Biz Slingerland

*hopefully* some nice pictures

[a-tired-dm]

20 Terrible Things

Sweatband of Strength: An off white sweatband that has been washed one too many times. Provides a bonus of 2 to athletics but a penalty of -2 to charisma.

Dildo Bat Of Justice: It’s exactly what you’re imagining. 1d6 bludgeoning damage, 1d8 psychic (cringe) damage.

Light Up Sneakers: White sneakers tat light up in red, blue and purple when you stomp. +2 charisma, -2 stealth.

Dissonant Kazoo: A tin kazoo in a little wooden box. Deals 1d6 psychic damage and leaves an opponent deafened for 1 turn on a critical roll. 

Tinfoil Hat: It’s a carefully constructed tinfoil hat. It provides advantage against deception.

Jarmor: Armor made entirely of denim. Provides an AC of 13 + DEX

AirPods: Apple AirPods. Allow the wearer to cast silence at will and result in a -3 to perception

Magician’s Hat: A silk top hat with a red trim. Rabbits can be pulled out of the hat. The rabbits are endless.

Talking Mirror: A handheld fun house mirror. Can cast vicious mockery once per day

Oversized Hoodie: A massive black hoodie that complexly engulfs the wearer. Allows the wearer to cast misty step with three charges or disguise self with one charge. Has 1d4 charges per day.

Worm On A String: One of those little fuzzy worm and a string toys. It whispers its eldritch knowledge to it’s owner and provides them with advantage on all wisdom and intelligence checks.

Antennae Headband: Bouncy fabric antennae on a headband. Allows the wearer to cast message.

Mechanical Pencil: A cheap plastic pencil. Anything you write with it can be understood by any creature, provided the understand at least one written language.

Pixie Stix: Little paper sticks filled with flavored sugar. Each heals 1d8hp and there are 10 of them.

The Good Cush: It’s not from the dollar store. Probably. Heals 2d4 but inflicts a -3 on wisdom for 1 hour.

Silk Shirt: A shirt of golden silk with a v-neck so low it goes nearly to the navel. +3 charisma.

Foam finger: A massive blue foam finger. Cast command with a point.

Lamp: A battered lamp. Hitting an enemy with it results in 1d4 bludgeoning, 1d4 radiant and 1d4 lightning damage.

Ready Whip: A canister of Ready Whip. Heals 1d4 or ejects a whip. 

Shrek Mask: A mask of the man (ogre) himself. +3 intimidation 

[catchymemes]

Curious Zelda

https://twitter.com/curiouszelda

https://www.instagram.com/curiouszelda/

[yang-did-everything-right]

These new outfits are looking damn fresh.

[biz-la]

YESSSS

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Not escorting NPCs

Context: 5e campaign about raising a settlement on a continent, Goblins have been sighted skulking around our village, so we’re going to deal with them. Some of our young hunters want to join us, despite having never killed anything more than a deer. I’m playing a Wood Elf Warlock/Monk.

Me: “Killing a humanoid is not the same as killing an animal. Do you have the will to do it?”

Inexperienced Hunter: “We’ve totally got what it takes! We can do this.”

Me: “Okay.” *hands them my shortsword* “Stab me.”

GM: “Roll for intimidation”

Not what I was going for, but alright. *Rolls Nat 20*

Inexperienced Hunter: “…We’ll go home now.”

Tiefling Ranger: “What was that? I know we were trying to dissuade them from joining us, but don’t you think that was a bit extreme?”

Me: “I just asked him to stab me. I wanted to see if they have what it takes!”

TR: “You can’t just ask people to stab you!” *Turns to rest of party* “Would you stab him if he asked?”

Rest of party: “Yes.”

[invaderxan]

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Reblog to save a life?

[theindependentconservative]

Reblog to save a life.

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

Sharing because it’s actually a verified and sourced thing and not one of those dumbass fake tip posts.

[muchymozzarella]

Here’s an article as recent as 2018 noting the advice https://www.reuters.com/article/us-sweden-forcedmarriage-airport/swedish-girls-fearing-forced-marriage-told-to-hide-spoon-in-underwear-idUSKCN1IM1KU

[disneyadaptations]

The Pride.

[rubyredwisp]

Maisie Williams’s cute “date” to the Emmys (x)

[rubyredwisp]

Peter traded his Emmy for Maisie’s date

[linguisticjubilee-deactivated20]

[mouldysushi]

He looks so proud of it

[musicalsymphony]

I know I never (personally) post things like this but I saw this on the news and I really wanted to share it.

[musicalsymphony]

Guys the party happened yesterday - look how happy he is!

[thedionysia]

😢 so cute!!!!

[wonderlandfairytales]

yes yes yes! ☺️

[vacillavi-deactivated20231227]

TEARS 😭

[colortheclown]

There is still so much good in the world😊✨ I am so happy his spirits were rejuvenate!

[cassmarieex]

I will forever love this post I am crying goodbye I want to marry this man

[gamerspirit]

How to finish that last minute assignment

[leetakeuchi-blog]

[disgruntledota-deactivated20121]

I can not count the number of times this trick has saved my ass.

[sinonspeaks-deactivated20160730]

And people say Tumblr doesn’t teach you life skills…

[marxistmemes-deactivated2024031]

this will come in handy one day

[cjshark]

ATTENTION GRADUATING CLASS OF 2012: COLLEGE SURVIVAL 101

[vivairi-deactivated20190813]

Or….just….turn your assignments in on time

[top-lil]

also a valid strategy

[did-you-know]

“I never said she stole my money” has 7 different meanings depending on which word you emphasize when you speak it aloud. 

Try it…

I didn’t say she stole my money - someone else said it. I didn’t say she stole my money - I didn’t say it. I didn’t say she stole my money - I only implied it. I didn’t say she stole my money - I said someone did, not necessarily her. I didn’t say she stole my money - I considered it borrowed, even though she didn’t ask. I didn’t say she stole my money - only that she stole money. I didn’t say she stole my money - she stole stuff which cost me money to replace.

(Source)

[cat-memes-only]

[snatch-daddy]

You have only made her stronger.

[copperbadge]

That is the face of a creature who has found her true purpose. 

[leatherwingsinc-deactivated2015]

[valtsv]

[chaoticgood-queer]

[magicalishizu]

[sister-ilia]

You know Neo…

[just-shower-thoughts]

It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and “smooth it out.”

[tgmember]

Also, if you’re playing hide-and-seek with them, it is critical that you search every other possible (and impossible) hiding spot, all the while wondering out loud how they managed to disappear just like magic, before walking right past their hiding spot.

[the-catholic-geek]

And if a baby starts playing peekaboo you are required to act surprised when they show their face again

[pornhubstepmom-deactivated20191]

If a kid hands you a phone, you answer it

[a-trashcan-made-out-of-fandoms]

If a kid shoots you with a Nerf Gun you are supposed to Die a dramatic death and explain “ugh you shot me blaahh”

[gobbochune-deactivated20241018]

when you push a kid on the swings ya gotta do the woosh

[zetsubonna]

I literally just blocked about a dozen people on this post for being cranky about children.

Being a joyless shitbeast to kids isn’t cool. They’re kids. If you want to be Oscar the Grouch, that’s fine, but do it in a way they understand and explain it to them.

“I don’t want to play, I’m grumpy. Thank you, though, that was kind.”

It’s literally not hard. Kids are small people. Treat them with common fucking decency.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[redditfront]