Binge Beast

A day in the life of a binge eater

[bingebeast]

I AM Perfect Health. I AM Capable of All I Desire. I Am All Knowing, I AM Creator of My World. #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder #wellness #BED #bingeeatingrecovery #positiveliving #weightloss #eating #IAM #positivity #presence #now

[bingebeast]

Your health & beauty and the core belief that you are absolutely beautiful in all forms doesn't come to order for the future after another diet has been completed. It is perfect health & beauty right NOW and the absolute belief of its existence NOW or it's just another diet fail waiting to happen. Get up, look yourself in the eye and make sure you believe in your own wonderfully unique beauty. I AM all I desire I AM Perfect Health. #BED #bingerecovery #positive #joy #presence #now #IAM #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder #wellness #weightloss

[bingebeast]

I overlooked or quit on something that excited me because I was too nervous or afraid of hard work or I guess too shy to bring it into my experience and that's one of the ways my Binge Beast targeted me for binge urges that I almost always acted upon. Silence the Binge Beast by acting on the things that seem joyful or exciting to you. #IAM #imagine #bingeeatingdisorder #bingeeating #now #presence #positive #bingerecovery #BED #joy

[bingebeast]

I AM Presence I AM Aware I AM Binge Free NOW. #IAM #bingeeating #BED #wellness #awareness #now #bingerecovery #bingeeatingdisorder #bingeeating

[bingebeast]

Whenever I felt an urge to binge I recognised that these urges were inevitable but also the nonsense of the habitual thinking mind and so: 1. I interrupted the urge with bringing my attention to the present moment, noticing the feeling of my body, my breathing, noticing but not thinking about my surroundings and allowing any thinking to float away. This process happens in seconds. 2. Accepting the urge but serving up an acute awareness towards its power allows you to know it's there but that it's becoming harmless, just another uncomfortable thought. Acknowledge this but don't dwell on it by thinking about it. 3. Practicing I AM Presence and being the present moment during a binge urge allows a detachment from the crisis in your thinking and so the urge dissolves. #wellness #consciousness #now #presence #bingeeatingdisorder #binge #bingerecovery #weightloss #health #diet #BED #bingeeating #IAM

[bingebeast]

Weekend binge awareness challenge!! It is damn near impossible to binge when purposely bringing awareness to the present moment or at the very least the bingeing is seen for what it is; limited and transparent and so becomes more manageable. Bingeing cannot survive inside the true self that is practicing present moment awareness. If you believe that all we have is now then the place and purpose of bingeing cannot overwhelm us and boss us around. #bingerecovery #bingeeating #BED #positive #presence #now #awareness #diet #bingeeatingdisorder #recovery #IAM #consciousness #wellness #weightloss #weekend

[bingebeast]

Trusting that your reality is created from your thoughts is a good start. But make you are imagining and feeling that which you desire in the present. I AM Perfect Health I AM Success. I AM Whole. #IAM #now #presence #consciousness #bingerecovery #diet #wellness #weightloss #knowing

[bingebeast]

From my own experience Monday mornings saw the hope of another attempt to lose weight. Convinced I could only begin on a Monday but still feeling worthless and defeated by urges to binge, by Friday the diet was gone and I was back to bingeing freely, feeling comforted in the knowledge I had Mondays to try again. The right time is never. There is only NOW to become what you desire. Now I AM Perfect Health. #IAM #now #presence #consciousness #bingerecovery #bingeeatingdisorder #diet #health #weightloss

[bingebeast]

I AM the energy I believe and feel. Contribute goodness. Be I AM. #wellness #spiritual #bingerecovery #healthylife #awakening #consciousness #presence #now #IAM

[bingebeast]

Urges to binge can be distressing, trust me I know! But you are are a powerful separate Self from the demands and projections of the ego. I AM. I AM Love ❤️ #now #presence #imagine #bingeeating #bingerecovery #IAM #wellness #spirituality #spiritual #consiousness

[bingebeast]

I AM already whole #eatingdisorderrecovery #wellness #weightloss #diet #food #positive #spritualgrowth

[bingebeast]

#exercise that you enjoy is vital in the creation and flow of #positive energy. Positive thoughts brings #wellness and connection to our true I AM #self. You are the creator of your world 🌎 #health #bingerecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #exercise #wellness #joy #IAM

[bingebeast]

The Void

The lights have gone out in the house. The quiet sets in. My mind is in opposition to the time of day. Binge Beast lingers and requests the opening of the fridge. In the bottom drawer lies stacks of Cadbury chocolate bars for guests and their tea. The Beast doesn't care for the existence of others. I stand bent over the drawer trying to fight the urge but the demands of the Beast promise a hit of deep flavour that sedates. Like a mechanical claw my fingers grasp the full pack of bars and I tuck them under my arm as I climb the stair. My bed awaits warm with excitement derived from sugary delights. I feel complete.

