Someday I'll Be A Long Distant Memory

@bitchydinosaurthing

********TRIGGER WARNING********“The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead. To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.”

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Lol I haven’t been on tumblr since the last time I was this depressed. This will forever be my online diary.

Have you ever felt like everything you worked so hard to achieve was all for nothing. Like 4 months ago I was so proud of myself for being exactly where I am right now. But now it feels like it’s still not enough. I’m still a failure. The weight and pressure of being so fucking perfect and put together is too much. Life was almost easier when I was the person everyone thought I’d be. The junky loser living out of her car. Now I’m the white suburban dotting wife. And I’m so fucking miserable. The past 5 months I’ve spent keeping everyone out of there depression and helping them see their potential and that they matter, that even just one person would be severely affected if they weren’t here. But I’ve also been screaming silently for 2 years I need someone to do that for me. I’m exhausted. I’m numb. And I just want everything to just stop. I just want the world to stop. Stop shoving the depressive self absorbed rich by doing nothing future we’re continuing into in my face. Our elders at least got a sense of accomplishment by doing something great like getting that job they wanted or being promoted. Or just making it to 25. Now all we have to look forward to is doing better. Getting better. Doing more. Why can’t everything just stop. Even for one day. The pressure to be better and more than you are. Is so exhausting. I know I’m rambling and none of this makes sense. But it does to me. I feel like I have all these unspoken words in my head that I just want to scream at someone in the most incoherent sentence possible. Just to get them all out of my head.

I just want everything to stop.

juansendizon

“I love nighttime when it feels easy to feel my sadness, and I can rest from the pain of my lack of friendship and belongingness because everyone else in the world is sleeping, and I accept that I’m truly alone. I get to write poems in my soul’s much-needed silence, read my books without any unnecessary excess stimuli, and breathe in the purest of golds which is the darkness. I don’t see much else except the smile of the moon, and I couldn’t smile at her back.”

— Juansen Dizon, Night Owl

juansendizon

“To understand the depths of each other’s sorrow. This is what friendship is for. Friendship is meant to make you feel both warm and at home while it’s raining outside from the monsoons and hurricanes of tears from a joy that’s lost – never to be found again. Laughing like two sick patients in an asylum at the greatest cosmic joke: to realize from the day you were born, you’re going to die, and friendship is what keeps it funny. Friendship is what prevents you from dealing with the truth that life is inherently meaningless and how it closes your eyes from going insane and holds your hand with promises that you are safe, that you are precious, and nothing’s going to rob you from the most beautiful gift of all which is you are understood. And understanding is the highest form of Love that transcends all suffering. Understanding is rare and wonderful. Friendship is “Understanding” which is the first name given to the word “Love.” But know this about me – I have no friends, and this is simply me crying to the void. I have no friends, but this feeling has led me to appreciate how a truly lovely thing friendship must be, and it exists for every desolated being … somewhere … someone … someday.”

— Juansen Dizon, A Diary entry about Friendship

apricops

hey writers if you want to make a metaphor for racism, please maybe remember that racism is literally based on nothing. Africans weren’t enslaved en masse because the Robo-Musa threatened to destroy the world, they were enslaved because it was economically rewarding and politically convenient. If at any point your allegory for racism includes “so <oppressed group> did this major catastrophe and” then you have not only missed the point but you are literally reinforcing the ideas that racism have let racism self-perpetuate (that e.g. black people are naturally dangerous and violent and must be contained or begrudgingly accepted by the Nice White People)

hype

greysstillslays

samantha-evergreen

ink-and-oceans

“Sometimes if I close my eyes tightly enough, I can still hear your voice at the frays of my memory.”

— tara love / a long lost excerpt from us #1

quotemadness

“I need to learn how to stop destroying myself, stop being hard on myself, and be nice to myself.”

— Daul Kim (via quotemadness)

wnq-writers

“she’s like dark poetry; she only touches the parts of you which you think they’re dead and numb. that’s why you love her, that’s why she’s everything.”

— Maram Rimawi