They remember the first robin. They remember how bloodthirsty the little gremlin was, how he appeared out of the darkness with a “HIYA FOLKS” that gave people near heart attacks with PTSD so bad they flinched everytime they walked into a dark corner. They remember his grin, baring few too many teeth with a glint in his eyes whenever the bat wasn’t around to curb him. They remember the death stare, the brooding that made no one doubt this was the Bat’s son. They remember how a punch would land a lot harder than it was supposed to, or the screaming that followed. Oh they remembered him alright.
The second one thank the stars was better. The second robin was giggly. He would hop around town, offering his help to everyone who needed it. Sure he was rough with abusers but hell no one cared about them. Matter of fact, the villains were glad because those assholes deserved no sympathy. They remember his puns, his wonder, his innocence and his spark. They remembered his laughter, his concern - the kind that only comes from one who’s been on the streets. This one was better, and the villains thanked their lucky stars. They remembered him alright.
But now, as the years passed and new characters emerged, the crime city saw the rise of two characters - a sunshine happy nightwing and a ready to kill red hood. And naturally, from their experiences in the past, the villains ended up making an honest mistake that ruined the two vigilantes’ reputation:
The villains assumed the first robin was Red Hood and the other was Nightwing. And BY GOD Gotham has not seen unhinged chaos like this.
SCENE 1
Red Hood *drawing his pistol* : Please, reach for your weapon. I’m itching for an excuse for my intrusive thoughts to become extrusive.
Two-Face: You dare mock me little bird?! Well.. I may not have my weapon.. but I have something I know you’d like..
Red Hood: Oh yeah?What’s that?
Two-Face: TAKE THIS! *slams button and coconuts start falling from the sky, all cracking and spilling as they hit the ground*
Red Hood:
Two-Face:
Red Hood: .. the fuck was that supposed to do?
Two-Face: .. HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING?! YOU HATE COCONUTS ROBIN!!
Red Hood: The fuck- .. wait did you call me robin?
Two-Face *grins* : Yea.. robin. The first one. Thought I didn’t notice?
Red Hood: The first one? Does this *gestures vaguely to himself and his weapons* seem like something the first robin would do?
Two-Face:
Goon 1: I mean.. yeah
Red Hood: What! The first robin was nice!
Goon 2 *guffawing*: I beg your fucking pardon??
Two-Face: .. you took my coin and attached a magnet beneath it so everytime I flipped it it wouldn’t stop spinning. Do you know how long that took me to figure out?? Do you know how insane it drove me?? Joker had to help me out of pity. OUT. OF. PITY.
Red Hood:
Goon 1: ..Also you did steal some of our bones
Red Hood: hedidfuckingwhatnow-
SCENE 2
Nightwing: Hey there buddy! You look frostyl!
Dr. Freeze: Aha! You are too late to stop me robin!
Nightwing: .. robin?
Dr. Freeze: why yes! Don’t act coy, I know it’s you there. Now that we’ve got that clear.. I was wondering if you remembered all those years ago when you gave me a source for electricity to power a hospital keeping my Nora?
Nightwing:
Dr. Freeze: well you weren’t careful enough and never told me how much I could take from it.. so I used it to power so many of my inventions that came after
Nightwing *remembering when Jason was robin and every damn time he came to visit Wayne Manor his room would always run out power and the countless cold showers in freezing winters he had to take because of it*: .. oh? Well, sorry to break your bubble, but that wasn’t me Elsa.
Dr. Freeze: no? You joke around, make puns and I’m supposed to believe it’s NOT you?. The first one brooded like there was no tomorrow. He pissed me off so bad once I overheard him saying his favourite ice cream flavour and I made sure it wouldn’t be available in Gotham for YEARS. You’re not as bad as the first one. I’d remember if you were him.
Nightwing:
Nightwing *firing up his escrima sticks to maximum voltage*: Oh let me jog your memory then :)
“Bruce! Bruce, I need your help! I don’t know what to do!”
