wow this post bload up. i think it’s a good time for me to clarify some things since i really did just write this post at 10:26 pm on a whim
There’s about ten thousand people tagging this with “but what if i feel bad in the mornings” or “welp i feel like shit in the afternoon” and I think you’re willfully misinterpreting this post for many reasons.
First off, this post is about knowing when to let yourself rest. Anxieties are stronger at the time when you meditate on your day and the events of your world slow down. (A lot of people have different sleep schedules, too, so “9 PM” can mean whenever your day is over and before you go to sleep.)
I don’t ignore these anxieties, I do take them in but just remind myself that I am resting now. It’s a mindfulness technique. I look at the clock to ground myself about where and when I am and what physical state I’m in as it relates to my mental state. It’s a reminder to myself that I feel these emotions and they do not control my actions. I do not need to do anything about them. Right now, I am at rest. You can’t fool me into taking action on things when I am at rest. I see a lot of funny tags on this saying “mental business hours are from 9 AM to 8:59 PM” and I LOVE that.
Secondly, this advice is geared towards the idea that your mental state is for the most part dependent on your physical state. In this specific case, I felt bad because the day was ending and my mind and body were tired. I was ready for bed. My body needed sleep and my mind deprived of it started acting up. But your body doesn’t need only sleep. Your mental state can depend on whether or not you’ve eaten something substantial, drank water, taken your medicine, gone to the bathroom, exercised, showered or bathed, brushed your teeth, breathed fresh air… and to go on: had an orgasm, changed into clean clothes recently, been properly cool or warm, or given someone a hug. These things are not linked to a time of day, these are round-the-clock concerns. If you feel bad and haven’t done many of these things recently, I really recommend you take your negative feelings with a grain of salt and see how you feel after you’ve improved your physical state.
Thirdly, this post is also predicated on the idea that you should worry about things when you can control them. For me, 9 PM is when everything shuts down. My energy is pretty sapped, as is my friends’ energy, stores are mostly closed, nobody answers phones, most of my immediate world is done for the night. I can’t start anything at 9 PM. Right now, I’m worried about getting a job. I feel bad at all times of day that I don’t have a job yet. But I can’t be worried about applying for jobs at 10:26 PM, I’m tired and no hiring managers are going to see my applications before 9 AM tomorrow. I can’t improve my life while lying in bed, and I need to lie in bed, so I’m going to improve my life when my day starts. I deserve rest, I need sleep, and I observe but neatly package and set aside the worry to be dealt with at 9 AM tomorrow.
It seems like platitudinous boomer-level “must be nice to be neurotypical” COMPLETE BULLSHIT to a lot of you, I know. But here’s my secret: you don’t need to believe it. You just need to tell yourself that’s how it is. With practice — and I say practice because this kind of thinking took me years (and growing out of being a teenager) to cultivate — it stops being platitudinous.
And if you’re sitting here thinking I’m lying or that I’m not REALLY mentally ill, I’d like to remind you that A) you know nothing about me and my life B) assuming I don’t know what I’m talking about is both silly and incredibly cruel and C) that’s your own self-sabotage talking. “Oh, she feels better by doing this. Well, she must not be As Bad As Me. Therefore this will not work on me.” That is the Devil speaking, the one who tells you not to brush your teeth at night and to text your ex. That is the demon in your head that likes watching you hurt. You don’t want to hurt. Even if you do want to hurt, I promise, you do not want to hurt.
It’s true that this will not work for many, many people. Not everyone’s brains work the same. We are all unique people with unique situations and for me to even pretend otherwise would be preposterous. And I’m not going to pretend that every worry you have is unfounded and can be solved with a nap and a sandwich. That’s not what this post is about. You’re allowed to feel bad. It’s an emotion. It happens. But it’s healthy for you to ask yourself why you’re feeling a negative emotion, if it is possible to fix why you are feeling that way, what you can do to fix it, and whether or not right now is the time to fix it.
When it’s 10:26 PM and I’m angry at myself about losing an online chess game and being unemployed, I look at the clock and say… this negative emotion is real but the reasoning behind it is not something I can fix right now. I can’t fix my life right now. I need to go to bed, and my brain can’t Fucking Fool Me.
I’m giving you this advice because I want you to SEE if it helps. Even if you try it and this mindset is not what is right for you… I’m proud of you and impressed of you for trying it, because trying to get better is the first step to getting better.
(And thanks to people who reminded me that Drew Monson is the one responsible for the original post about not trusting how you feel about your life after 9 PM. Thank you Drew for helping me out of some late-night pits.)
