Courage, Dear Heart.

twenty years young. loves unicorns, rainbows, cheetos, red velvet cupcakes, speculoos, baskin robbins, mang inasal and carl.

[bimthoughts]

Happy 21st Birthday, Self! 🎉👌🏼

[bimthoughts]

Can't. Stop. Crying. Please. Make. The. Hurting. Stop. Please.

[bimthoughts]

Yesterday, I got my non-professional license and it wouldn’t be as fun as it was without this guy who bore the heat and boredom so that I won't process all the LTO shit alone. Sml. 😘😍

[theprocast]

You had the softest hands, while mine was calloused. And I’ve often wondered how they felt underneath my palm. Your fingers were long, thin and almost pale. Your face wore the warmest smile I have ever seen and it made your eyes look even smaller. It’s as if you’re squinting, but you aren’t because your eyes were always like that. I remembered how I told you that you don’t have chinky eyes like what others were saying but staring at your picture whenever I had the chance made me realize that they were actually right. Sometimes I long to gather my thumb and index finger in an attempt to pinch your cheeks or give you a hug when you feel blue. I liked it when you wanted me to give you a hug even if we’re only talking over the phone. I felt secure and warm. There was coldness in the air, and the warm blanket could only soothe my skin but there was frost within that only you could thaw. Sometimes I am still afraid to look straight into your eyes. The way your jet-black hair would distract me but it didn’t stand in the way of your eyes burning into mine; I was stolen. I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined you holding me close. I didn’t want to let go or even have the slightest space between us, even if we’re separated by earphones and static lines. But I know that in letting go, there was more reason to never lose hold of you.

To the person whose call I always await. (via

procastiwriters

)

[bimthoughts]

Tinitignan ko yung thread natin sa Messenger.. Pumaling yung mata ko sa bandang taas, sa ilalim ng pangalan mo, “Active 4hrs ago” nakalagay. Bumilang ako, 7am ngayon, minus 4 hours. Gising ka pa pala ng 3am. Anong iniisip mo? Ako iniisip ko saan tayo nagkamali. Tumingin ako sa huling message mo sakin. Sabi mo, “Wala na kong gusto sabihin.” at sumagot ako ng “Ako rin.” tapos dinagdagan ko pa ng “Sge na.”. Dami nating nasabi na di dapat sabihin. Tinanong mo ako, “Pagod ka?” dahil nanggaling ako ng cemetery dahil birthday ng lola ko. Sinagot kita, “sakto lang.” Sabay tanong mo ulit, “sakin?” Hindi ko alam isasagot ko kaya naging honest ako sayo at sinabing, “hindi ko alam.” Wala ka nang ibang sinabi kung hindi “Ahh.” Nakakalungkot kasi 4 years na ang lumipas, ngayon lang tayo naging ganito. Nakakatulog nang magkaaway. Sa hindi paguusap, nasanay. Minsan mas okay pang wag nalang magusap para wala nalang pagawayan. Ayoko na ng ganito. Malungkot. Di ko kaya. I want the old us back. Please.. 😢

[bimthoughts]

Sana mawala nalang talaga yung paki ko para di na kita awayin..

[bimthoughts]

Naaalala niyo pa ‘to? =))))))

[baeachin]

//Rebound by SIlent Sanctuary

[dakilanggerlpren]

[bimthoughts]

Driving (life) lessons.

So finally, I’m down to my last two hours of driving lessons. It’s a surreal feeling because I’ve always wanted to learn how to drive. Siguro 4th year high school palang ako, gusto ko na. Pero ngayon ko lang siya nafulfill. 

Bakit ko nga ba gustong matuto magdrive? Simple lang, to go places and ipagdrive ang pamilya ko. I often hear them complaining kasi, especially sila Mama and Papa. Na pagod na sila ihatid yung ate ko sa dorm. Di naman siya pwede magcommute kasi dala niya lagi laptop niya and may mga things siya and medyo PWD ang ate ko. Mabilis din siya hikain kaya ayaw nila Mama nang nagcocommute siya. Hindi ako nagaral magdrive dahil ang cool tignan. Nagaral ako magdrive dahil gusto kong makatulog sa kanila habang di pa ako nagwowork. Pero syempre mas okay kung may work. 😂  As I have said, isa sa reason kung bakit ako nagaral magdrive is to go places. Mahilig akong gumala, promise. Pero I can’t go to places na masyadong malayo kasi commute, and ayaw nila rin dahil for sure gagabihin sa daan and yes, may curfew parin ako. Pero syempre since marunong na ako magdrive, kaya ko nang puntahan yung malalayong places na gusto ko bisitahin without them worrying about my safety. 