Clark skidded past the door to Bruce’s office, latching onto the door frame as he passed and pulling himself back up right and into the room.
“Clark? What happened?”
Bruce stood from his desk, moving over to his friend as he started rambling, trying to get him to calm down.
“Do you remember that woman who had been stealing children from hospitals and selling them to adoption agencies and other people? We helped shut her down a few years ago?”
Bruce nods along, trying to understand where his friend was going with this.
“Do you also remember how me and Lois were supposed to have twins? A girl and a boy?”
Bruce pales, horror dawning as he realizes what Clark is trying to say.
“Bruce, me and Lois are victims of her. Bruce, my daughter is alive!”
Clark cuts off with what sounds like a mix of a sob and a laugh, bracing himself against Bruce’s desk, taking deep breaths before he continues.
“The people that adopted her called, apparently we were on her records and didn’t even know it.”
Bruce places his hand on Clarks shoulder, trying to comfort him.
“They said that she has gotten unruly, they can’t control her anymore. Bruce, they said that if we don’t come get her she is going back in the system!”
Clarks voice breaks at the end of the sentence, turning tear filled eyes to face Bruce.
“What do I do?”
Clark sounds absolutely heartbroken and Bruce can sympathize, when you find out you have a child that you didn’t know existed, it weighs on you.
The fact that she just barely turned 16 doesn’t help either. Missing your child’s entire life is something that is not easy, in any way.
“I will tell you what you are going to do.”
Bruce forces Clark to stand up straight, putting his hands on his shoulders.
“You are going to tell Jon and Conner about her and explain everything to them, call Ma and Pa too, they will want to know. After that we go get her and help her in any way we can alright? You have helped me with my children. The least I can do is return the favour.”
Clark wipes his face, pulling Bruce into a very awkward hug, though Clark himself pretends not to notice Bruce’s very uncomfortable hand patting his back.
Bruce has never really been one for hugs, or eye contact.
“Where is she anyway? I will prepare some plane tickets for us.”
Clark (finally) releases Bruce, stepping back and pulling up the text message Lois sent him, showing it to Bruce.
Saw a post about Dionysus keeping older campers in line by threatening to sleep with their parents. Your thoughts on this.
lmaooooo. I mean. This would work for some, but probs not all. Consider:
Dionysus: Watch it Jackson. Keep up this attitude and I might bat my pretty little eyelashes at your mom.
Percy: Ha. She's out of your league. Try again.
Dionysus: How is your stepfather doing these days?
Percy: .....okay, I'm going to need you to stop right there.
Vs.
Will: Dad, Mr. D said that if I keep acting up he's going to seduce my mom :(
Apollo: Absolutely ridiculous.
Will: Oh, good. You would have an issue with that?
Apollo: Of course.
Will: Thank the gods-
Apollo: Your mother is into WAY more wild stuff than he is. There's just no way Naomi would be down.
Will: I- wait, um.... huh. How upsetting. I just.... you.... More wild than Dionysus? I just- you know what? Nevermind. I have chores to do. Apparently. Goodbye. Forever.
Kayla: omg your mom is a freak. Is that hereditary? Should probs give Nico a heads up for the future-
Will: Get tf out of my face
Vs.
Dionysus: You know, Grace-
Jason: Do not sleep with your dad.
Dionysus:......what?
Jason: My mother's dead, which means you're going to threaten to sleep with my father... who is also your father. Please do not do this.
Thalia: Freak.
Dionysus: I-
Thalia: Disgusting.
Dionysus: I wasn't-
Jason: Pls think it through.
Thalia: I'm telling Hera.
Dionysus: DO NOT-
Vs.
Dionysus: Watch it, McLean. I can stop by Hollywood whenever I want.
Piper: omg you have a crush on my dad?
Dionysus: No. But I could sedu-
Piper: lmao are you a teenage girl? That's so embarrassing for you.
Dionysus: I could do it.
Piper: Okay.
Dionysus: What?
Piper: I said okay. Do it. Sleep with my dad. You two would make a cute couple.
