Beyond's Thoughts

Hi. My name is Beyond Birthday and this is my blog about the things that I wonder and think about in my World

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

A text I'll never send

Hey there. I know it's been a long time. You probably have no interest in texting I know. But it's been a long time. I really hope that you aren't doing well because I'm clearly not.

[prettypinkpansy]

rare vent art from a few months ago

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

Ouch

The way it hits is in an other level...

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like. It’s much easier not to know things sometimes. "

~Perks of being a wall flower

Is it easier to stay or is it easier to go?

When can you say stop to yourself for going back to them all the time?

Do you have to always say sorry for the situation you are put in to?

Isnt it easier to say the words that we want to say? And make ourselves breathe better? But the problem is can we?

Should we always keep it in?

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

I don't want to live anymore.

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

New year?

"New hopes.",

I corrected.

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

I want to be a mystery, yet be known

I want to be together, yet alone

Is it too much to ask, To be famous yet unknown?

To be a wanderer, yet have a home?

~Kara Douglass

Beyond Birthday

[qvotable]

“Sometimes you don’t get closure, you just move on.”

— Karen Salmansohn

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.

~Paulo Coelho

[quotemadness]

“I think when I met you, I became myself again. And we stumbled towards this mad world and made sense of it. Together.”

— R.M. Drake

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

Death.

Sounds like a scary word doesn't it? But it is the same word which brings peace to thousands of people in this world. It helps them feel free and satisfied. They have suffered so much in their life that they just want to stop the suffering and be at peace.

We all have had moments when we think that we are better off dead and we just want to end it. But as time passes or when the situation is over and when all is well, we forget about that feeling. But what about the ones who don't?

The ones who feel like dying everyday and thinking that the next day will be same as the day after and the day after that day and so on. They feel as if they are drowning all day long and unable to do anything for themselves. They try to stay afloat but they feel like they are sinking deeper and deeper. They scream for help but nobody hears them. They maintain a facade that shows they are doing okay when in fact they are feeling heavier and heavier and can't seem to do anything about it.

They think they are better off to be dead and just want to be away from everyone because they feel that if they open up to other people about their inner - wars people will start judging them and will pity them. They are scared to think that people will view them differently and be careful around them.

They don't think about the world in terms of good or bad. They think of life as in bad or less bad. Because they have been through things and have formed an idea that there are only bad things in the world and we can't do anything about it.

They get tired of the same routine of pain and boredom. And in the end wish that they were dead. But they can't kill themselves because their existance has a meaning in front of people.

People are scared to lose people and get sad about the ones whom they lose. People don't think of the life around them as +1, 0 or - 1 but in fact it's just 0 or - 1. So suppose someone died around them they will get a minus and forget about the ones around them.

And so the people who want to kill themselves can't bring it upon themselves to do it so they lead a worse life which drains them every single day. And they have no choice but to hold themselves together and put a perfect facade. When in fact death is something that brings them peace and solitude and hope that they die soon enough to end their suffering.

[quotemadness]

“Destruction can be beautiful to some people. Don’t ask me why. It just is. And if they can’t find anything to destroy, they destroy themselves.”

— John Knowles (via quotemadness)

[quotemadness]

“Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?”

— Sigmund Freud (via quotemadness)

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

"Where do we go when we fall asleep?" by Billie Eilish.

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

We are all wearing masks.

That's what makes us interesting.

And to whom we reveal our faces beneath the mask makes us even more interesting.

Beyond Birthday

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

Sometimes all you feel like is

That you just want to disappear,

But actually you just want to be found.

Beyond Birthday

[beyondbirthdaysblog]

Coming out of depression when you face all this is even worse. It's a very very very slow process and will take years to come out of it. You will feel like you are a burden to everyone and probably a fake too. You think that everyone hates you and you don't have anyone to talk about this either. You never have any motivation to get up from the bed and you just feel like you want to die in the most painful way because you deserve it.