[bingebeast]

Leftovers

There is nothing worse than having leftover junk food from the night before. The temptation is overwhelming but the consequences drastic for my soul. Wasting food hurts but feeding Binge Beast hurts who I really am a whole lot more.

[bingebeast]

Monday Munchies

Mondays have the ability to align the Self with that fresh start I’ve been pondering all weekend long but also the power to cloud my good intentions with its reputation as the distributor of the gloomy and the uninspiring.

Some Mondays just seem to harbor that uninvited lack of motivation and spirit and it is in this grip of pale misery that Binge Beast orders from his high calorie high fat menu.

Toast? Innocent enough to start one’s day I hear you say, but the Beast orders it with real creamy butter so thickly spread I can see a perfect mold of my teeth in the centre of the warm semi melted blanket of butter.

Toast is over so quickly, a couple of crunches from rapid bites of false hunger and it’s gone. The kettle is boiled again so I can dunk and melt perfectly the milk chocolate off Binge Beast’s favorite biscuit.

The packet holds now only one or two at its torn end and I’m feeling queasy. Every cupboard is opened to see what else I can pacify the Beast with. I may be full, my abdomen ballooned but Binge Beast does not have the burden of a real stomach for his tummy lies in his head.

Monday moves on to the Beast’s tune and any good intentions of another diet have dissolved like a chocolate coated biscuit in hot tea.

[bingebeast]

Sssh! You'll wake it!

The diet is lasting and feelings of hope and excitement for an improved sense of self are entering the atmosphere that surrounds me. I think of Binge Beast a lot wondering where he might be. Sometimes I even think I miss his demands for milk chocolate covered biscuits that I can melt gently by the fire and erase with my tongue. But the mirror reflects my efforts in the gym, on the pavement and on the line of deprivation increasing self esteem in every act of my own show. My social life blooms as I keep every invite and my French lover is captivated by my willingness in the clutches of intimacy. Success from dieting keeps Binge Beast backstage away from the main show. However my constant stream of fretful thinking, thinking about Binge Beast and his tendencies to sudden revival, keep him in a perpetual state of readiness. The contentment felt from my new shape is always so important to me but it does not quieten the ever yearning for the new, the excitement, the change. Every thing is still the same despite my notable change in body and I can't stop thinking of him, the Beast; the supplier of ecstasy and agony. My discontentment will wake him, I know, but I can't think of anything more important right now than a binge feast from every food aisle in rapid abundance. I need an expression and Binge Beast is my shameful habitual one. He wakes, urging me to dig out anything available. A few extra mediocre stale biscuits from the cupboard will do to break the desperate noise of his call but he carves a hit far larger and vastly more decadent than what the family kitchen cupboard has to offer. My car takes me to my favorite store, it stocks all I desire to soothe Binge Beast and his incessant cries for crunchy carbs and chunks of smooth chocolate. My stomach balloons as large as my guilt and I turn my back on my bedroom mirror. The confidence absorbed from the latest diet attempt has been wrung dry and Binge Beast uses my stresses and strains in life as his personal alarm clock from temporary slumber.

[bingebeast]

Underground Hunger

The Beast arises even when adequate meals have been consumed. It does not care for physical hunger because my body's real hunger is natural and the Beast and its appetite is anything but natural. Its unrelenting appetite is a product of habit, a habit forged from an excessively thinking mind. The Beast waits for a moment of aloneness, usually in the quietness and secrecy of night, to emerge with a gentle prompt to consume its favorite sweet and savory delights. I try to ignore his call as his prompts quickly turn into demands that no distraction or hobby can compensate or replace. My stomach full from my ordinary daily eating, I approach the darkened kitchen in the hope of muting the call of the Beast. My head is split with thoughts of equal measure, I am so excited and elated to indulge in 10 jam and cream biscuits, 6 Cadbury Fudge bars and a 6 pack of multi-pack salt and vinegar crisps, while also disgusted by my choice and its impulsive action. And afterward my mind enters a cage of shame and guilt while my body begins the long process of processing the sticky carnage deep in my swollen gut. A body heavy with the remnants of the binge eventually falls into a food coma awoken only by the harsh morning light that comes equipped with remorse. The Beast is now in slumber until anytime or anywhere he decides to rise again.