Dionysus: Maybe I will.
Piper: I'll see you at the next family dinner, step-dad.
hey, not sure if u do requests, but i would love to see sally and poseidon gaining up on percy over something. i can't imagine sally, being the incredible fictional mother she is, seriously taking poseidon's side on anything, really, unless it were something big, so it'd be really interesting to see your thoughts on it! if not, i completely understand, no pressure! i love ur writing and i hope u have a good day/night<3
Ooh. I’ve been thinking this one over for a bit. I agree that Sally would 100% take Percy’s side over Poseidon’s for pretty much everything except if it was something incredibly dark/angsty that compromises Percy’s safety in the worst possible way. BUT I think I found a loophole for a more lighthearted take.
You see, while Sally may not take Poseidon’s side for anything…. Poseidon would probably take hers. Enjoy 😂
btw happy belated mother’s day, Sally!
“Mom,” Percy said, leaning against the counter as he watched the kitchen burst to life with Paul frying up some sort concoction of vegetables and his mother defrosting the chicken. “You know I would do anything for you. My love is neverending. I would - and have - walk into the realm of death for you-”
“The answer is no.”
Damnit.
“I have a counter argument,” Percy tried. His mother turned, wiping her hands off on a towel as she raised an eyebrow.
“...continue,” she said suspiciously. Percy raised both hands.
“I have to go?”
His mother gave a soft scoff, tossing the towel to the side to place a hand on either side of his face. Smiling, she pulled him down slightly so she could kiss his forehead. This was a good sign, probably. His mother - gods bless her - had always been somewhat easy to win over.
“No.”
Seriously?
Percy groaned, ignoring Paul laughing at him as he grabbed some garlic.
“Why are you so against this?” Percy asked, a little pitifully. His mother has allowed him pretty much free reign in his life. She trusted his decisions and - as she once told Paul - ‘he saved the world for free, so we might as well let him do what he wants’.
It was a little bit of a joke. After all, Percy went out of his way to avoid doing literally anything that might upset his mother, but this... well, it was a bit of a surprise. She hadn’t been so firm about something since he was a kid.
What even was this?
“You know, I’m almost eighteen-” he began and immediately backtracked when his mother spun around - brows raised higher than he was safe being around. “Um, so. I am... mature. And... that holds no relevance,” he quickly rectified. She looked at him suspiciously for a moment and then went back to the chicken. “But, seriously. Mom,” he tried again.
“Percy, please. Let me cook dinner.”
“Here,” he tried and put his hands on her shoulders to move her away. “I can do that. Just hear me out as I do,” he said, turning on the hot water to speed up the defrosting process. His mother sighed and leaned against the fridge. “I’ll get in trouble if I don’t go.”
“I’ll talk to your father about it.”
“You’ll- mom,” Percy said, almost laughing. It seemed so silly. His mother ringing up his father - perhaps on something like a conch shell - to get him out of a camp activity. He couldn’t decide if it was hilarious or horrifyingly embarrassing. “Poseidon isn’t going to give me permission to skip the Winter Solstice. All the campers have to go.”
“Untrue. You don’t have to go. And you won’t,” his mother said firmly. Percy wiggled his fingers, perhaps cheating a bit to use his powers and defrost the chicken. He put it on the cutting board and bit his lip. It wasn’t that he was super thrilled to be hanging out with the gods again - he wasn’t. But he also couldn’t skip the event without offending the Olympians who anticipated his presence and made it a whole ordeal for them to mingle with the Romans. Percy supposed hanging out with Frank and Hazel was perfectly enjoyable, but forcing himself to look the part of a serious, stoic leader? Not so much.
“Mom. I don’t know what you want me to do. Tell Zeus that my mortal mother said I couldn’t go?”
“Because his wife kidnapped my son, wiped his memories, and then took my child away from me for a year? Yes, go ahead and tell him that,” his mother said with a nod. Percy picked up a knife and starting cutting.
“He will smite me where I stand.”
