A pleasure doing bismuth with you @bissybody - Tumblr Blog

Shoutout to the toxic yuri going on in House where a patient let her girlfriend give her part of her liver despite the fact that she was planning to leave her because "she got bored of her," and the girlfriend knew the patient was planning to leave her but gave her the liver anyway so that she'd be trapped in the relationship out of guilt

npdclaraoswald

Not strictly relevant, but the reason she needed a new liver was she had the bubonic fucking plague

honeyviscera

showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

deep-state-partisan

tartmagica

k-eke

Nothing like a little workout session 🦀

faefemtalle-deactivated20240619

society is actually wrong. u can like poem and talk about it to ur friends

xenasaur-archive-deactivated202

I assume this meant to say porn but I think it's funnier this way

faefemtalle-deactivated20240619

I fucked up so bad, this is supposed to be about porn I’m so sorry English majors

beehivedemocracy

My favorite lines in Midnight Burger so far (some of these might not be 100% accurate my memory isn't great)

"THIS MOLOTOV COCKTAIL IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY COMMUNISM"

"... He's like an artist... And his canvas is misery"

"my dear, I have given up"

"you are SO handy!" "I. KNOW."

"I'm immortal, he's 173 years old, we have time"

"you're the only scientist I've met to say things like "eh... well""

"dear, are our friends attempting to... Inebriate a tree?" "Yes dear. And lord forgive me but I have to see what happens"

"is that a huge bone" "Iforgottodropit"

"so why aren't we telling ava" "because ava is a crazy science wizard who would use a dooms day device just to see what would happen"

"so you decided to come in here all guns blazing?" "Yes" "... You're heart wasn't in it, Ted" "... I know"

*in various bad country accents* "say when" "say when" "say when" "say when"

"he killed you daddy, and your mule!" "I loved that mule" "and your dad" "yeah him too"

"I feel like we just slipped an unknowable banana peel into a ball pit of ambiguity"

"Gloria bit John Wilkes Booth"

"ok I've got a creme brulee torch and I'm about to get weird with it"

#midnight burger #fiction podcast

ailelie

GLORIA: Everyone. Everyone, can I have your attention? I know this is a strange day for you, I appreciate you showing up at all… So… On my home planet there’s this thing called Top Ramen. It’s dried noodles and a packet of flavoring. It’s not very good for you but it’s food. And you can get them for 50 cents each. That’s not a lot where I’m from. I never ate it all that much myself, but it was always nice knowing it was there. You knew you were never going to starve because of a cheap package of dried noodles always waiting for you at any store. It’s nice.

What a lot of people don’t know is that the reason why there’s dirt cheap noodles at any store, is because one day, a long time ago, two nuclear bombs were detonated on an island called Japan. Thousands of people died in an instant, and in the aftermath thousands more were going to die of sickness and starvation. But one man had an idea to send bricks of dried noodles with a packet of flavoring to anyone who was hungry. They knew they weren’t going to starve. On the island of Jamaica they cook chicken in a way that doesn’t make any smoke. They do that because a long time ago, they were slaves, and the smoke would’ve alerted slavers and they would then be running for their lives. Zebulon, why do Jewish people eat unleavened bread?

ZEBULON: Because they too were slaves. When word came from Moses that it was time to flee captivity in the night, they had no time to wait for their bread to rise. So to this day, the flat bread is a reminder of that flight from their oppressor.

GLORIA: For me, when I cook with corn, beans, and squash, it’s called the tres hermanas. The same way my ancestors cooked thousands of years ago. My ancestors who were nearly wiped out by foreign invaders… Show me your plate, and I’ll tell you a sad, sad story. Your sad story begins today. The day you had to turn to the spirits of your ancestors to keep you alive while you were just trying to do the right thing, and leave a better life for your children. I can’t make you eat this food. It’s your story, not mine. So Zebulon’s going to say a prayer, and then you’re all going to make a choice. It’s up to you.

ZEBULON: Bless us, O Lord. Bless our food and our drink. Since you redeemed us so dearly and delivered us from evil, as you gave us a share in this food so may you give us a share in eternal life.

#midnight burger #fiction podcast

ceaseless-rambler

Sometimes I remember "there's something human in your eyes" "perhaps there's something monstrous in yours" and then for .029 seconds I understand everything about the universe and then I have to scream internally for 64 seconds while my brain reboots and then I'm normal again

lumberjackloverboy-moved

for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:

i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver

nonpsychotics encouraged to rb

#nonpsychotic but i always think someone's in my house so I'm def gonna do this

herbirdglitter

Nothing brings me more joy than people learning from history and then modernizing it up a bit.

Like you wanna grow your hair long? Stop washing it so often and brush it more to keep it clean. Your hair will be way healthier too. And stop cutting it (and use a boar bristle brush, it’ll work better as it’ll actually absorb the oils, distribute them better, and work a hell of a lot better than non-absorbent plastic would) Edit: Early on, some well meaning person kindly asked me to inform you that the boar bristle brush technique does not work on curly hair, however I have since been informed by multiple parties that it does! My hair is as straight as a pin so use your own judgment!

You want to keep cool in the summer? Out with the polyester and in with the linen and cotton. Natural fibers are going to keep you cooler because they’re literally made to breathe

You want to preemptively stop the underwire in your bra from poking through? There’s a very simple embroidery stitch you can do that the Edwardians used to do to stop their corset boning from coming through.

We don’t have to just learn from our ancestors mistakes, we can learn from their stakes too