Moods and Moments

Bisexual white demigirl, she/her or they/them. The prose, poetry, and music here are my own work; most of the nature pictures are not. I tag any exceptions

[bisexualwildflower]

I found God in a cream cheese wonton

There’s this one restaurant that is just a staple, a lifesaver, a blessing for the students at my college. I’ll call it The Thai Place, although it’s not actually called that. It’s right down the street from campus and it’s very good, and also moderately fancy--maybe on the level of Olive Garden or Red Lobster, without being as chain-y or as expensive.

This restaurant is what we come back to, semester after semester, year after year. People go there for third dates (or second dates if you feel really good about them), birthday dinners, Valentine’s Day, girls’ nights out, when parents are visiting, when you need something warm and kind to fill your stomach and make you feel like maybe something in the world is okay.

It really is the best comfort food. I’ve had takeout from The Thai Place about as often as I’ve dined in there, often because either I or someone I knew was sad. I’ve had multiple conversations that included some variation on “Is there anything I can do?” “Not really.” “Do you want me to buy you The Thai Place?” “...Yes. Thank you.” The Thai Place is there for you the way a dog or a cat is there for you, silently and without judgment.

And nearly every time I get takeout from The Thai Place, the first thing I bite into is a cream cheese wonton. These wontons are iconic. I don’t know if I’ve ever eaten at The Thai Place without ordering them. They are the bread and butter--or rather, the wonton wrapper and cream cheese--of The Thai Place’s comforting power. Perfect, reliable, and nearly identical, with a uniquely sweet and filling sweet-and-sour dipping sauce, they can be eaten at any point during the rest of your meal, and you can pick one out of the wax paper bag they come in as soon as you get home without any sense of commitment.

I eat the cream cheese wontons by pulling them apart at the ends. The creamy filling in the center comes away on each side, sometimes unevenly; that’s okay. I eat the center part of each half first, and as the cream cheese fills my mouth I feel a little better. The world looks brighter, the cold night seems less threatening, and I feel the way my roommate says they feel when they pray, warm and surrounded by love.

[bisexualwildflower]

You seem too hot to touch-- You're too weird and too wild, With the marks on your skin And your mischievous smile. Uninhibited, free, With that loud, joyful laugh, Diving deep, singing strong, Unashamed, unabashed. With your sharpness of mind And the way your lip curls, You deserve everything That is good in this world. You seem too hot to touch; I'm delighted I've learned How to let myself do it Without getting burned.

“Salamander”

[drxgonfly]

Autumn Colors (by David Dai)

[bisexualwildflower]

Kiss me better, kiss me stronger; Kiss me into what I’m not. Kiss me ‘til I turn into The person time forgot. Kiss me better, kiss me stronger; Make me what I wish I was. Turn me into somebody That even I could love.

[tessalivesandbreathesbooks]

She wasn’t fine, not even close. But she wasn’t dead. And that was a start.

Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas (via tessalivesandbreathesbooks)

[sapphic-garden]

just a few architectural shots from my trip to the botanical gardens

[bisexualwildflower]

Sometimes I think about wild things, like if I spoke to you. Or if I used dancing as an excuse to book an airplane ticket so I could touch you again. Or if you were still living with your parents and you left and came back here and tried living with me, and we slept in the same bed and you made me call my representatives and I taught you how to love yourself and what selfish indulgence feels like. I want to tell you you were good. I want to find out if anyone else can make me feel the way you did, but only if the answer to that question is yes. I want to eat peaches and smoke weed with you on the bank of the Mississippi. I want to get crossfaded with you and fall on top of you laughing, pull myself up by your shoulders and kiss you with that dizzy tingle in my head, swaying into you and loving how this is only dangerous in theory. I want to hear you talk about your feelings and identity. I want you to worship me a little. I might be misremembering this, but I think someone told me once that there's a building with a glass floor hanging over the edge of the Grand Canyon. You feel like that to me: looking down, thinking about falling, and knowing I won't. A place that's suddenly safe.

no-send letters are something we have in common

[magic-spelldust]

by Rizone // A bed of tulips in infrared at Emirgan Grove in Instanbul, Turkey. It looks like a dream.