“He won’t,” she dismissed with far too much certainty.
“What do you mean he won’t?“ Percy asked her, looking over his shoulder. “Are you friends with the King of Olympus now?” he asked. Paul perked up at that, also looking over at Sally with veiled interest.
“...I thought we didn’t like him?” he asked her quietly. Percy threw a towel at him. “What? I forget which gods we like and don’t,” he complained. Then paused. “Do we like Aphrodite?”
“Sometimes.”
“Interesting. Hermes?”
“Mostly.”
“Artemis?”
“Yes.”
“Ares.”
“No.”
“I need to make a list,” Paul muttered and dumped the vegetables he was making into a bowl. “Sally, I’m going to wake up Estelle from her nap,” he added, patting Percy’s shoulder as he went by. A silent, you won’t win this, was given, but Percy ignored it.
“Mom-” he tried, for what had to be the hundredth time. A hand rose.
“Perseus,” she began. Ah. Shit. He was Perseus now. “I think it is perfectly understandable why you won’t be attending. Between Tartarus, two wars, and that woman being present, you have every reason not to be there. And-” she added with Percy opened his mouth, “I am sure your father will tell them as such. If Zeus tries to make a fuss, he should remember how Poseidon tends to react when his children are threatened.”
Percy ran a hand over his face. No offense to his father, but he just didn’t see this happening the way his mother pictured it. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the chicken and threw it in the pan Paul had abandoned, tossing in a little extra spice as he did so... Paul rarely could handle all that much, but Percy found it hilarious to haze him with culinary warfare.
“So I came all the way back to New York to not go?”
“You came to New York to visit your mother, sister, and stepfather.”
“But-”
“You’re not going. That’s the end of it,” she snapped. Percy bit his tongue, genuinely annoyed by this point. He understood her paranoia. Really. He did. But also, he didn’t think she truly understood just how temperamental the gods could be. Even if they didn’t like him, they expected him to act as though he did. Even worse - if they realized he wasn’t attending because of her? Well, he didn’t want to risk his mother being brought to the forefront of any godly matters.
He planned to pushback a little more but was interrupted by Estelle stumbling into the room - a cup of juice in one hand and a stuffed fish in the other. She looked around - eyes wide and wild - before spotting Percy and Sally by the stove.
“....cookies,” she greeted. Percy’s irritation washed away.
“Dinner,” he said, holding up the pan. Estelle wrinkled her nose.
“Cookies... for dinner?” she countered. Grinning, Percy took the chicken off the hob and turned around to scoop her up.
“Cookies for dinner?” he asked, poking at her so she burst into a screech of giggles. “Are you crazy? Who eats cookies for dinner?” he demanded, tickling her feet. “I’m calling the police-”
“No! I didn’t mean it!”
“It’s too late. You’re going to jail!”
“No!” Estelle wailed and Percy cackled maniacally as he placed her down to start chasing her through the living room. Paul didn’t seem fazed as he passed by, merely pausing to move a lamp out of the way as the chase continued.
The next morning, Percy decided to try and reason with his mother again. He had Iris Messaged his friends in hope for some helpful advice and instead was laughed at.
“Oh... my...gods....” Piper giggled, leaning heavily on Annabeth’s arm. They were both staying together in her father’s spare penthouse uptown. Percy made a note to stop by and steal something in retaliation to this betrayal. “I love your mom.”
“Sure. Laugh at me. I bet if I reminded her that you guys were going, she’d try to stop you as well.” Annabeth paused at that - looking a little worried. “Do you really want my mother to be giving any opinions on either of yours?” he asked. Piper also stopped laughing.
“...alright, fair,” Piper said. Then turned to look over her shoulder. “LEO, YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY-”
“Piper, go away,” Percy snapped and she rolled her eyes, patting Annabeth’s shoulder as she got up. Annabeth smiled a little before scooting closer to the message. The action lessened Percy’s stress slightly.
“Breathe, seaweed brain. There’s an obvious solution here.”
