Mallard

Memes, dashcon stan account Anime/manga blog is @ducksbigdumbanimeblog

[porterr-robinson]

[succ-my-pandas-dick]

I have so many questions

[nyancrimew]

lol i have a fetish for people being kind of nice/respectful to me

[hollanderthoughts]

"your life is yours to mold" oh nooooooooo oh no oh my god. oh fuck me. no. oh my god. oh im so fucked dude.

[weaselknievel]

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

[papayajuan2019]

do you ever want to say some bullshit

[godisafujoshi]

[kosmogrl]

I can’t overshare because that would be very humiliating but everyone else should overshare because I like to know everything

[adaine]

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

[adaine]

far far away idol would never happen now

[wtf-scientific-papers]

Wang and Lai (2014)

[gemstone-gynoid]

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[janedrewfinally]

Accurate tags:

#and this is why no-fault divorce brings down the murder rate

[timberwind]

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

[pocketdogs]

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

[moth-moth-the-magic-moth]

#MyFly

[moldspace]

trinket holder hengelings for all your little objects

[lucydacusgirl]

Oh no job for me thanks I just wanted to fill out this really long and condescending job application for you☺️

[twinktorturer]

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

[browsingfreakshit]

Now why would Tumblr user twinktorturer say something like this

[progressivemillennial]

“If I have one message to give to the secular American people, it’s that the world is not divided into countries. The world is not divided between East and West. You are American, I am Iranian, we don’t know each other, but we talk together and we understand each other perfectly. The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”

― Marjane Satrapi, Iranian graphic novelist

[wordfather]

i know a lot of people have been very very hot lately but no worries found a solution and i . watered the sun

youre welcome guys

[wordfather]

guyssssss dont worry that it suddenly got reeeeeeeally dark ive got my best men on it😁

[wordfather]

hey guys so how mad would you be if i accidentally started an apocalypse just a reminder this is what i look like;

are you mad at me

[wordmother]

Can we get a divorce

[wordfather]

:(