bad bitch of barad-dûr

adam | 31 | scotland he/him. elf enthusiast. bi, bad and tired.

[greelin]

“you’re allowed to relax, you know” unfortunately i cannot do that. Otherwise they will get me

[blatterburystreet]

"OMG YOU'RE DRIZZT DO'URDEN!!"

[greelin]

no i don’t hold onto resentment ever. Hope they die though however

[greelin]

“who is “they”?” They’ll know. they know what they’ve done

[ponomar23]

[angelicguy]

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

[seaweed-station]

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

[angelbabymikaa]

“tattoos are going out of style” they’ve been around for a thousand years im sorry you’re conservative now get well soon ig

[biofsauron]

I gotta redraw some of my ancient art at some point bc seeing it occasionally get shared around makes me cringe so hard I can feel my teeth in my colon

[conkreetmonkey]

After many years of selective breeding, they've finally developed a breed of phoenix that, rather than self-immolating itself into ash, instead roasts itself to a perfect internal 165° F while burning off all the feathers, resulting in an instant, ready-to-eat poultry dinner.

[allpiesforourown]

If you are a vampire NEVER feed from someone named Richard. 400 fucking years and everyone still calls me Dick Sucker

[allpiesforourown]

FUCK OFF VLAD I KNOW ITS YOU

[venerable-thief]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[generationnothin]

I didn’t listen to the parental advisory warning on American Idiot and now I’m gay and I hate the government

[that-house]

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

[that-house]

We never have to go back

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

[sailorbrazil]

ok whatever idc *bites you so hard and dont let go*

[sacred-portal]

[givingbadpeoplegoodideas]

clicking a pen over and over again is actually fun as fuck its a shame it makes everyone in a 30 foot radius want to kill me with a rock

[wrenchswango]

I love chain lightening what a classic spell. fuck you and you and you and you and you and