“Please spell it out for me.”
“If your father says you have to go, she won’t have any argument.”
Percy paused.
“Okay, but my dad isn’t going to pop up and tell her that I have to go to the Winter Solstice, Annabeth,” he reasoned. Annabeth’s eyes flicked upwards and she bit her lip.
“Well... I don’t know....”
“I do know! He doesn’t show up for things like this-”
“Percy.”
“And even if he did, is he really going to take her side? He probably wants me there too! To make him look good or whatever-”
“Percy-”
“And-”
“Percy!” Annabeth snapped and he quickly closed his mouth. “Behind you.”
….why?
Slowly, he turned and sure enough. The God of the Seas was very casually seated on his bed, watching him with that patented expression that not even Athena could decipher. He turned back to Annabeth.
“I’ll call you back,” he said. Annabeth gave a wry grin before swiping away the message. This ought to be good. He turned back around, jamming his hands into his pockets and giving a slight bow. “Father. I wasn’t anticipating a visit.”
Poseidon curiously reached up and picked up one of Estelle’s broken toys that had somehow made its way into Percy’s room.
“Your mother has been praying to me about the Winter Solstice.”
….huh. Well, he’d be damned. She actually managed to get him here.
“Can you tell her in-person I have to go? If I play messenger, she’ll argue,” he said warily. Poseidon flicked his wrist and the toy fixed itself.
“She’s right. You will not be attending.”
....oh. Percy paused. He hadn’t anticipated this. The surprise was mixed with a bit of indignance, though. Poseidon’s tone was way too... godly. Yeah, yeah, he was a god, but Percy had never liked being bossed around. His mother was one thing - even Paul on the rare occasion - but Poseidon didn’t need to relay this information like an order.
“I don’t have to go?” he asked, pushing the annoyance to the side. Poseidon placed Estelle’s toy down.
“You will not be, no.”
Why did he have to make it sound like Percy had no choice? He pursed his lips - telling himself he hadn’t wanted to attend anyways.
“Won’t Zeus be upset?”
“Leave my brother to me,” Poseidon said. Right. “If possible, I’d like to avoid you attending anymore solstice events.”
“Really?” Percy asked skeptically. Poseidon fixed him with another look that he had trouble with - but something about it seemed exasperated, which exasperated him right back. Before he could answer, the door opened and Estelle waddled into the room. She made it about two steps in before freezing. Her eyes moved from Percy to Poseidon... then back to Percy. Then Poseidon once more.
Then she screamed.
Predictably, Paul and his mother appeared seconds later. Both paused when they saw Poseidon. Estelle had run to Percy, grasping at his leg with shouts of ‘stranger danger’ that would have been a little funny if she wasn’t so upset.
“Estelle, it’s okay. He’s... I know him,” Percy said, picking her up. She sniffed, throwing her arms around his neck.
“....no.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No.”
“You make a compelling argument,” he told her, handing her off to Paul. “It’s okay. We’re just going to talk, alright?” he said. Poseidon waved at her and Estelle gave a watery look of suspicion. Wordlessly, Poseidon handed her the toy had fixed. Estelle froze.
“Okay!” she said, much brighter. Paul gave a snort as he awkwardly tried to bow with a handful of toddler before slipping out. His mother remained, looking oddly smug.
“Were you talking about the Winter Solstice?” she asked. Come on. Percy wasn’t exactly sure how to handle this. He looked between them - trying to reason with himself. This was good news. He hadn’t wanted to go...
...so why was he annoyed?
“Yes,” his father said, standing up. “We’ve reached an understanding-”
“Wait a minute,” Percy interjected before he could zip on out of here. “No, we have not. You just said I wasn’t going,” he argued. Sally and Poseidon both turned to him.
Wow. That was weird.
“Your mother doesn’t want you to,” Poseidon pointed out. Then frowned. “Do you want to?”
“Well, no, but-”
“Then it is decided.”
“Well, what if I did?”
“You do?” his mom asked. Percy threw up his hands.
