oh no, how can I impress Montreal's fifteenth best player?

m • 32 • she/her DNI: minors, TERFS multifandom villain enthusiast, trinity santos protection squad i might have fujoshid a liitle too close to the sun but at least i'm nicely tanned

[evertestati]

Protect me from what I want

[shabbytigers]

in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece:

[shabbytigers]

hi this tag perfectly encapsulates the FML coefficient of my life as a non-german speaker living in germany and i’m going to frame it

[triangular-doggo]

ⓘ Im anerkannten Kurort Bad Schnitzel ist das Betreiben öffentlicher Bordelle nicht gestattet.

ⓘ In the officially recognized spa town of Bad Schnitzel, the operation of public brothels is not permitted.

[azzandra]

As long as the schnitzel has enough space to fit a brothel, it's a good schnitzel.

[almyranpine]

really good tiktok

Transcript:

Girl, just do it fat. Don’t wait until you’ve lost enough weight. You’re worthy of taking up the space that you fill. Live your life now. Don’t wait for some future version of yourself that you think will be more deserving. You have every right to pursue your passions and dreams just as you are today. Your worth isn’t tied to a number on a scale or the size of your clothes; it is inherent in who you are. You’re allowed to be seen, heard, and celebrated in whatever body you inhabit right now. Don’t let anyone or anything convince you for too long. So go out. Do it fat! Wear the clothes you love, pursue the opportunities that excite you, and live unapologetically. There’s no reason to put off living the life that you want, waiting for a moment that you’re not even sure will come. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled just as you are, and the world needs you exactly as you are today. Everything good that has ever happened to you, happened in this body. Girl, just do it fat.

[3rabbit]

daughter (non-practicing)

[3rabbit]

sister (deadbeat)

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[maryoliveoil]

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

[catlips001]

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

[battebitch-deactivated20200410]

what was yesterday, cat?

[catlips001]

[catlips001]

I’m not missing it this year.

[neonstatic]

[ID: Screenshot of a Youtube video titled Raccoon Birthday Party. The video is filmed with an old camera in low, grainy quality, and shows a raccoon in a powder blue party hat and a matching shirt sitting at a table. It has a paw on the flower-printed tablecloth. There appears to be a brown food in front of the raccoo, like a cake. On the right corner of the video, the video is dated, “PM: 6:04, MAY 25 1997.” END ID ]

[malwaregoose]

happy birthday to the raccoon ever

[kushblazer666]

[deodorantdenier]

people are saying this is a song and i can't imagine what it could possibly sound like. what the hell are you talking about

[the-timewatcher]

like this

[mothman-etd]

I am so glad that in 2026 there are people experiencing Günther for the first time.

[caspercryptid]

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

[caspercryptid]

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

[caspercryptid]

I Am So Fucking Tired

[caspercryptid]

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

[caspercryptid]

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

[caspercryptid]

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

[caspercryptid]

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

[caspercryptid]

We shall have a summer wedding

[earhartsease]

the night mares will continue

[annabelle--cane]

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

[coffeeandcigarettesv9]

[nyaa]

“omg you’re just blogging for attention”

and you’re blogging??? for gold? Women? Immortality?

[geekandmisandry]

[beastliness]

superficial features which make a person objectively more attractive:

gender nonconformity

a profile in which the nose features prominently

striking and unusual voice

sexually repressed but in a way that I can work with

notable height (in either direction)

glasses

other unusual physical features (red hair, freckles, protruding ears, vitiligo, etc.)

visibly haunted

condemned by god to an eternity of suffering

plays an instrument

[carfuckerlynch]

hey does anyone have that poem. about the author seeing two boys cuddling on a hotel lobby couch, where he refers to it as something like an island of safe anonymity or smth. its been 5000 years my college boyfriend had it written out and pinned to his wall

[carfuckerlynch]

THANK YOU @witchoflight it is indeed "on traveling together" by Kayleb Rae Candrilli

[penandinkprincess]

okay but shane openly saying to rose that he likes being the hole and not the peg makes me laugh imagining that talking about sex (not graphically but in general) is not uncommon between them as just part of their dynamic moving forward, and this is all well and good until rose one day is bemoaning that the guy she's casually seeing just can't go down on her to save his goddamn LIFE even with her trying to give him instructions, and shane who didn't enjoy it per se but DID do a pretty good job of returning oral sex from girlfriends in the past because that is Fair does the obvious Friend Activity of helping his friend out by offering the giver perspective in the equation and going, "okay, so try telling him to start with-"

which means ilya gets home midway through this conversation and is just 🤨 hello shane love of my life my very gay husband 🤨 what the fuck could possibly be prompting you to be having what sounds a LOT like mysteriously heterosexual but very Shane Hollander Brand phone sex 🤨??

[butch-yaoi]

three cheers for female characters that lack empathy

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[stamenpistil]

Still going crazy over this Simone Rocha sailor hat for Jean Paul Gaultier ss24