It is important to articulate the role of power and control in abusive relationships
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@betweenfriendschicago
It is important to articulate the role of power and control in abusive relationships
Join us tonight on twitter at 7PM EST #socialwork #socialworkers #schoolsocialwork #Socialservices #MentalHealth #socialjustice #education #youth #domesticviolence #dating
Iowa Affirmation & Resources Chat
Youth advocate Mikko is concerned about sexual violence against incarcerated women, and believes stopping gender-based violence at its source is the key. Read more here
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, define teen dating violence as physical, sexual, or psychological/emotional violence within a dating relationship, as well as stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and may occur between a current or former dating partner.
Adolescents and adults are often unaware that teens experience dating violence. In a nationwide survey, 9.4 percent of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to the survey (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Survey). The 2009 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) found that 18.5% of high school students in Chicago surveyed were victims of TDV in the previous year. This figure is nearly twice the rate of students nationwide.
While healthy relationship behaviors can have a positive effect on a teen’s emotional development; unhealthy, abusive or violent relationships can cause short-term and long-term negative effects, or consequences to the developing teen. Victims of teen dating violence are more likely to do poorly in school, and report binge drinking, suicide attempts, and physical fighting. Victims may also carry the patterns of violence into future relationships.
Teen dating violence is related to certain individual, peer, partner, parent, and neighborhood risk factors, including specifically: (1) the belief that it is okay to use threats or violence to get one’s way or to express frustration or anger; (2) the use of alcohol or drugs; (3) an inability to manage anger or frustration; (4) an association with violent peers; (5) multiple sexual partners; (6) an association with friends involved in dating violence; (7) feelings of depression or anxiety; (8) learning disabilities and other problems at school; (9) a lack of parental supervision and support; (10) an especially violent neighborhood or surrounding environment; and (11) a history of aggressive behavior or bullying. In light of these risk factors, it is important to remember that teen dating violence can happen to both girls and boys, no matter your social or economic status, your race, or whether you are straight or gay.
Dating violence can be prevented when teens, families, organizations, and communities work together to implement effective prevention strategies.
Recently, schools, policy makers, and sexual and domestic violence prevention groups have expanded their efforts to prevent teen dating violence. To unite these new initiatives and perspectives, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention developed Dating Matters: Strategies to Promote Healthy Teen Relationships, which highlights preventive strategies for individuals, peers, families, schools, and neighborhoods. Over the next five years, Dating Matters will be implemented in approximately 12 middle schools across Chicago, focusing on 11-to-14-year-olds in high-risk, urban communities. For more information, click here or contact Erica Davis.
Additionally, the Division of Violence Prevention of the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control of the Centers for Disease Control developed the Choose Respect program to promote broad community efforts to help youth ages 11-14 from healthy relationships to prevent dating abuse before it starts. This national movement motivates youth to challenge damaging beliefs about dating abuse and take steps to form respectful relationships. As a partner with the Illinois Criminal Justice Information Authority (ICJIA) on Choose Respect Illinois, the Illinois African American Coalition for Prevention provides technical assistance to Choose Respect Illinois grantees, advises ICJIA on strategies for enhancing program deliverables, publishes the Choose Respect Illinois E-Zine, a youth-friendly online publication that promotes the themes of practices of Choose Respect, and developed and published the Choose Respect Illinois Training guide, a 48-page instructional manual.
Furthermore, the City of Chicago provides online resources for what one can do to address, reduce, or prevent teen dating violence today. Specifically, Healthy Chicago provides a helpful list of what one can say to a teen who needs help:
“I care about what happens to you. I love you and I want to help.”
“It is the abuser who has a problem, not you. It is not your responsibility to help this person change.”
“The abuse is not your fault. You are not to blame, no matter how guilty the person doing this to you is trying to make you feel. Your partner should not be doing this to you.”
“If you feel afraid, it may be abuse. Sometimes people behave in ways that are scary and make you feel threatened – even without using physical violence. Listen to your gut.”
“It is important to talk about this. If you do not want to talk with me, find someone you trust and talk with that person. You can also talk to someone at a hotline who can help you sort things out.”
One of SCY’s strong community partners working to reduce and prevent teen dating violence is Between Friends. As a nonprofit agency dedicated to breaking the cycle of domestic violence and building a community free of abuse, in its Rogers Park offices on the north side of Chicago, Between Friends offers a number of essential, free services, including: a toll-free Crisis Line (800-603-HELP), counseling for victims and their children, court advocacy, and prevention and education efforts, including healthcare education and a teen dating violence prevention program called REACH (Relationship Education: A Choice for Hope).
Between Friends highlights a number of actions individuals can take to contribute to the fight against teen dating violence:
Encourage your neighborhood watch to look out for domestic violence. Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence
Speak out publicly against domestic violence
Provide training for your employees in how to identify and address domestic violence in the workplace. Call 773-274-5232 x 14 for more information about customized trainings.
all your federal, state, and local legislators and ask them to reinstate and/or increase funding for domestic violence services.
Support a neighbor, co-worker, friend, or family member who is being abused.
