The Only Spell I Know is Fuck You

[a wretched conjurer appoaches] #wizardposting (sometimes #HornyWizardposting 18+)

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[lilacblossoms]

this kills me EVERY. TIME. I WATCH IT.

Her deadpan delivery is just... *chef's kiss*

[evilwizard]

getting my little goblin minions to punch and stab me in the middle of the grocery store to try and whittle me down to half health so i can assume my final boss form and reach the top shelf

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change. Me: Phew Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things

[frodo-of-the-nine-fingers]

my actual vampire hot take is that if you're going to be a 'vegetarian' vampire (a vampire that only drinks the blood of animals) you MUST have hunter education. i'm so sick of people being like oh well predator animals are mean and scary because they kill cute 'harmless' animals like NO they're crucial for the environment and if you're going to hunt animals for blood you still need to stick to regular people hunting guidelines and only hunt things that are in season and abide by your areas bag limits

[moral-autism]

vampire that did a detailed study about whether vampires can get prion diseases and concluded they can't and preferentially hunts animals with chronic wasting disease. and then incinerates the corpses.

[aksemmi]

vampire who is a woke predation abolitionist and so exclusively hunts predators, leaving primarily herbivorous and scavenging animals alone

[yaldabaothadeez]

"For miles around the foul creature's lair is nothing but barren wastes"

"because of The Curse?"

"Because of the deer and rabbits, fucking thing ate all the wolves"

[mint-swirl]

i’m on that weird shit. i’m jacking odd. disturbating. creeping my meat

[mint-swirl]

*scared* what’s gonna happen on june tenth

[glintblade]

nun pussy probably isn't even that good

[creekfiend]

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

[jame7t]

Planet Suckulon 5 has declared war on Earth

[slopgirlier]

[microsff]

I check the ticket. Overnight to Krakow. Sleeper, private compartment for two.

"Hurry up!" My fiancé leads the way.

"Wait, the train station is the other-"

"We're here."

It used to be an empty plot. Now it's full of small houses.

My fiancé grins and points to a sign: "Baba Yaga Travels"

[haaaaaaaaaaaave-you-met-ted]

The Mercenary by Vicente Segrelles

[monstersovka]

✶ PRIDE MONTH ✶

[eebie]

The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious

[dogpuppy]

[prokopetz]

"Beleaguered" is a wonderfully expressive word. I am beset by troubles so manifold that they have formed a league. I am playing host to a diplomatic summit of the United Nations of Fuckery, and negotiations are not going well.

[mcnostril]

Church's haunted.

[cryptotheism]

Dahling you simply must explore the backrooms they're just brimming with all sorts of delightful little entities.

[microsff]

Every morning, the queen asked her magic mirror to show her the most beautiful person in the world.

The mirror replied "To whom?"

"The miller who made the flour for my bread," the queen would say, or "Whoever spun the thread my shawl was made of".

The mirror would show her, and she'd be amazed.