“No! But if I did-”
“But you don’t.”
“Oh my gods,” he said, which was not the right thing to say at all given the two identical looks of outraged that were just directed at him. One was probably warranted. The other (hi, dad) was most certainly not. “I’m just saying,” he began, softening his tone. “It feels....” he began and trailed off.
It felt what? He didn’t even know. This was just... off. And strange. And he wasn’t sure he liked both of them both standing there definitively agreeing on something while his opinion sounded very much dismissed.
“You could have done this the whole time?” he finally asked. Poseidon looked at him, clearly confused. “Just gotten me out of stuff?” he asked. The expression cleared.
“Not everything. But this? Yes.”
“Why? Because mom prayed to you?” he asked skeptically.
“That certainly helped.”
Oh, well. Okay then.
“....really?” he asked dryly. His mother crossed her arms over her chest, looking a little annoyed, which was also something new. When was she annoyed at him? Never. The answer was never, but now Poseidon was here and suddenly she was annoyed.
“What’s with the tone?”
Holy shit. Percy was going to throw himself out this window.
“There is no tone-”
Poseidon frowned.
“No, she’s right. I hear it too.” Wow.
“Well, that’s very nice that you two are getting along,” he muttered. His father gave a soft laugh at that.
“Of course we get along. How else do you think you came to be?”
Nope. No. Not today. Percy stared at them for a few seconds. His mother at least had the decency to wince a little at that last part, hitting him with an apologetic look as Percy tried to figure out if it was worth going to the Winter Solstice just to ask Hera to wipe his memory again.
“This has been a good talk,” he decided. “I’m going to leave the room now.”
“But we’re all in agreement you’re not going to the Winter Solstice?” his mom called. Gods. Percy gave a wave of acknowledgement.
“A vocal response would be nice,” his father called and Percy spun around - utterly indignant only to catch his father smirking at him.
....he was doing this on purpose. That ass. Percy bit his tongue for a second. Were they both purposely doing this to annoy him? He had no doubt his mother’s previous attempts of him not going to the Winter Solstice had been legitimate, but once his parents realized they were on the same side, it felt like they were just trying to torture him.
“Yes,” he said evenly. “We are all in agreement.”
Poseidon’s smiled widened.
“Excellent! Sally, feel free to call anytime you need me,” he added, kissing her cheek. This was seriously just happening, huh? A rush of wind went through the room and Poseidon was gone, leaving him to stare at his mother solemnly.
“Yes?” she finally asked. Percy glared.
“I can’t believe you did that to me.”
“Well, perhaps if you didn’t argue about it...” she shrugged, brushing by with a condescending pat. “I wouldn’t need to call him for backup.”
“For backup?” he repeated, following her out the door. “I wasn’t trying to argue with you because I felt like it, mom. I had concerns!”
“And now all of those concerns are taken care of,” she agreed. Percy threw himself on the couch, blowing a kiss when Estelle shakily got up to come climb all over him. “And it’s good to know he’s available to reason with you in the future.”
“Reason with me? Seriously?”
“Not that you don’t make good decisions,” she added. Percy rolled his eyes. “But it’s nice to know. Sometimes demigods can act a bit irrationally. Have you heard about Nico trying to get into Tartarus?” she asked. Percy frowned.
Wait. What? He sat up.
“He’s trying to get in where?”
“Hm. Yes, I had to pray to Hades and warn him.”
What?
“You prayed to Hades that Nico was trying to get into Tartarus?” Percy repeated, a little faintly. “Wait. You told on Nico to his dad?” he asked, uncertain if that was hilarious of horrifying. His mother shrugged but before she could answer, a mist swirled around the room. Oh, no. Percy sat up - fully expecting an angry Zeus - but instead was met with a very pissed Nico di Angelo.
“....do you have a second?” he asked. Percy looked over his shoulder at where his mother waved. Right. Sighing, he turned back.
“Yeah,” he said and ran a hand over his face. “Let’s hear it.”
so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???
and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”
I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”