Nakaka-adult din kapag marunong magdrive. Mas feel mo na may responsibilities ka na. Kasi syempre, kapag may sakay ka, responsibilidad mo siya. Siguro, I just want to learn more about how to be responsible on a different level. Kasi dati, I was learning how to be a responsible student. Pero since graduate na ako, need ko na maging responsible human being. Tapos pag nagkawork na ako, magiging responsible citizen of the Philippines na ako. 😂

[bimthoughts]

Nakakapagod na maging "factionless" kung alam ko naman sa sarili ko na "dauntless" ako. I just want to belong somewhere. Yun lang. 😔

[thelovejournals]

When you love someone, they become your reason.

David Levithan (via thelovejournals)

[bimthoughts]

These two guys. 😍 (L-R) My high school buddy and my Baby 😘 Went on a date with them! Grabe super busog. (Sorry diet plan… which I don’t have. 😂) Spontaneous gala are always the best ones! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s adventure!

[bimthoughts]

Friends?

Hello! Let's be friends, ok? 😬

[bimthoughts]

Happy Father’s Day, Cutie!

From a Papa’s Girl point-of-view, my Papa’s support is as solid as a rock. As in. Yes, I am spoiled and I am proud of it. This guy made my dreams possible by financing everything I needed for school and syempre, pati yung wants ko. 

Thank you, Papa for being so amazing especially kapag pinapaboran mo ako. HAHAHAHA! =)) I love you!!!

So how did our Father’s Day Sunday go?

Syempre, una, nagising kami ng maaga. I was up late that I only got 2 hours of sleep but since it’s my Papa’s day, I have no choice but to take 2 shots of espresso. As we arrived at Glorietta, we attended the mass and went to Tenka for lunch. Grabe, it’s our first time to try shabu-shabu and man, I regret it being just the first time. Sobra sarap even without too much rice. (Okay fine, I had two cups. Hey, no judging.) We ate U.S. Fat. or in lay man’s term, BACOOOON! A LOT. Those crab sticks and Tempura were to die for! OMG. Fast forward, after having lunch, we went straight to the cinemas. We watched Central Intelligence. It was so funny and I can still remember my Papa saying, “Grabe, nakakatanggal ng stress.” Which is what the reaction I am expecting from him because he’s working too much. After watching the movie, I sneaked out of their sight and bought him the Super Dad cake from Red Ribbon. Masaya naman siya because it was from my savings and not from his wallet. (Hahaha!) We went home straight and as we arrived, we didn’t wait much long to indulge ourselves with the cake. Too yummy. Too much chocolate. Oh, how can something so wrong feel so right?! <3 

I think even though that day was just simple, I saw that he was happy. We attended the mass and ate lunch with complete attendance and it rarely happens, really.

Definitely an appreciation post for my dear Papa. My forever boyfriend. :D

[bimthoughts]

SQUARE ONE

I’m finally done with college.. Oh, right, I’ve been done with college for quite a while now. Four months have passed since my last day of school and ever since then, I started looking for a job. I thought to myself, “Ayos yan, you’ll be ahead of everyone.” Well, I thought I was. One month has passed since my graduation, I haven’t found the right job yet. I don’t know what companies look for. I don’t know what they see in me that makes them decide that I don’t fit the job. No, I am not pressured by anyone. It’s me that’s pressuring me. I have a lot of plans (in which I will exhaustively discuss in the future through this blog).

To be honest, I am not tired of looking for a job. I am sad. 

I wanted companies to take a chance on me. I know I’m not some genius who graduated from college with honors but I know I am still up for the challenge. It frustrates me that these companies can’t see that in me. They can’t see that I badly need the job. Not just for me but for my family, too.

Before going into further details about my ranting towards my job hunting problems, can I just say that this is the nth time I have decided to make a blog? Nkklk. I signed myself up to countless blog sites and yet, Tumblr still takes the cake. (Hooray, Tumblr!) And so with that, I would like to welcome myself again to the blogging world a.k.a my personal ranting site in which I know, no one would really care. I’m thinking of publishing my blog to the public but I’m having second thoughts because this blog will reveal my vulnerabilities and I don’t like people peeping into my closet and finding out what really is my kryptonite in life. But, we’ll see! Going back to my job hunting rants…

Before I graduated from college, I got my life planned out already in this series of events:

Look for a job as soon as classes end.

Get a job!

Graduate from FEU.

Start working my ass off.

Help my parents.

Save money for Paris.

Get promoted.

Go to Paris!

But unfortunately, I am already graduated and still has no job. I’m starting to doubt the things that I can do. I was confident for the past few months. Yung kada tapos ng interview tapos di na ako tatawagan? I’d often say, “Okay lang yan, madami pa diyan.” But from where I am at today, I don’t even know if there is something for me in the real world. I just need a company who can take a chance on someone like me. Kung pwede lang sabihin sa interview na, “C’mon, Ma’am/Sir. Take a chance on me. I promise I won’t let you down.” Kaso napaka-unethical ‘di ba? So paano nalang ako niyan? Paano nalang yung Paris ko? Paano nalang yung maitutulong ko sa parents ko? Will I be a bum for the rest of my life simply because companies won’t take a leap of faith with me? 

Too many questions, not even one is answered.