beyondblankpages

notes by venus | A. shalom +65 | ’92, female | fibromyalgia 🗡 romance, life, quiet stories i write. i read https://amzn.to/4m8CheA

[beyondblankpages]

i write soft aches, quiet joys, and tender things stitched from life with fibromyalgia.

this space is for excerpts, reflections, and little pieces from my book slow burn: a diary of quiet aches.

thank you for being here. you are deeply seen. 🤍

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

buy my book "slow burn: a diary of quiet aches" on amazon.

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[beyondblankpages]

There’s something about us that feels like an infinity symbol.

Two circles touching in the middle,

walking in opposite directions,

yet always meeting at the same point.

It looks romantic from far,

but when you’re living inside the loops,

you realise how lonely it is to only meet halfway.

So maybe what I really want

isn’t an infinity —

but a line.

One direction,

together,

side by side.

[beyondblankpages]

the cost of pushing limits

sometimes encouragement doesn’t apply to all of us. we don’t push or challenge our limits because we know the consequences if we do: we fall, we flare, we get sicker, we end up troubling the people around us. and people should understand that. the one who dares you to “push your limits” isn’t the one who will care for you when you’re bedridden. they won’t be the one helping you when the smallest tasks feel impossible, or when the weight of exhaustion makes your body collapse. and that’s why it matters to listen, not just speak.

[flowercrowncrip]

You want to help that disabled person? It’s nice that your instinct is to help people.

But please ask yourself, are you actually helping them, or are you just making yourself feel better?

Do they actually need help, or are they just doing things a little differently?

Have you asked what they need, or are you just making assumptions?

[fibro-memes]

[ashesinverses]

Loving you is a losing game

Loving you is playing hide and seek alone,

with no one searching for me

and no one finding me,

every hiding place

better than the one before.

Loving you is shadow theater

with my hands,

making creatures alone,

with no story behind it,

to build an heartbeat.

Loving you is a mirror,

and I only see what I am not,

what is not lovable,

what is never enough.

Loving you is coming home

to an empty apartment,

every corner haunted,

where no one is waiting,

only silent crying echoes from the walls,

hands that hook and search

and get lost in the void.

Loving you is music without emotion,

wasting away monotonously,

slowly disappearing.

Loving you is playing chess alone,

only my lonely fingers move pieces,

I always lose,

every move marked by idiocy,

the chessboard too big for me.

…Loving you hurts.

[asexual-amanita]

Chronic fatigue isn’t the same as being tired.

Chronic fatigue isn’t the same as being sleepy.

Chronic fatigue isn’t the same as being drained.

Chronic fatigue isn’t the same as being burnt out.

Chronic fatigue isn’t the same as being exhausted.

[fibro-memes]

[beyondblankpages]

slow bodies.

big dreams.

they are different things, and they can coexist.

don’t let anyone steal your right to dream.

even if a dream stays a dream,

we can still dream.

[beyondblankpages]

you're doing good,

i'm doing good,

we're all doing good,

different things, but good.

🫶

[beyondblankpages]

you're doing good,

i'm doing good,

we're all doing good,

different things, but good.

🫶

[beyondblankpages]

i never meant to become the fool.

but guess the joke’s on me.

i forgot how much you like playing this cruel game.

the moment you came back,

i let my guard down —

accepting your return, your nonchalance,

acting as if you’d never left.

gaslight? no.

damned be those who even suggest it.

it’s all on me;

you didn’t leave, of course not —

you just show up when you please.

and i,

remain the fool

offering you this pleasure.

— beyondblankpages

(never stood a chance)

[beyondblankpages]

a typical day looks like this — scribbled words, random reminders (not the uplifting ones), a to-do list i finally got round to doing.

we rest our physical body but we all know we can’t rest fatigue and pain away. the most annoying thing? our minds keep bombarding us with negativities of yesteryears or reminding us of unchecked boxes.

rest? hmm. only we truly know what it means.

from my diary — slow burn: a diary of quiet aches

link for asia:

slow burn: a diary of quiet aches : Shalom, A.: Amazon.sg: Books

link for us/uk:

slow burn: a diary of quiet aches [Shalom, A.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. slow burn: a diary of quiet aches

@fibromyalgiasucks @fibro-memes @chronicillnessmemes @traumasurvivors

[scrap-god-xie-lian]

It’s raining

It’s been raining

And everything, everything hurts

I used to love the rain

The sounds

The smells

It used to be my favorite time, wrapped in the settling dust of desert and pine

I used to keep a cup out overnight to catch the precious drops as they fell from the heavens

Trying to capture the scent

I still love that smell

Now I dread rainfall

It’s amazing, in a twisted sort of way, how illness steals more than your health

It takes your good moments

Your nostalgia

Rain brings changes in atmospheric pressure, and with that brings the ache

The ache

Suddenly I have aged centuries

Nausea, night sweats, migraines, vertigo

I can feel every bone in my feet individually cry out in anguish and suddenly a simple story of a little mermaid feels a little more relatable

My back, my back

How cliche

How overdone

But nevertheless my back groans all the same

Each of my teeth throbs in my skull

Nerves twist

Joints howl

I’ve been awake for, how many days now?

An exaggeration

I sleep I’ll admit

Fitfully, nightmarishly

Feels like I haven’t slept at all

I miss when I loved the rain

[beyondblankpages]

to you who ghost,

from a fool who stays.

i wrote pages for someone who might never read them.

but i wrote them anyway,

trading hopes with my own bluff.

and one day

i hope i don’t call out on it.

maybe one day.

— beyondblankpages

[beyondblankpages]

“slow burn: a diary of quiet aches” isn’t a cure. It didn’t fix me — if anything, it opened even more scars as I wrote it. It doesn’t hand out fixes, unsolicited advice, or the kind, warm but useless “have you tried…?” suggestions we’ve all heard a thousand times.

what it is, though, is my heart on paper — raw and personal. reflections, reminders, and pieces of my journey with fibromyalgia.

most importantly, it’s a hand reaching out, a quiet voice whispering:

“good job” to you. 🤍

[insidestory1]

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about fatigue is that it's just a more extreme version of tiredness. Fatigue and tiredness are not the same thing. The biggest difference between them is that tiredness goes away if you rest, but fatigue doesn't. When you suffer from fatigue, your body keeps draining you even while you're lying down or sleeping. It's like a leak's been opened up somewhere and your energy keeps draining away no matter what you do. All you can do is wait and hope that at some point the flow will stop.