tomb in New York City. He is also on the board of the U.S. Grant Presidential Library and Museum at Mississippi State University.”

[wakingfromthewater]

And frankly, the novels sound like they slap:

Desmond was nominated for a Lambda Award.

[doctorscienceknowsfandom]

“With his husband of 45 years.” You kids don’t know ... they got together before AIDS, at the peak of the Gay Glam Life. They stayed together as their generation died around them, and made through it to the point where they could marry and have a legal family. He looks like a chipper preppie who never had a serious thought or care in the world, but it took *incredible* determination, commitment, and also luck to get here.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

having now read the first of this man's vampire books, you can absolutely tell that he cares a lot about historical furniture because oh my god he really wanted to tell us about all the historical furniture in this vampire's house. material culture as foreplay. seduction via theses about chairs

[murkymarco]

Caught myself spiraling and then remembered it's just my body not wanting to exist in these temperatures

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

I know it's unfair of me to call bugs dumb for not understanding what windows are, but oh my god can't you smell the fresh air or something you buzzy little six legged fool?

[northern-punk-lad]

Being prime minister of the uk has a higher regret rate than being trans

So the solution is to ban prime ministers

[northern-punk-lad]

[ang3l-t33th]

Bluey in the genocide by Omar Sakr

[bish0ps]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

A second Dollar General has hit the server

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

Further update: Greg is trapping goblins in the Dollar General

[3liza]

cancel your mullvad subscription

tech news today is that Mullvad VPN has gone mask-off about being the major funding source for the Swedish Orebro party, who are racist nationalists. unfortunately all discussion of this is occurring on fucking Mastodon instances i can barely load

if you are a mullvad customer (as i am) and want to get out, here is guidance from this guy

If you don't want your Mullvad fees going to fund neo-Nazis - or @mozilla VPN fees, which is rebranded Mullvad - cancel and get a refund immediately that's whose "free speech" the official account is talking about here, and that's where your fees go to EDIT: Mullvad has a 14 day refund policy. But the message below is a direct call to ask for a refund if you don't want to give money to Nazis. If Mullvad refuse a refund, call your consumer protection agency. And reverse credit card charges on the basis of deceptive refund policy representations. It's not like you ever want to be a Mullvad customer again. archive copy of Mullvad statement: https://web.archive.org/web/2026062717

[antifainternational]

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.