[bisexualwildflower]

I'm dressed to the nines and unpleasantly sober and I haven't told you that I'm coming over. I walk toward your room in my black leather heels and from down the hall boom inconsiderate peals of loud laughter. It's late. They'll wake up the whole floor. Then I, rounding the corner, catch sight of your door swinging shut, and the laughter is suddenly quiet. I freeze for a moment, refusing to cry. It's a hasty retreat that I beat in that second, so no one will know I was here. Should have reckoned you wouldn't be lonely, tonight of all nights. You have friends you would actually want to invite.

“Twofold Jealousy”

[bisexualwildflower]

I wake up every morning to a whisper of your face. I’m dissecting your expressions, checking words for empty space. I think about how you would feel if you had caught me frowning. This fine romance is really just a suicide by drowning. The things I used to love are now submerged in loving you. I can’t remember how to want the things I used to do. There’s something on the surface, and I know I’m in too deep, but you have filled my lungs, and I can’t breathe, and I can’t speak. My consciousness has been eroded softly, over time, and I can’t stand to think of anything but that you’re mine. All light refracts through you, and every image is distorted; you’re in my eyes, my mouth, my nose; I’m sinking, unsupported. I stepped into the shallows, and I swam into the depths; I courted you and it’s my fault I wasn’t ready yet. Someone will have to save me if I am to stay alive, but I'm not sure I want to live. I only want to dive.

“Under Water”

[bisexualwildflower]

Visit Original Link

First thought when I wake up is my god, she’s beautiful So I put on my makeup and pray for a miracle

Possibly the gayest cover I’ve ever done!

[bisexualwildflower]

Visit Original Link

Quick piano cover inspired by this post by @futchgay!! gets messy at the end bc I spontaneously decided to go up an octave and didn’t know what I was doing, but it’s pretty and it’s about Girls and that’s what matters

[bisexualwildflower]

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. ‘I don’t want him to think I’m a slut,’ she says. 'I have to do this right,’ they sigh. What is right? Do you know what it’s like? Six hours in with their hands on your bare back, no ice, still tentative but in a new and different way. I learned your name this morning but I’ll never forget it, not now. I have never felt a thrill like this before Do you know what it’s like? To go fast, skip the small talk. To wake up the next morning delighted, no nerves Do you know what it’s like? Driving a hundred miles an hour down a deserted highway, Jell-O shots on the best night of your life, first place when you didn’t even know you could enter, wild and joyful and giddy.

“Don’t Knock It ‘Til You’ve Tried It”

[bisexualwildflower]

The sun is setting rosy on the water, and we watch it from my room above the beach. Everything is soft gold and dusty pink around us, even the city; in the early evening light, the cool silver skyscrapers look like they’re blushing. The air is balmy, and the window is open. We can hear the crash of the waves. The sea air mixes with the smell of flowers in the room, and together we relax in a nest of soft pink pillows.

There’s a gold pendant hanging from your neck. You run your hand down my back, over the lace, and your skin is soft. On the street below, someone is riding a bicycle.

[nordicsublime]

Broughton Grange

[bisexualwildflower]

Visit Original Link

Watson Pharmaceuticals Inc. produces a narcotic pill composed of acetaminophen and hydrocodone that’s embossed with “WATSON 540” and is a powder blue color.

[bisexualwildflower]

Puts her hands on my hips, says, “Indulge me.” Her lips are as full and as soft as her–well– so I step, and she tips, and she twirls and she dips, and her laughter will send me to hell. And I’m thinking that she’ll be the death of me. Still I am caught; I’m enraptured, entranced. She’s the way to my will; I was sleeping until she got up and she asked me to dance.

“Five Alarms”