Invite speakers to your religious congregation, workplace, or civic group to help educate others on domestic violence issues.
If you find yourself in an emergency, or are dealing with a teen that you suspect to be perpetrating or suffering from teen dating violence, please utilize the following resources, or any resources listed above:
Between Friends (Crisis Line 800-603-HELP)
City of Chicago Domestic Violence Helpline (877-863-6338)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233)
Love is not ABUSE
Love is Respect
The National Center for Victims of Crime – Help for Crime Victims
Each one of our voices matters. Join SCY, Between Friends, the City of Chicago, and the nation in this fight for safety and protection against teen dating violence and adult domestic violence and abuse.
Thank you to SCY Chicago for discussing our involvement with i2i and the Dating Matters Initative in honor of #teenDVmonth!
Healthy relationships are violence free! Encourage respect early. #VetoViolence #TeenDVMonth http://thndr.me/3pdQQh
Codependency versus love in terms of romantic relationships…this is a tough one, and I think it all comes down to your own personal definition of love. What do you seek from the person you love? What do you expect your partner to want/need from you? How much are you and the other person willing to give or take? I think a certain amount of codependence can healthily exist in a relationship so long as both parties want and need a similar level of it. I can’t be a healthy partner in a relationship when the foundation of my love rests on a dire need for someone. I need to have my own life, my own world, before I can enter someone else’s. Whenever my happiness or security relies on something external, namely, a lover, it’s never really solid. You’ve got to have a strong sense of self that exists independently, whether you’re in a relationship or not. At least for me!
http://www.rookiemag.com/2015/07/being-there/4/
Being There
A roundtable discussion about codependency and love from rookiemag.
“I have let friends use me as “the only one that understands,” in all manners of what it is I was meant to be understanding: When people tell you that “no one else gets it,” “they have no one else,” they are, consciously or not, making you beholden to (a) a fucked sense of your-own-self as savior and benevolent caregiver, which is reductive and can hurt you in ways you might not realize until after and (b) their well-being: If you go away, they are stranded/alone/endangered. In the past, this has made me feel intense guilt and worry about living my own life and meeting my needs before attending to other people. I think expressing admiration for a close and beautiful bond between two people is great; I think attaching that to a system of need and expectation is abusive.”
“ I overthought and exceptionalized my experience (“I’m too smart to use a therapy word!”) with codependency or abusive dynamics, which prevented me from seeking help. I didn’t start healing until I realized that I was not above the cheesiest self-help books, not above Googling “signs of codependency,” or “attachment disorders,” and hitting up from the first result down. Off the top of my head: I have read Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix like 10 times, Non-Violent Communication by Marshall “This Book Has a Sunflower on the Cover” Rosenberg like five times, and Breaking Free of the Codependency Trap by Janae Weinhold once, but a ridiculously helpful once. And here is a checklist.”
Identifying Emotional Abuse before it Happens.
7 Types of Serious Abuse We Don’t Take Seriously
“Every joke that validates abusers and shames victims, portrays victims as deserving of abuse or contributes to the stigma faced by survivors of abuse contributes to a social atmosphere that ignores the problems being laughed about.”
Warning: The video and report below contain graphic allegations of domestic abuse.
Think the #NFL has a #domesticviolence problem? The MMA has an even bigger one. Despite convictions, MMA fighters continue to return to the ring.
Teen Dating Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to be treated with respect and not criticized. 2. I have the right to have a partner who values me for me, encourages me, and wants the best for me. 2. I have the right to be safe. 4. I have the right to maintain my own body, feelings, property, opinions, boundaries, and privacy. 5. I have the right to be listened to seriously. 6. I have the right to disagree, assert myself respectfully, and say “no” without feeling guilty. 7. I have the right to not be abused: physically, emotionally, sexually. 8. I have the right to keep my relationships with friends and family. 9. I have the right to have my needs be as important as my partner’s needs and not be my partner’s property or servant. 10. I have the right to have a partner who gives as much to me as I give to him/her. 11. I have the right to decide how much time I want to spend with my partner. 12. I have the right to pay my own way. 13. I have the right to not take responsibility for my partner’s behavior, choices, mistakes, and any acts of violence. 14. I have the right to set my own priorities, make my own decisions, and grow uniquely as an individual. 15. I have the right to fall out of love or leave any relationship.
Champions against domestic violence and gun violence team up to introduce bipartisan legislation to keep guns out of the hands of convicted abusers and stalkers.
Become a part of #Move4Friends to help raise awareness and funds to support us as a teen dating violence prevention program!
VOLUNTEER WITH #Move4Friends We are looking for people willing to devote at least 20 hours of their time throughout the year, along with their talents and expertise, to promote & support events and activities for this initiative. To volunteer, please fill out this survey!
Ending domestic violence needs a movement. What’s your move?
REACH stands for Relationship Education: A Choice for Hope. REACH is one of our programs here at Between Friends, and it focuses on preventing teen dating violence. The 20th anniversary of the REACH program is quickly approaching, so get involved with our #move4friends initiative to end domestic violence!
What’s your move?