Lol I haven’t been on tumblr since the last time I was this depressed. This will forever be my online diary.
Have you ever felt like everything you worked so hard to achieve was all for nothing. Like 4 months ago I was so proud of myself for being exactly where I am right now. But now it feels like it’s still not enough. I’m still a failure. The weight and pressure of being so fucking perfect and put together is too much. Life was almost easier when I was the person everyone thought I’d be. The junky loser living out of her car. Now I’m the white suburban dotting wife. And I’m so fucking miserable. The past 5 months I’ve spent keeping everyone out of there depression and helping them see their potential and that they matter, that even just one person would be severely affected if they weren’t here. But I’ve also been screaming silently for 2 years I need someone to do that for me. I’m exhausted. I’m numb. And I just want everything to just stop. I just want the world to stop. Stop shoving the depressive self absorbed rich by doing nothing future we’re continuing into in my face. Our elders at least got a sense of accomplishment by doing something great like getting that job they wanted or being promoted. Or just making it to 25. Now all we have to look forward to is doing better. Getting better. Doing more. Why can’t everything just stop. Even for one day. The pressure to be better and more than you are. Is so exhausting. I know I’m rambling and none of this makes sense. But it does to me. I feel like I have all these unspoken words in my head that I just want to scream at someone in the most incoherent sentence possible. Just to get them all out of my head.
I just want everything to stop.
















