Shane and his childhood Jellycat Cont.
So I already have a whole other post about Shane having a Jellycat (Bashful Bunny) when he was a kid, but then losing interest and comfort from it because he was bullied for having one in second grade. However, I couldn't leave it on such a sad note because he's got Ilya in his adulthood and if that man finds out about his childhood plushie, he will go to the ends of the earth to ensure Shane has said comfort again.
In my mind, I like to think that sometime during the situationship from hell era, Ilya indulges in some kind of traveling fair or festival and really likes winning prizes at booths, giving them out to kids when he does, but maybe using them as pickup lines with girls as well. He saves a few cute plushies he won in basketball hoop game to whoo some leggy blonde, it doesn't work out, (maybe she's gay or something which Ilya offers to give her the toy anyway to give to her lover but she just raises an eyebrow and tells him she'll win her own), so Ilya keeps it. Maybe in the back of his mind he wants to offer it to Shane next time they hook up, as a joke of course, and its all super unconscious, but he holds onto the cute bunny plushie and plans to call Shane bunny in Russian to see how flushed he can make him, see if it will make his freckles stand out more. So. He holds onto it and when Shane's leaving after hooking up, or maybe even when their still basking in the afterglow, Ilya joking chucks it at his head and Shane of course is annoyed, attempts to smother Ilya with it in return, but for just a fraction of a second when Shane first looked at what had been stuffed into his chest, he'd paused. His fingers had twitched toward the fluffy hear. Ilya didn't miss it, and he didn't miss how Shane's lips turned down into thin line and his eyes went momentarily blank. Then the moments gone and Ilya doesn't have time to think about it after being ASSAULTED by the rabbit seconds later, but the memory will stick.
Later, much later when they are actually together, maybe even after they are married, I think that perhaps Ilya sees a photo of Baby Shane sitting with his childhood jellycat on a worn-looking couch in an old photo album he's thumbing through and Ilya's like instantaneous heart-eyes and teasing about it and normally Shane is shyly embarrassed by the attention or otherwise bored and goodnaturedly like "fuck off" but this particular photo makes Shane lock up and even Yuna who was analyzing tape with Shane while Ilya indulged is oddly quiet and unresponsive about the photo. I feel like David would be the one to explain, too honest and awkward for his own good and responds to Ilya's "aw and who is baby Shane's little friend?" with a really stilted and harrowed, "that was Bun-edict. Shane's old jellycat." Then all the sudden Ilya has a million questions and this is touchy for both Shane and Yuna and he eventually catches on that he should just turn the page, maybe Yuna gets up and leaves and David follows after her and Shane just sits in silent consternation while Ilya looks on in confusion before Shane just purses his lips, a sad sort of smile in the tilt of his lips, and just leans forward and turns the page of the album. He only mumbles in an overconfident self deprecating way that does nothing to mask how much he cares, that it "took him way to long to grow out of stuff like that."
Of course this basically cleared up nothing for Ilya but he's nothing if not observant and good at subtly researching information before an attack so he gathers data and lays in wait. At some point he remembers that little rabbit plushie he jokingly gave him all those years ago and I like to think that Shane would be a little more open with Ilya at this point in their relationship. Maybe Shane has become more transparent about the loneliness of his childhood. Not necessarily out the blue talking about the bullying, how he was ostracized for how he looked, how sensitive and talented he was, how Ottawa wasn't made for people like him, but maybe in quiet ways. Maybe he starts to unmask little by little with Ilya, maybe he mentions how he wished he could have known Ilya when they were young, (he's saying this to try and comfort Ilya about his own troubled childhood), but then he lets it slip how nice it would have been, to have someone to talk to about hockey, how he would have probably annoyed Ilya away from him with how much he used to like to blab before he learned better. It's always small, seemingly insignificant comments, but Ilya catches them and is always a little surprised by how Shane, his lovely husband, could think so lowly of himself, how lonely he always seems to be even as an adult, as if he doesn't quite know that its possible that his people enjoy his company to the point where he talks about actively trying to give his friends, (Rose, Hayden, Jackie) breaks from him. As Ilya learns more about his sensory issues too, I think vague pieces flit together, not necessarily making a picture, but giving Ilya a reason. Shane deserves soft things that bring him comfort. Shane enjoys soft things, (hands brushed at the grocery store against fluffy looking blankets as if searching), and Shane seems to think its wrong that he wants them. I think this is something that in a round about way comes back to bite Shane in the ass because he's always pampering Ilya with whatever he finds out that he likes. Brands that Ilya are partial to shipping from expensive and authentically Russian shops for ingredients and soap and oils and clothes, and Ilya is going to give that attitude right back. I think he usually hesitates to buy Shane anything as a surprise because he's so particular, but for this the information is readily available. Jellycat.
I think that through his research he learns how important plushies can be for sensory issues and autism and he starts to piece and more and more together until he knows how delicate the topic will be to broach. He buys the Bashful Bunny with the same flower decorated ears as the one from the photograph, and he keeps it hidden. He wants Shane to have it but he doesn't want to hurt him with it, with all it entails, and so he just holds onto it. Then one day finds it while he's cleaning out one of the closets in the guest room for a winter cleaning detox, and Shane doesn't mention it, just puts it back in the box and later that night or maybe later that week when their both quiet in bed, Shane runs one of his socked feet up Ilya's calf to get him to look away from CandyCrush and then says, "Tatami Perfume Oil" and Ilya is confused and tilts his head like a puppy and Shane isn't really looking at him, he's just looking vaguely in front of him with his hand resting under his head as he lays on his side and takes a deep breath. He says, "It's what my mom used. To make Bun-edict smell. You know. Like home I guess." and Ilya is surprised but not really at all and he breathes through his nose and nods and runs the back of his fingers up against Shane's freckles and says, "I will ask Yuna for brand tomorrow, da?" and Shane leans into his hand, reaches up and grips his wrist with his fingers, runs his hands through Ilya's hair and nods, just continues to nod until he's squished up against Ilya's chest with his nose in his neck, knowing that he fits perfectly, like a puzzle piece against his side.
