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Bionic Prose from Medium.com Publications

Bionic Prose from Medium.com Publications

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12 Policies Okay to Ask Coal Miners to Pay for

12 Policies Okay to Ask Coal Miners to Pay for

Future Budget Directors? President Trump has revealed his budget proposal, and many people have raised concerns about drastic funding cuts to popular programs like Meals on Wheels and the National Endowment for the Arts. White House budget chief Mick Mulvaney justifies these cuts by asking, “Can we really continue to ask a coal miner in West Virginia . . . to pay for these programs?” While coal…

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Dissecting The Troll

There is a truism in popular culture that the best way to kill a joke is to explain it and that any joke which needs an explanation isn't a good one. For those who come from the

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How to Cook Crystal Meth as a Vegetarian

Have you broken bad but you still want to maintain a healthy lifestyle free of animal products? Don't worry. Cooking vegetarian methamphetamine isn't nearly as hard as it sounds. What is Crystal Meth? Crystal meth—AKA crank, speed,

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Brazilians Claim Vindication after US Swimmers Found to Be More Full of Shit than Brazil’s Water

Just days after four US Olympic Swimmers claimed to be robbed at gun point by Brazilian police, authorities have discovered new evidence contradicting their story. Instead of being assaulted by police, video from a gas station

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The Bionic News: Chinese Wedding Proposals

Social media was in an uproar earlier this week when Chinese athlete Qin Kai failed to observe Western feminist values by proposing to his partner of six years, He Zi, an Olympic female diver for Team China.

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The Bionic Fact of the Day: The Utility of the Flip-Flop

In 1901 Mary, Willie, and Henry Porterfield—ages 3, 5, and 7 respectively—were mauled to death by a black bear. In 1957, the borough of Brooklyn lost an entire baseball team. In 1995, Stanley Kubrick was

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The Future of Yesterday

Flying cars, sex bots, an apocalyptic nightmare, these are just a few of the promises for the future made by visionaries of the past, but what surprises does yesterday hold for the future? What remarkable

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The Bionic Fact of the Day: This Day in History

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“I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself ….”

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Which is crueler: to be part dog or to be part man?

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Yes, I believe it’s time the 1% pay their fair share of mackerel. We bailed them out, now they can make with the fish.

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The Hollywood Horoscope for the week of August 8, 2016

Anxious about the future? Consult the Hollywood Horoscope to discover your Hollywood zodiac sign and to harness its hidden powers.

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The Bionic Fact of the Day: Spiders, the Shitty 3D Printer of the Animal World

If your house is anything like mine, it's probably fallen victim to the recent "spider craze" creeping across the country. It seems no matter where you go, everyone's caught spider fever.It seems no matter where you go, everyone’s caught spider fever and is hanging their ceiling corners with cobwebs. (STUPID SPIDER FACT: Cobwebs almost always precede spider fever.) So why have spiders vaulted to just 543 places behind the cat as the Internet’s favorite animal? Read more at BionicProse.com

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The Bionic Fact of the Day: What Is a Stop Sign and What Does It Mean?

Stop signs are everywhere. They're in our neighborhoods, on our street corners, and under our cars. But what do they mean? Who are they talking to? Read more at BionicProse.com

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The Bionic Fact of the Day: The Horror of Desquamation

Disturbing facts about desquamation the CDC doesn't want you to know! Read more at BionicProse.com