Blunderbusstanut

28, He/Him, minors DNI.

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley: I'm gonna do a prank phone call.

Andrew: Who you gonna call?

Ashley: Oh, you'll find out.

Andrew's phone starts ringing.

Andrew: Hang on, I'm getting a call. Hello?

Ashley, over the phone: Andrew.

Andrew: Yeah?

Ashley: Are you- do you- are you fucking... Fuck you, you fucking dog cunt.

Ashley hangs up the phone and laughs, while Andrew looks at her with a bemused smirk

Andrew: ...

Ashley: ...

Andrew: So, what was that about, Ashley? What's going on with you? Who are you calling now?

Andrew's phone rings again.

Andrew: Sorry, I'm getting a call. Hello?

Ashley, over the phone: Hey Andrew. I just wanted to apologise. I was- I was acting up; I was trying to appear cool in front of Andrew. And I didn't- I didn't have a joke planned, and that's why I said those rude things to you.

Andrew: That's alright, I understand.

Ashley: Yeah, I-I'll head off, I just wanted to apologise.

Andrew, trying not to laugh: Bye.

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley, getting back in their car after getting their coffee: You couldn't just get an iced coffee? You had to get this in your complicated-ass order? Because the lady at the checkout was rude about it.

Andrew, smirking and taking his coffee: What, did you go to the self-checkout?

[blunderbusstanut]

Clout chaser with a microphone, to Ashley: I'll give you 50 dollars cash right on the spot if you expose your friends *points to Andrew* deepest, darkest secret! Are you down?

Ashley: Yeah.

CCWaM: Okay, perfect, go!

Ashley: He had sex with his sister last night!

CCWaM: :O

Andrew: Are you actually serious!? What is wrong with you!?

CCWaM: No way! How'd you know that?

Ashley: Uh, I'm his sister.

[blunderbusstanut]

Andrew, noticing that Ashley is wearing a cultist's robe: Looks very comfy.

Ashley: It is actually very comfy.

Andrew: Evil is comfy, apparently.

Ashley: Who says I'm evil?

Andrew: Uhhhh...

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley: I ate a cat!

Julia: You make me want to cry. That's, in my opinion, kind of cruel. But even so, I do respect YOUR opinion.

Ashley: I will eat ANOTHER!

[blunderbusstanut]

Andrew: Hey, son, you buy another anime?

Teen Wren: You mean an Amibo, dad?

Andrew, walking away in embarrassment: You'll get it next time, Andrew! You'll get it next time!

[blunderbusstanut]

Julia: Nothing could give me more of a high than being with Andrew.

Ashley: Have you tried cocaine?

[blunderbusstanut]

Recruiter: It seems you're just not suited for working with the public. According to your aptitude test, you're best suited for terrorising villagers.

Ashley, hopefully: Do you get much call for that?

Recruiter: Noooo. The Internal Revenue Service pretty well has that covered.

[blunderbusstanut]

Entity: tAkE ThIs oBjEcT. BuT, bEwArE, iT cArRiEs a TeRrIbLe CuRsE.

Ashley: Oh, that's bad.

Entity: bUt, It cOmEs wItH a FrEe fRoGuRt.

Ashley: That's good.

Entity: ThE fRoGuRt Is aLsO cUrSeD.

Ashley: That's bad.

Entity: bUt, yOu GeT yOuR cHoIcE oF tOpPiNgS.

Ashley: That's good.

Entity: tHe tOpPiNgS cOnTaIn pOtAsSiUm BeNzOaTe.

Ashley: ...

Entity: tHaT's bAd.

Ashley: Can I go now?

[blunderbusstanut]

Andrew: Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

Ashley: Oh, why not?

Andrew: It tolls for thee...

Ashley: Really?

Andrew: Yes, really...

Ashley, shuddering: Sounds like my alarm clock.

[blunderbusstanut]

Julia: I think Ashley has it in for me.

Andrew, doing something at his desk: Julia it's just her way. She doesn't mean you any harm. I'm sure it's all in your head

Ashley bursts into the room, hitting Julia in the head with the door.

Julia: Andrew! Ashley hit me in the head!

Andrew, turning face her while Ashley stands next to him: Julia, she's standing way over here. Stop picking on her.

Julia: ...

Ashley: She never let's up, Andy...

[blunderbusstanut]

Leyley: Oh, do me a favour. Peel this apple for me, please.

Renee: No! No. I'm not going to peel an apple for you.

Leyley: But, Andy always does it for me.

Renee: Why does Andrew peel your apples for you?

Leyley: He doesn't like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it. He says the skin's loaded with toxins.

Renee: Okay, well, good news, Andrew's not here.

Leyley: I know he's not here. And, that's why I need you to do it for me. Please, please.

Renee: Oh, Jesus, just eat it with the skin on.

Leyley: But I don't like it with the skin on, mom! I'm not ALLOWED to eat it with the skin on! I'm not ALLOWED!

Renee: Oh, my God, alright! If you just shut up, I will peel the apple for you the way that Andrew likes you to eat it! Give it to me, give it to me! I'll do it the way that Andrew insists, okay!?

Leyley, handing Renee the apple: Yeah.

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley: Stuffing flavoured chips. Andrew I'd love to see you get stuffed.

Teenage Wren, disgusted: Wow!

Andrew: What is... What?

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley, torturing Renee with a cattle prod: I'm doing this, which should be tons of fun, and I'm bored! What is wrong with me?

Renee: You're a sociopathic narcissist!

Ashley, shocking her again: It was rhetorical, asshole!

[blunderbusstanut]

Andrew: ...

Wren: ....

Andrew: Uh, you want a beer?

Ashley: He's four!

Andrew: I dunno! What am I supposed to do with him?

[blunderbusstanut]

TCOAAL NEW IMAGES

[blunderbusstanut]

Ashley: Andy, my dear, you really have to learn how to say no.

Andrew: ...?

Ashley: Except to me, obviously.